There are several stereotypes that society labours under. And as it is with every particular community of people, the LGBT community suffers its share. But, as it has been plentifully pointed out in this blog, we are not without our own faults. Our sexuality does not save us from the common flaws the rest of humanity suffers. And so, we also tend to stereotype other people based on their sexual natures.
This topic was actually prompted by a comment someone made on the post about the father who discovered his teenage son was gay and did all he could to ensure that his son realizes that he accepts him just as he is. It is noteworthy that the father admitted to having once had sexual relations in the past.
Now, I’m not disparaging anyone, certainly not the commenter whose comment I’m about to bring up. This is entirely for the sake of educating us. His comment goes thus: ‘But the father is gay, that’s why he accepted the boy the way he did. That he stopped fucking men doesn’t make him straight.’
Now, it is not clear from the father’s admission how far he went in his relations with a man in his past, but my ponderation is this: Does the fact that he fucked a guy way back when make him gay? What exactly makes one a homosexual, bisexual, a bicurious, or a man/woman who has slept with another man/woman?
I remember back when I was in the university, and there was this ‘straight’ guy who I had this massive crush on. I’m talking, MASSIVE. ‘He walks past me and my heartbeat begins to roar in my ears’ massive. I mentioned my attraction to my close friend, and told him how pointless I believed it was because the guy was so obviously straight. He was the toast of the girls in our department. And my friend looked at me with raised eyebrows, gave a scoffing laugh and said, “Straight wetin? That guy that has fucked…” And he mentioned the name of some queen we knew from another department.
So, of course, this nugget of information gave me hope and daring. I willfully befriended my crush, and spent two weeks inching my way closer and closer to him. Exchanged textbooks. Dropped by his house off campus. Hung out at the canteen with him in between lectures.
And finally finagled an invitation from him to spend the night at his place.
To cut the story short, in between bed sheets and in the witching hour of the night, I made my move. He clamped down on my wandering hand, and after a few awkward moments of ‘What do you think you are doing’, he graciously but firmly told me he doesn’t swing my way. Without any prompting from me, he admitted to having slept with a guy (that queen) once, but it was for financial reasons.
I reported that incident to my friend the next day, and he laughingly said that the guy must not be into me. That stung. Lol. My friend was emphatic that he was gay. Why? Because he fucked a guy once.
Is that enough? Is a transitory same-sex intimate interlude enough to make one gay? Is it enough to say that because that guy who makes some effeminate gestures is ‘our sister’? Or that that guy who took the extra time to get to know you is doing so because he really wants to get in your pants?
Let’s discuss about these stereotypes we project onto the rest of the world.