FUCK LIFE. BE HAPPY
Life is serious, never take her seriously.
You’ve got to learn how to laugh, how to be happy. You’ve got to have a support system to help you navigate her waters – friends, families, Alcoholic Anonymous, Ku Ku Klux gang… Whatever floats your boat.
Learn to take the bad moments in stride and be quick to get out of its funk. We all know we’re never getting out of her grip alive anyway, so why would you want to die inside before you’re dead outside.
Treat life kindly, laugh with her and at her. She might be tough but she sure understands how to take a chill pill and give you a bit of space. Laugh at yourself, learn to take your blows before the world throws theirs.
Enjoy the pain, turn it into laughter. Enjoy the laughter, use it to generate more. The world might judge you wrongly, don’t dwell on that, after all the world was once confused on its shape. She was once flat, now she is round, tomorrow she might be oval. You really want to be bothered by her opinion of you?
What is your opinion of you? What do you see when you look within? Now that’s what matters, for what you see is what you project and ultimately what your neighbour sees.
So once again, I tell you, learn to live, learn to be happy, learn to laugh. Screw life in the ass but don’t be rough. Take it gently, like a passionate lover, and she’ll love you right back. Try to rape her and she’ll let karma loose on you. It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, religious or just fucking hate religion, carve out your niche and be HAPPY.
Sing, dance, watch sports, play sports, watch movies, be in movies, work, school, be who you can be, all you can be, but never let your sexuality define you.
At the end, let your tombstone read: “Here lies a HAPPY man, he’ll be greatly missed.”
Written by Colossus
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There’s a problem I feel most gay men seem to overlook because of certain factors they believe doesn’t apply to them or they consider too insignificant to dwell on. There
71 Comments
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 06:17I agree!
*Never let your sexuality define you*
That’s debatable
anonymous
September 30, 06:25Yes never ever let your sexuality be all that defines you.
Being gay is definitely not all there is to your person, you’re some many other things.
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 08:37I will just let this slide!
Because people who always use this term misconstrue it.
Not today tho
chestnut
September 30, 09:20Hehehe…Dennis,are u up for some friendly sparring today?…No?…not today? All right then; another time… Lol
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 10:19Chestnut, it’s a good day! There is a holiday coming during the weekend, so I’m in high spirits.
anonymous
September 30, 06:20For some unknown reason, I couldn’t stop laughing when I read >> the ku klux part.
This post sums up my life perfectly at the moment… If fucking boys is going to make me happy, so be it… fuck the world, I’m going to mess around with boys and be happy.
Life is way too short to be Nigerian and unhappy at the same time, mehn something has to give.
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 06:25LMAO @ ‘Life is way too short to be Nigerian and unhappy at the same time’. Too true.
Lothario
September 30, 07:08Good point! Being Nigerian alone comes with it’s share of headaches
daniel
September 30, 06:38The last three paragraphs r everything…… At the end, let your tombstone read: “Here lies a
HAPPY man, he’ll be greatly missed.”
Happiness should be everyone’s goal in life.
gad
September 30, 06:39The suitable topic for this post ought to be “The right attitudes for a victorious life” it reminded me valectdictory speaches at graduations and passing out parades.It also brought my thoughts to a Bishop,s charge at synods,inductions,confirmation services etc.A good article!!!
Samaurai
September 30, 07:02I can just summarize the message about LIFE in this write-up with two words: SIMPLE&SHORT.
This is the best way to live life and face life’s challenges.
Micky
September 30, 07:36Wonderful. Had me smiling all the way!
Constant
September 30, 08:57Simply on point…Title should be: The Guide to Living a Happy Life by Colossus…Nyc one
Ola
September 30, 09:02At last someone could put hw I feel into writing. I believe d essence of live is being happy , it is one fact I take into anything I do , relationship, work, etc. @ d end all u’ll have as memories is happy one. Waoooooooo I love d piece.
Rapu'm
September 30, 09:05I loved this early morning sermon. Truly, just be fucking happy, that’s all that matters. But on the sexuality defining you part, I have some reservations. I understand that Colossus in a positive, don’t-let-their-definition-of-you-be-THE-definition-of-you way, perhaps. But, most often, people who use those lines are people who want you to remain invisible. Be gay, but don’t throw it in people’s faces. That’s what they mean. And that’s not cool. I want to be free to throw my gayness in people’s faces as much as they throw their straightness in mine. What’s wrong with it? Great sermon by the way. I like the lightness of this. Vielen danke, Colossus!
