NOW, A THOUGHT FOR KENNY BADMUS’ WIFE
Written by Akin Akintayo, and originally published on akinblog.nl
On the one hand, praise.
A couple of days ago, I celebrated the coming out of Kenny Badmus on both the matter of his sexuality and HIV-status with the hope that his decision will give strength and encouragement to the many who suffer under the societal strictures of conformity and despair.
However, it was impossible for the matter to just end there, because there was one key guiding principle that I had to revisit after a bit of reflection and discussion, the one of people who are hurt by those actions we take when we are faced with other difficult options we refuse to choose.
Now, Kenny Badmus said he learnt this from his father: “Die for your own truth, even if it’s unpopular, but don’t harm others with it.” Indeed, I believe there is a very strong influence of this in his decision to accept who he is, but that lesson has come long after damage has been done.
On the other hand, however…
One cannot ignore the fact that Kenny Badmus’ wife, currently in the middle of an acrimonious marriage spilt, is painted in the very bad light, even if she was culpable and responsible for the situation, according to Kenny Badmus’ side of the story, for continuing the relationship and contracting a marriage with the view of ‘sexing’ him into full heterosexuality.
What I did not read from his mea culpa was a clear sense of the personal responsibility he had knowing his sexuality, his condition and the fact that many might get hurt from his actions.
He, in my view, was a free moral agent; he had the choice not to woo the lady and end up proposing to her, before it culminated in a marriage that lasted six years.
Think about her situation.
One can only imagine the complexities and turmoil the lady would have faced when Kenny decided to begin a relationship, and then she in turn became so emotionally invested in that relationship that she was ready to give all and dare all in the hope that it would succeed.
Besides, one cannot begin to understand the whispering campaign that might have gone on behind her back within the Nigerian society, if at any time it was ever suggested that she was at fault for not being able to meet the full spectrum of the sexual needs of her partner.
I am coming very fast to the conclusion that the lady deserved better and a lot more from Kenny Badmus. That she is lashing out furiously in court, seeking the full visitation of the anti-gay law on Kenny Badmus, simply makes clear the utter sense of betrayal she feels about whatever intentions he had for her in the first instance and how he went through it all as if he had no will or say in the matter.
She however, as Kenny Badmus gets on with his new life of renewed celebrity and acceptance, will have an uphill task of removing herself from the category of ‘damaged goods’ in a society where once-married and then this intrigue of sexuality and HIV-status will always come to play, if she were to start a new relationship.
The harm done…
Sadly, her trust in men will also be undermined; to what extent, one can never say. It might well be best to extricate herself from that society and community to build her life again in another country.
Kenny Badmus took his time to fulfill what he called societal pressures in getting married, and in doing so, he did not really die for his own truth at that time. He took the popular choice of a society wedding. And people have been harmed. Starting with his wife; then if there is any offspring, they are probably confused; his in-laws are probably scandalized; his family is probably embarrassed; friends who would have preferred discretion in association with him, his business, business associates, all have been harmed to some extent, from minimally to quite seriously.
Take some responsibility, man!
Apart from the good of coming out, Kenny Badmus is no saint, not by a long hard mile. One must feel the most for his wife; she was never going to be able to compete for Kenny Badmus’ sexual satisfaction, and I blame that on the fact that we have too conservative an understanding of sexuality and its expression in Nigeria.
Yet, there are many who have gone the Kenny Badmus way, their wives none the wiser that their men are on the down-low. Many are going to get hurt eventually, either in the secrecy that brings the unpalatable back to the matrimonial home, or in the publicity that might end up destroying everyone involved.
We can make very hard choices and in the process save people from being harmed. I will submit that Kenny Badmus did not make that choice when he should have in the first place. He should share a larger part of the responsibility for the way things have turned out.
Die for your own truth, even if it’s unpopular, but don’t harm others with it!
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87 Comments
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 04:45Hehehehehee!!! Perspective well put.
Pete
January 20, 04:46Nice view of the events but if I remember correctly, Kenny did let her know of his sexuality & she still went ahead with the marriage.
Chuck
January 20, 04:51If he was gay why was he trying to marry her?
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 04:53The arguement is, if he was brave enough to admit to her that he is gay, why then wasn’t he brave enough to object to her determination to marry him?
Pete
January 20, 04:59Only Kenny can answer that but he alluded to societal pressure to marry
chestnut
January 20, 06:29Well, I will admit, when I read his story, I wondered why he went on with the marriage.
