RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 23)
I belong in an art club; we learn to paint, we hold exhibitions and generally do artsy stuff. There are some dangerously cute men in the club and there are some women too, but more guys mostly. I know that a lot of guys in the art scene may have a question mark or two, but I generally mind my business, seeing as I hold a leadership position in the club.
Anyway, we had this (impossibly cute) guy who found us on twitter and joined the club. He lives in Aba, and it was always an issue for him to come to meetings, seeing as they often stretch into the night. So being the very nice person that I am, I offered to have him crash at my pad after meetings and head back to Aba on Sunday morning (Judge Nut). I knew I was setting myself up for trouble, but you know those times when your whore-mones override your brain and every bone of wisdom in your body? So I began to have him over, and eventually it began to stretch to the entire weekend, which was great.
And then came the evening when we went out and got wasted. We got back to my house by 2am, and on an impulse, I kissed him. He kissed me right back. We proceeded to have a great make-out session, but we did not go the whole hog, mostly because he did not allow me take off his pants.
A few days later, we discussed it via whatsapp and he said he hadn’t been with a guy before, but that he liked me and was willing to try again, but at his pace. I agreed.
What is the point of this story abi? Hold on a bit.
So one girl who is also in the art club called me up, and we were chatting. Suddenly she was like: “How far with that Aba guy in the art club?” I told her he was fine, while trying to gauge where the conversation was headed. I am a gay man, so I often know the wiles of women and I know that girls just don’t “want to find out how a guy is doing”. When they ask these kinds of questions, they most likely have a motive. Eventually she owned up and said she liked the guy, and asked if I could subtly hook them up. I told her he would not like her. She asked how I knew this, and I told her that I knew him very well, that he likes tall skinny girls who don’t eat (she is short and a little stocky). Eventually she was like, “No problem, forget I said anything. Don’t mention it to him.”
See man that I am plotting how I will bae, and this babe wants to pour sand-sand in my corn flakes?
Chukwuaju!
*
One of my good, straight friends and I were having a conversation recently, and somehow the conversation went to gay marriage and the American landmark judgment. He had always said he doesn’t hate gay people, but that he doesn’t support gay marriage. I always find this stance contradictory. And I have always explained to him that loads of gays will probably never get married anyway, but the state should not take away that choice. If I want to do it, I should be able to do it. He knows I’m gay and has always acted like he does not have an issue with it. I did not just out and tell him. He was at my last birthday party, and after the party, he asked why besides my female colleagues, there were no girls at the party. I replied that it was a boys’ night out. He replied that nobody had boys’ night out on their birthdays, and then asked directly if I was gay, to which I answered in the affirmative. And he said that as long as I remained a good person that I am, that he really wouldn’t care.
On this day however, I got to see a different side of him which I’d been oblivious to. It appeared that deep down, this guy did not actually support the rights of gays and maybe he just accepted me because he was my friend. Deep down, this guy may actually expect me to change.
I took a deep breath and asked him a question, “Do you think that people are born gay?”
He asked why I was asking that question, and I told him that this philosophy is the definitive factor for homophobia. Homophobes believe that gay people just choose the lifestyle, and so they hate them for it. But if you believe that people are born gay and have no control over their sexual leanings, then you will not judge them, because it would be like judging short people or albinos.
So I asked him again, “Do you think people are born gay?” I told him I didn’t want a contextual answer. I just wanted a yes or a no.
After a quick moment, he said, “I do not believe people are born gay. I think homosexuality is a habit they pick up which stayed for too long. And I think that with a concerted effort, it can be dropped. I am sorry if this hurts your feelings, but I have to tell you the truth. The bible is my standard.”
My beer tasted like bile at that point, and I stood up feeling totally crushed. I told him that there no use both of us being friends anymore, since he believed that I need fixing and that I am headed to hell as I am. I told him to have a nice life, got up and left the place where we were. Before I got to the car park, I remembered his wedding was coming up.
So I came back and said to him, “Since you also don’t believe that I deserve to be married and find happiness the same way you have found happiness with your fiancé, you might want to shop around for another grooms man of my body structure, who that blue suit will fit perfectly, because I will not be attending your wedding.”
I have absolutely no regrets over breaking up the friendship. Anyone can stew in his homophobia. I just won’t let all that be a part of my life anymore.
*
I hate being objectified; not that I think of myself as a hunk or someone extremely good looking. I just thoroughly detest being objectified. I realize that men are very visual creatures and are maybe moved more by what they see. But sex cannot be everything that there is to a person. I have BBM contacts that whenever they buzz you, they find a way to make the conversation be about sex, and that is the fastest way to kill a conversation between me and you.
