IBK’s JOURNAL (Entry 19)

February 19

Usually when people begin a sentence with “I’m not homophobic but.. ” or end it with “…it doesn’t mean I’m homophobic”, some homophobic/prejudiced shit is about to or has been said. Same thing goes for racism, misogyny etc.

For example, I’m on a whatsapp book club and there’s some people there who feel pretty woke. It’s cute. One day sha, a discussion on homosexuality took place and I was there for it.

Someone said he found gay sex disgusting but that he is not homophobic. And I told him that it is. He disagreed because, according to him, he isn’t interested in beating gay people, that they can do their thing but they should just not bring it to his side.

Unfortunately homophobia is not just about beating gay people up or calling them names or hating them. It’s also about prejudice and he had some level of prejudice towards us.

Now perhaps if he had said he hates anal sex in general, or public displays of affection from any sex, it’d have been different. But his problem was that it was two guys involved, and that’s homophobic.

In the end, I managed to convince him of his homophobia, and he said, “I guess I am homophobic and there is nothing wrong with that.” And I laughed and laughed and told him that “there’s also nothing wrong with racism then.” I mean, the cheek of it all. Privilege can be fun sha.

The argument got to the point of whether it was right or wrong, and someone said gay sex isn’t right, that things are supposed to come out of the anus, not into it. And I pointed out that the body as a whole is a sexual organ. Hands are used, mouths are used; if noses and ears could be fucked, I’m sure some people would start doing that shii.

It was going swell. I was feeling like Dennis Macaulay slaying the homophobes left, right and center with the power of sound logic and scorn and sarcasm, till someone introduced bible to it. See ehn, that shii annoys me. The assumption that because you believe in a religion, it applies to all. The girl even had the audacity to just declare it as wrong and it was final, as the patron guardian angel of all that is right and wrong that she is.

Anyways sha, it got exhausting and I re-realised that if these “woke” people could be homophobic, we have a long way to go.

There was however a female by my side (metaphorically speaking) who defended gay people along with me on our naturalness and all that shii. She even went online and got articles on how homosexuality was a thing in the African continent. (She and I talk outside the group. She’s from East Africa and has the cutest voice ever and is very nice, with lots of enthusiasm and encouraging words for me. I wonder how she manages to be so peppy.) We talked about what happened the next morning and she was still talking like I was straight; and so, amused, I said, “So with all the passion and zeal I used to fight for gay people, you still think I’m straight?” Basically, I came out to her and she basically became more awesome in ways I can’t speak of, in order for me to protect her privacy. She’s a very good friend now sha.

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I find it odd to know that someone is genuinely non-prejudiced to gay people, and not open up to them about my sexuality. I also find it odd when someone is unwilling to disclose his sexuality to someone else who is gay. I’m not talking about just omitting that fact, but actively denying it.

I guess people have their reasons, but I believe it is rooted in homophobia.

I talked to some people about it and quite a number didn’t see anything wrong with it, based on the fact that gay people can be blabber mouths (a stereotype), but still, that didn’t seem like a satisfactory reason.

Perhaps it’s the worry that this information could be used against you; it is afterall criminal to be gay here.

I know gay people here can be a handful but I have weirdly made peace with it. It’s easier for me that way. It’s not condoning it. It’s just being aware that that is the way things are and deciding to not let it stop me from living my life the way I want to. And part of it is being able to confidently say to other gay people that “Yes, I am gay”. It’s unrealistic but I believe you create the world you want to live in with your mind and actions.

I want to ask these questions because I believe you need to monitor what goes on in your mind closely and not just accept things because they are said to be so, because next thing you know, it’s that you are buying into your oppressor’s ideas and ideals instead of liberating yourself from them.

Is it homophobic to not want to disclose or to actively deny your sexuality among people like you, and if it is not always homophobic to do so, under what conditions? Is it okay to do so out of the fear of being exposed by your fellow gay person or because you are not interested in the person?

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My birthday passed a while back and it’s very interesting how many people remember when they don’t have Facebook notifications or those BBM countdown thingies people do to guide them (far fewer than you’d expect). It was a quiet one with me and bae indoors, with pizza and a movie.

Does it irk me that not a lot of people remembered – not even my so called besties? Yes, a little. I mean, come on, who doesn’t like lots of attention from people on their birthdays. Lol.

Written by IBK