A MEMOIR OF ALL THE MEN THAT HAVE BEEN (Chapter 2)

KODI

Convocation ceremony was in a week and I was sure everyone whose names had been published in the list of graduating students was in high spirits.

I was among them and I was also in the Top 10 best graduating students of my class.

I made it!

It was my friend, Bloom, who called me to give the news, and I can say, quite certainly, that it was the happiest moment of my life.

The moment I arrived school, I had to deal with a series of clearance procedures. From library to faculty to department to records to exams, and the list went on. For five days, my friend, Lilian and I beat about the streets of our school, photocopying this and submitting that, no matter the queues we had to face or the fees we had to settle. It was draining but it was worth it.

The Convocation Day soon came and I had a swell time with friends, like Mitch, Bloom, Peaches and Heartbeat. We created magic, we made memories and the fact that my biological family could not make it was not such a pain anymore.

When all was done and settled, I was reluctant to go back to Lagos. I wanted to still live a little (remember those sagacious words spoken by Mitch), and because it was already December with all the haze of Yuletide hanging, what better time to have that fun?

That was when a friend of mine in the other campus, the one in the municipal area of the state (my campus is in a village basically) – for the purpose of this story, I’ll call this friend Law – called and we made plans for me to visit.

The next day, a day before I would embark on the 45-minute journey to his place, we had a video call session. And it wasn’t just him on the video call.

By his side was a good-looking friend of his that I would later come to know as Kodi. Now Kodi did not say much as Law and I chit-chatted, but I could not get over the smiles he kept giving, and when he did talk to me, his voice sounded like ice cubes wrapped in tinfoil. The urge to visit Law was amped by the time we rounded off the call.

It was on the second day of my visit to Law that I met Kodi. He was reserved, collected and observant, and when he spoke, he talked with the confidence of one who was not new to holding authority. I also loved his eyes: they were smoky and daring. He was as tall as me but slightly bigger and he moved carefully, almost with the carriage of a panther. Kodi exuded a sexiness that was always in my face.

Oh, and he was always in my face. But I was not complaining.

That night, we went out for karaoke with some other friends of mine. I had a swell time, and even though I do not like to waka about in the night, it felt liberating to be out with these guys. The fun with these two friends, Law and Kodi, seemed endless as during the day, we would lounge in either Law’s room or have a mini-party in Kodi’s. While the three of us cooked, played games, danced and sang, Kodi and I found time to flirt heavily with each other.

At first it was subtle – you know, suggestive comments and fleeting caresses. And then one night, as we slept, he spooned me. I remember folding myself into him and wishing he would take more. I held his hand firmly as it lay around my side and snuggled closer, feeling complete and lost in the sweetness of the moment as his hot breath fanned my neck.

Dawn came and with it a surge of happiness. I did not know exactly why I was ecstatic, but I was. Law noticed and I told him what had happened the night before.

“That’s how he sleeps. He holds any and everything in his slumber. Even me. Why do you think I do not like to sleep near him?”

My heart sank like a rock thrown into the sea.

So, all that was what? Nothing?!

I felt the hot slice of disappointment sear through me, but worst of all, I was mortified. How could I have made so much out of an ordinary snuggle? That was when it dawned on me that I liked Kodi a little more than I should. Law understood how I felt and told me he suspects Kodi has feelings for me as well, but being the closed-off person that he is, may likely never show it.

I was not going to ruin my holiday over these unconfirmed feelings. I sure as hell was not going to ruin my budding friendship with Kodi simply because he made my heart flutter with just a smile. I pushed whatever feelings I nursed for him aside and concentrated on the good time I was having with these wonderful guys.

Besides, I was done with school and he was not, I reasoned. Being a strong opponent of long-distance relationships, it would not work. Whatever it was that was going on between us, imagined or real, would not work.

I thought this resolve was strong. I thought I had made a decision. But I was only deceiving myself.

It was the fifteenth day of December, 2017. I was traveling the next day, so Law and I decided we would spend the night at Kodi’s place.

So, one minute, Kodi was telling me of Little Mix’s new album (we have the same taste in music, and that made him even more highly endeared to me), then he went on to play the album on his stereo – and the next minute, he and I were tangled together, groping and kissing, fondling and sucking, like two lovers who were just seeing each other after so many years, while each song from the album spilled from the speakers, fueling our passion.

It was intense. It was orgasmic. And whenever he stopped to look at my face, a word of endearment slipping out of his mouth with an ease I found both gripping and stunning, my heart would constrict with a deliciousness I did not know was possible to feel.

I could say I fell in love with him that day.

Oh, and by the way, Law was present, seated on a chair beside the bed throughout this makeout session. Sometimes I would catch him staring at us with a smug grin, and other times, he would be engrossed in his phone. Thinking about it now, that child could have very well recorded all that went down (and I would have certainly killed him if he did), but in that moment, right there with Kodi making me tremble by just nicking my nipple with his teeth, I did not care.

The following morning, as early as 5am, I was ready to leave. Kodi and I hugged so tightly by the taxi he had called to take me to the park, that for a second, I thought of staying back, just abandoning the life I had planned for myself and living with him. Or better yet, suggest we run away to someplace where education and family and distance would not be barriers. They say goodbyes are the hardest thing to do, but have you had to say goodbye to someone you just started to love, knowing your chances of meeting again rely solely on fate and destiny? It did not help that he resides in the East and even though we promised to keep in touch, I knew too much of the power of distance and the flimsiness of e-communication to keep hope alive.

Suffice to say that I cried all the way to Lagos.

However, I was determined to keep the flames burning. Because what we shared that night was more than some random romp, I was not going to let my feelings for him fizzle away.

It would seem though that Kodi did not feel the same way.

After two weeks of constant communication, the intensity began to fizzle out. He would either reply my chat when it was stale or not respond at all. Sometimes he would respond with bland monosyllabic responses that irked me. Our calls dwindled to the point that I stopped looking forward to them. Law was aware of all this and he tried to make me forget; he suggested I move on. He told me his friend was too single-minded to be involved with anyone. I knew of Kodi’s personality – the lone ranger that wanted to be alone. But I also knew it was a façade. I knew he craved companionship. In his eyes, those smoky eyes, I had seen a forlornness that gave me heartache. Being an only child, he was used to being on his own and taught not to depend on anyone, and I understood this. But I also knew he needed someone and had thought, quite foolishly, that the someone was me.

He called on the twelfth of January, 2018, to let me know that he was not ready to be with anyone. He told me to forget about what we shared and suggested we go back to being casual friends. The second the call was disconnected, I curled up into myself and cried until I slept.

I guess that was the push I needed. I woke up determined to forget, ready to move on – and I did. For months, we talked scantily until there were no lingering desires. I was good and life was happening to me.

Then out of the blues he called. I was in Abuja, doing my service to Nigeria, and his words after we’d exchanged pleasantries and made small talk were: “No matter who you meet, no matter how long it takes, Delle, you will one day come back to me. And that day, I will be ready for us.”

I did not know what to make of that statement.

Even now, as I’m writing this, I still don’t know what to make of his words.

But for some reason unbeknownst to me, I hope that day comes.

But it has not. Instead, Pascal came.

Written by Delle