RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 50)
Allow me to tell you a story today; a story about Kathrine Switzer, who was the first woman to compete in the Boston marathon. In that period, the 60s, women were not allowed to participate in marathons; organizers said they were too weak and frail to run for over four hours. Some even went ahead to say that a woman’s uterus would fall out if her body is forced to withstand such pressure, this amongst other silly excuses for excluding women. Kathrine however trained for the event and registered with her initials, therefore officials did not realize the registration was from a woman. She showed up to the event in baggy clothing in an attempt to evade detection and competed in the race. When officials figured out she was a woman, they tried to physically remove her from the race, but she and her then boyfriend fought them off, and she went ahead to complete the marathon in 4 hours 20 minutes (which is pretty decent, if you ask me). Her participation was a strong political statement and eventually pressure started mounting on the athletics body, and the ban on women was lifted in 1972. Kathrine Switzer was instrumental in breaking this glass ceiling.
I know you’re wondering where I’m going with this. But have a little patience please.
I started watching the TV show, House of Cards recently (yes I am a LASTMA) and Claire Underwood is my spirit animal. There was a part of Season One (I think) where she fired an employee, who went on to lie that Claire had fired her because she was pregnant. When Claire confronted her, she said (I am paraphrasing now): “I want a better world for my kid and if I have to tell a few lies along the way to get it, I think I am justified.”
This entire interlude is because I want to share a perspective on the issue of married gay men/married bisexual men – yes, that issue has been thrashed and re-thrashed severally here, but as my darling Sensei always says, it’s like a corpse that was hurriedly buried with some body parts sticking out. Please just try to be open-minded a bit as I share a little perspective on this issue.
I remember when President Goodluck Jonathan signed that draconian bill into law and Ayo Sogunro penned that article which gained quite some traction on the internet and started a discourse on the subject. And then came Chimamanda Adichie’s rebuke in the New York Times, I think. People listened, Nigerians read and a few Nigerians were won over by the arguments these people advanced. I remember telling my friend that their message was stronger because they were heterosexual people; if an out gay man had written that same article, very few people would have bothered to read it. It’s the same for feminism; the message is stronger from a man. More people (women included) will be inclined to listen to a male feminist, than pay any attention when the same message is coming from a woman. I believe I have made this argument here before several entries ago.
A friend of mine recently got married and my inner circle made a collective decision not to attend. I was a groom’s man (of course) and I attended. Eventually after the event, I was treated like I was a traitor who leaked my country’s secret to the enemy. We fought hard about the issue and they accused the married guy of “betraying the cause”; essentially they said he still bent to pressure and conformed and that the message he is sending remains that something is wrong with being gay, and that this is a dangerous message to send to the younger generation of gay men.
Now just yesterday, this formed the crux of the argument on a social media group that I belong to and tempers rose with majority of the participants toeing the ‘Burn the gay men who get married at the stake’ line. During this heated argument in this online group occupied by a bunch of KDians, I posed a question: “You say gay men who get married take us steps backward and all. Okay. How about you who is a single gay man, what have you done to advance the cause of the LGBT in Nigeria, besides writing strong words on an anonymous gay blog and using an anonymous moniker to do this?” My response was silence.
You see, it’s very easy to talk the talk and point fingers, but walking the walk becomes a different kettle of fish. I am indifferent to gay men who decide to get married. They don’t owe me anything and I don’t owe them anything. Everybody has their lives to live, and if that’s the path they have chosen for themselves, well so be it. The only time I have a problem with them is when they turn around and become very condescending and patronizing about their marital statuses. Other than that, we are good. However I feel that the married gay men who are conscientious about the LGBT cause have a critical role to play in the fight against homophobia.
Let me illustrate my point with another story. Recently, I was away on a work thing when I received a call at about 11 pm from my friend, only it wasn’t him who called. It was a policeman on his phone. It appeared he had run into some sort of kito situation with the police (if you live in Port Harcourt, check and double check before visiting anybody around Mgbuoba / Ozuoba / Alakahia / Aluu axis), and they were asking for some money to bail him. My friend has money but he didn’t want to take them to the ATM because they would check his account balance and ask for far more than they were already asking. So he reached out to me for help. The only problem was that I was in Lagos and I couldn’t come to his rescue. So I proceeded to call nearly every gay person I knew in Port Harcourt to go the place and rescue him. All of them declined, every single one I called, including three gay lawyers. In fact, as soon as I mentioned it was a kito case with the police, they all backed away saying they did not want any trouble. At this point, the policemen were calling me and threatening to take my friend to the police station, threatening also that the bribe they were asking would triple if we let the case get to the station.
Out of desperation, I contacted a female lawyer (she’s straight, as far as I knew) whom I knew from my gym and briefed her on the situation; I am sure I outed myself in the process, but what I cared about at that time was getting my friend out of that situation. She went ahead and secured his release in a short time, and was even able to negotiate the bribe to a lower amount. Now do I judge the other people for refusing to go? Well not necessarily. I do think that many of them (especially the lawyers) were just being paranoid, but ultimately they just felt vulnerable, persecuted with the guilt that should they get involved, the policemen could think they are gay too. Do you see where I am going with this now?
