“My Husband Is Gay.” Former Minister’s daughter in-law, Christina Onwuliri alleges
This lady first attacked her mother-in-law, now she’s attacking her husband. The family has been fighting dirty in public for a while now. And all these are allegations until you hear from the other parties involved. Check on it.
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In what she describes as “A Hell Called Marriage In Onwuliri’s Home”, the embattled daughter in-law to Viola Onwuliri, former Minister of State for Education and later Foreign Affairs, has granted a detailed interview based on her experiences from marriage and domestic violence. Christina Onwuliri (Nee Amaefula) who is married to the former Minister’s son, Chukwuemeka Osmond Onwuliri, explains why her documents were seized, and to what really led to the detachment of her two daughters.
Excerpt:
Q: Most people are wondering why such issue became a public affair. Why?
Some people kept asking why this matter became a public affair. What would I have done when I tried all I could to hide this issue from my dad and close family members? There was nobody around my husband’s place that I didn’t talk to. Some were unable to speak. Some were scared to get into the matter because of his mother. Some were looking out for an opportunity to cause more harm to our marriage. The one that pains me the most was when I took it to our marriage sponsor. I expected a better resolve towards it. At least when disagreement occurs in marriage, one would either try resolving it, or to even talk to a family member that understands. But here, I protected it from my family, to an extent that they will call to know what was happening, yet I will pretend to the very high level that nothing happened just to keep my home. When it ran out of hands with abuse after abuse, I went to see our marriage sponsor. He claimed to understand the whole situation, but later, I was disappointed to see him trying to seduce me. He promised to offer anything that will bring happiness to my life only if I will go to bed with him. What happiness? When my home is on fire? When I can’t even enjoy the joy of marriage? I felt highly disappointed and depressed. It was as if nobody was around for me. I could have called my family, but their option may not have been the best then, because the treatment I was getting is a total insult to them, especially to my dad.
Q: When your family later knew of what you were passing through, what did they suggest or do?
When my dad later knew of what happened, he silently called my husband, asking him to secretly dissolve the marriage in Canada since it wasn’t working. And I knew why he told him that. He never wanted our problem to be at the public. He made that suggestion to save the image of my husband’s family, especially the mum who was serving as a Minister then. But, my husband didn’t oblige to it till when we returned to Nigeria.
Q: What led to your return to Nigeria?
It was in one of the interferences of my mother in-law. She said that my husband is not obliged to keep me in Canada where we based or elsewhere in the world. And after this encounter with her, my husband told me we will be visiting Nigeria in February. I had no misgivings about it.
When we arrived to the family house in Owerri, I noticed the presence of a Catholic priest, Rev. Fr. Jude Onuoha, a serving Honourable member at the Imo State House of Assembly, Hon. Mike Iheanetu and few others that I don’t know their names. Later, I noticed that my husband picked up a bag and was leaving without prior information to me. Cautiously, I approached him to know where he was going, but to my greatest surprise, he violently pushed me into a room and locked me up.
At that point, I saw those men taking my children away without my consent. Then, I started screaming and was helpless but had no option than to start breaking the window panes in the room to get myself out. When they saw I was breaking the glasses, one of the drivers opened the door and I came out shouting for help, and then my children were nowhere to be found.
Q: What exactly will you say made them to seize your papers?
You know I have dual citizenships. Through marriage, he came to Canada on Immigrant Status basis. They don’t want an immediate termination to all these benefits, and that’s why they are working so hard to paralyze from taking steps at least till their consultations. I have been used here. I have been humiliated. I have been traumatized. But I kept asking, is he not the same man that promised to love and cherish me as a wife? What went wrong? What did I do to him? Even if every other person fails to understand the challenges we faced as a family, why will his case be different? I have sacrificed everything to keep this marriage, yet, he kept frustrating my efforts with his actions. Is it when I die from domestic violence that I will be appreciated as a wife?
Q: From the pictures released by your husband, one would be wondering how you went about to cause that number of damages. How true were those pictures?