I know most of us are all ready biased against the woman (as we are, against all women who unknowingly get married to gay men “because EVERY married woman must be part of the homophobic society”, and she actually WAS wrong to insist on the marriage, even after he told her he couldn’t marry her because he was gay, but can we put the entire blame of that fiasco of a marriage on her? That marriage shouldn’t have existed in the first place, and it takes TWO people to agree to a marriage. If he was brave enough to tell her and their pastors that he couldn’t marry her because he was gay, why wasn’t he brave enough to opt out? Why did he leave the decision of whether they would get married or not entirely in her hands? Why did he leave the direction of HIS life entirely in her hands. Basically, he told her “I DON’T want to get married” and she said “we have to get married” and he said “OK”. I’m sure he didn’t really believe she could “fuck him into heterosexuality”, so what was he expecting? We might not know the full story though; we don’t know what she had over him that forced hime to say yes, but from his version of events, he didn’t state that she had anything over him to influence his choice. Or was he afraid of blackmail?(That would make some sense to me).
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 06:34As usual, chestnut perfectly elucidates whats on my mind
Absalom
January 20, 07:20Chestnut, anyone who is biased against the wife misses the point as well.
Are we about to downplay what being gay and being in the closet and being pressured to marry women is like in this country now?
You guys don’t seem appreciate what oppression does to the psyche; that shit can make you crazy. I was pissed with the ex-wife when the story first broke, but, soon after, I couldn’t help but just feel sorry for her. A man tells you he’s gay. Do you need to be hit on the head with a mallet to let that sink in? Kenny’s wife needed rescuing, just as Kenny who has now found his own salvation from everything. I hope she, too, has grown and learned from the experience.
kendigin
January 20, 14:41I think you guys have to re-read his coming out story again. He told her he was gay. He even admitted it to church hoping they will dissuade the marriage. What more do u want?
Put yourself in his shoes, u meet a woman that wants to marry u eventho she knows u are gay, meanwhile ur parents are still there pressuring u from all corners. will you say no?
Gad
January 21, 01:55Yea and now he is “brave” enough to come out and is seeking divorce bravery at the expense of a vulnerable woman. That’s the argument Pinky. I’m sorry i got here late.
pinkpanthertb
January 21, 02:01Please save your sarcasm for someone else.
kendigin
January 21, 10:32TBs sha. Some will just do as if its not the same Nigeria we are.
Someone was man enough to tell his wife he is gay. Do you know how difficult that is. Half of the people here can not even admit to themselves that they are gay- forget what they type online
Peak
January 20, 07:16Multiple like 4 u chestnut! If kenny was brave enough to tell the lady and pastor that he liked men back then (possibly hoping to get off the train or did he do it in the name of being “transparent”) he could as much ve said he wasn’t going through with the marriage. But then again he was young then and might not ve the level of strenght he has now which comes with age,experience and maturity.
There just a lot of blind spots in the whole fiasco, all we could do is speculate.
chestnut
January 20, 07:38@Absie: I’m definitely not about to downplay the societal pressure on closeted gay men to get married, but this is kinda different cos he kinda came out of the closet to his wife and church-ministers already. And from his story, when he told them, he didn’t mean:”I’m gay,but I still WANT to marry u”; he seemed more like he meant: “I’m gay, and I DON’T want to get married to you anymore,so leave this idea of marriage “. His story sounded as if he had already decided not to give in to societal pressure,hence his decision to tell the woman that he didn’t want to marry her anymore…and yet, somehow, she ended being the only one who had a say in the decision-making.
Absalom
January 20, 08:13Ah. Now I see what the ish is, Chestie (lol). We’re reading the words “I am gay” from different psychological perspectives. You’re reading the decisive, firm, maybe even rebellious Kenny. I’m reading the undecided, bullied Kenny – conflicted between following his heart and hurting the people around him.
I’m sure, in your life, you’ve made an un-firm decision, with a little hope that someone would dissuade you from it or tell you what you want… Then after you follow the person’s advice, you learn the hard way that you really should have listened to yourself all along and been firm from the get-go. It’s happened to me a lot. The human mind is a complex thing beyond words on paper.
