The Reflections Of An MGM Hopeful

The Reflections Of An MGM Hopeful

This is both a reflection on things I do not have the complete answers to, and a request for someone interested in a matrimonial arrangement.

I am looking for a woman for marriage and to build a home with.

I have, time and time again, come across stories about gay men who get married to women (MGMs) on here and I have seen the amount of judgement and backlash the subject often receives. And this has made me often wonder if these commenters are from another climate, or if Nigerians as a people have changed their views on homosexuality to bestow a tolerance toward (seeming straight) men who have reached marriageable ages and are doing nothing about it.

I believe everyone’s views are to be respected and appreciated. But it should be noted that we all have different backgrounds and are dealing with our own unique circumstances.

I have known about my sexuality since I was 6 years old. I will be 30 years old this year. I once believed relationships with men was a waste of time due to environmental factors, until I met this young man who completely debunked that notion.

However, it never once crossed my mind that I wasn’t going to get married to a woman. It was always a sure thing. However, growing up and finding myself through relationships and experiences made that conviction waver a bit.

I work very hard, and had things come pretty fast in my life. However, matrimony had always been something I put in the back burner for a while. But it has proven difficult to ignore anymore.

The banner of every non-MGM advocate is: Why bring an innocent woman into this?

Well, to an extent, I agree. However, like I said earlier, you cannot compare your circumstances with others. There are no right or wrong answers in situations like this, and we are all trying to live as best as we can. In fact, I have a lot to say on this issue, but that’s for another day, I wouldn’t want to digress.

Back to the issue at hand, I would like to settle down with a decent woman preferably in her 20s, to build a home, someone who I would cultivate the respect for one another’s feelings with. I treaded the path of maybe settling down with a lesbian or seeking an open-minded lady I’d be frank with before asking to marry.  That way, there is an understanding and no feelings are hurt.

It is a path I am still treading. I do not want to go into matrimony with a woman who I am not able to be open and honest with, until I have to.

They say a problem shared is a problem half solved. If you are interested in the possibility of a matrimonial arrangement or you know anyone who is, kindly do a brother a solid and reach out by sending me a mail at danielawosika@yahoo.com, let us proceed from there.

Thank you.

Daniel

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30 Comments

  1. McDuke
    February 22, 06:36 Reply

    This is exactly my dilemma. Being an only son ain’t helping matters…*sighs*

  2. Mark
    February 22, 07:23 Reply

    I thought I was the only one who has thought of this? 🤷‍♂️

  3. Bee
    February 22, 07:53 Reply

    I understand. I do not sympathize. I relate. I do not support.

  4. Posh
    February 22, 08:18 Reply

    My fears at the moment.
    I’m only 24, an only child. My mum has been on my neck discussing marriage and how I should start giving her plenty grandchildren like I’m so sort of baby making machine.
    It’s tiring I swear.

    • Emmy
      February 23, 06:40 Reply

      How about adoption? They are plenty kids out there without parents who just need someone to love and care for them. I mean, if she is up with the idea of adoption. But here we are, in society saturated with the notion that you must have a child biologically.

  5. CHUCK
    February 22, 08:35 Reply

    Interesting how Nigerians use the word “judgement” to defend themselves from any consequences for their choices.

    if you want to be MGM do it with your chest,
    don’t act as if you’re doing the right thing or you have no other choice. Just say the benefits of being married, the social boost you receive from family and peers, etc. are worth the deception and go ahead.

    • Julian_woodhouse
      February 22, 08:55 Reply

      To be fair though… Most of the flak we give MGM people is cause they drag innocent victims unwittingly into their ruse. But this is not the case here, he wants to marry a lesbian or someone who’s knowledgeable about his situation and willing to consent to it. If he’s doing it cause he wants the social boost and other benefits of doing it. Isn’t that the reason why people do anything in the first place. Prima facie, no one’s autonomy or consent or blah blah is being violated.

      • CHUCK
        February 22, 09:05 Reply

        Check paragraph 11. he says he doesn’t want to deceive anyone “until [I] have to”. The MGM instinct (that he can wrong a woman for social status etc.) is in the back of his mind too. He is ready to do that if convenient for him.

        • SirCumsAlot
          February 22, 10:16 Reply

          I think, unless I am mistaken, what he means here is he doesn’t want to live a lie with an unknowing woman, and only tell the truth when he has been cornered.
          He wants to be with someone he could be open with from the get go and not coming clean only when caught.