When I saw them, I got surprised at it all. I wondered how it all happened. But no matter the circumstances, I like being truthful to myself first. One is that I told you I damaged the window pane to get myself out of the house when I got locked up. It’s self-defense. What surprised me most after all that happened were numbers of photos released. I saw areas I didn’t even visit. I saw damages beyond what I placed my hands on. I never did all that. Heaven knows, I didn’t. It was their own buildup to make their claims look real and strong. Besides, how could they have allowed me to cause that number of damage when they were all around? They are out to destroy me and the image of my family. I never did all that.
Q: He even accused you of being mad?
You read it! And we are here now, at least you asked for this very interview probably to hear from me and to observe if I’m mad as he claims. You are now in a better position to read his lines of accusation one after the other, and then refute them yourself based on the true fact you’ve seen. I am not mad. I never suffered from madness. And I will not suffer from one. Remember, this is a man who came and asked for my hand in marriage. Traditionally you know what it is to enquire about somebody you want to marry, and which after being satisfied with it all, you boldly go on to ask for the person’s hand in marriage. He did all that, and we also did ours. We are not here to accuse anybody of anything in the past we saw before going into our marriage agreement. But why are they accusing me and my family wrongly? What is our offence? They took away my little daughters. They took away my traveling documents, passports and academic certificates. What for?
Q: He claims that his late father gave your dad his job as a lecturer. How true is it?
No single truth around it at all. They did nothing. Even when his mum took my credentials to get me a job, what happened? She kept misplacing them. Whether she was saying the truth or not, I can’t tell. But I know she never took anything about me serious because she hated me. I’ve been called to represent my husband at most family meetings, but she will walk me out saying I’m not a member of her family. Or is it the one that concerns my family? The only time she visited my father’s house was during the traditional wedding where she spent just four hours and left. Since then, she has not visited again. We even had issue of who visits our home from my father’s family house. They enlisted names of people they would want to come to the house or not to come. When I questioned that, they said they never wanted my people to finish their money. What money? These were people coming to visit their sister and daughter who left home for marriage.
In Port Harcourt as well, whenever his mum will be visiting us, she will come with her own food in a flask. At a point, he told the son that whenever she will be coming to Port Harcourt and finds out he is not at home that she will not stopover. What did I not pass through? I passed through hell in their hands.
Please, don’t forget, my dad got employed as a lecturer in 2006, and then we’ve not met any member of their family before. Remember, we met around 2011. And till this time, I’m yet to find out how they gave my dad his job.
Q: When did the attitude of your mother in-law changed towards you?
She never had it comfortable being with me as the son’s wife. I noticed it, even as I stood not to accept the marriage, but then, my husband was so desperate to get me into the family. Even when I confronted him over the mum’s discomfort towards me, he would cover it up with words like I’m getting married to him not his mum. And then, I would wonder what I was coming into the family to do when I can’t see his mother as my own my mother. But something solidified my position of acceptance. His late father did. The late Prof stood against all wrongs in the family that we were all afraid to dare his principles. Well respected man with great values, he gave me all confidence to be a member of his family. But when I went through abuse, depression and rejection, he was nowhere around to stand by me. He was nowhere to consolidate on his words to me and to my family. I think his death caused the biggest damage.
Q: What further happened after the death of Professor Celestine Onwuliri?
My mother in-law took over everything by becoming a mini-god. She decides who stays and goes. I couldn’t even suggest what my husband could listen to. Even all advises ended up in the mother’s ear. It was as if I had no confider again. At slight issues, he would raise his hands and will beat me like a common criminal. Between 2011 and 2014, while I was living in Port Harcourt with my husband, he physically and mentally abused me. For example, when arguments concerning on way forward in the marriage, he gets infuriated and physically beats me and locks me up in the toilet for as long as he wishes. I will cry and cry, but tears will dry without anyone consoling me.
Q: Do you think your husband cheated on you?
It depends on the type of cheating. If you mean the kind of cheating that involved him with another woman, I wouldn’t know. And I can’t accuse him wrongly. But if it’s based on the fact that he masturbated while in my presence, and even as he moves with some male friends as if they were dating, I think I will agree to it.
Q: Masturbated in your presence?
