WHAT IF SHE KNOWS?

WHAT IF SHE KNOWS?

He wakes up in the morning to a beautiful euphony, his dick stiff and his bones slightly aching from last night’s Happy Hour duty. It is a Sunday morning. Asa is playing on the radio – Subway, an eccentric melody that feeds the soul and soothes everything it touches.

As he stretches and turns to his side, he sees Angela lying beside him. Last night was one of a kind. They couldn’t get any sleep; thankfully, this time, it hadn’t been because of one of their fights.

He sits silent for a while, watching her chest rise and fall in easy breathing, her dark curls spread out over part of her face and her fingers twitch slightly, then settle down again as she sighs in her sleep.

She’s so beautiful when she’s not nagging, he thinks as he gently moves her hair away from her face. As though in appreciation of what he’s just done, a hint of a smile flits across her face.

She’s so beautiful and she takes my breath away.

He leans forward, careful not to wake her, and presses a kiss against her temple. There, the memory of last night’s dinner flashes across his mind.

“I’m happy I met you,” she’d said to him against his lips as they kissed. And he had smiled.

For a moment, he revels in the thought of that yesterday moment, and on the heels of it comes a painful twitch bites in his chest.

What if she knows?

The chilly thought sends shivers down his spine and his heart clenches in fear.

What if she finds out?

What if she finds out that he had been with Segun the same way he was with her last night, waking up to him several mornings more than he’d been with her?

A sick feeling spreads to his limbs, a soreness that makes his muscles quiver. Every sound is suddenly too loud, Subway is no longer soul-soothing and his heart won’t stop rattling in his chest.

Most mornings, the mornings with Angela, are like this for him, cold and sad. He wakes up every morning with a huge ball of guilt in his stomach. This feeling of everything being wrong and knowing that it is all his fault.

But this never happens with Segun. Mornings with Segun are quiet and beautiful. His heart warmed by happiness, the air around him filled with only truth and freedom.

What if she finds out?

What if she finds out that neither he nor the stories he feeds her is straight?

His heart tightens again, tears gather at the shores of his eyes and the air in the room suddenly smells stale and heavy.

What if she knows Segun calls him “obi’m”?

How come she doesn’t know anything?

How does she not know he was wearing a pair of trousers when he came home last night, different from the pair he wore when he left for work in the morning?

What if she knows he had had to hurry home, not from work but from him?

He sits up straight, arms clenched on his laps. His eyes are fixed on Angela, a hint of panic swirling in their depths, as he takes her in under the morning light that is flickering over her face.

What if she knows those were Segun’s trousers?

What if she finds out what they had just finished doing – both of them still on the bed, naked after a tender round of lovemaking – when her call came in?

What if she knows he enjoys it better with Segun?

What if she knows that last month was the seventh anniversary of his relationship with Segun, that he’d known and fallen in love with him long before he met her?

What happens if she finds out he likes boys – would she still be happy she met him?

If she knows, would she understand that he couldn’t help it, that this is who he is?

Is that even possible?

He lies back on the bed, his back to Angela as he pulls the bed covers up to his chin. And he stares blankly at the clock on his nightstand that claims the time is getting on seven o’clock.

Asa is still playing over the radio, filling the air with her melody:

I have waited patiently / And this is what I get

My mama say baby be careful / If anybody comes to say I love you

My papa say baby I warn you / If anybody comes to say I love you

Now you asking me to trust you / Tell me how am I supposed to / When I know this love don’t last

Could this be the kind of love / That my mum use to warn me about

How will I know that this love will last?

All of a sudden, startling him, the voice belting out the beautiful melody from the radio appears to take on the cadence of Angela’s voice, as she questions him:

“Dray, will this love last?”

Written by Exotic Dray

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12 Comments

  1. Ken
    October 25, 08:10 Reply

    The love will last o. It has to last. Segun sef will eventually marry. Broda stop dwelling on things u can’t change. Wen she knows, if she knows, u deal with it then.

    • Exotic Dray
      October 25, 13:13 Reply

      Lol. Really, believe me, it’s not that easy. It’s easy and heart-sweeting to have a situation like this play out in your head. Just your head. It’s a different thing when it’s happening before your eyes, to your friend, or maybe to you. It’s traumatic, it’s crazy!
      A lot could go wrong if she gets to know. There’s family drama which of course is most probably the reason he got married to Angela in the first. There’s the part of everything he ever said to her being all lies, every moment shared with her – Everything, a lie. According to the story, it’s quite obvious Angela loves him like dieeeeee and he makes it seem like he does in return. Now imagine one day she gets to know it’s all been a lie.

    • J
      October 26, 11:04 Reply

      “Segun sef will eventually marry” Really? This is the mindset of most gay guys. You can always love yourself and accept your sexuality. That’s the only thing you need to do. Don’t think of marrying a lady without telling her you’re into guys. It’s the most wicked and selfish crime anyone can ever commit.

      Marriage is more than keeping a wife at home and giving birth to children. Why be with someone you’re not emotionally attached to? You don’t only punish yourself, you punish her too. Please have empathy and try to imagine yourself in her shoes. Women are not objects and baby factories.

  2. Mandy
    October 25, 08:21 Reply

    LOL. When your conscience is looking to sabotage your life. In a Hollywood film, this is when the men will sit his wife down, and from a burden a guilt, confess to her that he’s been living a lie. I watched this in the series, 9-1-1, and I wondered if this is ever something that happens in Nigeria. Is there ever a situation where an MGM opened up to his wife as opposed to his wife finding him out for herself?

    • Exotic Dray
      October 25, 14:09 Reply

      Yes, there is. At least I’ve witnessed one first hand. This story is actually a shadow of the reality I experienced. The guy was on a business trip out of Lagos when he called his wife to confess everything to her. Everything went kaboom! almost immediately. He never showed up at home since that day. News later broke out that He and Segun traveled to the US the following week after the confession. Till this very moment, nobody knows their actual location.

        • Mandy
          October 26, 06:11 Reply

          Lol. Pinky, you just want to get your hands on the guy and ask him for his story, don’t you? 😀😏

        • Exotic Dray
          October 27, 10:40 Reply

          Lol. Oh yes for real.
          The story is a very dramatic one.
          What really caught my fancy was the thought of what must have been going through his mind all the time he had to be with Angela. The surging fear, the feelings he gets when he shared a kiss or sex with Angela. What fake feeling feels like and what’s like to live the kind of life he lived. And of course how he managed to be with Segun at the same time and the news never leaked. Everything is just wonderful when you think about it.

    • John Adewoye
      October 25, 14:34 Reply

      Hollywood not in Nollywood. Nigerians are schooled in secret keeping.

  3. Audrey
    October 25, 08:21 Reply

    This should be every MGM plight especially in this part of the world.

    Was with one yesterday before the outpour of the rain with my Lesbian friend drinking and having fun I could tell that he didn’t want the night to end even with the obvious darkness crawling in on us.For a man to have my pictures littered all over his phone yet don’t have a picture of the mother of his four kids on it goes to show that life can be unfair but who am I to play lord and Judge.

    I just wish the laws could be reviewed and our society more accepting to avoid a repeat of this trend to avoid the hurt that comes with it.We still are hopeful

  4. Exotic Dray
    October 25, 13:14 Reply

    Thank you Pink Panther for putting this up. Thanks for believing in this piece. Thank you so much.

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