I met up with a KDian recently who had been emailing me for a while. When he said he was in Port Harcourt for a while, I figured I could grab a drink with him. We met on a Friday night in a bar, and I really liked what I saw physically; he was tall, waiflike with a very tiny waist, and had that air that expensive education provides.
We got down to having beers, and I was trying to get into his head and get a feel of his persona. But the dude had other plans that maybe involved a bed first and drinks after. I was trying to keep the conversation about books he had read and movies he had seen so as to find a common thread to gist about, but he would always find a way to sexualize the conversation to the point where I became uncomfortable. He kept referring to certain body parts of mine which were allegedly extra large, and I was wondering who I had to thank for that, seeing as I had never mentioned that in my journal here.
At a point, I got really irritated, and I made an excuse about taking the dogs to the vet (at 8pm? Yea right) and stood up. And he was like, “Wait, aren’t you coming to my hotel with me?” I was like, “No thanks.” And he said, “Come on, what will I do to make you follow me?” That was when I got very angry, seeing as I had just been spoken to like I was a rent boy. I turned and left.
I don’t mean to come across as snotty or arrogant, but I am not a rent boy. I mean, I am not even a boy (I am fast approaching 30), so I don’t get people offering me money for sex on twitter or email. I am not going to mention this acquaintance’s pseudonym of course. But what he did isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with such a situation. It still doesn’t stop me from being baffled that some people believe I will have sex with them just for money. Oh well, they don’t know me well enough, so I forgive them.
Do not take this bit the wrong way. This is something I feel strongly about. And so, I decided to talk about it today.
Have a great week, guys.
DM
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45 Comments
Francis
July 22, 06:42Hmmm, you want to bae someone who’s possibly experimenting?! Hian. You haff strength oh. Lol.
Dennis Macaulay
July 22, 08:32You need to see his eyes; they look like fiery crystals!
Anyway the ship sailed and sank
Mandy
July 22, 07:05LMAO! Dennis, you conniving sonofabitch! You just had to chance a thirsty woman becos you have interest eh? Whatever happened to love in sharing?
Dennis Macaulay
July 22, 08:30No time!
Dubem
July 22, 07:09At the end of the day, it takes an extraordinary heterosexual individual to understand the struggles of the LGBT. One thing is to claim you accept, another is to really understand what it is you’re accepting. It’s because of this distinction that antigay folks usually think anyone advocating for gay rights must be gay.
XpressiveJBoy
July 22, 07:18DM, nice on Bro…
I relate with every bit of the rant of today…but, find a place in your beautiful heart to be nicer to me when we eventually get to see.
#MyFirstCommentOnKD.com
Pink Panther
July 22, 07:26Hehehehehee!!! Well, Jboy, you know what to do. Don’t go panting for his D the moment you say hello.
Francis
July 22, 07:30LMAO @ panting
Max
July 22, 07:39I know what your friend said is wrong, but your reaction was a bit childish. Getting up and leaving the place and then coming back again etc. I have friends like that too, friends who believe I should marry the gay away.. There are better ways to deal with such situations than storming out of the place. Now I’m not saying I wouldn’t have reacted the same way as you(I don’t take shit from ppl either), but…
Then about the KDian, I’ve always said it here that most ppl that come here are hoes. I like this new site, it shows you how many people have seen a post and I’m shocked at how many views each post get daily. They just read and run away, unless the post involves sex or some raunchy stuff. Anything about activism, they just read and go.
To all the hoes in the house, please we need to hear your voice more often..
I stopped worrying about what my friends think of homosexuality when I realized that a significant percentage of gay people have the same homophobic ideology with them. So you don’t expect the straight ones to understand when the gay people who are supposed to know where it hurts don’t understand. Look @Sinnex and Mcgrayhame and you’ll get the picture.
Pink Panther
July 22, 07:44Hehehehehee. Chai, Max eh. You are a character.
Keredim
July 22, 09:03@Max, I think most of us “hoe’s” are finding it difficult to post comments on the new site via our handheld devices. (I know PP is sorting things out)
Also some of us don’t want to get caught up in conversations that start off civilised most times and then quickly descends into a personality clash, similar to something you see on RuPaul’s Drag race’s interior illusion room. (Especially when it’s difficult to post comments as mentioned above)
Pink Panther
July 22, 10:42This commenting issue again. *sigh*
Keredim
July 22, 12:07PP Ndo….(I can’t even reply you with an emoticon)
PEREZ
July 23, 09:17Just my thoughts… The online pandemonium can be enervating, sometimes
Tiercel de Claron
July 22, 12:48Okay,this is so out of the blues,but I find myself agreeing with the first part of your comment.That reaction was childish,to say the least.
