I Dove Deep Into The Darkness To Find The Release I Needed
I feel like everyone has that one ex, a former love that holds some kind of overwhelming power over you. It makes almost everything they do around you at once heightened and unbearable. It is bad enough when they don’t know they have that much power over you, but when they do and choose to exploit it, it’s mental, making you always feel like you’re going insane, as though you’re constantly suffocating under the deluge of emotions that never seems to stop.
Toni was that ex to me.
Everything he did drove me crazy and he knew it. I was in love with him once, and even now, I don’t think that feeling has entirely left me.
I find it hard to open up to people. And so when I do, I get super attached to the person I’ve made myself that vulnerable to. And boy, did this man know almost everything about me. It was scary, being that vulnerable with him when we were together, and then it got even scarier when we lost that connection of openness brought on by our breakup. He wanted nothing to do with me when we broke up, and yet, somehow, we kept coming back to each other. Year after year, we’d reconnect. We’d love. We’d fight. And we’d stop talking to each other again. Over and over, this happened, and before I knew it, ten years of my life had been spent not knowing how to move on from him.
We had a mutual friend, Ray, who tried to get me to meditate on these riotous feelings I had for Toni. He wanted me to admit that I was in love with my ex but that we would never be together, and only then could I start healing. I resisted this. I said I wasn’t in love with the nigga, that it’s just that something felt familiar with him and I couldn’t escape it.
As Ray and I talked about this, I remembered another friend of mine, Nakia. Nakia is a psychic spiritualist and a general guru. We’ve been friends for years and she works with a lot of deities and spiritual beings. I remember the first time I asked for her help with something. Someone had stolen my ATM card and some money from me. Frantic to get them back, I called her. She heard me out and then said coolly, “Baby, give me three days.”
By the third day, my money and ATM card were returned to me. Just like that. It was wild. And she never called back to ask if I’d gotten my things back. Over the years, she became something of a spiritual advisor to me, up until the end of the pandemic. She’d do monthly card readings for me, general spiritual alignments and stuff like that, just to make sure I was on the right path in life.
Now, before y’all come for me with your knives and pitchforks, just know I am Christian. But I tell people that I am a Christian Spiritualist, because the occult has always intrigued me. I read a lot and talk to a lot of people who work within the realm of the occult. Ever since I discovered that worship, I have been fascinated. I have laid out a few offerings, and lit a candle or two, but never done anything deep or binding.
By the end of the pandemic, I was finishing up my second degree and I was extremely busy. So communication between Nakia and I became lax. We weren’t staying in touch so much, but there was still love there.
However, on that day, as I was discussing with Ray, I remembered her and I wondered why I’d never thought to ask for her help in all this time.
When I called Nakia, she didn’t sound surprised to hear from me. It was as if she’d been expecting me to reach out to her. I told her everything, my entire ordeal with Toni from the highs to the lows.
“What do you want me to do for you?’ she quietly asked at the end of my narration.
“I need to just move on,” I said with a note of desperation. “I need to be done with him. I never want to feel anything for him ever again.”
I felt something tear away at my heart as I said these things out loud. Like some sort of sustenance was getting peeled away from my insides, even though it is a parasite that needs to go.
“Very well,” Nakia’s calm voice cut into my chaos. “But you have to know that I cannot take away your emotions. But I can make sure nothing in your space will ever bring him back around and to you.”
That seemed like a fair deal. If I didn’t have Toni in my orbit, then I could easier learn how to get over him.
Thereafter, we did a card reading, which revealed a lot to me, the specifics of which I’d rather not share. But it was surreal; Nakia told me that if I’ve chosen to go down this path, I must endeavor to leave Toni behind and never go back, because it wouldn’t end well. She said this with the most intense tone I’d ever heard from her, and that sent chills down my spine. We were having this conversation around 8 PM; then she told me she’d call me back at midnight.
At midnight, she called, prayed over me, said a few words and gave me a personal prayer from my Divine. She said the rest of the work she would do without me and that she would call again in three days.
Those following three days were super weird. First, it started to seem like I couldn’t picture Toni in my mind. I had to keep going to his Instagram page to refresh my memory of what he looked like, and when I clicked off, I would immediately forget again. Anytime he came into my mind, the thoughts felt fleeting, like I couldn’t grasp the full content of the memories or the exact flow of thoughts in connection to him. Then, randomly on the third day, I got hit up by three different past flings who wanted to rekindle things romantically with me. That was very surprising to me. One may have been random, two even more so. But three past hookups on the same day? I mean, I hadn’t spoken to these guys in years and they chose that day of all days to say, “Hello, can we get back together?”
