Random Questions: About Gay Relationships
It’s a common sentiment in the gayborhood that gay relationships don’t last. People are either saying that because of the disillusionment they feel over the random hookups gay men are famous for, or because of the crushing expectations society has of us to conform.
But while people are wading in and out of relationships like it’s a fashion season, others are making it work. And this query wants to investigate that.
Let us know what you think about LGBT Nigerians and our romantic relationships.
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11 Comments
Black Dynasty
November 08, 06:43But of course, I’ve seen too many examples. From white folks to Africans and Caribbean folks. The Caribbean couple who are good friends are on their 14th year this year.
Why is it not more common? Well, frankly a lot of folks tend to do as “they” do (previous generation). Most Nigerians have thus not had the chance to see stable long term LBGTQ relationships that are relatable (we all know of folks like ellen, elton john, neil patrick harris in marriages etc) and can be emulated. Add to this, being freely LGBTQ is still a relatively recent phenomenon in most western societies and even more recent but rare is marriage. Without live relatable examples to emulate, it’s going to be a challenge to see more of this
There is also the developmental aspect, most men were introduced to homosexuality via the sexual route and thus this is all they know versus say str8 folks who are taught that marriage is supposed to be something to aspire to. Add to this that there isn’t the same societal pressure for LGBTQ that eventually forces most straight men to get into long term relationships and marriage.
Ultimately, I do believe LGBTQ like every other human being is capable of maintaining long term relationships…. if that’s what we really want. But it would require free thinking and ability to deal with the unique challenges that come with it, especially those in countries that are not free (My Caribbean friends live in country that is very homophobic with a life sentence for same sex acts and they’ve been together that long). And yes, I’m def one of those up for the challenge and very aware of how bad things are.
Pink Panther
November 08, 06:55This! All of this!!! ??
trystham
November 08, 10:47I don’t get really. With the level of wokeness enough to identify that u fuck guys (no matter how very much of self denial is involved) do u need gay relationship forerunners? I think we still hold on to that part of consciousness that tells us that whatever we are/are doing is wrong and cling to the hope that we will change. We want to grab unto that hope with no baggage of gay relationships tying one down
Delle
November 08, 11:38I think the environment to an extent affects our psyche as well. Remove the fourteen-year law, a drastic reduction in kito events, less TB mentality, more acceptance from family and a lot will change.
I am thinking…
Black Dynasty
November 08, 14:01I’m not sure it will change as much, you only need to look to the West that have these same freedoms as you’ve mentioned but still have an overwhelming majority not able to maintain long term relationships.
However this does tend to change for them when they reach the 40’s and 50’s… then they seem to be more interested in settling down (I’m guessing loneliness really starts to kick in).
I think some people want it and others don’t… at least not yet. Some do want it but don’t know how to go about it.
J
November 09, 12:44Nice one Black Dynasty!
Freddie
November 08, 07:32If both parties are serious and out (not necessarily publicly) and have the support of family and friends, sure e fit last well
Keredim
November 08, 16:26I don’t think i am qualified in any way to have an opinion on gay relationships in Nigeria (or anywhere for that matter ), so please take what I am about to say with the tiniest pinch of salt :-
Yes, the Nigerian environment is hostile and we don’t always get the support from friends and family we need to validate our sexuality and make life easier. BUT there are gay relationships that thrive. “Na di same hot water wey deh make yam soft, dey make egg hard”
For me it’s a mindset. If both parties in the relationship want it to work, guess what, It will work within the parameters they have set for themselves . There is only so much blame we can place on the hostile environment and lack of family support. It is down to the individuals and it takes a lot of maturity.
Also, don’t believe everything you see on Social media, relationships take a shit load of work (whether “in the abroad” or not) to thrive.
Be less idealist and more realistic. Less woke but asleep with one eye open. Fine tune your relationships to your situation and not to those you see on Facebook and Instagram in LGBT friendly countries.
Like i said, take my comment with a pinch of salt.
??♂️??♂️
J
November 09, 12:45Nice one!
kenny
November 10, 22:17You have spoken well brother!
gaia
November 09, 17:58We probably don’t know how to handle it yet….