The Real Truth About Bisexual People

The Real Truth About Bisexual People

Originally published on pinknews.com, this richly-sarcastic piece reads like a barb directed at that section of the LGBT community that cannot handle the existence of bisexuals. And they walk among us in the KDian population. Lol. You know yourselves. 🙂

Read and sound off in the comments section.

*

Did you know that everything you’ve ever heard about bisexual people is true? All of it, every single thing!

Bisexual people don’t exist, and everyone is a little bit bisexual.

Lots of people say they’re bisexual, but how can you really know? Unless they’re dating two people of different genders at the same time, you can’t ever be sure.

It’s not like you can just believe another person’s self identity. What if they’re wrong about their own sexuality? You probably know better than them and should tell them that.

It’s always a good idea to ask someone what gender they prefer because then you can judge what their real sexuality is.

You can find out by asking them fun hypothetical questions like, “There’s a hot guy and a hot girl at a bar, who do you go and talk to first?” and “Do you fancy Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie more?”

All bisexual people must fancy one gender more, because everyone else does, so they have to as well. But if they do, it means they’re not really bisexual.

Real bisexual people must have a preference for one gender without having a preference for one gender. Easy.

Bisexual people will have to decide on just one gender to be attracted to, since everyone in the world ends up with just one person for the rest of their lives.

Teenagers and young people can’t know if they are bisexual because it’s probably just a phase. That means it’s not real and can be ignored until they make their minds up. Just like how it used to be with gay kids, except not like that at all.

If someone is in a monogamous relationship and they say they’re bisexual, it’s a bit suspicious. Bisexual people are more likely to cheat on their partners because there’s more people they could cheat with. That’s just maths and you can’t argue with maths.

Most bisexual women are obviously secretly straight and just saying it for attention or to attract men.

Bisexual women all want a threesome with a man and woman, even if they say they don’t. And also, they really like it when men make jokes about threesomes immediately after they tell them.

Be suspicious of bisexual women in LGBT spaces who are dating men. They’re probably not really bisexual, and if they are, then they appear straight and will never have any issues or problems related to their sexuality. Especially not from LGBT people who never discriminate against anyone, ever.

Lesbians and bisexual women can never date because bisexual women are more likely to cheat with a man, or date a man after breaking up, and that’s worse than if it was a woman for some reason. I don’t know why, but a lesbian said that once, so it must be true.

Bisexual men are secretly gay. Most bisexuals in general are actually attracted to men because men are better.

Once a man sleeps with a man or fancies a man or accidentally touches a man’s hand, that makes him gay forever. Even if he does fancy women still, it doesn’t count because of being gay forever now.

There are less bisexual men than bisexual women because women are good at multitasking and men can’t deal with change.

“Bi now, gay later” is a common phrase which is a pun, so it must be true. Gay men come out as bisexual first because it’s a neat stepping stone between straight and gay. It never happens the other way around.

Hopefully you are now better informed about the very true and very real facts about bisexual people. Or maybe it is clear how silly these assertions can seem…

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous Eddie Redmayne dazzles in ‘The Danish Girl’ movie posters
Next Those Awkward Moments (Episode 11)

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 18 Comments

MUCH ADO ABOUT MASTURBATION

The following is a chatversation between a brother in the Lord (who we’ll refer to as Pastor Chris) and a wanker (who we’ll refer to as Apostle). Lol. It is

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Poetry 55 Comments

You Can’t Save Them All

You can’t save them all. It’s not for a lack of trying, because you actually do try. You try to be a good friend. You try to always be there,

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Our Stories 21 Comments

IN PURSUIT OF EXCELLENCE

Being gay is a very difficult life to live; it is extremely tough, which is why I find it funny when close-minded bigots refer to homosexuality as a conscious choice

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

75 Comments

  1. ken
    August 04, 06:29 Reply

    Hilarious!

    Personally I dont trust people when they say they bisexual, cos often times people just use the term loosely to justify why they date men even when married to women with kids.
    But as for people who are really bisexual, I have no qualms. And dont ask me how to know a truly bisexual person. I dont, that why I always walk the other way when u say u bisexual.
    Hehehehe

    • Adey
      August 04, 06:54 Reply

      I’m with you a 100% on this Ken. Once I hear bisexual…. Bags packed, shades on, FUCK OUT like a BOSS!!!

