Waka Pass Diaries (The Hidden Condom)

Waka Pass Diaries (The Hidden Condom)

January 7

It’s interesting what age and experience can change, the more you acquire them.

I met an ex-lover today. After a long and very sexless holiday, imagine my absolute pleasure when I ran into this ex-lover. We met in 2012. He was in medical school then and I went to spend a weekend with him at his place. I was this incredibly ajebottaish pikin who he treated like a fragile object. Which was good, because when I saw his big dick, I could say no to penetrative sex with him without feeling guilty, because he kuku didn’t want to stress me.

Then I saw him today, and weeks of being konjified took over. It’d been 6 years since we last saw, so of course, there was the enthusiastic exchange of pleasantries. We were close to my house, so I asked him over. He agreed.

Even as we walked home… You know that feeling of konji that possesses you – where you’re walking side by side a guy you know you can’t wait to shag, and your hands are brushing against each other, and fingers locking and unlocking, and all your body is vibrating and doing you “let’s fuck, let’s fuck”. Let’s just say, it’s a good thing I was positive that no one would be at home.

Because once we were inside, there were no preliminaries. We just embraced and went at it. It was fierce. Hot. Furious. Impatient. Yet steady enough to stoke the fires.

It wasn’t until I was speedily unbuckling his trousers that I remembered his dick. That I remembered he had a big dick. I had just a moment to dwell on this recollection before his dick emerged. Still big. Still hefty. Still angry. Just like I remembered.

Except what had been insurmountably terrifying to the 2012 Me looked like a fun project for the 2019 Me.

He saw me staring at his dick and with a chuckle, he said, “Don’t worry. I remember how afraid you were of it. We don’t have to do anal.”

Such a gentleman.

I shushed him with a laugh, saying, “Oh please. That fear is so 2012. You’re looking at a guy who’s been around.”

“Bad guy,” he said laughingly. “Chai. So, Lagos don spoil you finish.”

After that, there wasn’t any more need for words. I went ahead to show him just how much Lagos had spoiled me.

Several minutes and two rounds later, we were done. Sated. Satisfied. My konji very much slaked. We were lying sprawled on the rugged floor of the parlour when somebody began knocking. It was my cousin. We sprang into action, gathering clothes, lube packs and condom wrappers. We were done, prim and proper, before I went to open the door.

There was just one problem though: we couldn’t find one of the two condoms we used. We’d searched and searched, but that cum-filled rubber was stubbornly hidden. It stayed out of sight for the rest of my lover’s visit. It stayed out of sight when I came home from seeing off my lover to search for it.

It’s still out of sight!

Somewhere in my father’s living room, there’s evidence that his son had sex under his roof. His gay son! The son he knows is gay! Proof that gay sex happened under his roof!

Tufiakwa to this!!!

This is the kind of devil’s handiwork that will keep this condom out of sight ooo, until one day, my father will lift a throw pillow to settle down on the sofa to find that balloon staring at him in the face.

Double Tufiakwa, I say!!!

I think I’ll go and look for it some more.

Written by Pink Panther

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  1. Sim
    January 08, 07:27 Reply

    Hahahahhaaahahaah…. I had to laugh out loud. Your village people are on ur matter lol. But seriously I wonder why such happens cus it has happen to me. After a quickie the condon disappeared only to be found by the househelp, who has never seen a girl in my compound.

    • Jinchuriki
      January 08, 22:00 Reply

      And the news then goes to your neighbours first, then they call your mom who is not in the country and then you’re denying how amazingly gay you are, over the phone for hours and hours. ??


  2. Ace
    January 08, 08:35 Reply

    You usually find such things when you stop searching.

    The solution is obvious though: burn down the house, hire Annelise, and pin it on the nosy neighbour.

    • Pink Panther
      January 08, 08:47 Reply

      This sounds like the way to go. Do you have Annalise’s contact?

      • Adichie
        January 24, 16:36 Reply

        Have you checked inside your bugaina/anus/bussy/anal hole for the condom? Then I have Annalise’s number. She is my Godmother.

    • Adichie
      January 24, 16:34 Reply

      Lol. Like Annalise will do a great job.

  3. Bells
    January 08, 08:43 Reply

    Ewww alakoba condom. Lol

  4. Charlz
    January 08, 09:31 Reply

    Lolz.. Your inn for a long thing. ???

  5. Francis
    January 08, 10:11 Reply

    ????? Hopefully it got stuck under the ex’s shoes and he walked out the house with it

  6. Peace
    January 08, 11:13 Reply

    I have Amadioha on speed dial , trust the thunder alone will bring the condom out , Ozugbo!!!

  7. Freed
    January 08, 19:38 Reply

    Dear Pink panther… can we be lovers?

  8. DK
    January 08, 23:59 Reply

    Just can’t stop imagining what your next post would be on the matter;

  9. Kelvin
    January 09, 20:04 Reply

    Hi pink panther, I’m kelvin from Abuja I appreciate the work you do on your blog, there’s no day that passes by that I won’t visit your blog, refreshing just to see the new post you come up with or being sent to you. Kudos for making lgbt nigeria lifestyle on social media fun.

  10. FJ
    January 10, 00:53 Reply

    My wife discovered mine….and trust me, i didn’t hesitate to transfer the gbengen on a friend staying with us then. No away match in my house since then

    • adichie
      January 24, 16:39 Reply

      Continue oh. Employ me as your house boy/cook/pant washer/dick servicer just some fancy name and it won’t be away match again as I will be living in the house. Therefore inside match

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