“You meet someone at a party. You finally talk to that crush or you go online and you start a conversation with this random stranger. The conversation is intriguing. It flows almost naturally and you’re nervous before you even meet them. Their voice is strong, it’s beautiful. Its rhythm lingers in your ears and finds its way into your heart. You can’t wait till the next day so you can talk to them again – hear their laughter, get aroused by their sound. You are with them in person and all you can think about is the taste of their lips and the warmth of their skin. You can’t wait to be alone with them, to share the same breath. They make you laugh, they make you cry and they make you feel everything. They make you find a part of yourself that’s better, that’s loved, and it is sublime. It is love…”

Hello, I’m Abrams and I am a persistently romantic fool of a homosexual. They say the first stage of recovery is admittance. Well, I do know who I am; the other part is I love it. The feel of a man’s touch and the feeling of a man’s love is more than enough. And I want what I want, we all do. Just the way everything is wired to be what it is. Well, so are we.

I didn’t get to self acceptance easily though; none of us ever do, especially when you’re nurtured to expect that certain things will get you imprisoned, tortured and killed or worse, go to hell where you’ll basically burn for all of eternity. That’s what you’re indoctrinated to believe and so you’d rather pray, rather deny yourself happiness, give yourself up to a higher power for cleansing and deep conditioning before you give into desires that everyone simply despises.

For most of us, in countries where you have laws that could destroy your life forever, where close relatives and friends voice out unspeakable hatred for the person that you are, it is the very definition of torment. Your sexuality feels like you’re trapped in a room where demons coexist with you. These demons wear the faces of your own people, your parents, your sisters, brothers, neighbors and best friends. I have known people who committed suicide, those who have been killed and tortured in unspeakable ways. And all this is because of who they love, because of the sex of (s)he who makes you feel butterflies. I wondered at some point in my life how butterflies can scare anyone. I wondered how love had become a thing to destroy. I wondered how people could never try to understand what they are not familiar with.

I also wonder why we don’t try to either.

I have known people who have their minds webbed in vast ideologies. We tell ourselves it (homosexuality) stops when you get to a certain age. That it affects only your sexual desires and no emotions are involved. That marrying the societally-accepted sex will help take it away or at least dwindle your desires. We invent switches that simply do not exist – maybe they do. I do not claim to understand the human mind. I can only understand my switches and those voices before me, voices of people who have vehemently screamed about the no-existence of a pause or off button.

I sat in the midst of a conversation once and it revolved around the idea that there’s any future for Nigerian gay men. I was young and eager to learn the sage philosophy of the experienced. However, the discussion made me quite depressed. There was no hope or optimism. Point blank, five out of six of them agreed that at a certain point, you’d need to accept that all men are scum and that two men in a relationship is just a disaster waiting to happen. Recently, another discussion was held around me and it centered on deal breakers and those in the conversation figured that cheating wasn’t a big deal to the “as long as I don’t catch him”.

I found myself not agreeing but also not immediately disagreeing. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with a cheater, no! But putting myself in the heels of being truly and honestly in love, maybe I wouldn’t be so quick to walk away. He could confess and beg for my forgiveness, claiming to never do it again. He could be the Batman, gliding noiselessly about his cheating game, but as long as I’m his Robin, we’re good. Because won’t gay men just be gay men, so we take the bullshit.

The truth is we deny ourselves the right to love. We start relationships with little to no hope for a future, either psychologically or on purpose. I sit here writing about the fragile topic of the average Nigerian gay man and I’m sure I haven’t even scratched the surface of people out there with convictions that could put my aforementioned list to a whimper. And it is unnerving to wonder about those of us with no interest in taking the vows of heterosexual unions; I wonder if we’ll end up old, alone and unloved with the neighbour’s cat who comes over for treats as our only companion.

After all the unspeakable pain of finally finding comfort in your own skin, after accepting that you are who you are – why do we hide behind the insane belief of “promiscuity is law” and the prejudice of temporariness instead of flourishing in the promise and action of forever?

Some people will spout words like “laws” and “discrimination”, but did that ever stop those who faced equal hate in different circumstances and who persevered? Can change exist if we remain asleep under the burden of bigoted laws, fear and discrimination? Would we ever get to where we want to be if we constantly seek excuses to treat the life of the homosexual as a mere lifestyle? Am I alone with the hope that “change begins with a thought”, and that the moment we start treating ourselves seriously, perhaps maybe the world will treat us seriously?

Hello, my name is Abrams, I’m a persistently romantic fool of a homosexual and this is a gay post.

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  1. Foxydevil
    October 31, 10:18 Reply

    “My name is Abram, I’m a persistently romantic fool ”
    “my name is Abram, I’m a fool ”
    Fixed ?.

    • Pink Panther
      October 31, 12:14 Reply

      Yes. That was a really intelligent contribution to this post.

      • Foxydevil
        October 31, 17:15 Reply

        Can’t one have a bit of fun, aren’t you tired of my epistles?