With all due respect to his person, the Kenny of 6 years ago doesn’t seem to me like the Kenny of now, if not that marriage would never have held no matter what the fiancee did. And judging the two Kennys – something we have no right to do, by the way – on the same pedestal is faulty.
Gad
January 21, 02:10I don’t know this Badmus guy but I’m sure he is a Nigerian. From the picture you and others are painting, he seems to be the bride here while the wife is the Groom. In Nigeria, a man determines who to marry,how and when. Its the woman that is usually pressured to marry who she doesn’t want to marry except in few exceptional cases.
Gad
January 21, 01:52Pete, my problem with us is the way we swallow everything that we hear without subjecting them to so objective scrutiny. Do you think it was Mrs Badmus that worked her way to Mr Badmus, “toasted” him, become the driver in the dating /courtship that must have followed b4 marriage? In your own thinking,do you believe as Mr Badmus will want us to believe that it was his wife that took the “please will you marry me move”. Don’t you think that the story according to Badmus is laced with falsehood? Don’t you think that we ought to give credit to this woman for not being homophobic by going ahead to marry a gay guy and holding on for over 72 months before she lost it in the face of seeming betrayal? Please let’s look @ the facts put before us again
Ace
January 20, 05:01I always thought of the other side to this story. Either way, the thing way don happen don happen. I just feel for their young son, all the confusion and craziness will be too much for him.
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 05:02There’s a child? Well, that’s brand new information for me.
xpressivejboy
January 20, 05:54Yeah, they both have a son together. He’s fine. Let’s keep his son out of this…Kenny, I believe, already has plans for his cute seed.
Chizzie
January 20, 05:22Ok I stopped reading this when I saw the bit abt “wooing the lady” . Yes there are two sides to every story but I’d rather hear the other side directly from the horses mouth, not this sentimental and assumption ridden post written by a nobody as far as the matter is concerned.
Who is to say his wife didn’t woo him? or that she didnt initiate the relationship in the first place? or that she didn’t even propose?
As long as we haven’t heard her side of the story, then the bitch is solely to blame as far as im concerned
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 05:30The spokesperson for TeamKennyBadmus has released a statement. lol
xpressivejboy
January 20, 06:00Thanks Chizzie. I couldn’t have spewed that much.
MacArdry
January 20, 07:39What part of “Die for your own truth…..” did you not understand?.She wooed him?.She also forced him to the altar,said the “I do” for him?.
Dude,to whom brain is given sense is expected.You don’t make use of yours much,it seems
Chizzie
January 20, 08:02ehh? ok someone is clearly fixing for a fight. il try not to indulge idiocy this morning, esp seeing as I am at work.
Paul
January 20, 08:40Bro let’s b civil a bit.
Dat waz not necessary.
MacArdry
January 20, 14:07@Paul,you didn’t see that bit about “the bitch” being to blame.That was civil,right?.
Max
January 20, 08:21He wasn’t tied down with a chain while walking down the aisle.. That’s the point of this whole piece.
Chizzie
January 20, 08:37yes true, but maybe be figured he’ll oblige her cus she wasn’t going to have it any other way and he sincerely believed in her conviction to change him. Throw in the bit about societal and family pressure, and it becomes more apparent why he went ahead w the marriage.
This was a woman who knew what she was going into from the getgo and is crying wolf now that the inevitable has happened. she has no one else to blame but herself.
Gad
January 21, 02:22Chizzie dear,kindly send a mail on our behalf to Mrs Badmus to come and state her own side of the story but please bear in mind that it’s not everybody that will toe the line of going public with their private affairs. Marital issues ought be the most private part of a human being,s life followed by sexuality IN MY OPINION
Dom
January 21, 05:22I’d be damned if I expected an objective opinion from this troll.
Dennis Macauley
January 20, 05:25Well I feel nothing for the wife, she is part of the Nigerian society that created thia problem. If she loved him, she dis not need to go on full attack mode in court especially as she was privy to his sexuality before the marriage. There was no deceit, she knew and she decided she would change him!
Having said that, there also comes a point in a man’s life when he has to be selfiah and stand up for himself. Should he have kept quiet and continued suffering in silence because of her and his in-laws? No!
Kenny also sacrificed a fledging career, i guess his family is also not pleased. So he ultmately paid a bigger price! I have no pity for his wife.
xpressivejboy
January 20, 06:03*dabs*
ThankYou, DM.