Homophobia is a hydra-headed monster and to confront it, we require a multi-faceted approach. We need people who can speak up in defense of homosexuality without feeling vulnerable that their sexuality will be called into question. This is where our married brothers can come in and help us win. I am not saying that every gay man should get married and conform in other for them to fight this battle. What I am saying is that we don’t have to see the married ones amongst us as betrayers. Rather we can see them as allies who have a very important role to play in this campaign, should they be conscientious enough for it. I have been in situations where I have spoken very strongly in support of homosexuality and people began to ask me if I was sure I was not one of them. Their inquisition made me feel vulnerable. However if I had a wedding band on, they would most likely lean towards the understanding that I’m just being passionate about something that doesn’t primarily concern me.
Some people will read this article and say that DM is just doing ground work for his marriage to a woman so that when it comes out that he got married, people will not be shocked. To the people who say this (and who have said it in the past), I will just say what I have said repeatedly. I do not intend to go down the route of marriage to a female. However if I do get married, it’s my kettle of fish to boil. The worst that would happen is that (some) people will skip my wedding and call me a hypocrite.
The truth is that we are like one giant puzzle and every part of this puzzle has a role to play. We have to stop acting like crabs in a bucket, fighting and pulling each other down, when we should be working to advance a course of action, one that will involve every piece of this puzzle.
The examples I gave at the beginning of this piece are that of trailblazers, people who told a few lies along the way for the greater good. As the English people would say: The end justifies the means. It’s easy to perch on a high horse and vilify those who get married as dragging us back, but always ask yourself: What have I done personally to help this cause? How have I covered this gap that the married people have created?
There are people here I have reached out to while trying to raise funds to help stranded LGBT youth and they couldn’t be bothered to spare as little as two thousand naira to help. It’s easy to speak English and cast aspersions, not so easy to practice what you preach. I asked a friend – another vilifier of married gay men who maintains that he lives in his truth – why he hadn’t come out to everybody around him since he was all about staying true to himself and the cause, and again I got crickets.
There is work to be done, my people. Let us not expend our energies on petty issues. Each and every one of us has a role to play in this matter and the question should be whether you are willing to do something, whether you are willing to walk the walk. No matter the choices you have made, no matter whether you are married or single, out of the closet of safely tucked inside (*double checks closet doors and installs new AC*), be prepared to do something, no matter how small, to help. Get off your bloody high horse and stop judging people. Superheroes don’t always wear capes, and always remember that sometimes, the end can justify the means.
PS: I will be taking a break from this journal for a few weeks. I am drowning in work and personal projects, but I will be back in due course.
XOXO
DM
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152 Comments
Morgana
May 11, 07:43Why do I love this guy/man Dennis? I will suck your dick for free for this. Do you know the burden you just lifted off my shoulders? This issue has been giving me sleepless nights and I must say a very big thank you to you for raising it again and of course thrashing it.
—Love from the coven
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:42From the Ocean kwa?
Jeso Kreste ???
PP come and see Mammy water ooo
????
Morgana
May 12, 03:04Oh duur! Are you fearing afraid? Biko tinye ya n’onu m let me give you a TLC. Hahaha
Brian
May 11, 07:48Sending loads of Love to DM from Jamaica….yes I am a fan of DM and I couldn’t agree with you more on this article as a matter of fact I have read every single post on KD.
So DM what am I to do when you are gone on this break?
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:43Oh hello!
Thank you so much!
Won’t be away for long tho, let me just clear my workload a bit!
??
ambivalentone
May 11, 08:02I beg to differ (as you prolly knew I would). You obviously did not see the trolling that followed the anti-anti-gay law stances of both Sogunro and Adichie…or u did and av conveniently forgotten. We took time to talk about them here. Chief among the comments toed the line of “shebi you don marry na. Keep destroying their lives all in the bid to sell your book to d slavemasters” for Adichie, and Sogunro faces attacks still, at least on twitter. Both have received threats to their persons on their stance.
MY POINT? For whoever comes out to support homosexuality, gay OR straight, the (sensible) ones who will see reason and listen WILL listen. And frankly, the bulk of Nigerians are senseless as regards this matter.
Lies may be necessary, but as far as this homosexuality matter is concerned, they have fostered more hate than less from vengeful women (prolly infected with an STD) who discovered their men were rolling around with boys. If you cannot improve a situation, don’t worsen it. The rest of the gaydom may not be out there, carrying placards, neither are the married folks sir. The degrees to which u support gay rights as an unmarried fella is more or less the degrees to which a married man does too, and the question asked still remains “you be gay? why u carry the matter for head?” with the sensible ones listening and the not-sensible ones not
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:13You still did not get my point sir. I have not said that all married gay men automatically support gay rights and advance the cause. I only said that if they decide to help, they can do far more in winning over homophobes who will be far more likely to listen to them than someone like me. This is an established fact.