When Nakia called, she asked about what I’d experienced in the past three days. I told her everything, including the fact that I was hit up by three guys from my past. She said it was the Universe showing me that possibilities abounded everywhere beyond Toni. She ended the call by saying some blessings for me and she told me if I needed anything, I should always call.
Ever since then, Toni has become a distant memory to me, and I must admit, it feels great. I love the feeling of not beholden to him emotionally. Even writing this was a bit of a struggle, as I couldn’t put down in words a lot of information about him; it felt like I was writing about a stranger.
And I am okay with that.
Written by Beni
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26 Comments
DarkQuinn
May 01, 10:30Yo! I wanna have a reading with Nakia abeg.
She sounds legit.
Miles
May 01, 12:00How do we reach Nakia…. I need her help
Samadora
May 01, 12:43Heyyy…. please I’d love to have a reading with Nakia. By chance please can she also start a reading session for people. I’d be willing to pay. I recently made a super big move in my life, and I’d love to centralize my life a bit. My life as a femme person has always been a struggle and outstanding career success is something I have always desired. I need to just find out what steps I should be taking
Beni
May 07, 20:02Spoken to her about this even sent the link, the only response I’ve gotten suggests she’s mauling it over.
I’m wishing you a whole totta luck though. I feel like regardless of how you present success will find you especially as you put in the work 💚
Loki
May 01, 13:44First off, I commend you for being bold enough to take the step to do what needed to be done. Trust me it’s not easy coming to terms with the fact that you are in love with someone, kudos, and I wish you more blessings and positive possibilities.
P. S how do we get in touch with Nakia? For real, do we need to physically meet her or could it be over the phone as with you? And are there any requirements?.
Someone's Someone
May 01, 22:26Can we meet Nakia? I’m open to an online reading and I have plenty of questions. This life no dey clear sometimes. @Pinky, thank you for making this happen.
Lu
May 02, 04:22Apparently, most of us need a Nakia in our lives. 🥹
*Co-asking the same questions with Loki above.
Mikkiyfab
May 02, 07:33At this point on a serious note…I need Nakia in my life 😩.I second ask with Loki and lu🙏😩
Steeving
May 02, 11:44Happy you moved on. Just like everyone else here, I need a reading with Nakia as well. It’s urgent. I’m desperate. How can I get in touch with her? I feel like I’m losing it
PSB4L
May 02, 13:29Beni, you’re indeed so lucky to have Nakia in your space. I hope Nakia comes to our aid, because we need her badly in our lives.
Dillish
May 02, 16:58I need Nakia please. Can you be gracious enough to share?
Mandy
May 03, 06:02Phew. Lots of people in our community needing Nakia’s services. Are we this emotionally distraught? Kai. This life no easy o.
Loki
May 03, 07:35When you live in a crazy place as Nigeria, penalized for being who you are even without getting caught, when you keep having to hide cause the stigma is too much, when you have to always sacrifice your happiness for that of others, well it tends to make one crazy at times.
We all need a Nakia.😩😩😂.
@pinku any hope for us? Or have you taken another two possibly three months haitus? 😩
T.Man
May 09, 18:49Hello Beni. Thanks for sharing your story. Please write me prterry2020@gmail.com.
Just drop a message and I send you my contact. Thanks
Lyon
May 13, 17:15I’m happy for you, Beni.
Please, can you give us Nakia? 😩😩😩😩😭
E
May 04, 22:02Please how do I reach Nakia?
Paulo
May 06, 17:44Woo
I mean wooo…
How do I meet Nakia please,
Paul213141 @ gmail Com
Paulo
May 06, 17:59How do I contact Nakia, i need a similar service..
Beni
May 07, 19:53Hey everyone thank you so much for understanding and resonating with my story, I really appreciate it 💚
An update ❗️ Spoken to Nakia asked if she’s willing for me to drop her details with KD she is thinking about it but is still unsure but will let me know as soon as she has clarity.
Loki
May 09, 08:53Alright, thanks Beni.
We’ll be waiting for it then.
Uc
May 09, 16:29Thank you for this. We will be waiting.
Loki
May 16, 08:20Um Beni, we’re still waiting 😢
Uc
May 16, 20:53I swear. I come here to check every day to check if he has updated.
@Beni any update from Nakia yet ? Or should we move on ?
Loki
May 24, 07:59May 24th and here I am still waiting for Beni😭😭😭💔.
Well if anyone can direct me to a psychic in Benin I would be greatful. I really need to speak with one.
Tman
May 21, 13:46Lol. The wait for Nakia.
Crystal
May 27, 13:02Nakia where are thou ?
Sisthrens need you