        • Daniel
          February 22, 14:08 Reply

          Hello Chuck. To clarify, I have no intention of hiding my sexual preference from my partner. Hence, this request for a marital arrangement. Do enjoy the rest of your day.

          • Audrey
            February 23, 21:28 Reply

            Hey Daniel….Two quick questions.
            What part of the country are you from and how soon are you ready to settle down. I might have Two or three gorgeous looking ladies for you

  6. Higwe
    February 22, 08:47 Reply

    Do you brother!

    Just allow your wife the same privilege of going outside and finding a hunk/hunks that’ll shift her womb 😁😁

    All is okay with the world ,and together you two will sail in marital bliss 😊.

    • Francis
      February 22, 14:55 Reply

      Word. You have your boyfriend, she has her boyfriend/girlfriend and you guys keep your shit as tight and impenetrable as possible from outsiders.

      Una fit sign contract sef in case one party decides to misbehave.

      If kids aren’t involved, you guys can end the charade in say 2 years and say marriage has traumatized you and you’re not doing again ever. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

  7. RichieMichie
    February 22, 12:04 Reply

    This is the moment I’m thankful I’m not the 1st, 2nd nor third child. We are more than a dozen. Family pressure for me to get married will be very low.

    I don’t think I will ever get married, but if I ever do, certainly with a lesbian on a prearranged agreement ;u continue with your shit and I continue with mine, we are both free to bring them home.

    But sorrogacy is the best alternative I think, no wife, just u and ur kids

  8. R. Black
    February 22, 13:45 Reply

    Spoiler: someone ends up getting jealous and a divorce may not be far fetched idea at the end of the day. A documentary was done on this by the BBC or so… The participants who had engaged in these arrangements ended up dissatisfied and advised against it….thing is going into such an arrangement honestly is admirable but you should also know that given the ‘climate’ we live in, you are giving someone the keys to wreck your life whenever it suits them… They may be understanding now but humans are fickle.

  9. MGMPhobic
    February 22, 15:51 Reply

    Until she gets “born again” and decide to out you so God can forgive her her sins. Abeg, look for one Innocent girl in your village, do her the favour of marrying her to satisfy your desires. Fuck all these MGM bashers including me.

  10. Kobe
    February 22, 18:16 Reply

    Dear Daniel, weigh all the options. Do the benefits of marrying a woman outweigh the joys of living in your absolute truth?
    No one here is in your shoes so we can’t say we understand everything about your particular family and the attendant pressure.
    MGM did not start with you neither will yours (If you eventually tow that line) be the last.
    I would have loved to say. …”Fuck everyone and live your truth…” but you see actions have consequences and you have to check and see if you can live with the consequences. Will you face any deprivations for choosing to do you? (Mind you I don’t mean material denials alone).
    If you decide to marry a woman, what about her feelings and sexual needs? Well on the “innocent woman” argument, I guess it’s up to you to know how you’ll fix it… if you eventually marry a woman. Married straight men also cheat on innocent women. ..with their numerous side chics! 😂. .that is no justification though.
    Ultimately sha, the decision is yours and either way you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t!
    Cheers bro.

  11. Buddha
    February 22, 19:05 Reply

    Two-edged sword. Is there a blunt side? Trust me, this is a wrecking ball.

    • Kobe
      February 24, 01:20 Reply

      There’s always 2 sides in every coin, 2 sides in every story/situation.
      Present both and let him make his own decisions.
      We shouldn’t force our decisions on him.

  12. Rainbow Nova
    February 22, 23:10 Reply

    Daniel (my name sake actually), I’m really not happy with your decision, why? It’s not because I’m one of those guys who cries “innocent victim”, I don’t believe in the obliviousness of the woman in that relationship before and after marriage, people choose to ignore vital and obvious signs/signals in their proposed human interest of a life partner for certain reasons I do not wish to address now (as I might end up typing out an epistle).

    I’m more concerned about you and as upset as I am with you, I want you to let go of that opinion that everyone who is anti-MGM is judgemental or can’t relate. I do not wish to entertain the sentimental “obligation” to tell you how much I understand your situation/predicament enough to let you off the hook. What you intend to do is not only desensitizing but selfish and irresponsible, you intend to make a mockery and object of ridiculous escape (from your fears, insecurities, worries and troubles)of a beautiful mutual and loving union called marriage.

