LET ME SING A SONG ABOUT LIFE
The preparation for my field trip to Nigeria in May filled me with memories. Some of which filled me with some worry about the decisions I’ve made where I put my career first before love. The last time I visited Nigeria was late 2016, for a six-week holiday. During my stay, I met this guy (let’s call him Yemi), then a medical student. We’d been chatting before I came to Nigeria, and we were unable to meet until after the second week of my vacation. From the first eye contact, I knew Yemi was the man for me. I would later get to know that he felt the same way too. From our conversations to lovemaking, the chemistry was just right. We fit perfectly. We ended up spending most of our time together for the rest of my stay. On the day of my departure, he went with me to the airport. I’d already landed back to base before I realized just how much he’d grown to mean to me.
But with distance came the intrusion of several realities. We were having conversations about the way forward in our relationship. Yemi wanted me to return to Nigeria after my Masters’ degree (in mid-2017) and teach in one of Nigeria’s elite private schools. Since he would also be rounding up with his medical studies in 2017, I wanted him to apply for a post-graduate programme in Germany, where I was, and we could forthwith make a plan about where we would live the rest of our lives, even with Nigeria as an option. I recommended some scholarship programmes for him in Germany, but he said he would rather make a life in Nigeria. That he didn’t want to travel out. I got some job offers in some elite private schools in Nigeria, but I turned them down because I wanted to pursue my PhD after which I would decide where to live and whether to work self-employed or get a lecturing position at a university.
Long story short, we disagreed with each other on a number of issues and refused to compromise. We didn’t officially break up. Things just iced over between us and we simply stopped talking to each other. I began my PhD program in a German university in January. And when some months ago, I buzzed Yemi on Facebook and he said something about how he was seeing someone else, I knew we were well and truly over.
And sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision putting my career first above the relationship. Above a possible future with Yemi. I’d never been put in the position before to choose between my career and love. I resented Yemi a little bit for not bothering to understand that my need to succeed in my aspirations, to not let anything else overtake that, comes from the journey of life that I had thus far traveled.
This is that story.
***
I would like to believe that I’d been gay since childhood. Born and raised in a small frontier town in one of the southwestern states (not Lagos), I vividly remember having close contact with a cousin of mine, Olu. At the age of nine, he was thirteen months older than me, even though I was a little taller. (I hear he’s much taller than me now). We played a lot whenever his family visited us or we visited them. One game we played very often was “Daddy and Mummy”.
I was a favoured child. Many parents in my neighbourhood liked having me around their children due to the fact that I was the best pupil in my class. Mothers loved me. My teachers loved me. And life was good, as my parents were professionally secure, so that their children didn’t lack.
This life however took a drastic turn for the worse when my father ran into huge debts. Our economic status crashed and as the first of six children, I found myself thrust into adulthood at age 12. The situation plunged me into child labour. Doing menial jobs like hawking fruits, repairing shoes, tutoring younger students in extracurricular classes, selling firewood amongst many other things, became my hustle to sponsor my education through secondary school.
Despite how tough things were, I graduated high school with one of the best results in my community. The principal of my school was so happy, he got me a JAMB form for my university entrance. It wasn’t just about my good graduating results; I was a star student. I’d represented the school in academic competitions on TV, radio and inter-schools. I was also a member of the school theatre group and Press Club president (since SS1), as well as a member of school relay team, for a short while anyway, as I didn’t have time for the training involved in that.
I took the JAMB and scored nearly 300, a pass mark that would enable me to study Law. My good result saddened more than it pleased me, because I wouldn’t be able to afford a university education. I tried though, to at least secure the admission by paying the acceptance fee. But no one could – or would help. Not even the relatives that my parents had assisted at one point or another when our family was still fine.
Coming face to face with the reality of losing my admission, I sunk into depression and prepared to give up on life.
A few days after the deadline of the payment of acceptance fee had passed, my best and childhood friend, Segun came to my place. His result hadn’t been good enough for a university, so he’d opted for a College of Education, to improve his chances of crossing over to the university. He came to my house with his application forms for us to fill together.
As we worked, he said, “You don’t have to worry much, Bamidele. After all, you will be going to the university soon, and would be in at least 300 Level by the time I join you.”
Shaking my head sadly, I told him that wouldn’t be happening. That I had missed the deadline for paying the acceptance fee. He was upset to learn this, and wanted to know why I kept this from him.
“Because you have done so much for me, Segun,” I said in a voice shaking with misery. “I don’t want to be financially dependent on you every time. I’d actually thought I would get help from my uncles and aunts, but none of them came through for me.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but lost his voice as tears brimmed from his eyes and fell down his face. I was crying too.
“Dele, you will not stay at home,” he said empathically. “Your education will not be delayed. You must do something about this. You must put those relatives to shame, because they are refusing to help you out of jealousy. How can an intelligent person like you stay at home, while we, whom you usually helped in class, go on with our education?”
We cried together for a little while, and then consoled each other, before going back to his place, where he lived with his mother, to have lunch.
