The Question Straight Women Should Be Asking

The Question Straight Women Should Be Asking

My people, something I found totally hilarious happened a few days ago. First observation I made from it is that women these days have become really very wise. And secondly, a gay man will always be a gay man.

But first of all, background gist: I have two friends, one’s this gay friend who lives in very strict denial, the kind of denial where he has refused to tell himself the truth – that he’s gay. For the purpose of this story, let’s call him Nduka. And then there’s this gorgeous female friend of mine… One of the reasons I love this girl is that she doesn’t care much for all these shakara that girls like to do when it comes to the dating game. For instance, when she sees a guy she likes, she doesn’t wait for the guy to make a move; she takes the initiative herself. She’s bold like that, and it doesn’t faze her what anyone might think. And we will call her Ada.

And so, Ada saw Nduka’s picture somewhere online linked with me and came to ask me about him. I said yes, he’s my friend. She asked if I could hook them up. I said Okay. So I approached Nduka, and he was instantly into it; latched on to the idea like a lifeline. Lol. I found it amusing, like seriously brother, is this how desperate you are to conform? Okay o.

So I gave him her instagram handle cos he wanted to check her out first. He did and got back to me with the go-ahead. So I gave her – not him o – his number so she could reach out to him. And then feeling like a proud matchmaker, I washed off my hands and got back to my life.

A few weeks after that, Ada began telling me that she wanted us to see. We are in the same book club and she was hoping we’d meet at one of our meetings. But I couldn’t make it for the meeting we talked about seeing, and for the next one, I was there but she wasn’t. So we just chilled until whenever we both could make it.

And then we both did. It wasn’t long before she dragged me off into a corner to download gist about how Nduka had been hot and heavy on her, and then stopped, and then started and then stopped. Like she was very frustrated by how he kept blowing hot and cold on her. She gave many instances that I won’t bother to get into, but suffice it to say that I was disappointed in Nduka. I’m a firm believer of “If you’re not interested, say it like it is. Don’t be coy.” This was a girl who took the initiative with unfeminine boldness and chyked you, and then, for whatever reasons you may have, you can’t seem to make up your mind to get into her. Odiegwu o!

And then as we were wrapping up our gist, she gave me this really intense look and then said, “But wait first o, I have thought about it, from small, small clues he’s been giving out… Tell me. Is he gay?”

I’d literally just raised my bottle of Fanta to my mouth when she asked this and choked on it when the question hit me. I was so startled by the question that my instinctual reaction was amusement. I burst out into laughter. Like bend-over, holding-my-tummy laughter. And I realized that this was what a friend of mine was talking about when we discussed our prevalent the topic of homosexuality has become in recent times. Nigeria has become so saturated with LGBT issues that it would be a great remiss if straight people simply took it for granted that everyone else associating with them is straight – and that in the face of subtle uncharacteristic situations, it’s incredible when they rationalize it away instead of reading possible alternatives.

Take for instance the story I told the other day about me, Tunde (Bae) and Jacinta. Bae and I were very close at that event we attended. We sat together. And when the Jacinta insinuated herself into our journey home, I pulled him aside to talk to him. All these she observed. Honestly, with all the LGBT conversations raging about, if I were straight, I’d wonder about these two guys. But maybe, those weren’t enough clues.

But look at Ada though… She is a fine girl who is used to guys responding to her charm. The first guy who doesn’t (although, I don’t know if Nduka is the first) and not only that, keeps blowing hot and cold on her, and her thinking goes straight to questioning his sexuality. As I laughed, she continued, “Please tell me o, if you know, let me not use my hand and put myself into a situation I cannot handle, before the guy I make my boyfriend will start playing away match with his ‘best friend.’” She put finger quotes on the words “best friend”.

I just kept on laughing. Something wicked in me wanted to leave her hanging, speculating, you know, not answer in either the negative or the affirmative. But I just couldn’t, because not saying anything will be saying “Yes, he’s gay”. So I told her firmly that Nduka, TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE (I had to put that caveat biko, before she will find concrete evidence tomorrow and blame me for misleading her) isn’t gay.

What do y’all think about this though?

Written by Pink Panther

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16 Comments

  1. Simba
    August 26, 07:01 Reply

    I would have done same in ur position… Not through me, you ll hear Rev Father’s too deh get erection.

  2. Gad
    August 26, 07:54 Reply

    ” what makes you think he is gay”? . That will be my first utterance. The discussion will then center around how probable or out of place her line of reasoning was.

    • pete
      August 26, 09:22 Reply

      My thoughts exactly. We shouldn’t be shying away from discussing sexualites.

    • Lotanna
      August 26, 11:54 Reply

      What Gad said.I’ve missed your comments Gad.

  3. freesurf
    August 26, 09:06 Reply

    Wrong, wrong, WRONG! May person not waste your time like this. You for no link the babe to am at all. ???

  4. xoxa
    August 26, 10:28 Reply

    Ya, u would not have linked them, he just go and be wasting the gal time..

  5. Sol-dier
    August 26, 13:42 Reply

    Maybe you should talk to him to make up his mind and stop blowing hot and cold. Its irritating when an adult simply wastes someone’s time.

    As a straight girl, I actually think it is funny when people assume a guy is gay simply because he likes pink or is blowing hot and cold. But who knows the small clues she has noticed?

  6. Eddie
    August 26, 14:12 Reply

    Your friend Ada is quite conceited…

  7. Francis
    August 26, 14:27 Reply

    I don’t see how the caveat will free of you of the guilt that you sent her down this useless path of chasing after a gay man.

    E reach to ask whether she’s truly your friend or just a colleague/acquaintance who you owe nothing.

    • DeadlyDarius
      August 27, 07:43 Reply

      Who says she would chase mindlessly?
      And secondly, he had to weigh things with the fact that he doesn’t want to out his friend without his consent. Its not a black and white issue and the question was put to him on the spot.

      • Francis
        August 27, 08:21 Reply

        It’s a black and white issue for me cos he has zero business hooking up a gay man and a straight female together. Abi is he now all about promoting the MGM lifestyle? The only justification I can stomach for this kain behaviour na if he’s out to punish a homophobic bitch!

        If the introduction never happened in the place, he most probably wouldn’t be put on the spot about the guy’s sexuality.

  8. Ken George
    August 28, 06:59 Reply

    One mistake many people make is the inability to distinguish sex from sexuality. You can be gay and still be happily married. Gay men do this all tbe time. There is more to relationship than sex. And being gay is not a passport to infidelity. Gay is who u are, married is what you choose to be. It all depends on your choices. The only problem i see is miss Ada being kept in the dark. But then again, can u really know everything about people??

    • Francis
      August 28, 07:29 Reply

      I get your point. It makes sense though I wish we had the data to back it up that down the line “shit” doesn’t happen a lot.

      If they want to get married, that’s fine but they should go looking for partners on their own without dragging in a 3rd party unless na 3rd party accomplice.

      Make wahala no start one day and 3rd party that did introduction will be dragged into it

  9. Lorde
    August 28, 11:09 Reply

    Hehehe….why do I have the feeling I know this nduka…

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