Dear KD: I’m Starting To Feel Like I’m Cursed

Dear KD: I’m Starting To Feel Like I’m Cursed

Ever since I was young, I’ve had an unhealthy obsession with male nudity. I bought a whole movie I didn’t like then just to see a scene of a naked male butt. Sometimes I’d buy a whole DVD then, back when DVD was popular, and I’d fast-forward every movie in it, searching for the scenes with a naked man in it.

I thought I would outgrow this, but it’s become clear to me that that’s not to be. My fascination with male nudity far outweighs any desire I may have of being intimate with anyone. I will be thirty in June, but I’m still very much a virgin. I’ve been in more than six relationships and the guys all ended up breaking up with me because I couldn’t get myself to be intimate. Sometimes I think I am ready, then I work on preparing myself to have sex; I even fantasize about it and how good it should turn out, only to lose interest midway through it and beg off with excuses.

My lust for male nudity is quickly becoming my undoing. I spend the bulk of my salary hiring muscled men from the gym to strip naked for me. I don’t touch them or anything. I just pay them to prance around my room with their ass cheeks flexing and their cocks swinging. And then later, I masturbate with the images imprinted in my head.

Last week, I knew I had a problem and if not resolved, I would perhaps check into a mental institution. My young cousin, whose naming ceremony I was there for after he was born, came to visit. He had turned out to be so ripped and muscular, and my weakness reared up its ugly head the moment I saw him. I came up with different excuses to see him naked, even giving him some of my most expensive clothes and insisting he try them on in my presence. Unluckily for me, he was wearing briefs as he tried the clothes on. I felt defeated and perverted at once.

And then, much to my intense relief, someone recommended this forum to me. After going through the stories here, I realise that the last thing people here will do is judge me or criticize me on this peculiarity of mine. All I ask for is sincere advice.

I’m currently dating a guy who matches me intellectually. He is compassionate, generous and understanding, and the last thing I want to do is lose him.

How do I cure my obsession with male nudity?

How do I bring myself to be intimate with a man – with my man?

Should I seek psychological help?

Am I perhaps an asexual or am I suffering from a rare case of internalised homophobia?

I really need help.

Submitted by Jason

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  1. ambivalentone
    April 15, 06:24 Reply

    Wow!!! These are some private parties u host there Jason. How do I get an invite abeg?
    Frankly, I don’t even know whether to think you as gay, seeing as you have indicated no interest in guys except on a very physical level. I even wonder if ur current beau is eye-candy standard and if that in itself is the glue joining u both together(yes yes, I know u mentioned intellectual peer blah blah).
    I’d say “You av the knife and u av the yam. Get that part over with and out of ur system”. Who knows? You might run very far from guys after the first time.

    • Jason
      April 15, 14:06 Reply

      He is not a hunk but more of the eye glass wearing laboratory kind of sexy. He is rather lanky and extremely tall.
      And yes I’m very much gay. I am naturally attracted to men .

  2. Tyler
    April 15, 06:33 Reply

    You’re not cursed, you just seem to be too difficult with yourself and your body when it comes to sex. It’s all in your head, you have to let it go. if you love well built men and you guy isn’t built though intelligent,ask him to hit the gym and get the type of body you want. The types that could make you strip him naked, cause am sure if your cousin were to be Gay and touched you that day, you could have gotten laid. Once working on your BF is done which includes sex discussion then tell him it’s high time you get laid. Look for that special day and let go of your body.
    You sounded like someone who’s class conscious but I feel you shouldn’t be too selective. Take your time and be safe.

    • Francis
      April 15, 07:58 Reply

      He should hit the gym all because of relationship ????. I don’t understand how some of us get off on changing people. If you don’t like what you see, go fishing again. There’s always someone for every body type.

      @Jason all I can say is that you need to be open about this with your romantic interests + you should speak with our resident shrink (Sensei) to epp you out a little. Ask PP to link you guys

    • Jason
      April 15, 14:01 Reply

      Everything you said was spot on. But I wouldn’t have sex with a 17 year old boy. Lol
      I’m not into incest either, that’s why I felt it was crazy to desire to see him naked.
      Thank you all the same, great advice.

  3. y
    April 15, 07:26 Reply

    Lol. Nigerians think everything has a spiritual connotation.You have a muscle fetish.

  4. Simba
    April 15, 07:34 Reply

    Hi,. I suggest u get a hobby tht allows u view male nudity. Volunteer in Arts, drawing, photography etc.
    Also, dissuade urself from thinking ur abnormal or different cus U not, we all belong to different spectrum of the rainbow. U should have provided ur cousin abi who with briefs as well hahahahhahaha. Be honest with ur man, tell ur man the truth and allow him try helping you. Read more and try find yourself, know yourself and work with what u will discover

  5. Wiffey
    April 15, 07:42 Reply

    Story of my life only difference is I kind of have sex every 1s in 2 years or so and it doesn’t make any difference.