Rapu'm
September 30, 09:10…That Colossus meant it…
chestnut
September 30, 09:27I still say “don’t let your sexuality define u”. Honestly, it’s not logical that one part of u should over-shadow every other part of u! If u’re gay, I wouldn’t want that to be the only aspect of themselves that they talk about and think about; the same way I wouldn’t want a straight guy to keep talking about nothing but women and sex-with-women, all day,everyday, everywhere, at every given opportunity.
chestnut
September 30, 09:33Or maybe I’m getting this whole thing wrong. Maybe my definition of “letting ur sexuality define u” is different from the proper definition that most people have. Can anyone clarify me on this? What exactly does it mean to “let ur sexuality define u”? How do u describe a person who has allowed his sexuality to be his ONLY defining factor?
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 10:22Yes! You tell me how a person’s sexuality defines them!
I’m listening!
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 10:22I’m with you on this. I think proponents of letting your sexuality define you think that by acting otherwise, you’re not being true to yourself. But the thing is, your sexuality isn’t the only thing about you. So how true to yourself are you being, when you’re all about being gay…
gad
September 30, 11:30Do we have it in the back of our minds that something is wrong about being gay?
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 11:53Just when I think you couldn’t possibly say anything to make my jaw drop, you go and say something like this.
gad
September 30, 12:08I didn’t say anything oo.I only asked a question. Anyway,ok,odi nma, ndo nna. Don’t allow the jaw to drop but if it has already dropped, pls carefully pick it and re-fix. I will buy you biscuits
chestnut
September 30, 12:03There is Nothing wrong with being gay, Gad! I never meant to imply that. Telling someone not to let his sexuality define him, doesn’t not mean “don’t be proud of your sexuality” or “be ashamed of ur sexuality”, as some people (*ahem*…Dennis), seem to think. It just means, don’t let that be the only aspect of urself u show; also show them other parts of u. U guys have always told me that there are straight guys who don’t do the typically “straight” things (womanizing, talking about sexcapades with girls etc). Now that’s an example of ppl who don’t feel the need to show their (hetero)sexuality as the ONLY or MAJOR part of their being. Does it mean they are not proud of their heterosexuality?
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 12:08I am trying hard not to say anything!
Where is my Khaleesi?
chestnut
September 30, 12:25Dennis, regarding how a person’s sexuality defines them…well,in my own understanding (and my definition may be wrong)…em…let me put it this way; u remember I once told u about a guy who didn’t make any decision or tell any story without starting with the phrase “You, know we TBs…”( “U know we Tbs like good clothes; U know we tbs like expensive parties; u know we TBs like a cool weather…”) And he wasn’t just being goofy; he’s says it unconciously. I’m sorry, but it was just sickening to me! And no,not because “internalized homophobia” *eye-roll*; it was sickening to me, the same way a straight guy would be if he started every thing with “You know we straight guys…” Or “You know we womanizers…”.
Nobody,whether gay or straight, should let their sexuality be d MAJOR defining factor about them.
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 12:46Exactly!
gad
September 30, 15:07Very apt
gad
September 30, 15:10Well said! !!
Rapu'm
September 30, 12:29It’s funny because, come to think of it, there’s no such thing as your sexuality not defining you. Identity is a complex thing. I am African, Igbo, gay, blah, blah, blah. All those tags define me, because they are heavy with history, with peculiar experiences. So you see, my sexuality, ALONGSIDE these other ishes, defines me. But to pick one aspect of my sexuality and make it my definitive story, then that’s the wahala.
Chestnut, I’ve got all what you’ve said. But has it never occured to you that the fact that we even concsiously THINK about our sexuality in these…definitive terms shows how we have accepted ourselves as, to borrow from one wise lady, “inhabitants of the periphery?” If you’re straight, you’ll talk girls with gay guys and won’t bother about “not letting your sexuality define you.” These expressions may seem innocent, and could be well-meaning even, but we must realise that they are often fraught with negativity.
Khaleesi
September 30, 12:31yes, there’s more to you than being gay, just as there’s more to you than being Negroid or caucasian or whatever, you’re a human, but a negroid or caucasian human or a negroid, gay or straight human. You cant really divorce any of these from your essential humanity cos its a prominent feature, face the fact, your sexuality is a prominent feature of your essential humanity, its actually an abnormal situation we have where you’re forced to suppress a major part of who you are, you might as well say, am human, my skin color does not define me, therefore i shall do everything i can to suppress/camouflage my skin color – good luck with that!
