Televangelist Warns That Guys Who Masturbate Will Be Met With Their Impregnated Hands In The Afterlife

Televangelist Warns That Guys Who Masturbate Will Be Met With Their Impregnated Hands In The Afterlife

Someone is giving Pat Robertson a run for his money.

Mücahid Cihad Han (pictured above) is a popular Muslim televangelist from Turkey. He recently warned followers that men who masturbate will be greeted by their “pregnant hand in the afterlife.”

The statement came at a Q&A session during Sunday’s taping, when one of Han’s viewers asked the preacher about masturbation.

The man claimed he was addicted to pleasuring himself, saying he “kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah,” the holy pilgrimage to Mecca performed by Muslims.

Han, who once called homosexuality “evil” and “the worst of all sins,” scolded the man, telling him that Islam strictly forbids masturbation.

“One hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife,” he cautioned.

The televangelist continued: “If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now? … Resist Satan’s temptations!”

Unfortunately, rather than offering clarity, the statement only created more confusion, as the Internet was soon abuzz with follow-up questions, including: Are there gynecologists in the afterlife? Is abortion allowed there? What about adoption? But, perhaps most importantly, how exactly will the hand give birth?

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39 Comments

  1. Mandy
    June 07, 05:39 Reply

    *shaking my head* Chai! How do all these kinds of people exist? How, dear God, did You create some people and close their skulls, forgetting to insert their brains before completing their creation, hmm?

  2. wildero64
    June 07, 05:45 Reply

    Why does anyone listen to these sick people??

  3. Masked Man
    June 07, 05:48 Reply

    And I will have a million children in the afterlife.

  4. Khristopher B!
    June 07, 05:51 Reply

    Chimo! If na so, that’s my hand and that of Pinky’s will be having multiple twins every minute when we cross over. So those that blow off ppl till they cum, might probably have a pregnant mouth in the after life… Kam nukwa!

    • chestnut
      June 07, 06:01 Reply

      Ur hand and dat of PINKY keh? Hian! Na team-work? Both of u should throw more light pls…

      @Topic: lol…I don’t remember every cumming on/in my hands sha (I suppose it’s contact with semen that makes the hand…conceive?); I try to be a very tidy and organised wanker; no unnecessary leakages or spills anywhere…hehehe. That televangelist is crazy tho! Are there ovaries in my palms? I can’t!

      • Absalom
        June 07, 08:17 Reply

        Where do you cum in – a kidney dish?

        #AskingForTheLord

      • chestnut
        June 07, 08:45 Reply

        @Absie: hehehe…I have a technique…
        But wait o,do ppl really cum INSIDE their hands? Like literally? Really? How, like wank with one hand and use ther other as a receptacle to collect d spillage? Cos there’s no way u can cum into the palm that is holding ur shaft, right? Maybe I need to review my wanking etiquette,lol.

      • Absalom
        June 07, 08:58 Reply

        Nah. It spills over the fingers…you know, like some bridal bouquets. 😉

  5. samsey
    June 07, 06:13 Reply

    Like seriously, how dumb can people get, religiosity is the new kind of organized and hallowed foolishness. “the worst of all sins” my flat behind. Mtcheww.

  6. keredim69
    June 07, 06:21 Reply

    I am a safe sex advocate even when I have intercourse with my hand.
    So inshallah there will be no unwanted pregnancies for me in the afterlife.

    • trystham
      June 07, 06:43 Reply

      U use gloves??? You 4 don wank ur D raw sha…lol

      • Absalom
        June 07, 08:19 Reply

        Huh? Do you empty the contents of the rubber in your mouth when you’re done? Is that why you want no spillages?

  7. Max
    June 07, 06:37 Reply

    Akuko n’egwu… Stop deluding yourself imam… There’s no afterlife!
    When you die, you die… And vanish..
    This promise of afterlife is what’s causing a lot of chaos in the world today.

  8. pete
    June 07, 06:43 Reply

    saddest part will be people believing this crap

  9. sinnex
    June 07, 08:05 Reply

    I guess the afterlife won’t recognise that I am still a virgin…hmmmm….so I’d be a pregnant virgin? What’s the use then?

      • Absalom
        June 07, 08:22 Reply

        Nah. It’s in case one of Muhammed’s 77 virgins doesn’t make it to heaven, Sinnex can fill in as substitute. After all, hole na hole!

    • chestnut
      June 07, 08:52 Reply

      Sinnex,it’s not u who would be pregnant,but ur right hand…or left hand,as d case may be. Ur hand will come and meet u(as a seperate entity), swollen with the seed of ur inflammed self-lust…in d afterlife.lol

  10. Gad
    June 07, 10:03 Reply

    I’m sure this man thinks his entire congregation don’t think. That’s why he feel he can say anything that comes to his mind

  11. QueerMike
    June 07, 11:06 Reply

    Some people’s words are so full of shit I’m not sure if they need tissue paper or sanitizers.
    Chai!!! Make I nor fuck… make I nor whank too??? Ahn Ahn…

  12. IVANKO
    June 07, 11:55 Reply

    Mtshewwwwwww whatever, back to what I was abt starting *masturbate* befor seeing dis, PP remind me whr I kept my vasline…. again.

  13. Khaleesi
    June 07, 12:37 Reply

    loool … such pathetic foolishness, such a waste of valuable space and oxygen and an unnecessary drain on the world’s scarce reserves of food and water! ***flicks manicured hands in disdain and sashays away****

  14. kacee
    June 07, 14:49 Reply

    Somepple just need the publicity mtchewwwww duhhhh

  15. Jamie
    June 07, 20:18 Reply

    Oh hun… Time to continue massaging my tummy with sperms…!!

    • wondabuoy
      June 11, 16:31 Reply

      That’s when the pregnancy will be made main; it’s the tummy that should be pregnant.

  16. Call me Morgana
    June 08, 21:09 Reply

    I guess I would be the new Abraham there cos I masturbate like everyday. Minimum of 9 times a week. *Don’t judge me though* *Red yeast coffee please?*

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