    My advice, be open to whomever you are interested in. Let them know from the go that the relationship is simply for companionship and not for sex. If they can handle that, then stick to them.

    Or you could try to be a little more open sexually by trying new things other than watching people strip. Try making out with someone who fits your fantasy and then proceed into foreplay and who knows what else might happen but you have to be open with the person so they understand when you have reached your limit.

  6. beejay
    April 15, 08:17 Reply

    Personally I’m of the opinion that sex, or at least the generic idea and concept of, is overrated. So what if you like the idea of sex but not the practice itself? You’re not the first and certainly won’t be the last. Greatest challenge ought to be finding someone who’ll not only understand that you might never be up for having sex (as defined by intercourse), but also be tolerant and willing to compromise, and meet you half ways. Point is, that there’s nothing wrong with you or your fetish, and you shouldn’t let anything or anyone deceive you into thinking you’re ‘cursed’ or insane or whatever else crap simply because you don’t play ball like they all do… Loosen up man, different stuff rock different boats.

    • Jason
      April 15, 13:55 Reply

      Thank you so much .
      I wish everyone was as understanding as you are.

  7. Lorde
    April 15, 08:27 Reply

    I think you have a fetish is all….an intense one nonetheless….id suggest you see a therapist…. a gay one or someone you really trust… to at least appropriate 5% of your salary on nude butts?…. tell your bar about it too…he might indulge in your fantasies

  8. Irish...
    April 15, 08:46 Reply

    My lust for male nudity is quickly becoming my undoing. I spend the bulk of my salary
    hiring muscled men from the gym to strip naked for me. I don’t touch them or anything.
    I just pay them to prance around my room with their ass cheeks flexing and their cocks
    swinging. And then later, I masturbate with the images imprinted in my head.

    one question, where did you find these guys? i need them in my life!

  9. Delle
    April 15, 09:11 Reply

    I do not think you have a problem. People have kinks, fetishes that can suffice for sex and what have you. Not everyone is into the whole copulation thing (I’m guessing that’s why ‘sides’ exist in the first place).

    You are perfectly normal. Probably asexual (very likely) and it so happens that it’s not so rampant, what it is you are, you’d feel out of place naturally.
    Don’t sweat it. Don’t even try to alter what it is you are cos you have got no issues. It’s just going to be a tad difficult getting yourself a guy who is compatible as a handful of us love the thrusting action. I’m sure there are asexuals around though, Jason.

    May the odds forever be in your favor.

  10. Sinnex
    April 15, 10:43 Reply

    I don’t mind watching when you have your next session.

    Anyways, I think you don’t have a problem, but you really need to control yourself. There are some muscled gay men out there, you can try them out and see how far you go. I am sure most people here wouldn’t mind seeing muscled men prance around butt naked, but we just have to be careful because naija we dey so.

    “I came up with different excuses to see him naked, even giving him some of my most expensive clothes and insisting he try them on in my presence. Unluckily for me, he was wearing briefs as he tried the clothes on.”

    You remind me of someone i used to know. The guy would buy boxers and invite guys over, ask them to try them on, just to see their nakedness.

  11. ambivalentone
    April 15, 11:22 Reply

    Ehen, I’m back. Jason, as u av had ample opportunity to see many naked gym rats, is it true they lose valuable prick length and girth to all them abs and biceps? Thank you in anticipation

      • ambivalentone
        April 15, 16:28 Reply

        Hian!!! Thars ao u wee be laughing in life and death situation. You dont know it burdens my heart?

    • Jason
      April 15, 13:51 Reply

      Lies from the pits of hell.
      What does a penis size have to do with keeping fit unless you build muscles with steroid. Most Nigerian gym rats use supplements. Not as quick as steroid but very effective too.

  12. DarkSide
    April 15, 12:53 Reply

    In my opinion, the behaviour itself is not a problem. It’s the excess (spending almost all your salary for example) if that may be a problem. If it is so distressing, you may need professional help

  13. Jason
    April 15, 13:48 Reply

    Thank you so much. I knew you guys would give me valuable advice without judgement. I was surprised when I came across this site, you people reason and think way above the average Nigerians .I’m so grateful to be here and I’m looking forward to learn a lot more from you guys.

  14. Dickson' clement
    April 15, 14:05 Reply

    1) what feelings do you get from these naked butt men? Do you feel a surge of grabbing and fucking them or them doing the same to you?

    2) if you see their butt without the dick, is the satisfaction the same?
    3) when you masturbate to those visuals in your head, what do u think about?
    4) have you ever tried having sex with any of those prefered body types?

  15. Kris
    April 15, 14:30 Reply

    I think maybe it might just b that u are too much in ur own head, maybe u should try some weed to chill u out before sex and put u in a more relaxed state of mind

    • Gad
      April 15, 15:36 Reply

      Try drugs? Are you kidding me? Anyway, let’s assume that was a joke but if it’s not, you really need help rather than drag someone down with you.

