Reliving The Trauma And Desiring My Attacker

Reliving The Trauma And Desiring My Attacker

I got kitoed by a previously exposed kito scum named Olashile Alhaq Otaru last year.

And I still can’t get over the trauma.

I lost a substantial amount of money that day, and till today, I still feel a ringing sensation from one of the injuries I sustained during the whole ordeal. The emotional pain is as fresh as it was the day it happened.

It’s especially saddening to see this kitoer thriving, community members doing business with him and socializing with him. More depressing is the fact that I can’t bring myself to hate him. I still find him very attractive and I have to admit that I will not hesitate to drop my pants, should it come to that. Do I wish for him to suffer some consequences for what he did?

Absolutely.

The question is: what is wrong with me?

I feel stupid, helpless and ashamed over what I went through. I send some half-hearted curses to this guy from time to time, but it does nothing to give me the closure I want because deep down, I don’t believe in curses. I know they’re ineffective and I don’t even hate this guy who I should detest with all my being.

How can I get over this experience?

Are there any support groups for survivors of kito where we can discuss these matters?

Could anyone reach out to me privately to discuss this?

Since that traumatizing incident, I experience sleepless nights from time to time during which I ponder on what happened, my stupidity, what I could have done better etc. Because all the signs were there, yet I walked into the lion’s den brazenly.

I feel really foolish and I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t even blame Olashile Alhaq Otaru at all. I take full responsibility for my senselessness. But the feeling that weighs me down the most is one of helplessness. Like I can’t even remedy the situation. It’s tough. If I could just revenge…Do something to hurt him back… Maybe I’d get some satisfaction.

But I don’t know.

Can anyone tell me how to get past this trauma and the betrayal of my desire for the man who caused me the pain?

And if someone can talk to me privately about this, my preferred mode of contact is formeetings1@gmail.com

Thank you.

Submitted by PJay

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11 Comments

  1. Durent
    October 06, 09:24 Reply

    Forgive, forget the whole experience and move on with your life.

  2. Mitch
    October 06, 09:26 Reply

    If you’re in Lagos, reach out to TIERS.
    I believe they have in-house psychologists, people with the expertise to help you unravel this, to uncover why your trauma is playing out as an attraction to your tormentor.

    I’d have spoken to you myself, but I’m not sure I’m qualified to do that.

    • Pjay
      October 06, 14:55 Reply

      I don’t trust TIERS one bit. Not after the shoddy manner in which they handled the issue when I reported it to them. First, it was impossible to get a hold of someone in the organization while I was passing through the ordeal. Their contact my friend was speaking to couldn’t be bothered to do anything. He gave the excuse that it was a weekend and everybody was resting at home. We can’t possibly expect human rights activists to leave their weekend jollification to attend to another careless tb who got himself into a dicey situation, his body language seemed to imply.

      In fact, my experience with TIERS contributed to my feeling of helplessness and doom. I was given the run around for weeks after the incident. I kept calling someone who posted me over and over again and at other times made it seem like I was asking for too much and it wasn’t that much of a big deal. After all, gay men get kitoed in Lagos every other day. I was just a statistic to them.

      They eventually told me, after several weeks of call back tomorrow, call back today and numerous scoldings that I got by one Emmanuel, I believe, over the phone, that I had no evidence against Olashile and therefore had no case. I was shattered. You know they didn’t even attempt to reach me to discuss this on their own. I had to send an official email/Tweet expressing my dissatisfaction with the voice at the end of their TIERS kito support line. There was no human feeling in the way I was treated by that organization. That further compounded my shame and quickly eradicated any sentiments I may have nursed about TIERS being an organization that care for the people they claim to represent.

      • Mitch
        October 06, 17:49 Reply

        Ah!
        Okay!
        Ask Pink Panther for my contact details. That’s if you want to unpack this with me.

  3. Delle
    October 06, 10:32 Reply

    What Mitch said.

    But if you want to talk, you know vent and get someone to slap you hard across the cheek, I could help.

    • Pjay
      October 06, 14:58 Reply

      Haha
      Slap? Is that how u use to do? I will give some thoughts to that anyways..

  4. Bloom
    October 06, 12:02 Reply

    I too wanted to get down with the people that robbed and humiliated me. I understand the guilt you feel for still finding him attractive. He’s attractive, that’s nothing you can undo. What you need is counseling. And darling, from this post, I think you really need to forgive yourself because you obviously putting a lot of blame on you.

    • Pjay
      October 06, 15:03 Reply

      I do, Bloom. It was my fault. I find it hard to forgive myself because I’m usually much smarter and perceptive. Was I hoodwinked or did I underestimate my attacker? I didn’t believe him capable of such low grade criminal activity. I fell so hard and suffered so much. I have tears in my eyes typing this reply to you.

  5. Babji
    October 06, 12:56 Reply

    I think we all need to form a nice group of ex kitos and get one of this handsome Kito boys, lure them with a good juicy trap and when they show up we should fuck them well well and I mean serious Gang Bang . Pound their ass till they are cumming like crazy, take turns the whole night fucking them, and then in the morning when they are exhausted, full of litres of cumm and unable to hold any more, clean them up and let them go home to tell the rest how they have enjoyed sweet dick all night from one of their victims. And to finish take some very sexy nice pictures of them like really sexy ones and post them online somewhere, of him being Gangbanged and sucking dick like crazy.

    That is very therapeutic and once we do that some of us will get closure …..

    Apart from that I AM HAPPY TO SLAP SOME SENSE INTO YOUR HEAD AND WILL DEFINITELY EMAIL YOU.

    Over and out

    • Delle
      October 06, 20:30 Reply

      I just want to watch as this goes down. So promising! 😍😍

  6. Pjay
    October 06, 15:06 Reply

    This made me smile, Babji. 🤣😂 Please do.

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