IN THE NAME OF JESUS
So, last Sunday, my sister woke me early in the morning, at about 6 am. She wanted me to go with her to a church that she was invited to. I am not a church person, and she knows this. And so, she was begging me to go with her, saying that it was going to be fun because it was a new generation church, a youth church, and that there would be none of that overbearingness that comes from attending a church filled with and pastored by seniors.
Eventually, I allowed myself to be persuaded and when it was time, I got dressed and left the house with her.
We were late. By the time we got to the church, the service had already started. There were a lot of young, beautiful people in the congregation, and when the praise and worship session was on, people danced and jubilated like only youths in a youthful gathering do. Heck, even the pastors were youthful, couldn’t be more than their early thirties, the lot of them that were seated close to the altar.
And then it was testimony time. That quickly segued into the deliverance session. Because I have very little patience for charades like this (I believe deliverance sessions are a show that pastors put up for their congregation, and that they’re not real), I began to feel my familiar irritation with church attendance return. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
Anyway, the deliverance session had kicked off, and a pastor was already on the roll. Earlier, he’d been introduced as a guest pastor, someone they’d invited from another church to come preach here. His voice boomed from the mic as he called out a guy from the choir stand.
The young man stepped forward. He moved with a sway to his hips, obviously effeminate, and I noticed his fingers tapering down to long, well-tended fingernails.
He stopped in front of the pastor and the man of God boomed: “Hmm, hmm, oh my God! Oh yes, Lord, Jesus!” He stared at the chorister and the church stared at them, breaths bated, watching, anticipating the unleashing of the power of God.
I wanted to roll my eyes so bad.
“Something happened to you when you were just a child,” the pastor began. “It happened either when you were in school or some other environment that you were familiar with, with someone who you trusted. This something changed you forever, and since then, it has become a habit. An urge. A very sinful urge!” The pastor began to prance, his movement agitated, his voice climbing. “Child of God, I don’t want to say it out loud, but you know what I’m talking about. You know it and I do!”
“Yes, pastor, I know!” the chorister cried out. “Please deliver me from this sin!”
“YES, LORD!” the pastor boomed. A flurry of nonsensical utterances they like to call speaking in tongues burst from his lips and he launched into his deliverance. He pranced and danced and screamed and beseeched the heavens. Soon, the chorister had fallen to the ground, rolling and shaking. The church had also caught the fever, with some members of the congregation jumping to their feet, shouting and screaming over the work the power of God Almighty was doing right before them.
At first, when this nonsense started, I was frightened. I was in my mind like: Hian! Which kain problem be this one now? As the charade continued however, my fright was short-circuited to anger, like: WTF is wrong with these people?
My annoyance moved up several more rungs when another pastor, apparently possessed by the Holy Spirit, jumped to his feet, snatched a mic and began prophesying, screaming yes, that he had always known that the chorister was possessed by that thing.
This thing… this something… E no get name? Abi is God operating by the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy? I don’t know how involved the chorister was in this bad drama they were acting out at the altar – but if he wasn’t, then how dare these ministers single him out because of his effeminacy as a reason to deliver him from a something that happened to him in his childhood? And let’s, for the sake of argument, say that something indeed happened to him. That would be child molestation, right? And instead of a private counseling over something that could only have been traumatic, they decided to make a public spectacle of it?
What a disgrace these people were!
I was so pissed.
And I was right there, close to the front of the church, daring these pastors to call me out. Since the Holy Spirit was on a kito mission to drag gay people out of their closets, let Him direct them to me. they should call me na! If they had the vision to trace a childhood trauma back to someone’s past, they should find it easy to locate a raging homosexual right there in the present.
However, it would seem the Holy Spirit was on a “one homosexual deliverance per day” quota, because the deliverance moved on to other people with other problems. In fact, the entire drama was very comical, with even fellow pastors getting delivered. People who were supposed to be delivering people were getting delivered.
I could only stand this church until they wrapped the deliverance up and moved on to preaching about sowing seed.
That was when I had it. It was time to go!
I got to my feet, tapped my sister and without a word, made my way to the door, passing by people who were throwing me the “who is this devil that won’t wait for church to be over” looks. The usher that tried to intercept me as I got to the door backed away immediately when I threw him a very nasty scowl.
I was outside breathing in fresh air, air that was not polluted by religious hypocrisy, when moments later, my sister hurried out, wanting to know what was wrong. I asked her if she had her things with her. she said yes. I said good, let’s go.