    • Jason
      October 31, 14:18 Reply

      Why do you constantly spew out so much hate? I mean I’m a silent reader and hardly comment but I can’t help but wonder how one individual can have so much hate within him. Gay people are subjected to hate and harassment on a daily basis . To come on here to express themselves only for people like you to further subject them to insults just isn’t right . If this is an act please put a stop to it . And please don’t reply this message because I won’t bother reading it. Your replies are always based on insulting words . I hope you have a great day mate

      • Foxydevil
        October 31, 22:28 Reply

        Aren’t you the dude that pays people to watch them naked?
        I remember that name “Jason ”
        Have you ran out of naked dudes to entertain you?
        I can borrow you my boy friend,
        he has the body of a god but he as dumb as a rock.
        What other way to get rid of the weighty sack of shit.
        You keep your little game ,I keep him out of my life….
        What do you say mate ??

        • Jason
          November 02, 00:58 Reply

          * lend not borrow
          If you’re going to come after me please do so in the right manner ?

          • Foxydevil
            November 02, 02:17 Reply

            But you said you won’t be reading, here you are exposing yourself as a fraud and liar .Thanks for the correction anyway, English language has never been my strong suit. I guess that’s what happens when you are multi lingual, I speak five languages ,French, Spanish, igbo, Yoruba ,English and I’m not perfect in any of them, but I know enough to communicate clearly. Your attempt to shame me with another man’s language further proves why I can’t even engage you in a fight (you are empty)
            I won’t be coming at you, you’re neither arresting nor interesting enough.

            And just incase you are still interested, the offer is still up for grabs ???

  2. beejay
    October 31, 17:39 Reply

    This is indeed a gay post. A beautiful one, well done Abrams.

  3. quinn
    October 31, 18:45 Reply

    I really do appreciate and feel the Same sentiments as this writer, I don’t believe that Gay relationships have no chance of longevity. I’m also a hopeless romantic ?

  4. Doug
    October 31, 20:06 Reply

    Abrams, as one “romantic fool” to another, I can assure you that Gay relationships can endure the test of time and be filled much love and romance. I offer my own relationship with my partner of 25 years as proof of that. Sadly, it did come to an end at the beginning of 2016 with his untimely death.

    • edgar
      October 31, 20:41 Reply

      This is beautiful and inspiring,I have some questions though did the relationship occur within the shores of Nigeria and how were you able to have a long lasting healthy gay relationship in a notoriously homophobic country like Nigeria?

      • Doug
        November 02, 06:59 Reply

        No, it was in the good old U.S.A.

        • edgar
          November 02, 21:42 Reply

          My condolences on your partner and are you a Nigerian? Anyways I still take strength from your story knowing its not all grim and the love of my life is out there so thank you!!!

    • himbo
      October 31, 20:42 Reply

      25 years?! that’s amazing. I hope your well Doug. my condolences

    • cedar
      November 01, 04:33 Reply

      Owwh, so sorry mate.
      25yrs?!!! my oh my! Is that even possible in Nigeria?

    • Black Dynasty
      November 01, 04:36 Reply

      Sorry to hear that, my sincere condolences. I hope you’re managing to heal cos man, I wouldn’t even know how to wake up or start living again

  5. Black Dynasty
    November 01, 04:34 Reply

    You are no fool Abrams, just an admirable minority. I am most certainly in a simar boat, you know what you want and can clearly distinguish right from wrong. I know couples, black couples in homophobic countries in 10+ year rships and going strong.

  6. OJ
    November 01, 09:45 Reply

    That thing about ‘Promiscuity is law’ made me hate a few people while growing up, coz they broke my heart without knowing.

    I believe in love. I always have.

    Now i’ve found love. I am so grateful and very optimistic about the future.

    Thank you for this post.


  7. Delle
    November 02, 10:53 Reply

    And I want to know who Abrams is on a personal level. I need this positivity in my life.


  8. Doe Eyed Monster
    November 02, 13:37 Reply

    Nice post Abrams..we really are gay…. Hmmm… Life… It’s almost like a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t ” … I still believe in love… Despite how hurt I have gotten… When people ask me why I still open myself up to relationships when they would eventually end… All I say is “we all die one day, but on the other days, we live” …it would be beautiful to enjoy the little moments of joy with those we love and when we get to the Bridge of doom, we would know how to cross it… We were born to fight harder and longer…

  9. Pee.
    November 03, 19:26 Reply

    I get why some of us only see an angle of the post. (an understanding)

    “I have known people who committed suicide, those who have been killed and tortured in unspeakable ways. And all this is because of who they love, because of the sex of (s)he who makes you feel butterflies. I wondered at some point in my life how butterflies can scare anyone. I wondered how love had become a thing to destroy. I wondered how people could never try to understand what they are not familiar with.

    I also wonder why we don’t try to either”

    The above referred to “why we or why LOVE wud be hated or destroyed” not that he supports the destruction or hatred.

  10. Chizzy
    November 09, 08:09 Reply

    People are lamenting about not being able to be who they are, mostly LGBT community, but what actions have you ever taken to fight for your rights, how effortlessly do you avoid that effeminate guy or will never be seen walking on the street with him, just because you are scared you might be lynched for associating with that abomination, because I know so many gay or bisexual guys still in the closet that behaves and act this way, they will be the first to throw the stone, the first to deny being gay, the first to rain hell on those out of the closet guys, the ones to write on their gay dating profiles “be manly” “effeminate guys turn me off” but you lament all day about not being accepted for loving who you love, now it’s not about being who you are but loving who you chose to love. It’s high time we join hands and fight for our rights by first of all loving ourselves no matter the gender identity, it starts with us.

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