THE OPEN LOVE LETTERS: Entry 6

THE OPEN LOVE LETTERS: Entry 6

Dear You

I have something to say.

Two years ago, Love found me. It wasn’t a perfect love but I was happy – because he was my everything.

He was my muse.

He was my confidante.

He was my playmate.

He could predict my moods.

He made my welfare his priority, including knowing my favorite meals.

He knew how to get on my last nerve and how to calm me down.

He knew the right things to say when I was under pressure to get me feeling light again.

He was my first call whenever I needed something.

We did everything together. And we were everything to each other.

He is on the toilet seat, and I am brushing my teeth.

He was so everything to me that, at the smell of his shit, I could tell when he had eaten something different.

He was my everything.

 

Then he began to build walls. I saw the signs but I decided to give it time.

He began to keep secrets and stopped carrying me along. Our life together began deteriorating, from good to bad to worse.

And then he got tired of being so secretive – I suppose – when he told me that we weren’t exclusive anymore.

That was when I first felt the sting of bitter tears, as I remembered the words he used to fervently tell me: “I don’t ever want to give you an excuse to leave me.”

And yet, here he was, doing exactly that.

 

And then, he took a decision – a decision to let go.

Why?

He wanted to commit to another – a woman – who he intended to spend the rest of his life with.

I was shattered. I cried. I was angry. I felt betrayed. This wasn’t supposed to be our story. I wasn’t supposed to lose him.

But I was. He wanted the relationship over so he could focus on being a married man.

This I tried to understand. He was right. We are in the world where people question the closeness of two men, especially when one of them is married and the other isn’t.

I understood because the society we are surrounded by will not allow us love who we want to.

And so, now I am left to feel like a toddler who is learning to walk again.

 

Love found me. And now, Love is gone.

It is hard to move on. But I will.

I do not have a choice, even while I’m faced with the reality of how much this hurts.

I still look at our pictures and videos, digital memories we created together, memories I’ll forever cherish. The memories I will always hold dear to my heart.

 

Dear You

You are the love that found me. You are the love that left me.

You are the one who has made me the man who might never know this kind of love with another man.

And for all that, I thank you.

I thank you for the good and the bad.

I thank you for the pleasures and the pain.

I thank you for the promises fulfilled and the lessons learned.

I am starting to see through my tears and the questions about love and why it’s so wrong and yet so right have stopped raging in my heart.

I thank you for making me feel all the things I felt about you.

And even though my reality – and future – stretches without you in it, there is one truth that will forever stay with me.

And that is that I will always love you.

Forever yours

DI NAVY

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20 Comments

  1. Francis
    February 14, 08:24 Reply

    Speechless, Sad, Worried. ?? I wish you both the best and I can only hope you guys will be fine on your new paths. Hugs

  2. Mandy
    February 14, 08:41 Reply

    Da fuck! Isn’t this DI Navy of that Kindly Follow Back story fame? ? Oh no. So you guys are broken up. Mehn, that sucks. This MGM scourge is just a terrible something. Omo, when you find yourself in a relationship, before you commit your heart, first clarify that marrying a wife won’t be a reason for your breakup, because that shit’s just unfair.

    You’ll be fine, DI.

    • Wonda Buoy
      February 15, 09:13 Reply

      The MGM thing starts from when you hear: I think I’m bi-, or more straight-forwardly “I’m bisexual”. Then the switch instantly flips. I can only shake my head. I’ve known some of them and there’re just no differences in the way they regard guys.

  3. trystham
    February 14, 08:49 Reply

    Pele. It WILL be hard, but u gotta try very VERY hard to let go

  4. Johnny
    February 14, 10:15 Reply

    I left before this shit happened to me.

    • Pink Panther
      February 14, 13:48 Reply

      Sometimes love, and that persistent hope that all you have to do is stay and everything will be alright, can make one stay until this shit happens.

  5. Kenny
    February 14, 13:08 Reply

    Oluwa ooooo…. Isn’t this the story of the guys who found love and then moved to the abroad? Sorry. You’ll find another love.

  6. Quinn
    February 14, 15:23 Reply

    Use the digital images to “save” his marriage… ?…seriously though, quiet sad?

  7. Black Dynasty
    February 14, 17:10 Reply

    Sadly I can relate. It sucks and will continue to suck for a while… but time will heal you, if you let it.

  8. Delle
    February 14, 19:42 Reply

    It would never be well for our shallow mentality ??

    • dale
      February 16, 11:30 Reply

      amen brother.
      amen!

  9. Mash
    February 14, 20:57 Reply

    Oh my goodness ?
    Isn’t this the Mel and cal guys?
    Mehn
    It’s official yo
    That thing you guys call love is nothing but a mirage!
    Well like the cliche saying Only time heals wounds.
    You sure gonna be alright.

  10. SLY
    February 15, 11:08 Reply

    Okay, I remember the first time I visited this blog it was because of how they met and a friend referred me to come read up which i found really fascinating.
    What you both share was real to even ket go like that. I also read subsequent series on how you both are living together.