I think I need to break ma rules ’bout coffee today *joins DM at the table*
Paul
January 20, 06:18DM she went on full attack mode because because she was hurting badly(vindictive U shuld know ds)
Dat said everybody has blames in ds jst as everyone has losses in ds.
Wat I tink d writer doesn’t knw is He tinks its a win win case for Kenny maybe judging from d applause he’s goten and d fact dt he’s started a new life out there but deep down in dat man’s closet he’s bleeding. He’s lost a lot, family,joy, career, freedom in his home country and d many tins he alone knows.
I jst pray everybody gets fine @ d end of d day.
Gad
January 21, 02:40I see no loss on Kenny,s part except that the wife outed him which was a natural reaction to the feeling of betrayal. Gays do worse than this to gays. The woman in my opinion was simply used and dumped. My wife is aware of my sexuality and has no problems with that and we have 2 kids (our angels) but I’m sure she will loose her cool if I decide to back out tomorrow after using her to get kids. I feel for both parties. The lady will suffer now and become okay but the man,s suffering will be in the future. I hope he will keep us updated on social media. The battle in-between will soon start. If Kenny is an honest and noble man,i will want to see him not fighting that battle. Its then I will start swallowing some of the lies he has told.
pinkpanthertb
January 21, 02:43For someone who’s preaching for the reservation of judgment, you seem to be full of it. Judgment mixed with a generous dose of presumptions.
Peak
January 20, 06:30Dennis I totally disagree with you. The gay in may wants to sentmentally side with kenny Hotmus, but the realist in me sees everything the way it is properly layed out in this post.
Kenny is parading himself like true hero (lord knows I still see him as one) but he owes his “hero medal” to his wife! The bitch pratically yanked the closet door and chew them while she was in rage mode, then tossed him out to share in the humiliation that she was about to deal with. He was gonna lose his “fledging career eventually, cos its a matter of time b4 word gets out. He just did what we nigerians do when we are caught up in a nasty fight, the “if u wan naked me, I go kukuma naked myself” thing. The only thing he did was go Olivia pope on the woman! He took the power from her cos if she was allowed, she would ve torn him in shreds, to the point where he would ve nothing to his name. Smart guy if u ask me.
This brings me to the “my papa said” part “Die for your own truth, even if it’s unpopular, but don’t harm others with it!” Did my dear kenny die for the truth? Did spare 1 single soul from all of this? Long story short she has her share of blame in this 4 being ignorant and thinking she was could “turn him”. If na u be the woman u go gree leave Hotmus even if u just dated 4 a day b4 the word marriage came up? Let’s not judge harshly biko. He on the other hand didn’t die 4 the truth and harmed more ppl now than he could then.
xpressivejboy
January 20, 06:40Peak, she’s a woman…a mother…not a bitch, weigh your words and watch your utterances.
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 06:42He was not being derogatory, not really. Why so hot under the collar, jboy
Peak
January 20, 07:01@Jboy! Calm ur tits honey! I wasn’t trying to sound derogatory. You should ve focused more on how satiric it was used in the describing kenny’s actions, as opposed to focusing on the word alone. Either way I apologies if u found my choice of “word” offensive. Sorry
Max
January 20, 08:25So many opinions.. All right..
Gad
January 21, 02:46You just exhibited uncommon bravery. Saying “im sorry” is not a mean feat
Dom
January 21, 05:26…and there goes another “very intelligent and informed opinion.”
ola
January 20, 05:28Every party in this fiasco is a victim of societal values, Kenny, his wife n everyone involved. Although am pretty sure that Kenny won’t come out if his wife did not out him in court, so am guessing she started it, which was what made Kenny did what he did. The only person I pity in this situation is their child,
McGray
January 20, 06:07This is what i call great. Sometimes we tend to condemn without proper thinking. Em, em, Pinky, pls wat abt dat story abt karma, i mean d one who saw an ex shag during an interview and keyed his employment. Abeg remember it nah m nt gud at story telling. Pls m looking 4wd to dat piece
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 06:08That’s DM’s story. His update to give.
Absalom
January 20, 06:33This should not be turned into a game of blames.
This is a classic case of: when everything goes wrong with homophobia the gay man is expected to take the fall once again. We get blamed for everything, even coming out.
Although Akintayo is not a homophobe (checked out his blog) his insistence on apportioning blame misses the whole point. The pressure for gay men to disappear into heterosexual marriages is real and maddening (Ikr? ).