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 12:49Khaleesi saying one should not be defined by his sexuality is NOT the same as saying you should divorce yourself from your sexuality. How are we not getting this?
chestnut
September 30, 12:37Hahaha! Khaleesi is not here to svae u yet,Denny boi! But why don’t u make urself clearer nah? Explain ur own definition of “letting ur sexuality define u” and why it is imperative and advantageous to do so, and maybe, if ur arguement is sound and logical enough to me, I might jump over to ur school of thinking.
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 13:11This is why I love my Khaleesi!
Nothing more to say
*big kiss*
Colossus
September 30, 13:26Its different when a straight person tells you that and maybe some gay people too but the truth of the matter is that we have a lot of things going for us, as a person, than who you screw. I’m happy you got the meaning i was going for, quite frankly i did not know there was another way to define it.
#TeamKizito
September 30, 09:37..Don’t worry, be HAPPY.
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 09:51Say it like Timon and Pumba. Lol
enigmous
September 30, 10:58I love me this piece…it just spoke to my being. FYI, all those who think there’s nothing more to life than being gay, you may want to have a rethink (your being is a collection of many factors, your lifestyle being just one of the factors). If you gain independence of the mind today, it is not late…after all, here we are celebrating Nigeria’s independence when it’s clear a lot of us don’t know what independence entails
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 11:04Gbam!
king
September 30, 17:34Gbam too!
gad
September 30, 11:36From your response I’m begining to make an in-road towards understanding “not letting your sexuality define you”. I only hope my thinking is correct on this
dude
September 30, 11:39where is enkayced? we gotta chat…
Khaleesi
September 30, 12:27@ Dennis, am here babes ***ducks away from object thrown at me by Mrs Macaulay*** … Its easy to say “dont let your sexuality define you” … whatever that means, in my opinion its crap!! whether gay or straight, your sexuality is a major part of who you are, you cant wish it away, whether you’re gay or straight, sexuality is a major force in every human being, in influences your life and your world views in more ways than you even realise, your choice of friends, your dress sense, your style, the way you relate with the world and eventually, the way the world relates with you … and so many other things i cant begin to mention. Yes, there’s more to us all than our sexuality, but its such a major part of who we are that we cant ignore its prominence in our lives. Your sexuality may not define you, (thats debatable), but its influence is so profound that it blurs the line between defining you and influencing you. It would amount to burying your head in the sand to say that your sexuality has not contributed in a large measure to the live you’ve built for yourself till date … Go figure!
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 13:12This is why I love you!
Exactly my point!
#GBAM
*hits gavel*
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 13:18The truth is that the people who quickly say “don’t let your sexuality define you” are the people who roll their eyes when a girly guy walks past, or those who cannot understand why a guy likes Taylor Swift and plays it all the time.
I am not buying this not letting it define you, because the world as we know defines everything by gender! Everything.
So your sexuality is the lens through which you see the world. Now it’s up to you to decide the extent to which you wanna express it.
Gender defines how men dress, how they walk, the kind of jobs they take etc. That’s why when a man is a hairdresser, it often stirs some curiosity as it is an exception to the “norm”
Sexuality defines us everyday, whether you agree or not.
gad
September 30, 16:18My sexuality affecting my dressing etc? In that case I’m different. You only know I’m gay if I tell you. I therefore disagree totally with this notion
Khaleesi
September 30, 21:21mtchwwww … you’re so full of internalized homophobia, you’re used to suppressing yourself … abeggy … park well or pull over!
gad
September 30, 23:40You are at liberty to dress radically like Denrele, plait your,wear earings,noisily chew gum like ill-manered women,take on names like Lady Bianca or Mrs Macaulay, talk callously like c.boy,be a rent boy etc. Its all non of my biz.If decent dressing and modesty is “internalized homophobia” I wish to remain guilty as charged.i will park well as soon as I see an empty space
GB_SHOW
September 30, 13:13@ d end, my tombstone shall read. “Here lies a HAPPY man, he’ll b greatly missed”…dat’s all dat matters…d rest nah story for d gods!