Two days later, Segun asked me to follow him to the school where he was going to submit the filled-out NCE forms. He said he had succeeded in collecting fees for another form from his father, the first being from his mother. He’d also asked both his parents to give him extra money for transportation so that I would be able to go with him to the college, something his parents agreed to. Segun is the only son out of three children, and this made him get away with a lot of things.
The two of us travelled to the college, which was no more than a couple of hours from our town. Having gone with necessary documents, I got my own NCE forms, filled and submitted them alongside Segun. Within a few weeks, our names appeared on the first list. Segun had assured me not to worry about accommodation and I was not as sad with this admission as I was when I got the university admission.
And so, I was going to major in English/Social Studies, while Segun would be studying Agric/Biology.
***
I was exposed to sex quite early. My sexual journey started with girls when I was a teenager. Maybe four or five times, before I realised it wasn’t for me. I’d seen a lot of pornography, both straight and gay, and so, I got an early education on how things were done.
Back then, while we were still in secondary school, Segun would usually joke to me about how he wanted to fuck me and make my ass his. For all I knew, he was very heterosexual. As a teenager, Segun was slim and very tall, already over 6 feet. We used to call him “Omoga” (tall child), because he was the tallest boy in our set, even taller than most senior students and teachers. He was also very popular with the girls. So, whenever he jokingly called me his wife, I would smile and wonder out loud where he ranked his girlfriend, Sade, and the other flings he usually had. We however never got sexually intimate with each other until our NCE days.
The first time I fell in love happened to be the time I lost my virginity. This happened in the last year of high school and the love affair lasted a week.
A truck transporting kola nuts from the North had been involved in an accident; no one was hurt, but important parts of the truck were damaged. And so, two of the Hausa transporters, one of them the driver, had to travel back to the North to fetch another truck, leaving the third member of their team behind to watch over the goods in their care.
I remember going to meet the one who was left behind; he seemed to be in his thirties, slim, tall and dark. I wanted to let him know that I would be ready to do any job he wanted for a little charge. I was still hustling then, and he acquiesced. I was like a personal assistant, helping him to get food, fetch water, keeping him company with conversation.
On the second day, we talked till late in the evening. It was a chilly evening, and we moved closer to each other for warmth. One thing led to the other, and I ended up giving him a blow job before going home that night.
The next day, after school, I went to get him necessary things for the day before going back to school for extramural lessons, after promising to come back in the evening—a promise that registered excitement on his face. Evening came and my Mallam was already waiting for me. He looked refreshed and happy after a bath. This time, I was prepared. As usual, we talked and talked into the night, and then moved to a section of the truck that had a prepared sleeping space. Like the previous night, I sucked him. This he enjoyed very much. Then we cuddled, as I asked if he had a condom. Surprisingly, he did. I had brought some vegetable oil, and so I lubed myself in preparation for his sizeable manhood. Initially he was gentle with his penetration; but then the rhythm increased with his mounting pleasure. Then, he was really banging me hard until the climax.
I spent the night with him, and we had another round before I left very early the next morning. He begged me not to forget to come back later that day. And this quickly became our routine until the arrival of his colleagues and their subsequent departure.
I had fallen in love with my Mallam, and a week later, he took my love – and innocence – off with him.
TO BE CONTINUED
Written by Bamidele
About author
You might also like
ABOUT BAD PEOPLE TURNING GOOD, AND THE RESPONSIBILITY OF FORGIVENESS
I once read a story about a man who killed his wife and unborn child. He was a drunk and usually beat his wife. So, a mob came together and
SIDE TO SIDE (Part 2)
Previously on SIDE TO SIDE… * As much as I hate talking about it, I have come to realise that my interactions, actions, art designs and reactions to things, however
IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
I parked and climbed out of the car with a sigh. I’m not sure I can ever get used to this crazy Lagos traffic, especially around rush hour. I like
29 Comments
Atomic blonde
July 10, 07:43I’ve always fantasized about being with this truck drivers that travel long distance, I’d like to experience a trip with one and fuck all over Nigeria as we progress.
Mitch
July 10, 07:47“….sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision putting my career first above the relationship. Above a possible future with Yemi….”
You see this sentiment expressed in the write up above? Get rid of it!
Your choices are valid and if anyone tries to police those choices in a way that isn’t favourable to you, walk away! No relationship should be worth you sacrificing your chance at bettering yourself.
I mean, the kain person sef that wants you to return to Nigeria didn’t make any concommitant compromise to validate his expectation that you’d acquiesce to his demands.
Just do you! Better yourself and keep moving.
That said, this your trip down memory lane is gearing up to be a pretty good read.
bamidele
July 10, 10:27thank you, Mitch, for your words of courage. Indeed, I used to be worried about this before. But now, I’ve realized that’s paying off to put my career first, because it is the only thing nobody can snatch away from me.
the story just began, thanks to KD.
Cassie
July 10, 07:58Vegetable oil kwa!!!
hmmmm. Just passing.