      • Mandy
        August 04, 07:04 Reply

        Because it’s a plague pursuing you abi? God forbid you catch the bisexual virus.

      • Lothario
        August 05, 09:06 Reply

        Bosses fuck out? I’ve obviously not been doing it right all these years.

    • Max
      August 04, 11:52 Reply

      Thanks Ken, my sentiments exactly

  2. Dennis Macaulay
    August 04, 06:56 Reply

    Hilarity!

    I personally think being Bisexual is very cool; the options are limitless!

  3. JustJames
    August 04, 07:23 Reply

    I have no issues with bisexual people. Even admire the fact that they can enjoy meat and fish at the same time. The pertinent questions to me are “are we gon shag or nah?” and “if I do think you’re bf/husband material will you use your bisexuality as a reason to hump girls like one of my douche bag exes tried to do?”

    Oh.. And don’t pressure me to try fish.. Just cause you enjoy it doesn’t mean others have to. If you agree to these terms then we can be chums.

    • ken
      August 04, 09:13 Reply

      Your entire comments negates your first sentence. Apparently u do have issues with bisexuality

      • Façade
        August 04, 09:38 Reply

        Actually it doesn’t, he has issues with whores in bisexual clothing n those who keep telling u to fuck a gal

      • JustJames
        August 04, 10:10 Reply

        Oh.. So cause you like boys and girls you have permission to be a hoe in what’s supposed to be a committed relationship?

          • JustJames
            August 04, 14:20 Reply

            Not saying I would prefer that either tiercel.. And to say it’s more true.. Errrr.. That’s debateable

            • Tiercel de Claron
              August 04, 16:14 Reply

              Whoring around while in a “committed relationship”?.There’s no debate about it.Boys or girls only guys win the prize

    • Tiercel de Claron
      August 04, 11:22 Reply

      O James,bisexuals don’t “enjoy meat and fish at the same time”,what they do is have a taste for meat and fish.
      Big difference

      • JustJames
        August 04, 14:22 Reply

        You say tomayto and I say tomahto.. Same difference *shrugs*

  4. kacee
    August 04, 08:04 Reply

    PP i don’t agree with this “Most bisexual women are obviously secretly
    straight and just saying it for attention or to
    attract men” for wetin cuwanu(lol),
    I don’t BELIEVE bisexual women are cheaters o it depends on the individual, o chimo hmmmmm *breath in breath out, takes in long breathe in, hwooooo*. So as i was saying, how can they(Pinknews) say “They’re
    probably not really bisexual, and if they are,
    then they appear straight and will never
    have any issues or problems related to their
    sexuality” how does this PINK news know this things(PURE LIE) this is Racism my brothers mtchewww, it just like saying gay guys were all straight.

    • Jamie
      August 04, 08:30 Reply

      Umm…lemme start from somewhere…
      1. Actually bro, I read the last paragraph repeatedly and how hilarious it was, share in the pun.
      2. Racism??? Racism??? Racism??? Hmm… *speechless*
      3. *This is just like saying gay guys were all straight!!*…that’s the point!!!
      Personally, I think 80% was very true, especially where I come from; currently am. I can’t stand them at all, it’d be better for them to date themselves… PERIOD!!

      • kacee
        August 04, 12:12 Reply

        Mr boy(jamie) I have nothing to say too you.

    • Chuck Bass
      August 04, 22:59 Reply

      Relax. The whole piece was a sarcastic bite at bisexual stereotypes.

  5. Posh6666
    August 04, 09:10 Reply

    To me bisexuals are sex demons,sex monkeys,hoes n skanks!they can eat their cake n have it.I believe they can never ever be faithful for instance Dennis Macauley lets say he gets a new boifriend and starts dating him on a very good nite when he gets drunk at d club he can easily take a girl he flirted with at d club to some hotel n fuck the hell outta her like he has done before.They never stop today they hunger for cock tomorrow itz pussay they crave for urghhhhhh.