Kenny did a brave thing by warning her beforehand what she was getting into – expecting her to meet him halfway in making the decision to call the sham off. But did she? No. This scenario could have happened (and has happened) to any one of us with all of society breathing down your neck. You will take what, in retrospect, will look like “cowardly”, “wicked” or “insensitive” decisions.
No one is at a fault here. They, like all of us, were both victims traumatised by their hateful and marriage-crazed society. Kenny would have been happier with a man and his now ex-wife would have lived her life in peace with a man who prefers women. Now an entire marriage has broken down, the both of them are left with the ashes; the people who hounded them into this unhappy union have all escaped through the backdoor.
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 06:40Life really is a bitch, innit? Its like what i understood from what Dennis once said: If you are brave enough to stand your ground against society, do it, becos at the end of the day, they’ll move on from your matter
obatala
January 20, 06:45I ain’t blaming any of them but I always feel sorry for a gay mans wife. a friend told me that his sisters husband is fully gay and has a boyfriend which happens to be his bestie. I don’t know if I was right but when he gave me the load down of all their romantic trysts which he was fully privy to, I urged him to save his beloved sister the heartbreak of finding out later and tell her himself. of course, he didn’t.
in this case however, the man is under as much societal pressure as the woman is to get a husband. oh yeah, I believe unmarried ladies even undergo more pressure than gay guys to get married. I remember when my sister was still living with us, mum would not let any of her slips go without mentioning the fact that she hasn’t yet got a husband. she would be like, ”I told you to do the dishes before I return from work, and u haven’t done it. I don’t blame you. it is because u have refused to marry that you are constituting this much nuisance” she could go on and on and my dear sis always ended up crying. she was 24.
imagine the torture Mrs badmus nee-I dunno, might have gone through making her want to screw him straight. so if we must blame anyone, let’s blame the society that makes it impossible or near impossible at least to live the way you wished.
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 06:46Preach!!!
chestnut
January 20, 07:53Again,I don’t know if I can blame society entirely for kenny’s case. He seemed ready to ignore society’s opinion when he told her he had decided not to get married to her anymore (and live as a single,gay man, against society’s wishes). If the marriage was solely borne out of (his) fear of societal mockery, he wouldn’t have tried to convince her to let him continue being a single, gay man, because he must have known beforhand,that society wouldn’t approve that.
Peak
January 20, 06:49@Paul paulo, guy u surprise me oooooooo thought you would support the woman completely, since some of us ve come to know u as “Paul! Defender of the clueless/innocent girl” ok scrach that. The Mrs in not clueless. She know as e de go b4 she marry the guy, and bin de determine to wear the guy till him stop to crave dicks. that’s why u are not championing her this morning. Ok bye
Paul
January 20, 07:10Hehehehe
Peak allow me drink water drop cup na?
I hv realy tot abt ds situation and I feel for all parties. Its must realy be a trying time for them all.
All ds still gets to 1 single fact- if marriage isn’t ur tin,den by all means don’t do it.U won’t b shot dead for nt getting married.
In d long run u’d b happier u didn’t.
Peak
January 20, 07:26Yea, I feel you bro.
I still believe marriage is not for everyone whether u are gay or not. But a lot of us are just cowards (myself included) to go against the norm. I for one think I’m not wired to be married and it has absolutly nothing to do with sexuality. I’m just designed to be selfishly independent. But some how I’m saddled with the responsibility of ushering in the next generation into the world. I don’t want to! But I’m too much of coward to do other wise.
Paul
January 20, 07:46Peak we share a tot.
I’m too selfish to b married too.
And after all ds,U r still giving in to d pressures?-must realy b a tof battle for U. I wish U great luck.(U’d b needing it)
Max
January 20, 08:32The resentment I feel towards marriage has nothing to do with sexuality. I value “individuality” a lot.. And just like you, I’m tasked with the burden of ushering the next gen of Maxie’s into the world, which gives me high BP sometimes. I just like being alone. Sorry, not like, I LOVE IT.
trystham
January 20, 07:39But I thot he stated clearly that she INSISTED. A warning is a warning. I bet he hoped himself for a semblance of normalty in his life. An outward look of heterosexuality with the license to play around with the boys and a wife to not feel guilty to (Something a lot of us wish for in our lives, well at least marry a lesbian leastways) and thats why he didn’t push and practically jumped at it. Methinks this was a marriage of convenience for both parties kinda…till it turned sour. Cos any woman who wants to marry a man after such declaration wants something
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 08:13Yes. Something being the validation in the eyes of society as a married woman perhaps…
s_sensei
January 20, 07:43There is something we are not considering. Is the wife also hiv positive? If that’s the case, who infected who? Did Kenny infect her? Or was the reverse the case? This info would make it clearer.