Of course, he did. It irritated me so much that I didn’t know what to do. I felt a time why he would engage into such. I mean, I’m his wife and he had me around. What stopped him from taking me to bed to catch some relieve of whatsoever? He would just be masturbating, while I will be there crying. Most times he would travel after my mum would have sent sum money for my up-keep and that of the family, but he will disappear with it only to return looking so weak. The truth is that he is a gay. He lied to his mum just to stay overseas, because he knew that’s where he can only stay to indulge in such habits. While in Canada, he was bringing men to our home, even as he would sleep with them on our matrimonial bed.
Q: Why was your mum sending money for the family’s upkeep?
You know my husband lost his job at Schlumberger, and his papers were stamped unemployable. Since then, we have tried getting another job for him but no way. Even his mum who was a Minister could not get him a job. At least to tell you how serious it was.
Q: Why did he slap the French woman?
He said he can’t work under a woman. And at slight times, he would brag of his mum being a Minister. He even said that if the French woman tries misbehaving that the mum will use her contacts against her. When he lost his job, I wondered why his mum couldn’t save the situation again.
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47 Comments
DI-NAVY
March 14, 06:12Jeeeeeeez! Spooky!!! Bringing men and sleeping on ur matrimonial bed??? Viola Onwuliri can’t be that mean cos she’s my bio chemistry teacher way back. The guy’s cute tho, anything might happen. No wonder he’s maltreating the beautiful girl like that! They should kukuma divorce and rest. Smh
Mandy
March 14, 06:19Becos she was your biochemistry lecturer, she can’t be that mean? lol
DI-NAVY
March 14, 06:34She exudes this saint of a kind of woman, tho insiders confessed how a meanie she is. smh. The son is a douchebag for treating a lady like that, I mean you have kids, you would have divorced and saved the young girl the whole drama. Even masturbating in front of ur wife while thinking about a man? hilarious.
KingBey
March 14, 06:42His divorcing her would have meant him losing his immigrant status. And he already out of job. So I’m sure that why he’s still keeping her. They are using her dual citizenship to their advantage. That family disintegrated on 4th June 2012…..that black Sunday evening that Dana flight went down in Lagos. ??? RIP to Prof.
Kenny
March 14, 06:24He’s gay and married a woman to cover up yet he can’t treat her well??? Scum of the earth, that is what this man is.
KingBey
March 14, 06:36Viola oke nwanyi. So after indirectly pushing your husband to his death, you won’t still let this young woman to rest. Ala Mbaise n’ele gi ooo. And this fool of a son who can’t manage his life, job, marriage, sexual orientation, can’t manage nothing. That’s what you get when you spoil a child. They end up being a nuisance to themselves and to the society at large. This family drama is very relatable to me. I think the worst thing that can happen to a woman’s marriage is if her mother in law is powerful and hates her. Smh. Then the father in law that could have consoled her died. I feel your pain. Viola abughi ezigbo mmadu. Always shoving herself into people’s throat. I bet her son took after her because Prof was a gentle soul. And all these MGM being careless and not managing their gay sexual activities, I can’t deal with you guys. How about marrying when you’re ready? Smh.
Stranger
March 14, 22:00Aunt Bey, so much passion. Its like you guys are close.
Chukwudum
March 14, 22:35I don’t know this Viola woman but your comment is loaded with vitriol so I’ll assume you’re biased.
How can you take what the wife says as fact? Even if you want to accept it, do you know her own role in the hiccups they had? Do you really believe that this man, if we choose to believe her that he’s gay, would bring his lovers home and fuck them on their matrimonial bed? No hotels? Hell they lived in Canada, he could’ve gone to the guys’ houses.
Then for THREE YEARS, he physically and mentally abused her and would lock her in a toilet. Why did she stay? I have seen this scenario first hand. I’ve seen a scenario where the wife smashed her head on the wall, tore her clothes and called the police that her husband and his mother assaulted her so they would arrest him and she could take over his property in a divorce. Don’t rush to believe her
bruno
March 14, 07:04lol. mgm’s, is this what goes on in your homes? no wonder you guys never discuss the specifics of married life out here…
KingBey
March 14, 07:13It’s not an easy road for them. Especially the careless ones. One of my friends wife saw condoms and ky lubricant in the trouser pocket on Saturday. Now we are heading there to settle them. Smh. I don’t know how he will explain the KY part though. I kant deal !