      • posh6666
        August 04, 09:40 Reply

        Nigguh pls!*rolls eyes frm maiduguri to portharcourt*

        • kacee
          August 04, 10:32 Reply

          Hehehehehe i laugh from espana

    • Pink Panther
      August 04, 09:52 Reply

      Yes, posh, they are sex everything evil. Because that is all bisexuals live for. Sex. And gay people are just so saintly and prudes.

      • posh6666
        August 04, 09:57 Reply

        Yass hunny yass! Well i am and u are d illuminati recruitement agent.

    • JustJames
      August 04, 10:17 Reply

      Eyah.. And some people will be offended when they call gay people paedophiles, demon infested, out to turn little boys to the dark side, etc.

      And really though.. How does where DM stick his d into affect you. Is there something we should know?

      • posh6666
        August 04, 11:37 Reply

        Aunty jemima get ur nosy nose off my talk with Dennis! Deres nothing anywhere u need to know about.For some reasons i just like to tease him.I dont knw him,i dont have a crush on him,neither his he my type in anyway.I like them really young or far more older u know those middle aged super comfy aristo kinda types.So now u are safe n can continue ur rendezvous with him gosh u sounded so defensive for him are u two fucking???

  6. tobby
    August 04, 09:37 Reply

    being bisexual seems very ‘cool’ to me. I like the fact that you have options..lol

    But everybody likes to claim bisexuality these days, because it apparently makes them ‘less’ gay

    • kacee
      August 04, 12:14 Reply

      Lol, tell them o, esp Jamie, max and posh6666

      • posh6666
        August 04, 13:06 Reply

        Abeg o.Wetin i do make person no call my name jare

  7. pete
    August 04, 10:08 Reply

    The article tried to shoot down some stereotypes associated with bisexuality. Nice one

  8. pete
    August 04, 10:24 Reply

    Would have said I’m disappointed with some of the comments I’m seeing but if there’s something I have learnt on KD, it’s that most people can’t see beyond what they’re used to. Anything outside that is abnormal & they should be whipped into the vision of life while telling others not to do same to them.

  9. Khaleesi
    August 04, 10:53 Reply

    I dont quite know what to make of bisexuals, but then i know that they truly do exist. I have met quite a few of them. I often ask them, “if an attractive girl and an attractive guy are placed side by side, which would you choose”, the answers i get to this question are very enlightening, some have told me that 8 times out of ten, they’d pick the guy, some have shown a strong preference for the girl and one has told me that he honestly has absolutely no idea which he’d pick, seeing as he was equally attracted to both genders.
    from past personal experience, I dont think i can ever again date a man who i know to be bisexual, the issues that arise from that simple fact are too much for one person to handle, in the end its not worth it and with the unfavourable dynamics of our society, you – the gay man will sooner than later end up the loser … and i’ve always wondered, why is it that MBMs never cheat on their wives with women but with men?? answers anyone?

    • kacee
      August 04, 12:23 Reply

      yeah, sometimes I can’t chose between a man and a woman (lady)….. bisexuality is so ahhhhhhh CONFUSING…..

  10. Nightwing
    August 04, 11:42 Reply

    For some reason sex with bisexual guys creeps me out, every single one I’ve been with is horrible at “gay sex” I don’t understand why they have sex like they’re with a girl, eew. And now everytime I meet one, sex doesn’t go off the table, it flies out the window. “You can’t eat donuts the same way you eat sausage, I for one prefer sausage, it’s got beef.” *slutty chuckle* *back to my shell*

  11. Max
    August 04, 12:05 Reply

    The good ole bisexual issue. I know people are bi. I know they’re marginalized in the LGBT community and its mostly because of our gay brothers who claim to be bi, so they could feel less gay.
    Will I ever be comfortable dating a self proclaimed bi?—No
    Why?- Because I can’t handle the fact that he’s attracted to 100% of the population. And also I can’t share my bed with a man who dreams of pussy, or who sticks his cucumber into the smelly gaping hole from time to time.
    Just like Khaleesi said, its a Lil too much for one person to handle and also knowing that you’ll never win in the end. He’ll always pick the girl for which ever reason.
    So no, thanks but no thanks. It’s not prejudice, and I don’t hate bi people, I just won’t date them. Its called “personal preference”.
    If saving yourself from a disastrous heartbreak is silly or narrow minded of a way to think, then I’ll wear that badge happily.