Paul
January 20, 07:55Dats one of her losses dat the writer’s trying to shed light on.
A big blow it is to her.
Dat lady needs a lot of Love else she’d come down in ur consulting room
Peak
January 20, 08:44This thought crossed my mind a couple of times. If kenny has been positive for 15years?, got married 6years ago?, and has a child in between? While still being gay? What’s the status of the remaining parties? A lot of blind spots I tell u. I wish them all the best cos I won’t wish the level of deep shit on anyone
Lanre Swagg
January 20, 10:08Positive 15 years + Married 6th year = probably not infective at the time due to very low viral load
#TeamKizito
January 20, 07:47Hmm.
MGM though.
KryxxX
January 20, 07:54Kizito, can I borrow ur phrase? Dis thing tire me gan!
Hmmn!
tobby
January 20, 08:39She is NOT solely to blame if your “mr gay” decided also to go on with the marriage… He was NOT forced, you canb be tied down dragged to a court or wherever and forced to say the words “I do”…
Both are to blame
tobby
January 20, 08:41Very well put
jamie
January 20, 08:41You see, it is assumed that all men must marry women (except maybe you’re a priest. Though I’ve come across priests dating and was like WTF! Why become one if you can’t adhere to the rules…) LOL. So as we all grow up, even gays would know that one responsibility they ought to fulfil is marriage to a lady. Badmus knew about this responsibility. And I think he was too young to know how much he could adhere to that responsibility, but then, by the years, out of frustration, had to leave that closet!
Also, what I know is, when the issue of gay and bisexual sexuality comes up (not just in Nigeria or Africa. And I don’t blame them for their ignorance cos we sabi pretend een…), so many ignorant people see a picture of a heterosexual who likes to behave ‘abnormally’ by ‘just having indiscriminate sexual escapades’ with their fellow sex. And to an extent, because gays in Nigeria cannot fully accept themselves and who they are, and since they know that with all the ga3 loving and romance they get, they must try to marry a woman someday, they avoid relationships and end up having lots of irrelevant and indiscriminate sex, even with people they hardly love, hurting a lot of people in the process. This must have created that impression of the gay being an ultimately sexual being. However, even with this, the mind works with the body, so I cannot sleep with a mad woman or man, except the mind is involved.
Badmus’ wife must haven’t understood him when he said he was gay. She probably thought he was telling her ‘he sleeps with men’ and not that ‘he has romantic feelings for his fellow men’. It is awful.
When I hear stories of this sort, I tend not to blame anyone of the two, especially if the lady in question wasn’t in the know.
PinkPanther, I’d like to share some composition here. How do I go about that?
Max
January 20, 09:18Word!
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 09:20Email to pantherptb@yahoo.com
Cj Parker
January 20, 08:58All rubbish she got what she deserved I remember in he’s coming out article he said even when they where still unmarried and going for marriage classes he told the minister about he’s sexually n d wife said all dat will go away as soon as they’re married,what those she tink, dat she waz gonna 4ck him into being str8. Menh from my own point of view she got what she deserved,daz a lesson to ppl in general don’t ever tink u can change someone over night
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 09:22Punctuations, Cj Parker. Whatever did punctuations do to you for you to deny them their job of making the reading of your comment easier for us, hmm? 🙂
Lanre Swagg
January 20, 10:13Very insightful contribution.
Not possible to blame any of the characters.
Everybody is a victim.
Our society is toxic as far as freedom of thought is concerned.
The goal should be a future where healing is accomplished and freedom is possible for all.