As to the rest part of your comment…….vintage Max the bitch
ronniephoenix
July 22, 08:01HMMM
pete
July 22, 08:20Aba, interested in art & goes to ph-based art club!
Pink Panther
July 22, 08:25Yes? 🙂 Something you wanna share?
Dennis Macaulay
July 22, 08:29Leave the aproko man
Dimkpa
July 22, 09:21I am going to toe Absalom’s line here and say you missed a chance to teach your friend about homosexuality.
I learnt from a video on YouTube that one way to deal with the ‘born gay’ issue is to turn the tables by asking whoever says it’s a choice to recall when he chose to be straight. If he doesn’t remember, which of course he won’t, then you follow up by asking why he thinks it is different for gay people. The bible standard will require ‘deliverance’ to shake but you could suggest he watch Prayers for Bobby, the best movie ever made if you ask me.
And just thinking out loud, ‘What will I do to make you follow me?’ isn’t the same as ‘How much do you want…” except I’m missing something.
Pink Panther
July 22, 10:37Prayers for Bobby… I keep hearing about that movie.
Dimkpa
July 22, 11:20The whole movie is on YouTube. It is worth watching. I daresay your life will not be the same again 🙂
Francis
July 22, 11:24It’s a really nice movie. Especially for homophobic parents.
kacee
July 22, 20:28PP its a nice movie.
Posh6666
July 23, 00:23A sorrowful movie if u ask me.
simba
July 22, 09:22Hian… In thick igbo accent…. Some alter egos Hian.
Ruby
July 22, 10:27I’ve pretty much gotten to the point where I live my life for me.
I only have Gay friends n Straight Acquaintances, that way… My life is a whole lot less Complicated by Myopic thinking Goats.
I’m currently try to gradually dis-abuse my younger cousin’s mind about the LGBT community *without blowing my cover of course*
I’m content with my younger sis knowing I’m Gay.
If she doesn’t have an issue with it, then I’m ok.
enKayced
July 22, 10:39First off, I regret that I can’t/don’t comment as often as I would really love to but my job… Choi!
That said, good luck to you Dennis on the Arts, Aba-based guy. My Aba experience didn’t turn out nice at all. I did all I was supposed to do, wake him at 5:30am as scheduled and bae him to bed at night every night at 9pm then travelled every weekend to spend time( and considering that I DON’T travel to see anyone, that’s o lot) yet he ditched me and when I asked because I wanted to be sure I did nothing wrong, he said so many people were disturbing him and wanted to bae him so he decided to completely shut everyone out, including me.
As for the Sex overtures, if I’m having a decent conversation with you on Twitter/Facebook/whatsapp/sms/Instagram and you as little as ask me my role, that conversation is officially OVER!
I believe friendship comes before the very idea of sex will even take root.
I value meaningful friendships more these days. That sex thing is for all these young ‘agbobias’ who still have their blood running like from a faucet
After all a wise man once said: Since sex became easy to get, love became hard to find!
And that other article about That thing around your waist, I also never ever discuss sex roles, seeing as all the guys but one who told me they were tops, I have successfully and smoothly topped. They even come back wanting to fully be topped.
So why give yourself a label you’ll have a hard time discarding? Please swim with the tide.
NB: Does anyone here have Genevieve Nnaji’s P.A’s number? She isn’t picking her call so I think her P.A might be a safer bet. Thanks!
Pink Panther
July 22, 10:44enKayced, multitasking on KD since 1985.
enKayced
July 22, 19:27Looool… A brother has to multitask abeg.
Tancredi
July 22, 23:18I can’t stop laughing @ agbobias. How did you come up with that? Thanks for the humour.
Mandy
July 22, 12:53It’s with entries like this that I’m relieved chizzie is out of commission on KD. Becos this particular entry is fertile with ways that bitch would hack into DM and leave behind a bloody mess. #ChzzieComeBackOOO 🙂
ambivalentone
July 22, 13:10I have a lot of jumbled emotions regarding ur recent posts. Foremost is worry about u and fear for u, Dennis Macaulay. I really think u shud ease up on the crusade a bit. Real or fantastical, they WILL get u into a lot of trouble. How can u just up and say u will not be doing grooms-man again? I know u have stopped thinking about what ppl will say about u, but I’d rather u weren’t St Dennis the matyr just yet
Pink Panther
July 22, 13:40How’s his choice not to be the guy’s grooms man a step in the direction of martyrdom?
ambivalentone
July 22, 18:52Pinky, Dennis has made the to-be groom sound petty and if that is so, I smell danger. He’s gonna be vengeful.