Max 2.1
March 14, 07:34Women take alot of Shit from men, it’s irritating.
Williams
March 14, 19:49Kingbey women use KY jelly as well for lubrication! It’s not exclusive to MSM.
pete
March 14, 07:48Generalising, are we?
bruno
March 14, 08:39mr pete, how does one generalise a question?? if you are talking about the follow up statement, isn’t the appropriate response providing a counter example to show me i’m wrong? (in this case , link would suffice)
Max 2.1
March 14, 07:32A lot of these women have knowledge of their husband’s sexuality before marrying them, so I’m going to apportion part of the blame to them, they’re part of the useless society that makes these things happen. If women put effort too in leaving their MGM husbands and even refusing to marry a fiancé if she finds out about his sexuality, we wouldn’t have so much messed up people around. Gay men prey on the fact (In Nigeria) that women need husbands and wanna change their surname quickly before they reach 30.
Personally, I feel all MGMs should be forced out of the closet by their wives, you can’t marry me in a deceptive way without any consequences.
And I’ve also noticed something on this blog; No MGM have written anything here before, but unappointed gladiators are always quick to jump in their defence here. If you wanna stop being marginalized around here, please come out and write a piece for the blog so that we can understand you and what you’re going through, give us an insight on how it feels to be gay and married to a woman in Nigeria because a lot of gay people around here want to follow in your footsteps, it’ll be nice to let them in on how good/bad it is.
Dennis Macaulay
March 14, 07:49No MGM has written anything here? Max you are absolutely sure of this?
pete
March 14, 07:54“And I’ve also noticed something on this blog;”
If you mean on general topics, Gad has penned some. I think Colossus too. If you’re talking about specifics of their marriage, why should they? Every marriage is filled with ups & downs that the general public shouldn’t know about. How about KDians using personal events to score virtual points?
bruno
March 14, 08:15oh… so we can talk about the intricacies of anal sex, living with hiv, gay relationships and everything else under the sun here. but when it’s time to discuss the sham marriage it’s suddenly “up and downs the general public shouldn’t know about”? lmao. give us a fucking break please.
Max 2.1
March 14, 08:32@Pete, just because you’re an MGM doesn’t mean you have to be an MGM apologist. We openly talk about the events of our life here, from raunchy trysts to HIV, to Kito stories. I haven’t seen an MGM here who makes such contributions. MGM’s aren’t supposed to be immune to those, since they come here everyday to enjoy the personal stories written by others, its high time we get one from them, to know the specifics about their marriage.
I’m calling you out Pete, let’s start from you!.
pete
March 14, 08:37Max, I’m engaged not married.
Max 2.1
March 14, 08:43Oh engaged, how nice…
KingBey
March 14, 11:03You have no chills. Lmao !
Tiercel de Claron
March 14, 14:05“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity” – Martin Luther King jnr
Your own brand of stupid is out of the world tho,so…..
Candy Man
March 15, 07:31that quote is perfect!
Dennis Macaulay
March 14, 07:52Viola Onwuliri was at my external project defence and she came across as really sweet, she was even the one who kept chiding other teachers that they were pushing us too hard, its shocking to read some of these things.
There are two sides to every story anyway, I hope we get to know the truth eventually. Also let us separate the fact that he is an MGM (allegedly) from the fact that he is a crappy human being; both issues are not often related!
Max 2.1
March 14, 08:41Aren’t they? I’d like to know how.
But he was getting cozy with other boys Na(allegedly), so he’s not creepy Na, @least to other boys.
So how are we gonna know if becoming an MGM turns you into a creep or not, if none of them are willing to write?