  16. Gad
    April 15, 15:49 Reply

    Dear, I’m of the opinion that you are addicted to male nudity and it’s taking the place of a guy in your life. I don’t know what led to this but I’m certain there might be a story behind it. You are not alone in this. I know a guy that prefers human-sized teddies to guys. Not that he doesn’t need a guy but uses teddies to feel the void of guys. His was an ego issue though. So work on your mind. Find out why you prefer nudes. Search your heart of hearts. Define your ideal guy and go for him. I strongly don’t think you are asexual.

  17. OJ
    April 15, 20:53 Reply

    Dear Jason, yours is a rather rare and complicated one.

    Seems you have crossed all the limits here, and I guess that’s why you’re concerned.

    I understand. Just don’t beat yourself up too much. I advice you seek professional help. You need it. And you need to spend your money on more productive things.

    Be honest with bae. If he can’t stand by you through this, biko let him go. There are many fishes in this river. Tell him nonetheless.

    Stay happy.

  18. Tobee
    April 16, 10:49 Reply

    Dear Jason,

    From my personal experience, I don’t think it is weird that you are sexually aroused by male bodies. As a child, that was the earliest indication for me that I was sexually attracted to men. I have spoken to some other gay men who described similar experiences. Often, as we become more sexually aware, most people desire more intimate sexual contact. I still enjoy looking at nude male bodies, and it took a while to mentally adjust to the idea of penetrative sex. I soon found out that not all sex has to be penetrative. I think it’s possible that this form of ‘distant’ sex has been a way of coping with being unable to have actual sexual encounters while developing in a homophobic environment. It’s also possible you really have no interest in further sexual contact, but this would need to be explored further e.g. when you masturbate, what do you fantasise about? What other gay male sexual practices are you aware of? How comfortable are you with them? It may be helpful to explore safely with a partner and watch your reactions and level of comfort. And has been mentioned, it would be good to be open about this with the guy you are seeing.

    With respect to checking yourself into a mental health facility, I don’t think that is necessary. I think my concerns are that you feel distressed about it and that it is taking up a lot of your time and resources. With respect to the distress, you should know that ‘normal’ varies from person to person. Psychiatric diagnostic systems are increasingly recognising that it is difficult to restrict the range of human sexual behaviours, and I daresay the important thing is to ensure you are ‘sexually fulfilled’ – within the limits of reason of course! And that brings me to the other issue – the fact that it is taking up a lot of your time. Superficially, I will suggest that you don’t find the activity of looking at nude men satisfying – so you return again and again to it – wanting something more. What this ‘more’ is would need to be defined – assuming this is is true. Again, this raises the question of what your fantasies are. Another possibility is that looking is all you want to do, and you are ‘addicted’ to it; but this sounds extreme to me and I’ll rather suggest exploring other sex activities for now.

    Best of luck – if I may say that! ?

  19. Jamie 2.0
    April 16, 16:55 Reply

    I think you have a problem…; not cos of your sexual/romantic desires….but cos they’re obsessive. Reminds me of when I’d cry and pray to rid myself of chronic masturbation…. Having a problem seemed to, but didn’t help me nonetheless…; cos each time we had issues, I’d regress to that state again!!
    What worked for me? Confidence and a discovered ego. I told myself: “masturbation is not bad….don’t feel bad about it”. Then I stopped getting weighed down by the activity….then I made it my healthy routine and slowly but steadily….now, I am in control.
    Calm down. Don’t be hard on yourself. Be sure you have the exact relationship you want, and with whom is best. On whether you are asexual, only YOU can tell. Don’t see your feelings as vile…; b3 ready to experiment. And make sure the person you’re experimenting with knows it could work or not work.
    As I said, it’s a problem if only you are sure it is. Have an open mind, and stop nagging and control your life. It can’t be too easy…I know. But when you accept yourself, know what you really want and have it, then and only then can you be sure if you’re still not satisfied and/or need help.

  20. Tangie Bloom
    May 04, 17:30 Reply

    We all have our quirks. For me, it’s bottoming.

    See, I love the idea of bottoming. Most of the porn I jack off to, I pretend I’m the bottom. I like to see ripped, dorky, short, tall, pretty much any kind of guy topping. It get’s me off. Sometimes I even sext with guys who are tops.

    But when push comes to shove (pun intended) I could never do it. I’ve been in relationships with tops and they’ve ended because I could never have sex. I enjoy being a top but fantasize about bottoming.

    There was also a time I was convinced I was demisexual. I would only have sex three or four times a year.

    I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. Allow yourself to enjoy what you enjoy and do what you want. Be in relationships with people you can be open and honest with and who will accept you the way you are. Maybe you could be with someone who is sexual, who has sex with other guys. Or maybe someone who doesn’t like to have sex either. Or maybe you could try other things.

    At the end of the day just do what you like to do and don’t worry about other peoples’ expectations. You’ll be okay.

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