See I know the ideal situation but I am a realist too and I believe in customizing solutions for particular problems. They have gotten married already, but we can make a lemonade out of their lemons.
I have not advocated that all gay men get married so as to battle homophobia, no! I am merely saying that those who have gotten married already can be enlisted to help because they can do a lot.
Meanwhile it is your assertion that all married gay men infect their female partners with STDs? That is a low blow.
Again I say it is easy to speak English and condemn, but WHAT HAVE YOU DONE PERSONALLY TO HELP THE LGBT?
ambivalentone
May 11, 10:01At which part, sir, did I assert that MGMs infect their wives with STDs?
I’d also love to hear about how u came about this revealing fact that straight ppl and married folks are the best advocates for gay rights because I searched online and found ‘zip’. What did I see though? 32% of respondents to an online survey became more accepting of same-sex relationships because gay ppl were more visible. You sure as hell don’t get that when you’re tucked, snug and comfy in ur marriages. A link to ur ‘facts’ perhaps?
Thinking on it sef, why did u not ask that ur married friend who uses ur house to fuck boys, bail ur friend out? Please, don’t come and tell me about lemonades.
What have I done personally to help the LGBT community? *pensive*
*insert sounds of chirping birds and crickets here*
#sigh NOTHING. I wonder how I am ever gonna measure up to Dennis Macaulay who wears a cape, drives around, defending poor, hapless kito victims with charity, graciously donated by his committee of leotard wearing friends commandeered by him, establishing them in businesses…I prolly never will *shrugs*. I have now recognized your efforts. Though I wonder why u ever needed my acknowledgements. You seem to be doing just fine without them
Max 10
May 11, 10:25Thoroughly enjoyed your comment @Ambi
pete
May 11, 12:06Ambi, while I get your line of argument, I take offence at denigrating the help rendered by DM to LGBT youths in need.
ambivalentone
May 11, 12:20Denigrate ke? Please o!!! All I said in summary was “Dennis Macaulay, o ku ise takun takun’
Dimkpa
May 11, 08:07Nice write up and good arguments, I would like to note the following.
1. I believe that gay men who get married do so for personal reasons, probably pressure from family, need to conform to society, need to have children and to escape the obviously dangerous homophobic climate.
2. I also believe it is a copy out of sorts and helps perpetuate the myth that there is something wrong with being gay. I have heard statements from antigay people citing examples of gay people who got married as evidence that being gay is a choice and is only a phase.
3. I don’t believe there is a need for the kind of angst, vitriol and put down directed at gay men married to women because as we all know, na condition wey make crayfish bend. I however wouldn’t mind telling one with a supercilious attitude because he is married to take two seats to the left.
4. I don’t think that we should advance this narrative of letting others fight our battles. One is that they won’t be as passionate as we that are affected. They won’t have an understanding of what it means to be gay and all the experiences that goes with it.
5. I also don’t think it is the gay men who married to hide in society that will now take up the fight. That kind of goes against what they are trying to achieve by getting married in the first place.
6. Challenging people with coming out is a bit in poor form given the perceived difficulties. That not withstanding I would encourage anyone who can to do so. It can change minds. I recently did to a friend who it turns out was conflicted about all she had been taught about gay people and it was an opportunity to discuss and advance the ministry.
Have a good day all.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:18Very valid points sir and you are right for the most part, however let me comment on point number 4. We are not giving up the battle to them to fight for us, we are merely creating space for them to use their situation to help us gain traction. Rather than antagonize them, we enlist their help.
Look at my example in the article, she lied to achieve a far more important purpose and after she did that she opened the doors for a lot of women.
I am not saying everybody get married to a woman, please don’t misread me. I am only saying, we can make some lemonade from this.
Also I talked about the married brothers of ours who become assholes afterwards, those are not the ones I am referring to.
Mandy
May 11, 08:30There are married gay men who are assholes, and those who are good-natured. The same applies to single gay men. There are those of us who are prick and those who are good too.
We should stop using the issue of character flaws to generalize and tar all MGM across the board.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:41Mandy you get it!
Thank you
???
Mr. Fingers
May 11, 08:13This article is one of the best so far,i can see that u took out time to do some research and think about the points u just highlited. I agree with u,i dont owe anyone any explanation,i will get married becos i want to get married. Am mature enough to know that not everyone will like it,but that shouldnt bother me. The same way i take homophobic comments on social media is the way i take such comments from other gay people,with a pinch of salt.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:19Well as Igbos will say ‘Onye na nke ya’
I just wish people will set aside their anger and bias and see exactly what I am trying to say
Mr. Fingers
May 11, 11:18By the way on the kito issues in PH,i stay in ph and i ve negotiated bail of some gay people in kala and ada george road police stations in the past. I can tell you that some lawyers that are gay in this town are involved one way or the other,but the problem is that in that axis gay people fall victim almost on a daily basis and u cant expect the same lawyer to appear in a police station anytime someone is being accused of being gay. Sometimes i call someone else to go and negotiate the bail,but i ve to be sure his or her fees can be paid by the suspect.