Dennis Macaulay
March 14, 10:25Crappy not creepy
Delle
March 14, 09:16Wow! Okay, this is really thought-provoking. Why a woman would let a man do all these to her and not leave him (divorce or no divorce) baffles me. I really don’t know how true it is that the man is an MGM, but if really he is, is this what marriage is all about? Tufiakwa! We all know where all these problems stem from…
Geeluv
March 14, 09:33I was in the choir at the funeral mass of late prof. Looking at his wife, I knew she’s a Tuff woman but didn’t expect her to be this evil. She might even be aware of her son’s sexuality. Who knows? This their colabo to punish someone else’s child is the height of witchcraft . #SusanaOfNollywood#
Chandler B.
March 14, 09:34The way some KDians wants to make this child’s (man’s) crappy spoilt misogynistic persona a general MGM thing is really ignorant. Some of us had serious girlfriends and bae, some still do, and we won’t see that as a form of deceit to the women. This moral alter some of us would stand on to even say that if they were the wives of MGMs’ they would out their husband for deceiving them, I only hope a chandelier doesn’t fall on you while you stand there. Instead we should talk about the case of a maltreated woman by a spoilt mannerless (alleged gay) man we are crying for MGMs’ on this blog to tell you their story and worse of all we are expecting the story to be a sad one filled with despair and depression. Nsogbu dikwa. No one forced those who shared their personal stories to do so. When an MGM decides he has a story to tell, he would tell.
Stranger
March 14, 22:16Nice one, Chandler Bing.
ambivalentone
March 14, 09:35Wait!!! He is gay, brings men into your home for sex romps and you still didn’t divorce him when u found out but came down to Nigeria, where you hopefully thought a homophobic climate wud set him straight??? And u chilled in the marriage till ur husband would secretly divorce u because of what society wud say? Are you sure you even did this mutual family investigation thing you talked about properly? I don’t pity you.
Pink Panther
March 14, 10:15I swear, after I read this comment, I have to confess to some apathy for the wife. And I have to wonder at her motives for all this wolf she’s now crying.
Max 2.1
March 14, 10:42Shey I told u before.
Dickson Clement
March 14, 10:13There is nothing as painful as separating mother and child. Viola is a woman and a mother. How is she blinded that she is forgetting the psychological effect that act would have on those kids? So selfish, what if someone took her son from her? This is why I think marriages should revolve around people of the same social circle! It eliminates these injustice! Imagine if this girl is Okonjo iweala’s daughter! This story would have been in court and I can comfortably tell you that that niggar won’t smell his kids for a while!
Colossus
March 14, 10:27Wait, I really don’t get this clamour for stories by MGM, haven’t they told stories?
Oh, you want personal stories where the men speak of depression, being forced to marry, unable to get it up, getting drunk to lay with their wives, sleeping with every little boy the moment they get the chance, hating their wives, hating their lives?
That’s the story we want to hear? I mean, how twisted can we all be to get off from stories of despair and heartache. To jump on the wagon of ‘I told you so, MGM are evil, they deserve what’s coming to them’.
I don’t know this woman, apparently some of you do know her, know her husbands family and from afar, we have judged the man, judged his mother too. We have heard a one sided story and we judged and judged and judged. Tell me again why you’re this way?
Why would any married man submit stories on what it’s like being married when the KD court of public opinion have already given a verdict? News broke yesterday of a gay man that was murdered in Ondo state, I don’t know if he was married or even if the other guy was married too, it doesn’t matter anymore because the man was murdered.
He wasn’t the one that messed up the country, he was simply a man living his life. Yet we sit here, behind our keyboards and curse MGMs as the evil that holds us back.
We are not different from the murderous homophobes, we really are not.
Max 2.1
March 14, 10:51Oga, stop deflecting and tell us your story. Thats all we ask . Whether its good, bad or ugly, we want to know, else you’ll keep getting the judgement you’re getting from people.
Don’t you think that if people could get to see things from your own perspective, maybe they’d change their views about MGM’s? Isnt that what we come here to do daily? Learn and change our views and become better people?.
We ain’t clamoring for a depressive story or even a happy one, we’re simply asking for one that sheds light on what it feels like to be an MGM. You people keep talking about people generalizing things because of the perceived lack of knowledge/diversity about different MGM’s that we’re perceived to have, why don’t you help debunk those views?