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 13:27Thank you, GB Show! I don’t even understand why everyone is getting carried away with one nugget of the entire post. At the end of the day, it comes down to what makes YOU happy. If letting your sexuality define you or not is it, then it’s fine. Just as long as in all you do, you are doing exactly what makes you happy…
And I don’t mean your happiness at the cost of other’s comfort. (Note to the serial killers and pedophiles and criminals mbok)
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 13:35PinkPanther? You are throwing shade at me?
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 13:41Why, are things looking a tad shadowy in your corner? 😀
Absalom
September 30, 13:31The debate of sexuality defining a person is not one we can arrive at an answer arbitrarily. It’s a case-by-case basis thing. When somebody tells us to not let our sexuality define us, we have to judge MOTIVE first to decide if the person is in the right or in the wrong. Some people say that to suppress and some others say it to caution against obnoxoius-ness (like in Chestnut’s example with his friend). Dragging your sexuality into situations where it is uncalled for is inappropriate. I cannot tell my boss I came late to work because I’m gay; or tell a trader in Dugbe market to sell garri cheap for me because I’m bottom. What is her business? Sexuality, at least with the human race, is private.
But, BUT… Like Rapu’m and Khaleesi have shown in their arguments, identity is complex. I’m more for this school of thought. What you think is ONE aspect of you actually affects more aspects of your life than you know or care to admit. Certain epiphanies, perspectives etc we have on life is because we have seen life from a gay man’s point of view; a heterosexual will never get it. They can only try.
So when we’re saying sexuality does or does not define one, the fact of the debate lies in the grey areas (rather than rigid black-and-white positions) and in individual situations (rather than a one-size-fits-all conclusion).
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 13:39Absalom, the people who often throw that phrase around do not have good motives. Its always condescending!
Like “Dude you are man, stop it already”
I see these tins all the time. Girly guys (which the other Mr Macauley belongs to) are often at the receiving end of this phrase.
You are not a gay mechanic, you are a mechanic, enough with the Hannah Montana helmet!!!
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 13:44Someone like Chestnut or Colossus saying it aren’t saying it to demean anyone. It’s just a frank observation that in the same way you detest straight guys throwing their straight testosterones around, you should be able to dial down your gay testosterones. That’s the point I believe we were trying to make.
I suppose Absalom is right on that count anyway. The motive of the person saying it determines how fast you go for the person’s jugular. lol
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 13:57Continue talking
I will soon grab something on your body
It won’t be your jugular
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 13:58Hahahahahahahaaa!!! 😛
chestnut
September 30, 15:18I GIVE UP! I don’t think I can ever explain what I mean without being misconstrued. If I ever argue about dis topic again,on ANY post, pls someone should drag me out and tear my shirt…!
Dennis Macauley
September 30, 15:26Waiting to tear your shirt, amongst other items of clothing
Colossus
September 30, 16:26But shouldn’t that be the right thing to say? That the other Mr. Macauley is a mechanic and not gay mechanic?
gad
September 30, 16:35Well said
s_sensei
September 30, 15:01Gay and proud; straight and proud. That’s the one I don’t get. Biko people shd stop sounding like sexuality is an achievement.
As for allowing sexuality define one, I can see the phrase has different meaning to both camps. If you’re willing to really think about points made by both sides, you all made sense. So the final word still remains: BE HAPPY!
Colossus
September 30, 15:41“Sing, dance, watch sports, play sports, watch movies, be in movies, work, school, be who you can be, all you can be, but never let your sexuality define you.”
Did we miss that phrase was put in that paragraph? A paragraph that talks about you being a lot of things, doing a lot of things but never ever allowing the fact of who you sleep with or how society views it, define who you are?
This write up was supposed to be a paragraph, the first paragraph, something to share on my Facebook wall but as i wrote it, i did not stop until i ended with what you see up there. You see, that morning, i was happy, i was truly happy and i wanted to share it.
To those who took the great message here, i do pray it helps you live a happy life, no matter how hard it is.
To those who did not understand the sexuality defining you part? Maybe I’ll explain why it was tucked in there.
You see, I’ve battled depression and though i always like to think I’ve won, i know it still creeps back in once in a while.
During that horrible phase, my sexuality was my cross because i let it define me. It was the only thing i saw in me, not the fact that I’m actually a dashing fellow, good looks, tall, great family, amazing sense of humour, wonderful friends, brilliant mind and a whole lot of beautiful things. The only thing i saw and i battled with was that i was gay and it was wrong. Because of what society said, i focused just on my sexuality and i allowed it define me, in a very bad way.