But personally,from experience i wouldnt handle such cases as a lawyer where the suspect is a total stranger. I know what am saying.
Mandy
May 11, 08:27You can’t claim to live in your truth when everything you’re doing is a testament to lies.
You come on an anonymous gay blog to spew opinions using a moniker. That’s not truth.
You are still closeted and haven’t owned your sexuality to your family, letting them believe that you’re the son who will eventually give them a wife and grandchildren. That’s not truth.
Refusing to date women and pontificating here on KD are not evidence of how truthful your life as a gay man is. In fact, the only two Nigerian men who, if they get judgmental over MGM, I’d listen — are Bisi Alimi and Kenny Brandmuse.
Anyone else here, on this platform, who comes up to talk nonsense about MGM setting the LGBT cause back should either tell us how he’s advancing the cause using his life and actions, or just shut the fuck up.
We waste our energies castigating good men simply because of their marital status, and IMO, and believe the self righteous gay men who do this are merely trying to distract themselves from the fact that they are really quite useless to the cause. Because any LGBT individual who’s actively doing what he can to make for a better tomorrow for the Nigerian LGBT will not waste his time nitpicking over the lives of other gay men whose struggles he knows nothing about.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:35Salient points raised. Instead on castigating these men and making them feel like traitors who betrayed their country men and women we could encourage them to use this validity they have earned to help us because the truth of the matter is that many of them can do far more for the cause than we who remain defiantly single can.
Max 10
May 11, 08:27“Some people will read this article and say that DM is just doing ground work for his marriage to a woman so that when it comes out that he got married, people will not be shocked. .
Aren’t you?
I’ll be back. In a meeting. I have a whole lot to say.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:38Don’t assign importance that you don’t have to yourself sir. I don’t stay awake at night thinking how my choices will affect you. You are not that important to me. Even if I do get married you will only skip the wedding and come here to bad mouth me that’s all. You talk about hypocrisy, I would tell you how you embody it, but today is not the day and I am not the one
Kapishe?
Max 10
May 11, 08:49How much did you pay your gladiators? They seem to be doing a fine job.
Oh honey you stay well awake at night thinking about about a whole lot of things and thats why you penned down this garbage in the first place.
You don’t have an anchor, you’re driven by sheer desire and impulse, changing color like a chameleon ever since I’ve known you.
I could write a thesis on you, but that would just be a waste of useful time because seriously, you ain’t worth shit..
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:56Deep breaths sweetheart! Its not that serious and you are not that important to me.
Save yourself the trouble
Max 10
May 11, 09:22You lost your self worth/importance the 100th time you slept with someone. Its not hard to see why you’re bitter about it..
Pink Panther
May 11, 09:11So he paid people to gladiate for him? Are you serious? It couldn’t be that these people happen to share these opinions as well? Lol. You’re funny, Max
Pink Panther
May 11, 08:39So what if he is, Max? Does that make him a lesser LGBT advocate than you are?
Max 10
May 11, 08:50You think he’s an activist? What has he done?
Since he’s the one popping the question around here.
sensei
May 11, 08:35DM what are you talking about? How can you not know that married LGBT people are useless to the community? Abeg they sold out and we should totally and permanently exclude them. We cannot and should not tolerate them. Don’t even talk about acceptance. Yes I know our message to the world is tolerance and acceptance but in this one case we should make an exception. We should label, hate and not tolerate anything we don’t agree with. When we exclude all those who don’t agree with (our idea of) what is right and good for the cause, we will have gathered a group of “pure” individuals who know exactly what they are going to do. Abeg exclude the confused people. Hiding in the closet doesn’t necessarily affect the cause negatively and it’s acceptable. But marriage? Unacceptable! We wee nor take it!
Pink Panther
May 11, 08:38Hahahahahahahaa! Spoken like a trueblood member of the House of Slytherin. #HarryPotterThinz
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:39??????
Sensei if I slap you eh!
Anumpam
bruno
May 11, 08:45frankly, it is an insult to our collective intelligence that you would even suggest that gay people get married so that they would be some kind of spokespeople for the gay community. it is a stupid argument not back by any sort of truth or actual example.
ayo sogunro, chimamanda and elnathan, if i may add are not gay individuals in sham marriages. they are are straight people who are making their voices loud by speaking against a popular opinion. supporting homosexuality like they do is not exactly a walk in the park either. they also receive a fair amount of backlash from homophobic nigerians and as a matter of fact, their sexuality is routinely called into question. also i know a couple of gay nigerians who are just as outspoken in supporting gay rights. in fact, i recall one of then airing his views on cnn. and they don’t need an heterosexual marriage to do it. in fact, it is telling that someone like kenny badmus did not become vocal on the topic till after his divorce. so please stop selling sham marriages as some platform for gay rights activism. it’s a ridiculous suggestion
it’s amazing how we complaining about homophobia, acceptance and representation when our very own action and life choices are pandering to homophobes. it’s a shane people who really should know better also defend it.
how is the society supposed to even take us seriously when eventually everyone retires into the closet with a wife?
and we are left with a country with millions of gays but barely a handful to look up to as an example.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 08:51The first paragraph of your comment clearly shows you missed the crux of what I was saying. I know this is a topic that brings out raw emotions, but let us just look at my points logically.
