LIFE AFTER THE END
It has been five months and a couple of days since the end. The weather is not the best this evening, but there is still something soothing about the smell of impending rainfall in the air. It is the smell of a wet dog, quite strong but still pleasant.
I am a lover of nature. There has always been a strong connection with me and everything connected to nature. The smells, the life it possesses, the vibrant colours, and most importantly, the hope it promises.
I refer to myself as a hopeless romantic, the kind of guy who falls in love with your soul and everything you’re made up of, good or bad.
I’m not perfect. I’m not the guy who’s going to oppress you or try to limit your greatness. I’ve always taken pride in the success and growth of my partners, always supported their dreams, even at the detriment of our relationship. I never want anyone to miss out on a great opportunity or any chance whatsoever to better themselves.
It has been five months and a couple of days since the end happened, and I have forgiven myself for trying to fix Him. It was never my calling; I shouldn’t have made it so. That was His responsibility. I understand now that nothing I did could have ever made Him happy. Even if I brought down the sun from the sky for Him, it wouldn’t have been enough. I wasn’t enough. It stung to realise this, but it is undeniable that I could never have filled the emptiness that was inside him.
I still remember the turbulence that preceded the end. The constant criticisms, the ghosting, the fights, the lies. I wonder now why I didn’t see that we had gotten to the point of no return, why I didn’t just leave when there seemed to be nothing to stay for.
But I stayed. I stayed and hoped for the best. I told myself I wasn’t a quitter, and that I’d be damned if I gave up on you. On us.
But my dedication wasn’t enough to stop the end from coming.
These days, I no longer wake up, feeling like I’ve lost something, because everything I did and said was sincere. And I have no regrets whatsoever. He may have finally decided to check out, but there is a certain peace I know now, knowing that there was nothing I put into us that was a lie. And for that, I now thrive. I blossom. I stay cheerful even after everything.
It has been five months and a couple of days since the end, and I am finding happiness again. In myself. I am responsible for my smile, for my laughter and my joy.
I have not lost anything. Anything that has left me never belonged to me to begin with. I was simply the bridge they needed for the crossing.
The end has passed and I can see the light. It is dim and far off. But what matters is that I can finally see it.
Written by Shiffi
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18 Comments
Shiffi
March 06, 08:21Thank you so much , Pink panther.
Pink Panther
March 06, 08:38You’re welcome, Shiffi.
Ian
March 06, 09:44I sure know how it feels after being involved in what you thought was a good relationship for you. Then, Booooom! It comes down crashing.
I am also happy to hear you say that you can now see the light. I’m glad you moved on.
You’re brave Shiffi. Keep Living!
Shiffi
March 06, 12:41Thank you ,@Ian.
mikkiyfab
March 06, 09:51Thanks @shiffi for pouring out your heart and soul a beautiful write up I must say
Thank u so much
Shiffi
March 06, 10:21Thanks for taking your time to read my piece, I appreciate your kind words .
Higwe
March 06, 12:30I love your writing style : it looks poetic and at the same time very captivating.
Shiffi
March 06, 12:39Thanks @ Higwe??
no
March 06, 14:48Beautiful.
Black Dynasty
March 06, 16:11Excellently written and good that you’re now able to move on.
It sucks post-break up but I’ve come to understand that the heart is always able to heal if you let it.
Shiffi
March 06, 19:13@Black Dynasty , it wasn’t easy but I’m glad I took that step .
Jay
March 06, 18:33shiffi, thanks for sharing this. It’s an example to learn from. There’s nothing like been happy and free.
Shiffi
March 06, 19:10You’re welcome @Jay .
Sworld
March 07, 07:58sometimes!, loving someone with the hope that things will get better might be the most difficult thing to do + a graveyard mistakes it becomes.
I have got to realize that nothing in this world makes me feel so really sad like loving someone when the feelings aren’t mutual.
I’m glad you have moved on, better days ahead bro!, the right person will come in due time!
#KEEPLOVING!
Dimkpa
March 07, 08:53I read this yesterday and again today. I understand how it feels to lose someone and I admit you rendered it beautifully here. I however, wonder that we never hear the other side of a break up story. We always get one side and sympathise with that. I would like to know if you guys have talked about what went wrong. Have you taken time to understand why he became distant. I say this because if you haven’t, then you lose a chance to learn something about yourself and relationships. It might be he is a complete asshole in which case you have dodged a bullet.
But have you considered that he might be happy, the relationship has ended? That what you felt was love didn’t feel that way to him? You mentioned that you loved his soul and everything in it but also mentioned that you tried to fix him. I feel that if you love everything then there is nothing to fix. Furthermore what made you decide that you have the competence to conclude that another person who you neither raised or fed is deficient and needed fixing? And what made you think that even if that be the case, that you had the ability to fix him? And in trying to do so, did you get his consent or did you go about it in your own way?
In your write up, you suggest that you shouldn’t have tried to fix him but I get the feeling that your regret is that it didn’t work or he wasn’t receptive to it not that it is something you shouldn’t have tried to do in the first place.
I’m just trying to play devil’s advocate here. You have got over the relationship and in reading this, you seem to think you did nothing wrong. I would say that barring him being a complete asshole, that it takes two to tango abd that if the relationship did not work out, there is usually fault on both sides.
Malik
March 07, 10:37Kpa kpa kpa for Dimkpa!
Very important points raised.
Kelcy
March 07, 21:27O my motherfucking days!
DIMKPA Dede m, The depth of your perception and “in-between-the-lines” delineation of issues just gave me a huge mental orgasm producing buckets full of squirt!?
Jeeeeeze! I read through the post with a disgruntled smirk on my face (apologies to the writer) I didn’t have the patience to put my disjointed feelings to words, but reading your rejoinder gave me satisfactory goose pimples!
I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS THE CASE WITH THIS PARTICULAR WRITER, but like u succinctly pointed out, the average human gets to see and tell from THEIR (usually jaundiced) standpoint and absolutely disregardd the (mostly perceived as unpleasant) realities of the other party!
Objectivity in matters of the heart is usually relegated for the minuscule psycho-socially balanced human population!
Again, IM NOT PARTICULARLY REFERENCING THIS WRITER, I SPEAK IN GENERAL TERMS.
Thank you @Dimkpa for breathing life to my mental exertions. You really personify your chosen moniker “DIMKPA”
To the post writer, darling I’m so happy you have moved on in love and light; indeed, after all is said and done, that’s the least we each owe ourselves!
Shiffi
March 07, 11:38@Malik and Dimkpa, y’all are missing the point here . This is my closure , not a settlement or pity party . I’m not here to point out who’s wrong or right . This story is about me taking full responsibility for my participation in the relationship and all it came with, and moving on with peace and clarity despite my ‘experiences’.
However , I’m grateful that you guys took out time to read my story .?