    From what I read, I feel he meant no commitment and each party can go about laying other men which I find really dangerous and risky on his side.

    Being a married guy myself I can tell you that it’s not been easy and using that as an avenue to frolick with other guys is lot more dangerous.

    I was in this position 6 years back. Which I regret totally . I had this guy I was seeing before I got married..I called it off because I felt I wouldn’t be needing him anymore and his closeness would out me but I was wrong. I was selfish thinking I would do it all by myself but that was a lie .

    I took a drastic decision because I was under pressure and I lost the guy who stood by me when the going was tough . A loyal and responsible guy at that. Being married can never turn you straight . That is when you will want to be with that guy you have shared part of your life with.

    There is nothing as mind shaky just being too careful that an old Flame or doing might text when your wife is with your phone.
    Laying off what you both had because of marriage is understandable but not this way.

    To my best of knowledge it’s obvious Dinavy knew you will get married to a woman and he never asked you not to.

    You also asked him not to walk away which he agreed to be with you knowing fully well that it will be hard for him. That’s sacrifice.

    Dear poster, I totally understand what the other guy must be going through. He must have said it because he was under pressure. The worst an MGM can do is to sleep around and increase his body count . Trust me it doesn’t go well and one way or the other it doesn’t end well either.

    I am saying because I must have known a little about thr poster and how disciplined he is to an extent. He isnt someone who might want to mess around and about. Every MGM per say needs a responsible guy too for that emotional support .

    This writing took me back and I wished I never said a painful good bye because he later turned out to be Stranger.

    In all. I know couple divorce and make up. People break up and make up after they must have seen the importance of their friendship. What you guys share was/is real. It’s never a mirage. Like I said, he must have said it because be was under pressure.
    And him laying about and increasing his body count will be a disrespect to the woman he wants to marry and I Know he wouldn’t want to toll that road either
    I hope everything becomes fine before its late.

    All the best poster . ??

  11. Dunder
    February 15, 11:08 Reply

    This is soul crushing and I don’t know if you should still have a “forever yours” stance about this person. He should have at least told you he was caving into pressure and seeing someone else- cheating isn’t it called? I wish you well though. After reading up on your love story and feeling encouraged by it, this is a big blow and I imagine how deflating it must have been for you.

    • SLY
      February 15, 11:17 Reply

      Well the forever yours means that he valued what they had even though it must have hurt he aint hating or bearing grudge and i find that endearing and awesome I dread of bad mouthing he focused on the bright side.

      Besides it was obvious he knew about his plan even though it seemed vague. But the problem is how he took the drastic decision. I am married and I can tell.

      It’s not gonna be easy but I rooted for tvem though.

      I believe they will be fine and try to find a balance.

  12. Flame
    February 15, 11:44 Reply

    Hmmmm.

    So sad but marrying shouldn’t be a reason to break up and I know you never asked him not to.
    I once dated a married guy for 5 years. We started dating before he got married and continued afterwards ..I even became close to the family and the wife was so fond of me.

    I walked out because I wanted something else and that really hurt him.. I was there to keep him sane and I was there to always keep him at alert .. Him throwing all.you guys had shared because of this, he might end up regretting it after he must have thought he will meet another random guy out there.

    The truth be say, he might be hooking up with guys with no feelings or being inedclusive . Calculate the dough you must habe spent on all of them. E no easy .

    But DiNavy I know you must be disappointed and not hurt because you wanted to let go but he refused

    Just as Sly said, he might have said it because hes under pressure . A bisexual man or gay man getting married is not easy trust me.

    Especially when you are a popular guy in the community . You need to be intact to avoid diseases and all what not.

    If he doesn’t get the touh of a man trust me it might affect his marriage an DiNavy I know you will never want that .

    You both encouraged a lot of us to believe in love. Dad this is happening..i believe it will be revoked .

    He will come back to you. Not as a husband ohhhh.. But as they friend you had..

    One of the saddest entries I have read. ?

    I believe it will.come back to normal..
    It might be one of those drama.that comes with being under pressure .

    I know you are a good guy DiNavy and one of the few good ones …

  13. Kay
    February 16, 12:49 Reply

    If he truly loves you, he should put in more fight and look for an alternative option than spitting out such words. haba.

    You guys looked so good together and this really makes me question his intentions.

    I am a married man and to be frank with you. he feels fucking around without strings attached is better than seeking for a responsible guy and friend who can always give him emotional support?

    I wouldn’t do that to someone I love and truly Dinavy you wouldn’t do that to him either.

    for someone who claims to love you. he should do better.

    I know you never asked him to leave his wife nor even stop him from marrying?

    he better look for a responsible guy and keep if not. sooner or later he will be outed and by the time he will think of all the sacrifices you both had made. it would have been too late.

    Perk up DINAVY. Not here to pity but sometimes I question what folks call love. Been with my guy for 4 years and 5 months and still counting. He is part of me. you can never do away with someone who has already become part of you. This is the time I even need him most for everything.

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