At the end of the day, not everybody will agree with an idea anyway no matter how logical however for the records let me say again I AM IN NO WAY ADVOCATING THAT ALL GAY MEN SHOULD GET MARRIED TO COMBAT HOMOPHOBIA.
Dennis out
*drops mike Obama style*
Max 10
May 11, 08:52Touché
Mandy
May 11, 09:16‘Frankly, it is an insult to our collective intelligence that you would even suggest that gay people get married so that they would be some kind of spokespeople for the gay community. it is a stupid argument not back by any sort of truth or actual example.’
Bruno, are you sure you read the entry well, or were you just in too much of a hurry to stake him to take the time to understand the logic behind his argument?
And about looking to people as examples, how about focusing on making yourself an example that others will look to. Oh that’s right. Bruno isn’t even a real person. Just a smokescreen for someone probably comfortably living his life in the closet.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 09:19The trailer that Mandy is driving today has no brake oo. Comot for road or be jammed
Max 10
May 11, 09:24You’d know about his trailer wouldn’t you?
Since you’re the one that paid for the gas driving it.
Mtchew.
bruno
May 11, 10:12lol. I thought the post was about gays in heterosexual marriages not kitodiaries commenters telling you their government names. why are you confusing issues? I obviously would not preach what I don’t practice myself so I’m not actually what exactly you are driving at.
anyways, the point I’m making here is that gays choosing the path of least resistance by getting into sham marriages is not helping us as a community. if you have something to say about that, you can respond .
Francis
May 11, 10:25Not every gay person gets married to conform. Reasons vary. I’ve always assumed they all do it to hide their sexuality while chopping boys but i know better now. Maybe you should sit down with a few and hear what they have to say without judging.
I don’t like people policing my choices so why i should i do the same to others? Most especially if they are in no way hurting me.
Today na MGMs are perpetuating the belief that being gay is a choice. Tomorrow na hoes are making all gays look like horny ass animals without the capacity to love and enter commited relationships.
There will always be something to create a divide sha. We should just learn to work together despite our differences in choice, beliefs etc.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 09:03Mandy, Sensei and PP the all knowing and wisdom filled Max said I paid you people to gladiate for me oo.
Now that our secret has been exposed, can I at least have an invoice biko? Incase we are charged to court for perjury so you people will not come and deny that I did not pay you.
Oya send me invoice
sensei
May 11, 09:15Abeg leave me out of this. Today I’m flexing my hatred muscles. I hate everything hateable, and for free. Gosh! I have so much love…I mean hate to give!
Mandy
May 11, 09:19The self importance that dude attaches to himself is unbelievable. Clearly for someone to agree with you, he must have been paid. Should we therefore understand from that that bruno is under his employ, seeing as the dude sounds like an echo from him?
Max 10
May 11, 09:20What does it mean to be gay? If you can answer that question correctly, you’ll understand that gay men have no business with marrying women in the first place.
Show me a straight person who’ll ever subscribe to marrying someone of the same sex and I’ll drop my argument. But I have tons of gay men who’ll give you 2715551 reasons for it by making excuses.
As gay people who have been primed from childhood to “think” that you need to marry a woman, its not hard to see why a lot of us(gay people in Nigeria) have twisted views about life. The question is not about marrying a woman or even having kids, its about “WHY” you want to do it. If you can figure out why you desire the things you desire, it’ll form a clearer picture on how you can get back to start thinking rationally.
The truth is that a lot of us gay people still have internalized homophobia which eats away part of their brain and make them to lose all sense of rational reasoning. When most gay people still think something is wrong with them and that “marriage” to a woman is their ultimate goal in life, then its not hard to see. When some of us are terrified and even think its wrong to expose kids to homosexual content on TV shows, you can see where all the “REASONS” for diving into pussyville comes to play and what years of heterosexual socialization has done.
We are never going to improve, nothing is ever going to change, Khaleesi is right, he has always been. We’re all going to die and still be hated by everyone. And if Karma works well like she always do, you’ll raise a homophobe as a child and still be cowardly tucked inside the closet while he rains down homophobic comments. There you will linger forever in darkness and in doubt, helpless and powerless wondering if you made a mistake until the days of your miserable life are utterly spent.
And for you Dennis, you have a penchant for seeking for validation from people and always towing the line of popular opinion so that people will like you. Thats why you’re pro-hoe and anti-hoe, as at 2014 you were anti-MGm, now youre pro-mgm, youre both pro-fat shaming and anti-fat shaming. I still have like 15 more, but I’m gonna stop here.
We get it, you want people to like you, but you don’t have to compromise yourself while doing that. You lack anchor and integrity. You swing with the wind and Thats not a good quality to possess.
