Another Straight Woman Who Thinks She’s Figured Out How To Detect Men Who Are Closeted Gays

Another Straight Woman Who Thinks She’s Figured Out How To Detect Men Who Are Closeted Gays

Toke Makinwa tried it before, when she offered tips on how women can tell that their man is gay. Since then, straight people on social media are forever offering these tutorials on how closeted gay men can be detected.

Now, a Twitter netizen with the handle @trendydjtimic has taken to Twitter to educate women on this same subject.

“As a woman, you need to be careful and smart enough to detect,” she tweeted, “if your husband or boyfriend is one of those gays out there.”

Yes, gays are aliens walking amongst the heterosexual human beings, taking the likeness of male humans and endangering women. And so, it is @trendydjtimic to the rescue. She has a tried and true method which she calls “8 powerful signs … to catch one of them you are in a relationship with.”

Check out her very insightful thread below:

So, let’s break down these “powerful signs”, shall we? And please, I’m breaking these down for the straight woman among us. If you’re reading this, then you’re in luck.

1. Yes, gay men who are in heterosexual undercover like to do double takes when they see fine guys. But apparently, we are all self-possessed pricks who get “visibly upset” simply because someone has not paid us the compliment we believe we deserve over our physical appearance, whether we’re gorgeous or not.

2. Never mind the gay Christians who are everywhere in church. The choristers. The pastors. The ushers. Even the congregants. Gay people simply cannot be involved in the things of God. The gay Christian doesn’t exist. That is just a myth. Either gay men are just not about that Christian life or they’re in it to be the leaders of the Men’s Ministry of Prayer Warriors or the Guys’ Division of the Youth Association.

3. Seeing as it’s Harmattan, if your man is ashy, doesn’t moisturize, likes to simply throw on clothes with barely a comb to his head before heading out to his business, then there’s no need to be alarmed. He is straight. But you see that one that takes a little extra time in the bathroom, that one that ensures that his perfectly-starched, spotless-white shirt is well-tucked into his trousers before stepping out of the house, that one that has perfume bottles and anti-perspirants jostling for space on the vanity table with your hair products – yup, if that’s your man, he GAY!!!

And just watch out for when he returns from the barber… If he has had the barber trim his eyebrows, then it’s time to start screaming blue murder, because that’s one of them gays right there.

4. Because all straight men can only be gym rats who like football, watch out for your man if he’s a body builder who changes the channel from Super Sports to, well, anything else. Cos the gym and sports are two pastimes that go hand-in-hand for straight men.

And oh, never mind that gymming is actually a tasking exercise… If he comes back from the gym and won’t have sex with you, then please confront him with your belief that he must have fucked someone at the gym.

5. Straight men are NOT fashionable. Even the gym rats among them simply want to hide their beautiful bodies in baggy clothes. Anything otherwise – if he owns skinny jeans and likes to check out his ass in the mirror (because of course, men like to do that sort of thing in the presence of the women they’re with) – then be rest assured that you are dating a gay man.

6. Please forget everything you read in Fifty Shades about Christian Grey. Straight men are NOT sexually adventurous. They all like vanilla sex. The moment they start wanting to fuck you in the ass, once they start buying whips and handcuffs for you to use during sex – then call your pastor right quick! They GAY!!!

7. Well, I can’t argue with this number seven powerful sign. Lol. Even us gay men get our gaydars tingling when we observe a man being friends with a lot of younger men. So yes, tell this woman that her number 7 is on-point. Lol.

8. ALL men who are effeminate, in whatever degrees, must be gay. Are y’all getting this down? If he’s overly expressive with his hugs and affections for his male friends, then he’s gay. If he simply wants to kick back with the guys, then he’s gay.

In summary, if the man you’re dating is a masculine, emotionally-contained, vanilla-sex-loving, unfashionable, sweaty, smelly, godly, sports-loving gym rat, then that’s right – you are safe. Your man isn’t one of them.

Anything other than these, and you should contact your pastor immediately!