*flips weave babkwards and raises an eye – brow*
J
July 10, 09:25My dear ???
BRYAN PETERS
July 10, 11:03At least, it’s better than morning fresh or saliva ?
Malik
July 10, 16:34Morning fresh!?
Share
July 11, 17:30???????????????????????????????????
karlae
July 16, 08:20??????
J
July 10, 09:53Poor child, you’ve been through a lot. I almost cried when you said “I wanted to let him know that I would be ready to do any job he wanted for a little charge”.
bamidele
July 10, 10:30Indeed, J,
Whilst writing the story I did shed tears, because the whole scenario took me down memory lane. Trust me! It was a hell in those days.
Blue
July 10, 11:17You made a very good decision picking your education first. There are lots of guys out there don’t let one person diminish you. And don’t feel guilty
Mikkiyfab
July 10, 11:22I have read lots of post here on kitodiaries, exciting ones, sexual ones, all sorts but These, wow has this place it’s coming from, like from a struggling/painful mind and I can’t wait to find out u have triumphed( which am sure u did)
Thank u bamidele for sharing, please do try to give an update soonest
PS: I cried especially during the narration of ur painful childhood
Beautiful write ?
kristo
July 10, 11:41quite sad really bamidele
7h
but …..
Das Leben geht weiter
pls bamidele can we private chat???
mostly about the nitty gritties of post graduate studies in Germany …i have a humongous interest..
collect my mail from pp
.
i guess
Das Leben geht weiter!!!!!!!
bamidele
July 10, 15:35Hi Kristo,
Danke für die Ermutigungen. Und ja, das Leben geht weiter.
Yes, what would you like to know about the postgrad. I’d be glad to supply info as far as my capacity permits. Do let me know your area of specialization and level (master or phd?) Scholarship are quite scarce and highly competitive. You’re competing with the whole world. But who knows….
You may reach me via: am4j85@yahoo.de or made@uni-bonn.de
kristo
July 10, 11:41that is IF YOU WOULDNT MIND
Uche
July 10, 11:47Strange. I just stumbled on a writeup titled THE NAKED TRUCK DRIVER. Published on December 2014 by lanre swag back when we were still at wordpress.com, and then this? lol. What’s the universe trying to tell me?
Bamidele this was beautiful. I cried when you and Segun were crying.
Black Dynasty
July 10, 11:52“And sometimes, I wonder if I made the right decision putting my career first above the relationship.”
Hell yes! You certainly made the right decision! The right guy would stand with you and support decisions about the future. There should be room for both of you to grow. Until you make life long commitments to someone, do not consider slowing down or pausing your growth.
I’m really hoping this has a happy ending…..
bamidele
July 10, 15:38Thanks, BD.
More is on the way…
Delle
July 10, 12:17Thanks for making the decision to share this with us, Bami ?
Malik
July 10, 16:35RT
Omiete
July 10, 12:57Vegetable Oilllllllll hey!!! Anyways don’t feel bad at all for choosing your career the relationship wasn’t even that long Sef for anyone to be taking those decisions. I love this sha. Can’t wait for more
Beau
July 10, 14:43U made a great decision by putting ur career first cos ur future needs to be secured. U know ur background and how hard u have struggled to get to where u re today so dnt feel sorry if u decide to succeed. Dnt let one person diminish ur worth all for their own personal interest. Trust me, if u had succumbed, sooner or later u would have regretted it cos u guys will surely have set backs and u will blame him for not letting u further ur career. Relationships comes and goes but one thing that is steady is ur future, so build it well.
U really went through a lot and i really felt ur pain, pls stay strong and never give up.
Never forget, He who loves who will support u, he who does not, will only try to drag u down.
bamidele
July 10, 15:37Thanks Beau,
I am gradually getting stronger from my initial worries.
Uzor
July 10, 23:38If you came back to Nigeria and things became tough I’m pretty sure doctor boy would’ve dropped you like hot coals. Nothing is more important than a stable, thriving career (and literally every career prospect would thrive better in the developed societies). Better to eat away your feelings in expensive ice cream than to be drinking garri with the love of your life.
Share
July 11, 17:33Leave Germany for Nigeria; Leave acceptance for discrimination? I’m taken aback.
He didn’t want to travel out?
***Picks lipstick and continues makeup***
Wedone Sir!
Pearl
July 11, 17:46Hell yes, u made the right decision choosing your career. you see in this life human beings can disappoint you at any time but your career won’t. Don’t feel bad about it, love is everywhere. You write beautifully well.
LET ME SING A SONG ABOUT LIFE (Part 2) – KitoDiaries
July 12, 05:36[…] Previously on A SONG ABOUT LIFE… […]
Temi
July 13, 19:17Firstly, don’t feel bad because you made the decision of picking education. If you hadn’t, it might have led to eternal regret.
Wow! I really feel your pain o. Bamidele those family members that didn’t help weren’t destined to help take it!
You self jaye gan o ?????
Nice one and thanks for inspiring us ? ❤