    • kacee
      August 04, 12:35 Reply

      “And also I can ’t share my bed
      with a man who dreams of pussy , or who
      sticks his cucumber into the smelly
      gaping hole from time to time” MAX OMG NO U DIDNT….

      • Max
        August 04, 12:40 Reply

        I’m sorry Kaycee.. But that’s the image that comes to mind when I think of pu**y.

    • Pink Panther
      August 04, 12:48 Reply

      I’m confused, Max. Is it that gay men aren’t capable of causing disastrous heartbreak? Is it that the gay boyfriend doesn’t dream of other dicks while sharing a bed with you? Is it that gay boyfriends don’t stick their cucumbers into the smelly albeit tighter hole of another man’s ass?

      Or is it just the fact that it’s the pussy in their dreams or the pussy they’re cheating with that’s got you so prejudiced?

      And frankly, I find it a little disappointing that some of us hear seem to equate bisexuality with versatile promiscuity. As though you can’t have a bisexual bf who just wants to be faithful to you, only moving to a female when he’s broken up with you. Yea, all bisexual dudes must be hungry to fuck both ass and pussy; they’re simply a raging hard-on hungry to stick it in whatever holes that move.

      The basis of your argument is ridiculous. You don’t like dating Bi dudes? Fine. Leave it at that. Don’t insult the bisexual community by saying your preference is because they’re all versatile sluts. Because last I checked, there are sluts too in the gay community, but you pride yourself on not being one. So if there’s a prudish you in the gay community, shouldn’t we credit the bisexual community with the same?

      • Sian
        August 04, 16:35 Reply

        Hian,all this long epistle just for Max.
        Y’all should have known the guy knows nothing.
        What little he knows about anything can fit on the head of a pin and still have space left.

        • Mandy
          August 04, 17:11 Reply

          Be nice, Sian. Sometimes your provocation of Max is unwarranted, especially when he hasn’t said anything to you.

          • Sian
            August 04, 18:06 Reply

            It just gets my groats when one who ought to know better,proudly waves such flag of ignorance.
            Maybe I do pick on him,but he makes it so easy to be picked on all by himself.
            I’ll try to restrain myself

    • Lyra V
      December 20, 15:19 Reply

      The amount of discrimination and unjustified prejudice in these comments is insane and ridiculous. Y’all are not so different from homophobes, only difference is the sexual orientation you’re prejudiced against. This comment thread is depressing…

  12. Chuck
    August 04, 12:12 Reply

    This just means you have to ask questions and know who you’re dealing with. Investigate! Know what ppl are about before they share STDs or drama with you

  13. JOJOARMANI
    August 04, 12:16 Reply

    Nightwing, sweetie calm down… Remember you didn’t go to the office with your make+up kit… Don’t ruin ur face…

    Now eeh.. talking of Bisexuals… ai swear, I envy them, if only I can once in a while… Devour a real girls pussy u know… but what’s here? I take dick, they take dick, ..We even!

    *Puts in my bra into shape* My take? once u good at making me feel heavens, Give me that dick where it gives me great pleasure… handle my Honey Pot Nipple so good! not making something like sex look Boring.. (We y’all have met that guy that crawls Round u like it 2year old cousin, it sucks u know)….I don’t give a fuck which girl takes the D after that… we learn to share you know…

    • kacee
      August 04, 12:39 Reply

      chai babe, u are killing me o

  14. JOJOARMANI
    August 04, 12:22 Reply

    Max, True talk… if I decides to start dating tommorow… I can’t date bi… One day im witch go scatter my weavon, just like whats about to happen in Love and sex in the city… Declan woke up to see a bitch seated in same bed where he opens his legs for his lovebird…

  15. sinnex
    August 04, 12:58 Reply

    I just came here to read comments.

    I see Posh666 doesn’t disappoint.