Pink Panther
May 11, 09:26So, Max, in other words, all Nigerian gay men have to do is stay unmarried, just that, and we’ll be loved by everyone and all will be right with the Nigerian LGBT? Just because by concerted effort, we all chose to take a stand as single men? Is that all that’s required?
Max 10
May 11, 09:39Thats not all that is required, but its a start. Do you have any unmarried uncle to look up to? Not to talk of a gay one.
You grew up seeing everyone all paired up. How do you think that’s gonna play out for younger gay people in the big picture?
If the trend continues, we wouldn’t get anywhere in the next thousand years.
In the past I didn’t care about MGMs getting married to women because I thought they were gonna go to hell eventually and punished by God for deceiving their spouse, but when I found out they’re not going to face any punishment after death, my hatred for them grew. They’re just going to waltz through life deceiving whoever theyre married to and still be fucking(damaging) young boys on the down low.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 09:33????
Max has 15 more bullets against me!
I’m shaking in my shoes now
sensei
May 11, 09:29I am bisexual. The the love of my life is a woman.
So in order to avoid being labelled “traitor” and in order to please the LGBT community I should dump the female love of my life and look for her male version.
Anything else means I sold out. Interesting.
It’s fine. Maybe I will just do this since your happiness as always, is more important than mine. I will live your truth and not mine, since yours is a higher truth.
Oh now I know a new type of pressure that pressure you when you want to live your truth. First, LGBT societal pressure. And in intend to conform…fully.
Max 10
May 11, 09:40Finally…. You came out to us… Bravo. Oh and congrats on your journey to pussyville.
Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?
Francis
May 11, 09:49Mi amor, this one you’re very vocal today. I hope all is well. Biko enter your shell before dem damage you for me.
Khaleesi
May 11, 10:54Quick question Sensei; this love of your life who is a female, does she know that you are also attracted to males? Would you still be the loves of each other’s lives if she found out? Or did you conveniently keep this from her? #JustAsking
You-Know-Who
May 11, 11:04Khaleesi Somethings are better left unsaid. she doesn’t have to know who am attracted to or not. what is important is that she is happy and i am not two timing on her.
#Shikena
Max 10
May 11, 11:40???. Gay people would say anything just to cover their ass.
Delle
May 11, 11:58Somethings are better left unsaid?! What happened to honesty and sincerity in marriage? And you honestly, honestly think you’re going to be faithful to her all through marriage cos I don’t see how marriage kills that gay part of you. Smh
Peak
May 11, 12:27@ Delle, how many of the marriages you know, have this (100%) “honesty and sincerity” you speak of?
Delle
May 11, 12:46No human is 100% honest or sincere lest alone marriages, but the minute you take advantage of that fact, there’s a problem. You shouldn’t go into marriage with the mindset that there’s no total honesty or sincerity, nature takes care of its business. Let it.
Peak
May 11, 13:31The 100% part may have sounded like me reaching, until you gave me a footing with “You shouldn’t go into marriage with the mindset that there’s no total honesty or sincerity, nature takes care of its business. Let it.”
So I ask, is there such a thing as TOTAL honesty and sincerity in marriage? If you there is none, then I digress.
Delle
May 11, 16:03And that’s a justification for him not telling his wife who and what he is?
ambivalentone
May 11, 12:10Not two-timing is good enough for me…as vague as it sounds, believing that it means you won’t cheat on her with women OR MEN.
Mark
May 11, 09:30Mr Dennis, I’ve read all your 50 entries and I find most of them intriguing, educative, insightful and well-written. Thumbs up for that. I’m commenting here for the first time I appreciate the initiative behind a forum such as this (I also send my kudos to the bruthas whose comments I love to read – Khaleesi, Pink Panther, Gad).
The anti-gay mentality is not something that is just going to shrink anytime soon because its rooted in the genome of the black man. It was one of the first things we learnt before we could walk or talk – hating anyone who is “different.” And in an anti-intellectual environment like Nigeria, if this self-defeating, wicked tenet is going to be reduced, it will be by changing the channels that feed the minds of the people. There is a price to pay; its not going to be an easy road because we are fighting something that gives some people a twisted sense of worth and superiority.
Two things determine mindsets – a picture and a thought. For years, the image that has been fed into the minds of Nigerians through the media (especially through Nollywood) about gays are of mentally-ill, sex-addicted ritualists. And once a label is hurled on a group of people, it sticks, like a lemon juice to a carpet and emotions are evoked.
Ray Charles once cancelled his appointment to sing to an all-white audience. Why? He had a sense of identity to stand for his people. Unfortunately, many Nigerian gays don’t have this identity – they are actually part of the homophobia – reinforcing and playing out the ugly stereotypes. The cleaning has to start from within to without.
Peak
May 11, 12:30I totally agree
Francis
May 11, 09:40Hmmmmm, English Comprehension don dey hard sha or Naija heat/hustle don reach brain combustion levels ???
Terra
May 11, 09:44Shitstorm in the comments. Glad I brought this ☔. Dennis, good Job writing 50 of these. Dunno how you do it. Don’t always agree with everything, but keep doing it.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 10:01It gets easier along the way and like the chicken I just shake the water off my feathers!