Wytem
March 14, 20:21Kai this Max eh… You have a bloated opinion of yourself sha… You and your nonsense incongruent arguments!!! Abeg shift…….
Wytem
March 14, 20:22Kai this Max eh… You have a bloated opinion of yourself sha… You and your nonsense arguments that don’t add up!!! Abeg shift…….
Ethan
March 15, 05:15Max, you really need to take several seats. How dare u make such foolish judgemental comments. If u have sworn to stay single or come out to your family despite the unfavourable conditions, then more power to u nd we applaud ur courage. But to deflect your reality to another person’s is quite reckless. You have no idea what people are going through with their familes and how is it your concern; u seem to have carved a very strong opinion about “MGM”s. This site was supposed to be a forum for neutral understanding; not for highly opinionated hypocrites. Isnt it what we preach everyday?! Dont judge me? Yet even amongst ourselves we carry out very biased; ungrounded judgements. The only difference i see in your comments nd that of a homophobe is that you are actually gay. You are right about something lets all share our experiences; but how easy would it be to feel like you are being judged yet again by people like you. You need to re-evaluate your stance on issues you know absolutely nothing about. Your reality is not everyone else’s.
Peak
March 14, 14:20This (alleged) story left a really bad taste in my mouth. This is just a classic case of someone who is not ready or built for marriage, taking up that challenge. Add external interferences and you have urself a sinking ship. Unfortunately, the story has been hijacked and turned into an MGM smear campaign. We are ignoring the simple fact that this is your typical marriage story, in this case, we have ourselves a twist with the zing of homosexuality embedded in it.
Cheating on ur spouse is bad enough, on ur matrimonial bed?! Now that is the height of lack of regard and disrespect. Either way, we are being fed one side of the story. There is still his side and the actual truth. So it’s unwise to reach a final conclusion on the matter.
musing
March 14, 16:14Society’s problems. Are these not the same people who won’t let gay men be and just live their lives. They’d be quick to tell you God created Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve. They’d even go further to quote the scripture and find every means to condemn gay men. The force us to marry. They gossip about us and even go as far as lynching us when we don’t comply.
Fortunately and unfortunately, some of us do your will and get married to your kind, albeit sneaking out to be themselves then you still come out to say, my husband is gay/bisexual or on the dl.
Didn’t society contribute to all of this? Pls sit in your husband’s house and deal with what comes to you. This might sound selfish but it’s a journey to self liberation. This woman like many other in question will learn from experience.
chuck
March 14, 16:49Who was saying MGMs can best advocate for gay rights? Badmus couldn’t, this one too.
KennedyI
March 14, 19:10Bt this only one side of a story…. The lady could be lesbo also…. Make una no jump into judging abeg…. Owuliri is a wonderful family…. I can bet on dat.
Tobby
March 14, 20:02Fuji house
Marc Francis of Chelsea
March 14, 22:09VERY GOOD! Let him be gay. I’m sure this same woman crying that her husband is gay will scream to the high heavens that gay people are an abomination and should not be married. Please if you want to marry a woman, find those like this. Since they won’t let us marry and live our lives, let us marry them AND live our gay lives!
That said, I would not be so quick to believe her. Having just experienced a truly bitter family divorce, I can tell you for a fact that the person screaming the most is the one fabricating stories to destroy your name. Some of these girls are crazy. They will set you on fire and say you doused yourself with kerosene, lit the match and used her hand to put the fire on you.
Why did he lose his job at Schlumberger and what reason would they “stamp” his papers as unemployable? I know a family where the girl said they fired her doctor sister in law from the hospital she works at because “they gave her an exam for doctors and she failed.” Which kind of hospital gives doctors exams overseas?
Don’t be quick to believe some of these women. They are looking for how to leave with their heads held high in an “I escaped oppression” kind of way.
Marc Francis of Chelsea
March 14, 23:14http://www.authorityngr.com/2016/02/I-want-our-marriage-dissolved–Prof–Onwuliri-s-son-/