THE QUEER CASE OF THE BROTHER-IN-LAW

THE QUEER CASE OF THE BROTHER-IN-LAW

Mark watched Chike throughout that afternoon when he wasn’t looking. Clean-shaven head, a mouth turned down at the top corners, thoughtful eyes. He seemed too deliberate, this Chike, in an awkward way.  When he leaned across the sofa to kiss his wife Adaobi, then take her hand, then slide his body closer until the sides of their hips touched, he oozed self-consciousness, like he had spent seconds mulling over such plain acts before deciding to do them.

* * *

Adaobi poked her head through the yellow bar of light from the corridor behind her into the darkness of Mark’s room. The front hem of her nightgown was held up higher than the back by her rounded tummy.

Mark looked up from his phone. It was 11:12pm on his first eight hours in Nigeria in a year. He had just finished a Masters in Manchester three weeks ago and was back to pick up a waiting lecturing appointment with the University of Ibadan’s English department.

Footsteps started to approach from the right end of the corridor, and presently Chike walked past Adaobi towards their bedroom at the left end of the corridor. He did not look left or right. He did not say a word.

“Your husband doesn’t talk much, does he?” Mark asked.

“He does not?” Adaobi tucked strands of braids back into her hairnet. “Why do you say that?”

Mark shrugged in the darkness. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think he’d be this quiet.” He and Adaobi were obviously not observing Chike through the same lens. He could swear Chike tensed this afternoon when Adaobi introduced them, two men who must have heard an earful about each other through her.

Mark missed the wedding; before today, he had only met his brother-in-law through the pictures Adaobi posted on Facebook.

“Not everybody talks choo-choo-choo like you, Mark,” Adaobi was chuckling. “Chike is a nice guy.”

“Shocker!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. He’s your husband after all.”

They both laughed.

The next morning Chike did not look at Mark when they greeted, and despite that the moi-moi Adaobi made had lost all steam by the time Chike came out for breakfast in a white shirt and navy-blue trousers, the streams of sweat pouring down his hairline caused Mark to ask if he was all right.

“Yes,” he said. One word. Final. Mark shouldn’t ask again. He yanked a hanky from his pocket, swiped it all over his face and resumed eating.

Adaobi joined them at the table. Chike grinned at her. A grin so wide he couldn’t have been the same person sweating for no perceptible reason just now, shooting a clipped reply at Mark.

Mark dropped his fork gently. His heart beat a little faster. He had been in this game too long to not sense these things when he saw them.

My sister’s hubby acts shifty, he typed into his phone long after Chike and Adaobi left for work.

Donald, his friend since secondary school, was on the other side of the chat window. How?

Mark started to explain: the tenseness, the self-consciousness. It seemed there was something about him his brother-in-law was reacting badly to.

It’s either we’ve met before, he typed, or he knows someone I know, or he likes me… I hope it’s not what I’m thinking.

And what would that be?

That he’s gay…

Donald’s reply popped up immediately: Has your gaydar started hallucinating again?

What if I’m right?

Forget it, you got no proof…and he’s your sister’s husband. Abi, you want to fuck him?

* * *

When Mark told Adaobi the University had asked him to “manage” a room in the boys’ quarters of an English professor’s house, she spat: Nonsense, too poor. Did they think a first class was beans? (She actually said “beans”.) Couldn’t Mark bend their hand a little?

“Those old professors are taking you for a small boy! How many of them were like you at 24?”

Mark glanced at Chike, seated closest to the television, his back – broad and rigid – to his wife and brother-in-law.  Unwilling to contribute to the discussion. Thirty minutes ago, when he and Adaobi came back from work, they had met Mark dressed in an unbuttoned shirt and clingy briefs. While Adaobi went on to inquire if Mark hadn’t been too bored being by himself all day, Chike’s gaze dropped to Mark’s briefs and jerked away. But not before Mark caught it. He had worn the briefs on purpose. If his sister had wound up with a homo, he had to find out – from Chike.

The first real conversation he had with Chike happened the next day, and it concerned snail eggs: how, as children, he and Adaobi used to roll the slimy yellow balls off snails they caught, cook them in empty Milo tins and eat.

