FROM FATHER, WITH LOVE (Entry 2)

Son,

There is this passage I love from the Bible. It says: “…don’t forget the assembling together of the brethren.”

Primarily, I believe, it refers to the assembling together of the church and the importance of fellowshipping together. But I have come to associate this passage with a different kind of assembling together; a gathering of people of a unique motive, bound together by a sense of kinship. A people united in their struggle for self expression in a repressive society. A people divergent in their different dispositions and origin, the point of convergence being their sexuality. They usually require no physical sanctuary, no doctrine save loyalty, an equal level of loyalty.

I usually feel this sense of kinship anytime I log on to Kito Diaries – or when I’m with my three friends. I feel at home. And it is the importance of this assembling together that is the purpose of this letter.

I believe you’ll have a lot of friends, and although I would rather you do not separate them into groups based on such lines as sexuality, the sad reality is that it is all too pertinent. So, while you may have a lot of straight friends, I do believe that there is a level of understanding that people who share the same sexual orientation with you carry. They would’ve, to some extent, understood your struggles. They’d have walked your path. They’d have worn your shoe, so they’d ultimately understand where it pinches.

Take for instance, Olisa, my friend, a shareholder in our hive. We worship at the same church, and sometimes during services, I would share knowing looks with him when someone makes a really homophobic joke or something. When he holds my hand and we pray, it is one of my truest moments, because the subject of faith is a path I’m yet to get the hang of navigating.

You must understand that you will have a lot of figuring out to do. You’ll probably have a lot of false starts and new beginnings. But you see, your crowd would be your anchor when some guy breaks your heart; they’ll be there to help you pick the pieces and fix you. They’ll listen to your rants and buy you chocolates after. They’ll be your shield if you are ever kitoed or if you are eventually outed. And they will be your voice of reason, the ones that will threaten the guys pestering you, the ones that will literally drag you out of a toxic relationship. It will be them.

Go out of your way to make friends. Be good. Be available for others too. Be willing to compromise, to contribute for a common goal. Make yourself someone who can be relied on, a friend. In doing so, create your own hive, a community of gay people you trust wholly.

Understand something; it is not every gay person who is supposed to be your friend. There is no such rule that every gay person you meet automatically clicks with you. Also, you could meet straight guys who’d understand you through and through. What I’m saying however is that it is important that you have your ‘own’ people.

Of course, I do understand the argument that there is the danger of walking in clusters. It is possible that such a yoking together would lead to an amplifying of your colours and thus if one person is outed, the others would be as well. Also, some others may think it could backfire, that this is segregationist, and as a group, we should not want to further alienate ourselves. I do think that there may be some merit to this argument, although I do not believe it necessarily works this way all of the time. I think also that the merits far outweigh whatever potential harm, and in any case, there is always the chance that you’ll be outed anyways. There is no more vulnerable a man than he who walks alone.

There is the gay agenda, and I am in full support of it, but that’s the subject of another letter.

Finally, no rule is cast in stone. This is me telling you how it worked for me. In the end, you may have to follow your own path.

Sincerely Yours

Dad.

Written by Jo