  16. Vhar.
    August 04, 13:40 Reply

    Truthfully, I had a hard time grasping what bisexuality was all about in the not-so-far-past. I would seat on my throne of ignorance and spew nonsense about them… And in the process, I lost friends. – Bisexual friends.

    Until I gathered knowledge.

    Whether it’s men, women—it doesn’t really matter. The human race is filled with passion and lust. You are human. You love who you love. You fuck who you fuck. That should be enough—no labels. No stigmas. Nothing. Just be to be.
    But life isn’t that kind. We will always find things to hate.

    If I was bisexual, I wouldn’t need an asterisk beside my name. I could stop worrying if the girl I like will bounce when she finds out I also like cock.
    I could have a coming-out party without people thinking I just want attention. I wouldn’t have to explain that I fall in love with minds, not genders or body parts. People wouldn’t say I’m ‘just a slut’ or ‘faking it’ or ‘undecided’ or ‘confused.’

    I don’t categorise people by who I’m allowed to like and who I’m allowed to love (not anymore). Love or sexual attraction doesn’t fit into boxes like that. It’s blurry, slippery, quantum. It’s only limited by our perceptions and before we slap our judgement on on whether bisexuals are this and that, and cram it into some category, shut-up, educate yourself and have an open mind.

    Everything is possible.

      • ken
        August 04, 14:53 Reply

        Pinkpanther u didnt keep ur promise as to our deal!

    • sensei
      August 04, 15:05 Reply

      Vhar, I love you for this comment!

  17. sensei
    August 04, 15:10 Reply

    I simply don’t get it. How can we ask for the world not to discriminate against us when we discriminate against ourselves?

    This proves only one thing: we are not better then those who marginalise and stigmatise us.
    The only reason why you feel the way you feel about bisexuals is because of their sexual preference! “Why can’t they just be gay like us and stick to one thing?”. This desire for sameness is also responsible for homophobia!

    It’s a SHAME!

    • KingBey
      August 04, 15:27 Reply

      Thank you. That’s the sad truth.

  18. KingBey
    August 04, 15:31 Reply

    What does it matter whether someone is bi or versatile? I’m bisex and yeah I feel attracted to a any pretty girl with brains. And yeah I’m currently dating one. We fuck too. No big deal. Maybe y’all having headache over term bisexuality should just go and do a little research on what it really means.

  19. Peak
    August 04, 16:08 Reply

    PP sorry for stressing you and the web designer, but can we have the like buttons on the mobile version please? I just saw two comments that left me with a hardon and all I just want to do right now is place my D on the like button and watching punch in likes till infinity.

    Same issue here erday! Dem no like us dem no like us, but we ourself no gree like ourselves. I swear the whole LGBTIQ issues sometimes just look like a dysfunctional hula-hoop

  20. Nightwing
    August 04, 16:57 Reply

    Well if there is anything I have noticed from today’s “commentary” so to speak, it’s that some people wish they could be bi probably cuz of societal pressure while most wouldn’t want to date or have sex with one and a minority are indifferent about em. What I haven’t figured out is why I instantly throw dating and sex away once I hear “I’m bi”

    • Pink Panther
      August 04, 17:13 Reply

      Even sex too? Are you sure? Even when the bi dude is a hottie you’ve been salivating for?

      • Chuck
        August 04, 17:45 Reply

        Deciding to fuck someone isn’t just about how they look. Sex has consequences – do you want someone to have your info or give you herpes ( no condom can protect against herpes)

    • Mandy
      August 04, 17:14 Reply

      Lol. Nightwing, tell yourself and KD the truth, and it shall set you free.

  21. Bonaparte
    March 18, 18:24 Reply

    I don’t know own why I’m actually commenting on this article but it’s probably due to the fact that bisexual.I feel that even in the LGBT community there is still phobia for bisexuality maybe due to the fact that if your boyfriend was gay it’s one less gender to worry about but it’s kinda stupid in my book.if someone says they are bisexual then let them…I mean isn’t that the same kinda discrimination gays are fighting against?
    First time conmentor lol.I have been scouring KD for articles and I love it

Leave a Reply