Marius
July 22, 14:11As regards DM’s “Extra Large” body parts, perhaps DM suffers from amnesia but he and “Mrs Macaulay” promoted said parts quite a lot in KD’s comments particularly during the Mrs. Macaulay era.
Diablo
July 22, 19:00So ppl of KD still haven’t learned not to meet up with you, u know for fear of ending up in one of your rants? Slow learners, some of u.
And you want to bae someone that lives in Aba? Ok
Ps can someone bring back the holiday! Hectic week it has been!
Tancredi
July 22, 23:25Diablo you have spoken like a vacuum cleaner just went over your brains. How can you throw such ignorant shade in the direction of people who live in Aba. You need to drop those unintelligent stereotypes that have stunted your intellect.
cho
July 22, 19:50Bros Dennis, overreaction tonwards the straight guy! Does everyone have to agree with you? You took it too far I think. Maybe folks have to walk on egg shell around you. You also seem very cerebral…I will like to have a conversation with you. Hopefully you don’t walk out on me b cos we shall not agree on everything. You need to chill out dude, you too dey vex. Not everyone understands homosexuality.
Francis
July 22, 19:58While DM’s reaction to his friend’s confession may come off as harsh, I’ll probably tow the same line but with less drama sha. lol That line “The Bible is my standard” pisses me off!
I’ll just call you out of the blue one day and tell you someone died in my village and the burial is the weekend of your wedding. No vex.
Colossus
July 22, 22:42Hmmmm, because your friend no understand your sexuality, you come put am for run around to replace a grooms man days to his wedding? Your nigerian friend who earlier said he does not judge gays but just don’t want them to marry? Where you guys really friends or was it always a parasitic one sided friendship? Nna you’ve got to calm this your hot head, nwanyo biko. People differ on ideas, opinions and views on various topics, you don’t cut the thread because he ain’t on the same page as you. Well that’s me, you know we’ll always be parallel on tolerance level with friends.
Surprisingly, i miss Aba
Posh6666
July 23, 00:40Oga Dennis my new boo pls take it easy with this ur unnecessary outing of urself to people.Loads of evil people out there,self loathing homophobes if u may who can actually harm u or cause u some major drama.You dont owe anybody any xplanation as to ur sexuality neither do u need to answer when asked at d end of d day this is nigeria where terrible things happen to gays.Pls life is sweet and am sure u wanna live long to reap fruits of ur labour.This same people hailing u God forbid bad thing if any bad thing happens will only leave comments and in about a month u will be forgotten,those that really care in a year,so dont feel obliged to always defend nor announce urself to people
Raj
July 23, 05:39The idea of homophobia is one I have to understand to be part f the very problem of the average Nigerian, and that is ; Intolerance and unwilling to “live and let live”.
A quick look at theists,you see Moslems having phobia for the christian faith,the Christian faith having phobia for the moslem, and even other churches asides Thiers.
I’m impassive. I haven’t been one to keep friends, only necessary acquaintance,I have since sheilded the urge to open up ,cos to find open minded folks in this region of the world is like finding a needle in a hay sack.
Then the bible standard; funny. That book has been a cause for many pretenders and hypocrites as well as businessmen. No OME argues how all racial colours were derived from this single Adam and Eve (since we all know two whites can’t birth a black nor two blacks birth a white,same for Asians and Hispanics..) Yet,they open their mouth in criticisms.
To all kdians,its easier when you have someone you can trust. But it is worse if you made the wrong call and commit a social suicide. Before outing yourself. Be sure to ascertain the person is open minded enough… Also know that convincing isn’t abrupt. It is a gentle and gradual process
Off to watch the series “Sense8” over again . a gay scene there was amazing.
Prayers for Bobby is quite emotional and educative….
Stay safe folks. Will try and comment more often. .
Lothario
July 24, 09:55Honestly dear friend, I’m a bit worried that people think you’re a ho….. You’re a queen ho…. There’s a difference, they better recognise.
DeadlyDarius
July 26, 08:35You have hinted several times in the comment section about such bodily sizes….let’s not try playing the demure card, shall we?
PS: Of course the fella’s approach was out of line