See? Easy!
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 10:02Bikonu if I paid you to voltron for me send me invoice oo so that when Brother Max sues I can have proof and we all go to jail.
Osas
May 11, 10:13Am new here and I have been observing for say over 7 months, I just think the author was trying to air his views on workable posibilities as it advances our coursean but where I had to pull the plug was when uncle Max and Co became antagonizing, I do not think one person’s opinion binds on all of us, Uncle DM was just trying to voice out his mind. But I want to contest the view that married men should be treated outcast, that is not to say they should be treated as equals, even in the US where the lgbt freedom abounds, people die in their closet, we need to have a change of attitude towards issues of this magnitude, people have issues bugging them up, we can not judge, as they say only he who wears the shoe know where it pains.
JustJames
May 11, 10:15Should I even bother today?
Nah.
*goes back to playing animal crossing*
Terra
May 11, 11:21Dude, we should exchange 3ds friend codes. Come to my town…wait maybe you shouldn’t. I haven’t opened that game in over a year
pete
May 11, 10:15The comments’ section didn’t disappoint. I’ll leave you with the immortal words of Keredim;
““Most on here” will always find an issue even where there isn’t one.
Please do you, O jare.”
Delle
May 11, 10:23The issue of MGMs (MBMs) has proven to be a very sensitive, albeit hard nut to crack especially in this forum.
Firstly, I want to state clearly that there should be nothing like the word, MGM. MBM maybe, but MGM? To me, it makes no sense to be referred to as a Gay married man. That’s horribly ironical. There’s a reason that word, Gay, was invented and I sure as hell know it has nothing to do with being married or having intercourse with an opposite sex.
That aside, I’m indifferent on the whole issue. I would never castigate a gay man for getting married, neither would I sprinkle roses and spray the best cologne. My own is, just don’t come for me.
Prior to my visiting this blog, I’ve always condemned ‘MGMs’. I never really understood them. They, to me, are a living paradox. I mean, how can one get married to a woman and still claim he’s gay? That’s the height of silliness. You conform to the societal pressures and still expect I’d listen when you talk positively on LGBT issues? Jokers. This, amongst many other things I used to think and feel towards them. But I won’t deny I get Dennis’ argument. In as much as I try my best to avoid his very annoying self, I can’t deny some points raised were valid…maybe not all true, but validity is enough to steer this boat.
When a gay man gets married, he has automatically removed the prying eyes of the homophobic society from him. Take it or leave it, Nigerians are that daft as to hands off a man simply because he exchanged marital vows with a lady on that altar. Whether or not he still seeks dick and ass, isn’t their business anymore. Well, why can’t we use that to our advantage? Sieve out that part we feel irks us and embrace the positivity this may churn. An MGM, better still, an MBM who defends the LGBT community wouldn’t be frowned upon or even lynched in public…something I can’t say for the single gay dudes with no wedding band to come to your aid.
We could disregard the two-sidedness in this and embrace them. In so far as they aren’t condescending or trying to rub it in our faces that they’re married and accepted and we’re not, I have no problems. The cause we are fighting for should be utmost priority. One’s marital disposition shouldn’t be a hindrance.
Khaleesi
May 11, 10:26Muahhh DM! The truth is that the MGM/MBM issue can never be overflogged, it is a live and ongoing issue; calling it an overflogged issue would be like saying that gay rights are overflogged in the West because tremendous progress has been made with regards to the adavncement of gay rights and marriage equality. No!! this issue is ongoing and at the core of anguish and headache for nearly every gay man in this part of the world.
I started to watch house of cards but got terribly bored after a few episodes so i dumped it off my hard drive.
Its easy to feel anger at any gay man who succumbs to pressure and marries a woman, but i really think that is a wrong and unfair approach. you ought to walk a mile in someone’s shoes before you are qualified to pass judgment – family and societal pressure are a very real and infinitely powerful thing, like behemoths; coupled with a lifetime of mental/cultural/religious conditioning. This is a battle that is almost impossible to win in any meaningful way. The odds are usually stacked against you if for example you are an only son or a first-born son from a prominent Nigerian family. How you wan begin talk this talk?? you are likely to have been defeated before you even touch your weapon. I am also indifferent to gay men who decide to marry women, but what i dont tolerate is those who get married and suddenly become condescending, judgmental pricks – those sorts are instantly shoved out of my life – for good!
one last question; if you hate gay men who succumb to pressure and marry women since you feel that they make life harder for other gays especially the younger generations, shouldn’t you also hate those who flee abroad to more tolerant places? after all, both sets of gay men are ensuring that there are no role models for others to look up to. I’d like to hear y’alls thoughts on this last point …
chuck
May 11, 14:01It’s the spirit of corruption, Khaleesi. Why can you not stand up for yourself against your family? If your family are ritualists will you join them? But homophobia and heteronormativity you can join. Many Nigerians worship at the “public Opinion” church/ mosque.”What will people say? ” is their raison d’être. personally,I do what is best for ME. I don’t regret living by that.