“They tasted bland,” Mark said. Both men leaned their asses against the bonnet of Chike’s car. “We never let our parents catch us, but when our mum finally did, she beat shege out of us.”

Chike smiled slightly. “Ada did not tell me this…” And his voice faded off as though he changed his mind about adding something.

The next day Mark and Chike discussed marketing – Chike’s line of work: he was a market researcher. His job description messed around with the Sales Research Unit in his office, he said, but did not elaborate.

Mark always remembered to always wear sheer briefs and an unbuttoned shirt whenever he sought out Chike for a chat. Chike talked little, but Mark did not mind at all. He was after his brother-in-law’s mannerisms: how his eyes widened from thoughtful to alert when they talked, how he seemed relieved when Mark finally left him alone.

By the following week, Mark had begun to pat Chike’s thigh with feigned obliviousness when they talked. He watched Chike’s reaction closely when he told him he hated football and that he’d never slept with a woman and that condoms smelt like ass…

One Sunday afternoon, while Adaobi was taking a nap in the bedroom, Mark traced Chike to the parlour and plopped on the sofa beside him.

“You know you really are handsome,” he said, his tone low, rich, personal.

Chike glanced at Mark and glanced away immediately. A vein swelled from his temple to his clean scalp.

“Ah bros, I paid you a compliment oh.” Mark slapped his thigh gently. “Is it a crime?”

Chike glanced at him again. Mark held his gaze. He knew what he looked like now: scrutinizing, daring, inviting. It was a look he’d practised on countless Chikes before.

Chike got up. Mark grabbed his fingers – inches from a bulge at Chike’s groin. An erection? Or a wad of bunched-up fabric?

“I need to ask you something, Chike.”

“What?” He pulled his hand from Mark’s.

“I want the truth too.”

“Yes?”

“Are you gay?”

“What?”

* * *

Mark raised his eyebrows at the black leather belt in Adaobi’s hand.

She gestured with her fingers at the red belt round his waist. “Take that off. Lecturing is a serious profession, you can’t go to class wearing a belt in such garish colour.”

Mark rolled his eyes.

“Students will not respect you, they will think you are their mate.”

“Well, dishing out mass carryovers to half the class should rectify that problem.”

“Spoken like a true, wicked, Nigerian lecturer. Don’t go there and start sleeping with female students oh!”

Mark laughed, wishing Donald was here to hear the inadvertent joke.

Adaobi watched him put on the black belt. “It belongs to Chike. When you get to Ibadan, buy an extra one. Leave all this yopi-yopi things you wear.”

“I hope oga won’t flip when he learns you stole his belt for me?”

“He knows. He has more than enough belts sef.” She tugged her blouse over her tummy. “By the way, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you and Chike didn’t get on well. Is he still quiet to you?”

“Not everybody talks choo-choo-choo like me. I’m quoting you now.”

She shrugged.

Mark turned towards the green taxi waiting in front of the house. He was leaving for the airport this afternoon. Lagos first, then Ibadan. His things were in the boot.

Chike came out of the house. The both of them hadn’t spoken to each other since he sent Mark to the ground with two quick punches.

Mark did not regret smashing his lips on Chike’s before the punches came. He was glad though that his sister had been out of earshot when they had the scuffle. Explaining away the fight would have been trickier than magic squares.

Donald thought Mark took things too far.

“I wanted to find out the truth,” Mark defended himself.

“To what end? Sleeping dogs, Mark, sleeping dogs! Were you looking to wreck your own sister’s marriage?”

Chike had not confirmed or denied anything. He had promised to kill Mark, though, if what happened two Sundays ago happened again.

Now, Mark hugged Adaobi and nodded at Chike, thanked him for the belt, promised to call when he reached Ibadan, asked his sister when she planned on finding out the sex of the baby.

He folded himself into the taxi. Whatever it was with Chike, all he wanted was Adaobi’s happiness. The opposite was not an option.

He waved.

The driver started the car.

