Porn Star Tayte Hanson’s on the Body Dysmorphia in the Gay Porn Industry
“It only took a few months after entering the adult film industry to see the kind of toxicity that runs within it. The warped sense of self I already felt was magnified more than I’d ever imagined possible.” ~ Tayte Hanson
Tayte Hanson is, and always was, more than a pretty face. As we discovered when he wrote “Not My President, Not My Country” back in November, Tayte is very politically and culturally aware — and able to express it with impressive clarity and articulation.
His self-respective piece, Having Body Dysmorphia in Gay Porn Is a Nightmare, just published by Vice, is a thoughtful and insightful read. It’s not that his body isn’t as pretty as the rest: it’s that he often doesn’t feel that way.
Being fit before filming is part of a porn star’s job. In this case, it’s not that Tayte isn’t ready for his close-up. It’s the forces inside and out that make him think he isn’t. We all gain a few pounds now and then. We all slack at gym from time to time. But when you get naked and filmed for a living, there’s nowhere to hide. Even, as in Tayte’s case, you really have nothing to hide in the first place.
“The body I see weighs 160 pounds, stands at 5′ 9, and clocks in at a mere 4.5 percent fat. By the books, I am in the top tenth percentile of humans walking the planet, fitness-wise. Yet I feel inadequate. I wouldn’t describe myself as having low self-esteem, but when I look in the mirror, I feel overweight.”
“By the time I shot my first porn, while I was in a place where I felt I’d made huge strides in terms of my mental health and body image, I was not prepared for the onslaught of internet trolls who’d consume my work, waiting to feast on every and any vulnerability they could.”
“One of my good friends in the industry once told me a story about his very first shoot, at which he overheard his director and another model talking in a side room about how bringing him across the country to film was a bad idea and his pictures “looked much more fit” than he did in person.”
“To be clear, I realize the porn industry is one that’s necessarily about the objectification of our bodies, and it’s important to remain at the top of your game. But he certainly was at the top of his game—and overhearing those comments caused my friend serious pain and led to an eating disorder. Over the year that followed, he put himself on an extreme diet and started taking steroids. After 14 months, he was hospitalized and needed both physical and mental therapy to treat his continuing body dysmorphia.”
“As human beings, we don’t have to be perfect—we’d be pretty fucking boring if we were. But if we are to live with some degree of happiness, we have to be willing to love ourselves and all our flaws, both those that are real and perceived. I’m still working out which is which, and learning to love myself in the process.”
For the full story, check on HERE.
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9 Comments
Mandy
September 14, 07:15This body dismorphia is something I’m yet to completely understand, especially when it applies to people who have beautiful bodies and yet feel like their bodies and ugly and incomplete.
Colossus
September 14, 08:51I agree
IBK
September 14, 12:28Do you understand how you can have everything you want and still be depressed/suicidal? Maybe if you try to extrapolate that. It’s a mental illness.. Nothing is wrong but your brain is convinced something is wrong.
chubbylover
October 10, 06:59Sums it all up succinctly…..well done IBK!
trystham
September 14, 08:30Biko, come chop eba abeg. Someone will always av that body u think u want.
Delle
September 14, 17:50I look at my self in the mirror, my shirt is raised, no pacs but a belly that’s very far from being distended and I smile.
No body dysmorphia thing here. Thank God!
BJ
September 15, 10:06Body dysmorphia ends where self love starts. I love myself too much to think too deep of what the next person has to say about me.
cupid
September 15, 19:26to some extent I understand where he’s coming from. he’s in an industry that requires one to constantly look a certain way in order to succeed ,sometimes its not just the look but how these look translate in pictures and films . Google pretty girls makes awful models or read Ashley mears pricing beauty (although mostly on fashion modeling but somehow can related to this ) to get a glimpse on what those in industries based solely on looks do to remain relevant and the reason why people who originally feel to be pretty would be the first to be shown the door in such industries
Z
September 17, 09:23A porn actor with a brain