And we left. Abeg I’m tired of all this rubbish!
Written by Drogo
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22 Comments
Bhawscity
November 07, 05:27This is why I am an Episcopalian(Anglican). We accept everyone, gays, trans, bisexual…. etc. We don’t have time for this charade abeg. Even former presiding Bishop is female! Protestants will be the end of the Church.
Keredim
November 07, 06:23“Protestants will be the end of the Church.”
I don’t understand. If you’re not Catholic you’re Protestant.
Jay Armstrong
November 07, 07:58???? right…¿?
Wonda Buoy
November 07, 16:50I think he meant “Pentecostal”
Bee
November 07, 06:14Loool. Freedom of religion; allow them. You were in the Spirit. They weren’t. Lmao.
Anyway, I loathe that chorister beyond words; more any of those pastors. I hate gays that contribute 100, 100 cents to stalling our freedom. Let Nigeria legalize same-sex marriage this morning and the idiot will be scouring Grindr all day, all week. It’s just a wonder how all these “former” homosexuals are never heard of again. Like, I really need a follow-up.
Bee
November 07, 06:15If he’s not already scouring sef, the gorilla.
Mandy
November 07, 13:53Gay people who help homophobes in their agenda to distort our existence and narrative are just the worst. That chorister had to be in on this charade, and if he’s truly gay, then he’s more despicable than the pastors that are using him.
Richiemichie
November 07, 06:53@bhawcity, I attended an Anglican church all my life, and the last time I remembered they are not accepting of the LGBT people, absolutely not. maybe u worshiped abroad ?
Delle
November 07, 10:24Apparently. His last post lends credence to this. He stays abroad.
Bhawscity
November 07, 13:41Yep. That’s why I said Episcopalian. That’s the Anglican name in the USA. Other Anglican communion sanctioned them for electing gays and accepting LGBT as members of the congregation and Revs.
J
November 07, 10:13I don’t like it when people say gays are molested when they were young. It’s very rude and offensive.
I remember one time coming out to a group of atheists somewhere in this country and I was quiet disappointed. The reception was very poor, only one person made me to be comfortable. He hugged me ? The rest were looking at me like some extraterrestrial being ? My thought was like okay, since these people are atheists, they should be accepting, because I felt like if they believe there’s no God, then every other thing ought to be possible.
What angered me most is that after the meeting one of them came to me and was asking me if I was molested when I was a child. I told him I wasn’t. That he’s trying to make a research on gay people because he himself is been accused of being gay by many. He collected my number and he never called.
Please don’t go to churches seeking for deliverance and don’t allow any pastor to use your story, this feeling can’t be changed. You can’t pray gay away. I have had lots of confession sessions with pastors, but nothing happened. It only drew me closer to accepting myself. I hope you find peace within yourself.
Dorogo
November 07, 21:57I also tell people the same thing. You can’t pray gay away! Be happy with yourself, what’s better than being gay? lol
J
November 09, 13:11LOL like really really?
Think Again
November 08, 14:44Child. The atheist that collected your number was not doing any research. He was doing free grindr on you.
hint: ‘people are saying’ he himself might be gay. Omg. just when I thought the world had run out of pick up lines.
J
November 09, 13:09? I wasn’t smart enough ?
Beryl04
November 07, 13:45Nigerian Anglican is the most homophobic organization I’ve ever witnessed. Yes,I was born into the Anglican fold but I am an atheist today thanks to Anglican church’s(Nigerian) unbending stance on homosexuality.
Tokeh
December 06, 01:38beryl04…it is hardly an Anglican problem as it is a cultural disposition….. I attend Anglican too ND hv attended various Pentecostal churches…the unwavering stance of homophobia stands anywhere
Mandy
November 07, 13:54We are in 2018 and bad Nollywood films like this are still thriving in our churches? ??? SMH.
Thor
November 07, 15:53This narrative! ???
Yazz Soltana
November 07, 22:12That pastor issa professional con man ..
He prolly just noticed the guys mannerisms and did a quick Sherlock Holmes on him..
The one that jumped up and down to grab mic as prolly been having dangerous liaisons with the chorister…
I pity him nobody will look at him in the same way at the church again. .
Law9
November 07, 22:33You are a gay nd that s it nothing can change it again just accept yourself.
Malik
November 10, 04:17This post fills me with so much hate for churches. Firstly, the pastor outs you to the entire unforgiving church; you have to deal with the embarrassment of that coupled with the disappointment that nothing changes.
Sigh…