Mark peered in the side mirror to watch his sister and brother-in-law’s receding forms: Chike stood stiff beside Adaobi. A guard bidding danger farewell perhaps, Mark thought wryly. And just before they became brown smudges at the beginning of the fast-stretching distance, he saw Chike put his hand on Adaobi’s waist, then kiss her on the lips, then move his body closer, until the sides of their hips touched.

Written by Absalom

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64 Comments

  1. simba
    November 07, 03:34 Reply

    Absolom at ut again…. such a daring move.. but to wht end? abeg let sleeping dogs alone
    .. I wouldn’t do same if am in chike’s shoes, except if I wanna fuck my brother in law. Eewee

  2. Rapu'm
    November 07, 04:12 Reply

    Any gay guy that dares to marry my sister. All of una, make una hear am: any gay guy that dares to marry my sister! Let’s leave it there. But just know, “Humble like a lamb but fierce like a lion.” Me. Nice one, Absalom. And that thing you did with the belt just after their encounter. Smart move. I thought Adaobi was about to whip somebody. Kai.

    • chestnut
      November 07, 06:39 Reply

      Rapum,do u know I actually thought this was a story from u,b4 I got to d end…(I mean dis as a testament to ur beautiful wordings)

      • Rapu'm
        November 07, 07:53 Reply

        Lol, Chestnut. That means you’re not familiar with our Absalom’s writing. But thanks, anyway. And now for all those saying the Chike dude has made his choice, na una sabi oh. If na una sister, make una leave am. Me, I won’t act like Mark sha. But I’ll observe him and if it’s true, my suspicion, I’ll ask him to tell her and know if she wants to continue with the marriage. If he doesn’t, I’ll start whispering to my sister about women whose husbands are gay and used them as either/both cover up and/or therapy, until she begins to wonder why I’m telling her all these stories. And of course she’ll know I’m gay too, so no skeleton anywhere. Now, this gentle method will be used ONLY if he’s not doing small boys on the side. Otherwise, I’ll just enter like a wrecking ball. Ekwucham.

      • Rapu'm
        November 07, 08:57 Reply

        Lekwanu Pinky, i furu ochi na iru m? *storms out in boots, wielding AK-47*

  3. anonymous
    November 07, 05:04 Reply

    Oh lawd … keep every Mark away from me.

    Mark oloriburuku.
    Beautiful story… I’m hooked already.

  4. Christopher B!
    November 07, 05:05 Reply

    If this story isn’t fiction, then Mark is very wrong for his actions. There are instances you know or suspect a man is queer, but you just let it slide so that what you do now, won’t come back to hunt you in the future.

    Dear Pink Panther. I’m not happy with what you did. I sent you a well written article days ago… you didn’t acknowledge receiving or seeing it or anything… You just kept mum… isorait!

  5. Max
    November 07, 05:54 Reply

    Hmmmm… Mark was being inappropriate… He went too far…

    • chestnut
      November 07, 06:51 Reply

      He did go to far sha! I mean,ur brother-in-law? That’s,like…ewww. Don’t know whether he just wanted to find out tho, or whether he was actually planning to sleep with Chike…
      He shuld hav let sleeping dogs lie sha.

  6. Kryss S
    November 07, 06:07 Reply

    I hope he gave Mark a permanent scar on d face! Ewu Gambia!
    Even if he is queer nd is married, he has chosen d life he wants to nd dats his choice! Mr Investigator Mark! Nice writeup Absalom!
    By the way *clears throat*, just got this black, skimpy nd sheer briefs 4 myself nd I can’t get my hands off it! It is so fine nd gets me perpetually horny *flips hair nd walk away*!

    • enigmous
      November 07, 06:21 Reply

      Slut as much…By the way, please, I need get my own briefs. Where did you get yours again?

      • Kryss S
        November 07, 10:56 Reply

        Hian!! D person calling me slut wants to join in in my “slutdom”! U r welcome shaa cos no b only me go waka go or come.
        Anyways, I got it from a boutique call “OK boutique” in Abj nd they have no permanent address i.e. If u know wat I mean *winks*.