Khaleesi
January 20, 11:16I frankly dont see much of a rationale for blaming Kenny for this unfortunate twist of events, he was much younger (less self assured or experienced), than he is today, with his deep religious and cultural ties (as explained by him), he simply followed what he felt was the natural path laid out for every member of this society. It is to his credit, that he actually tried to warn his wife as well as his church about his sexuality yet she dreamt and imagined that she could “fuck him straight” … i frankly feel not an iota of pity for her – yes!! She actually got a heads up even before the wedding and yet she chose (for reasons best known to her), to go ahead, and now she turns around to try and lash out at him. Abeg, she deserves every bit of what she got! I frankly do not feel a jot of pity for Nigerian women who marry and end up discovering that their husbands actually like men. They are part and parcel of as well as active in the creation of the homophobic environment we now have, therefore, it only stands to reason that they shall also partake in the reaping when the harvest is ripe.
Kenny, like most of us eventually will, had no choice, he was (then) not strong enough to withstand the discrimination and mental torture that society would undoubtedly inflict on him if he had remained true to himself, with his back up against the wall, he had nowhere else to turn … Abeg, i dont know what the author of this mildly idiotic post is striving to achieve, whatever it is, it has fallen flat on its face!
Kenny, you have my undying respect and admiration ….
Chuck
January 20, 12:54Please. No will and no choice? How old was he? The extent to which you will overlook a gay man’s flaws is astounding. Why did he say he was gay? Why didn’t he add ” I don’t want to marry”?
MacArdry
January 20, 14:18I wonder at that path of reasoning too.
If I read him well,he’s saying one can do no wrong in that aspect in so far as one is gay.
And all that he was younger stite……smh
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 13:03For the first time, Khaleesi, i have to disagree with you here. Your comment reads like you’re coddling one party too much.
Khaleesi
January 20, 15:39Pinky, never underestimate the power of societal pressure … methinks he caved in to the relentless pressure from both his ex-wife as well as his society/family … dont be so cocky/arrogant; you might soon be in the same position and none of us can accurately say how we will handle the situation when it arises …
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 13:09And besides, It seems quite amusing that Kenny gets a waiver for being much younger, but the wife is – what? – older, wiser?
Lord II
January 20, 14:40Yes and should have shown her maturity in NOT given into the lure of marrying the GM in the first place. How can some of you be so double minded in this blog coz when the first episode of this story came out it was all praises to Kenny and go to hell for the woman. Now all of a sudden there really isn’t a consensus anymore????. Smh
How do you know strong character? It’s simple making sure you never cower or change your conviction even in the face of staunch opposition. Why? Cause it’s called CONVICTION!!
Suddenly just cause there’s another write up on the matter and this time on the other side we seem not to be making up our minds anymore.
Ok what of the other way round….pinky remember I mentioned about a lesbian whom her husband caught her with another woman IN THEIR HOME!!! What of that and what do we say about all the women who am sure are more than the men but are married GAY Women??
Ah….sweetie your ranting again oooo coolu down nau!
pinkpanthertb
January 20, 15:26Kenny Badmus’s coming out was brave and laudable. I respect and admire him for his guts.
But the contention here isn’t about his coming out. Its about the other person (the woman) and how society contributes to the damage of individuals’ lives.
Honestly Lord, you comment sometimes and i wonder if its an 11 year old with the phone. What do u mean, consensus…double minded… What is this, a board meeting?
Lord II
January 20, 14:46…..and just so you know if it’s not that easy for the MGM to fight societal pressures here in NaIJA then HOW MUCH HARDER is it for the lesbian who MUST marry and who when she turns 25 is often seen as a HO and maybe worse!!! Ah I just won’t deal!
Lord II
January 20, 18:14Like I said am sorry for the rant oo but that’s just how I view things. Let’s stick to a side or something so pat that it’s what we are known for that’s all am saying!
Oh my…me again!
Gad
January 21, 03:43Hmmm. All for Justice and fairness!!!
Oluwadamilare Okoro
January 21, 00:12Pause.
Lemme say I did not read both of kenny’s posts/stories but I got bits and pieces…
So I just wanna confirm/ ask… I heard the marriage lasted 6years… then I also heard he’s been living with aids for 15years…
Ok. Which probably means he was HIV+ before he married the woman. Did he tell her about his status too???
Pls my dear KDians… I am a lastma official. bikonu come to aid… thanks!
Gad
January 21, 03:41@ Lord, the double dealing is so brazen and shameful. It goes a long way to expose the strength of character of a people who seek fairness and acceptance from a society that is obviously not different from them when the dishonesty and irrationality of both are brought to the fore.
Dom
January 21, 05:16Senseless.
Brian Collins
January 21, 20:48Before i start reading the comments, i know someone musta asked but where is King or is it Lord again.