Previous The Bottom Chronicles (Entry 7)
Next TWICE BEATEN, THREESOME SHY

About author

You might also like

The Happenings 6 Comments

“Coming out is the best thing any gay person will ever do.” – Sir Ian McKellen

Sir Ian McKellen has hailed the power and importance of gay people coming out and said that actors should not worry about it harming their career. The actor made the

The Happenings 3 Comments

Actor Christian Keyes complains about too much gay attention

Actor Christian Keyes is just not into you. At all. The actor, who plays Charlie Riggs in BET’s In Contempt, is tired of gay men sending him direct messages on

The Happenings 5 Comments

Masculine Black Man has a problem. He is an ‘extremely masc bottom’

Stereotypes ruin the party again. One guy says he has a problem keeping men’s attention as a black, “extremely masc” bottom because he doesn’t conform to perceptions of what bottoms

14 Comments

  1. Mikey?
    January 07, 08:24 Reply

    Nawa oh see signs
    If only the country wasn’t this homophobic there wouldn’t be need for all these

  2. Kamsi
    January 07, 09:59 Reply

    Powerful signs indeed. She needs laying of hands.

  3. King_Mannie
    January 07, 10:37 Reply

    I just love to sit and watch people make very wrong assertions and feel like they’re so right. Gives me joy. So I used her checklist to screen one MGM I know and boy, she’s got it all wrong. The guy is the dirtiest, laziest guy I know. doesn’t gym, wears anything not fasionable, does’nt even have so much friends not to talk of younger guy friends, is “masculine” and is a seriously spiritual person. so I’m sure his wife has nothing to worry about.

      • King_Mannie
        January 07, 10:52 Reply

        lol, he’s obviously passed the gay detection test by Miss trendy…. whatever…. I know all about the gays

  4. Higwe
    January 07, 10:49 Reply

    Basically what she’s saying …

    If your man actually cares about how he looks .

    Keeps male friends.

    Spends money on his friends not just you.

    Actually pays attention to his hygiene and grooming .

    Not stiff around other men , very secure in his sexuality …knowing that touching or holding other men does not automatically make him gay.

    Gets exhausted after hours of gyming because guess what …he’s a human being and not Thor ( the god of thunder)

    ” Just know that he’s gay ” ??

    Women and their warped idea of what ideal masculinity should be, will never not be funny.

    To think somewhere out there a woman is starting to doubt her man’s straightness because of tweets from a highly insecure woman …who fancies herself a lot more Intelligent than she actually is. ??

    ***********************
    BTW do these gym houses exist in Nigeria ?
    Clearly I have been going to the wrong gym ?

  5. Mitch
    January 07, 15:51 Reply

    This thread we thought we’d left stupidity and stupid people back in 2019, this Stupid Aunty had to make an entire thread of her stupidity.

    Why, oh Lord?
    Why????

  6. Bastet
    January 07, 17:06 Reply

    Normally ignore such types of tweets but I just had to go through it. First of all, I have to say I am highly disappointed with the level of ignorance some people nowadays exhibit. Basically she is trying to say a true straight guy should be lazy and unkept in the sense that he shouldn’t look after himself. Like what is wrong with a guy going to the gym to look nice and take care of his body or being trendy of fashionable etc. She really needs a reality check and proper knowledge.
    Happy New year fam and wishing all lovelies a wonderful year ahead with fulfillment of all our dreams. Big hugs and kisses.

  7. Delle
    January 07, 21:05 Reply

    Nna eh, I haven’t laughed as hard as I did reading this and PP’s apt rejoinders.

    I should have stopped at ‘they looks at men…’ but I decided to take a leap of faith seeing as people have been talking a lot about my grammar elitism. See where it’s landed me ?

    So if he has so many OLDER men then he is well-tucked in the bosom of heterosexuality? Interesting.

    And do not get me started on the spiritual issues thing. After all, all gay men are demons.

    The intelligence seeping out of this woman in torrents is just astounding…

    *gives a one-man ovation*

    • Malik
      January 08, 06:41 Reply

      Legit, we should have stopped at “they looks at men…”

      I had a good laugh though. ?

  8. Disreali
    January 10, 22:07 Reply

    First glance at the tweet, and I notice the subject-verb disagreement.

    First time commenting here.

  9. Dayve
    January 17, 21:30 Reply

    I don’t think the tweet originated from her though. I think it came from a fellow gay guy I follow on Twitter. Or maybe he posted it to mock her idk but he went through all 8 sha. But you were right to poke holes in everyone of them Cos from the pointers, I’m as straight as the Bible’s Jesus leemao

Leave a Reply

Click here to cancel reply.