    You’d think I’d be nicer about it but really even if you reply me with fervent vigor and dismiss my words, you and I will both know they’re truth now and always. Yes yes, this is your cross to bear and you’re no messiah to sacrifice yourself to staying true to your truth and making a way for that little gay Nigerian boy to believe in that wonderful feeling of being forever with a man to grow from dream to reality when he hears about you and your story.

    I’m not emotionally blackmailing you and I wouldn’t dare, this isn’t a farce or some joke. It’s your life and only you get to choose what’s goes up…and falls down, the beat part is that only you will live with the consequences of it all and only you will know how many lies you tell yourself to go through this.

    Call me any name you wish but never and truly ever will you be able to name me a liar, I don’t speak from deceit or clouded opinions grown from emotional conflict, you go down this path you’re completely on your own and I pray you realize it before it’s too late.

    Marriage is not some game, contract, escape route or joyride. If you really wanna know, ask yourself “what you really want” and for the first time in a long time, don’t lie and just tell the truth. It’ll all be clear from there and whatever you do, you do to forever live the repercussions but only one decision will bring about the best end. But you and I know, it’s not this one you’re advertising. Happy marital bliss, I wish to never hear that my namesake MGM-ed, for it is worse than suicide…it’s lifelong suicide.

  13. FJ
    February 23, 01:29 Reply

    Daniel, i ‘ve got no contact for contract matrimony but if u care to share from my own experience as an mgm who is 6yrs gone we can rub minds…got no strength to type here….inbox me if my piece of advice wud be resourceful…trueisles@gmail.com

  14. Chizzie
    February 23, 09:06 Reply

    I fail to understand this obsession Nigerians have with marriage and why they see it as a mandate. It always marvels me how Nigerians( gay or straight) refuse to even entertain the option to not get married. Marriage should be an OPTION, not an obligation, or the “next thing to do”. And this mindset is causing us a lot more problems than we realise, because we do not take into account the emotional and financial expense and commitment that comes with marriage. We rush into it, and in doing so compound debt, often times these marriages are loveless, and the effects are felt on the children we grow up to repeat the circle.

    Are you getting married because you have found someone you love? Or are u just succumbing to societal expectations because u feel you are getting “old”?

    You and i are the same age and marriage is far from my mind because I have many more things I aspire to accomplish and I think that’s really the problem, Nigerians do not dream big. They get a small job that pays 100k and the next thing on their mind is marriage. There is so much more you can aspire to be and the fact of the matter is marriage might limit these things.

    Reevaluate how u see marriage and begin to see it as first and foremost an OPTION not an obligation

  15. J
    February 23, 21:18 Reply

    Seriously I understand what some people are passing through, most people need someone in their life, a family, children and stability. Gay relationships are not quite easy, it’s very frustrating actually. Aside from homophobia, most gays are not helping matters. Who would want to hold on to shallowness and hookups lifestyle? When all your siblings, colleagues, friends and agemates are getting married and giving birth to children, all you deal with is constantly holding on and hoping? Wasting your time on grindr or manjam dealing with superficial, depressed and mentally retarded men? For how long? It’s not easy, it’s heartbreaking and so hopeless.

    Dear Daniel, you know what you want… Follow your heart, life is complicated we all know… We’re just trapped, stucked in a box in a very big ocean, there’s no escape until you die. Happiness is what you make of it. If you ever give birth to children, don’t be afraid to enlighten them about homosexuality. I’m wishing you goodluck.

  16. Brown
    February 24, 18:33 Reply

    Hello Daniel,

    Let me open with this, everyone has opinions about everything and they’re entitled to those opinions, but you don’t need to subscribe to them.

    Most things in life aren’t black and white and yes, some of us are resolute on certain matters, not giving a fuck about what anyone thinks or has to say but we aren’t all on that train.
    Only you can truly understand your situation and no one would ever be able to walk in your shoes, so don’t let anyone tell you what to do, I know this is debatable but most of the time, we know what is best for us.

    A large number of the “woke” (those ones with the live your truth, don’t conform to society’s demands, MGM – why? message) members community will get married to women (straight or lesbian) with or without an arrangement

    There’s a whole lot I’d like to say, but I’ve communicated the most important.

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