    • chestnut
      November 07, 06:37 Reply

      Lol…kryss, u’re so sexy that u can’t even resist urself eh? #ThatAwkwardMomentWhenYouTryToHugAgorgeousPersonAndEndUpCrashingIntoAmirror

    • alpha papi
      November 08, 08:12 Reply

      Pls kryss whr r u?I would luv to take off dem briefs!

  7. #TeamKizito
    November 07, 06:11 Reply

    Duh! Some have done worse.

    Uhm, Rapu’m, how’s my wife your sister?

    • Rapu'm
      November 07, 07:44 Reply

      I never knew you were a pedophile, Kizito. *shields beauuuutiful sister*

  8. Stickysly
    November 07, 06:11 Reply

    Absalom, this is a great piece of writing.
    The inconclusion at the ending is the real power punch of the story.

    Trés bien!

    • chestnut
      November 07, 06:32 Reply

      Exactly! D “inconclusion” is actually a disguised conclusion but d reader has to figure it out himself, and dat gives it more depth…Love it!

  9. Colossus
    November 07, 06:12 Reply

    Beautiful story, for all those who believe they’ve got the gaydar from heaven, take heed.

    • chestnut
      November 07, 06:28 Reply

      But Mark’s gaydar was right nah…just that Chike was/is in denial, fighting what he feels inside.
      Absalom…*sigh*…for lack of a better description, I hav to say u’re a wonderful writer; ur technique is soothing,simple,calming and spell-binding all at d same time…magnetic.

      • Colossus
        November 07, 09:59 Reply

        Really? Because he was quiet or because he looked at a bulge?

    • chestnut
      November 07, 15:50 Reply

      Well, since chike is a fictional character,only his creator,Absalom can tell us what his deal really is…but c’mon,his actions towards Mark were faaaar from neutral; he seemed like he was trying waaay too hard not to compromise himself.
      (Where’s Absalom sef?)

      • Colossus
        November 07, 15:59 Reply

        Leave that one, he is feeling cryptic

      • Absalom
        November 07, 20:55 Reply

        🙂 I wish I knew what Chike’s deal is. I really wish! *sighs and tiptoes out*

  10. enigmous
    November 07, 06:18 Reply

    All the spirit of Mark around me…I bind and laminate. Absalom, nice one, well done.

  11. Dennis Macauley
    November 07, 06:29 Reply

    Chestnut dear, where are you? I want us to have tea this morning!

    *stares daggers at pink panther*

    • chestnut
      November 07, 06:53 Reply

      Dennis noooo o,biko! The last tea was too hot, and I drank it too fast and scalded my tongue…my tongue is still smarting,lol.

      • Dennis Macauley
        November 07, 07:06 Reply

        Oya come lemme serve wine coolers while we discuss somebody’s betrayal

        *straight face*

      • pinkpanthertb
        November 07, 07:14 Reply

        Tea. Tongue. Hot.
        Words from the dictionary that shouldn’t be strung together.

      • chestnut
        November 07, 07:21 Reply

        Wine coolers? …betrayal?…Hian, dennis why u wan kobalise me today nah? Nwa cho i’laputa mu na Aloba’m!

      • chestnut
        November 07, 07:25 Reply

        Pinky, what is dennis trying to imply,biko? *slips quietly back into the shadows*

  12. Ruby
    November 07, 07:01 Reply

    Na wah 4 this mark sef

  13. Bobby
    November 07, 07:28 Reply

    Mark was too fast and went too far. But anyway, am sure most of u saw dat post sometimes this yr where a lady caught her husband sleeping with her brother on their marital bed. It was funny though but real…

  14. Rapu'm
    November 07, 08:21 Reply

    Lekwanu Pinky, i furu amu na-iru m? *storms out in boots, corks AK-47*

  15. Blaq Jaqs
    November 07, 09:22 Reply

    Wow!! A few lines in, I was saying to myself Rapu’m is at it again! Boy was I wrong! Great work Absalom!! Your narrative is really beautiful, your dialogue easy to relate to. And the plot was really an interesting subject. All in all, great story!! Well done hommie! I found the protagonist a tad annoying though!
    Thanks for sharing!