Then i started a process of self discovery and self healing, the good way, without drugs and that’s pretty ironic for those who know me. I rediscovered so many great things about me, my perfections and imperfections. I did not focus on my sexuality anymore, as a bad thing but rather a part of me, something i should not have issues with.
Like absalom put it, i guess it is better understood from the point of who is saying it. I did not say it to demean anyone for clearly some people have heard the phrase interpreted in another way than I’ve always innocently understood it.
So, straight or gay, black or white, whatever it is you do, there are a lot of things that make up who you are, a lot of things that define you, so by all the jumping jupiters, never ever let it be for your sexuality, race or social class. Let what defines you be YOU!!!!!!
s_sensei
September 30, 18:21Thank you! Personally, I think society has made too much of an issue what a person f**ks. Biko, wether na stone, tree, pig or bald bunnies, what’s my own? Its really none of my business. And again, you are not special because you are gay, you are not special because you are straight, you are not special because you are bisexual, top or bottom. You are special because you are a human being! And when your sexuality doesn’t define you, for me it means you can do, be and have whatever you want, irrespective of your sexuality. On that note, I rest my case.
King
October 01, 04:30Gbam and well said ojare
pinkpanthertb
September 30, 19:18It’s funny how we are fighting for equality and yet are indignant over the issue of being identified as gay. The blacks in the US were first called Negroes, and then Black Americans, and then African Americans, each term becoming less politically correct than the one before it. Why? Because they felt the term was a tar on their individualities. They wanted to be seen as people first, before being seen as racially different. They are undeniably black, but that doesn’t have to be the first thing anyone else should consider before offering them jobs or including them in conversations or giving them any service.
If this is as it is with race, why should sexuality be any different? Why should we be gay Nigerians first, a gay lawyer, gay doctor, gay secretary, gay job hunter, gay business owner… Why should we be gay individuals first? Why should your sexuality be the defining factor of your individuality? Are there any straight lawyers, straight doctors, heterosexual employers addressed as such?
Now that I even think about it, Absalom saying we should consider the person saying ‘your sexuality should not define you’ before determining the motive of him saying that – it doesn’t apply here. Because, this post isn’t even about condescension or patronization or internalized homophobia. It is simply about two things – acceptance and happiness. So, the whole point of arguing the motive behind ‘not letting your sexuality define you’ really is moot.
Khaleesi
September 30, 21:33When you live in a world where a major essence of your being is forcefully suppressed by oppression, its natural to want to hold onto it tightly and project it forcefully anyway you can. This is why the black power movement was so forceful, this is why the Jews emerging from the horrors of the Holocaust have several uniquely identifying associations … you hardly get to hear of white lawyers association or white doctors guild or white entertainment associations, but all the above have their black associations. It is a unique feature of oppressed minorities in their struggle to assert themselves, they project themselves forcefully and cling fiercely to their defining attributes. so asking me why my sexuality should be allowed to define me is like asking black lawyers or doctors or actors or engineers why their ‘blackness’ should be tied to their professions, two seemingly unrelated attributes …
gad
September 30, 23:54Form an association for gays and send me the aims and objectives.if they make sense to me and I see no dangers in it,I will join.sometimes the freedom an impetous child seek kills him when he gets it
Kachi
September 30, 20:20Awesome post. I couldn’t agree more…. The part about the world being confused about how she used to be got me seriously cracking…… And erm,fuck life in the ass but gently huh? Ok o
King
October 01, 04:35Ah kachi dear that phrase was my best in the whole piece …fuck life in the ass! Sigh,..what Goodness! !
JustJames
October 01, 07:47Smh.. This place must have been quite the marketplace today. See all the chirrupin of the intellectuals and shade throwing.
Your sexuality is going to define you whether you like it or not. It depends on you how much it does. It’s yiur sexuality the makes you sleep with females or males.. your sexuality usually decides whether you will use words like fab or shade. I don’t see how sexuality affects what clothes or music we listen to though. What sounds good or looks good to you might not look or sound good to another gay person. People who say “because I’m gay I must do this or be this” are just misguided. It’s not cause you’re gay. If you didn’t like it in the first place as a human would you do it.
And it seems most of y’all forgot about the other parts of the article. Why don’t we argue about whether we should screw life in the ass with a condom or not.. or maybe being all you can be is too much of mental stress since all we ever seem to do is argue about stuff.