  16. Dominic
    November 07, 10:03 Reply

    O foolish Mark. What nonsense, the sister’s husband could be bisexual abeg. So fucking what he married ur sister. And all the ‘any gay wey marry my sister crew’ wait until u make a fool of yourself and out ur self when u have no proof. Trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am. *cat walks away slowly*

    • chestnut
      November 07, 11:01 Reply

      U know,I can’t totally disagree with u about d “any gay wey marry my sister” crew…of course if I had a choice, I’d prefer my sister to marry a straight guy, but on d other hand, I can’t blame gay guys (in naija) who get married to people’s sisters, because I myself, due to circumstances, might have to marry somebody’s sister eventually.

  17. Lothario
    November 07, 10:53 Reply

    Oh wow! Nice one Absalom….really good!

  18. Kryss S
    November 07, 11:01 Reply

    Hehehehe! Chestie dear, if you do wat I do everyday ND GET d required result, you would b inlove with ur poo! Lol! Lest I forget, I hug nd smother myself everyday. *singing/rolling to “feeling myself” by Will I am nd “am sexy nd I know it” by LFMAO*

    • Brian Collins
      November 07, 12:08 Reply

      Chaii, does everyone go at it everyday like me? We should form a club.
      Kryss dear how about we meet up for and exchange tips on self pleasuring over iced tea and biscuits. *pats weave?

  19. iamcoy
    November 07, 12:37 Reply

    Pinky I see you made ‘scarlet joe’ a flash in d pan. Biko why?

  20. Dennis Macauley
    November 07, 12:58 Reply

    I have only one single sister left and she is a close minded homophobe! If she marries a gay man that will make me extremely very happy!

    Yes I’m evil like that

    • pinkpanthertb
      November 07, 13:16 Reply

      Hahahahahahahaa. I can just picture you chuckling darkly as you give the couple knowing side glances during that rare Sunday dinner you’ll eat at the family house.

  21. JustJames
    November 07, 12:59 Reply

    This can be looked at in so many interesting ways. We don’t know for sure that chike is gay/bi and if in the end he is… Is he denying his sexuality by refusing to sleep with his wife’s brother or is he doing the moral thing… Unfortunately there isn’t a lot of background to draw a conclusion from.

    The struggles of the married gay man though… I’d really love to get into their heads and find out what it’s like to be one. We don’t get stories from them.. Or is it that pinky has refused to publish them on the blog?

    • chestnut
      November 07, 15:41 Reply

      Oh but we got a story from one recently…well,technically, “about” one (too soon?lol)

      • Colossus
        November 07, 16:01 Reply

        Too soon chestnut, way too soon. Now come here for some lashings, you’ve been a bad bad boy

      • chestnut
        November 07, 16:21 Reply

        Lol I’m sorry colossus, I just couldn’t resist *stretches out hand to receive lashes*…Oh look, my palm is bigger than yours…(Lol,ok,I’ll stop now…)

        • pinkpanthertb
          November 07, 17:57 Reply

          Hahahahaa. Goodness chestnut you’re so headed to hell.

  22. Chuck
    November 07, 16:08 Reply

    Married men are a no go area, even if you just want to fuck. It’s a sign of deceitfulness and recklessness.

    • pinkpanthertb
      November 07, 17:56 Reply

      So when you get married Chuck, you’ll stop fucking guys, yea? And pretty much bottle up your gay sexual appetite?

      • Chuck
        November 07, 18:21 Reply

        I won’t marry. I’m a grown man. I decide what I do with my life. i don’t need kids either. There are plenty people in my village with kids, I’m sure our genetic stock and last name will continue regardless of me. Kids/ wives are even expensive.

  23. Ba
    November 08, 07:33 Reply

    Hmmmm nice read,but imagine what Adaobi will say or react if she heard the question….jst imagining

  24. Andrevn
    November 08, 09:22 Reply

    Beautiful Abs’…..nice and articulate….enjoyed it…….when nxt ar yu coming to Bside?

    • Absalom
      November 08, 11:25 Reply

      I can’t say at the moment, Andrevn.

      And thanks for the compliment. 🙂

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