Peak
May 11, 14:30@Chuck,please indulge. How do you know that “some” of these gay men who choose to marry a woman aren’t doing what’s best for them?
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 14:58Assin eh!
How do you know what’s best for me? How?
chuck
May 11, 15:09If lying and cheating are what’s best for you please say so.
Peak
May 11, 15:31@ Chuck, Please I want to be cleared on this and be certain I am getting you right.
Are you saying you would be cool with a gay man marrying a woman, so long as he doesn’t step out on his wife? Because that is what I am getting form this “If lying and cheating are what’s best for you please say so.”
2ndly, how come we overlook cheating when it is being perpetuated by straight folks but cry wolf when a gay man or woman is involved. Mind you, I am not endorsing any form of cheating, I just want clarifications.
Max 10
May 11, 15:34I’m not part of the “we” that look away when straight folks are cheating.
chuck
May 11, 16:291) yes, I trust those who decide, for relious reasons eyc, that being gay is wrong, give it up and go marry women more thanI trust/ respect those who marry women as cover for fucking students upandan
2) I have never condoned straight cheating and I don’t condone MGM sex outside of marriage.
JustJames
May 11, 10:32On second thought I’d just say this.
If it falls upon anyone to get married to someone who is not of the same orientation as you for whatever reason then go ahead.. But please do not act like you have done us a favour by doing so when it really is just personal reasons. I have no issues with MGM. I don’t think they are cowardly or worth less cause of their marital status.
I still FIRMLY believe however that an MGM is a potential double edged sword. Even as they are vocal if their true orientation is found out then their work may be unraveled. You can’t go about championing gay rights then if/when you appear out of the closet what kind of message will that send. You still ended up pandering to heteronormativity. I know a situation where this has happened.
We still have a looooooong way to go with this fight but if people are not able to stand their ground, if when/if we get married is when we will be taken seriously, I don’t see the point.
Like Dennis said however.. Do you. It’s only the person wearing the shoe that can feel how it pinches.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 10:53Its cute to see people below 25 sit in judgment over MGMs loool. Let us have this conversation again in 10 years let me know you people stand ??
Francis
May 11, 10:54Lol. I wanted to say the same but some people are just rigid as fuck!
ambivalentone
May 11, 12:05Abegeee!!! Let us hear word with the age card. The moment you realise that you love sucking cock is that very same moment you begin to condition yourself to find ways to cover/escape that ‘shameful’ behaviour. & At what age did most of us realise our queerness? Less than 16 obviously. Quite old enough to make deceptive decisions. So because one is less than 25, and conditioning himself to not accept heteronormativity, he is immature and ill-prepared for life’s realities?
JustJames
May 11, 12:44Classic. Discredit the viability of the other side by something they can’t help like their age. What a mature way to go about an argument.
Francis
May 11, 14:11@James what he’s trying to say is that change is a must and it happens as time goes by and we gain more knowledge and face new challenges.
Lord knows my views have changed remarkably over the years especially since i joined KD.
You learn as you grow and get to see the many facets of life.
Unfortunately some people are stubborn asin crocodile leather stubborn that’ll rather hold on to their beliefs than see the grey. Everything must be black and white or nothing for them.
Peak
May 11, 14:21@Francis, please your sugar coating of cold hard facts is not needed right now. DM said what he said and meant every single word. If James wants to see it as a low blow, that is his perogative. At the end of the day, it is what it is. Would he feel the same way when someone who hasnt made it pass S.S.C.E, starts giving him opinions on how to excel as an undergraduate and go on to graduate with distinctions? I don’t think so.
Francis
May 11, 14:33@Peak I’m not sugar coating anything and i refuse to believe Dennis is playing the “I’m older than you and I know better” card ’cause i dislike that shit given that some peeps “mental retardation” keeps getting worse with age.
In short make Dennis carry him mouth clarify.
Peak
May 11, 15:13@Francis, I doubt if that’s what Dennis was doing either. But on the subject of marriage, the pressure to get married and having experience on the subject matter, there is such a thing as “I am older than you and know better”. That is what my comment was meant to address. There is a wide gap between having an opinion on a subject because it has been happening around you, compared to happen to you. That is what DM was pointing at. No intent to be condescending or make anyone feel small. I am not doing that either, I just want us to call things by their true names
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 10:54In other news
I am in charge of Asoebi for Sensei’s wedding. Pink Agbada and rainbow colored fila! ???
Raise your hand if you wanna buy
pete
May 11, 11:25?
Peak
May 11, 12:43@Dennis, see my hand here o. Abeg se I go fit get extra fila material to take sew shoe and bag? I wan do gbogbo to match, lat’oke de’le.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 12:59We can always accommodate you darling!
Emphasis on “accommodate”
???
Peak
May 11, 14:25My Brother, I follow for Ppl way Sensei promise marriage o. When him say na aunty madam him wan marry, I kuku gree follow accommodate o.
Emphasis on “accommodate”
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 14:54So you were jilted?
*Makes space for you on the couch*
We need to start a support system
#MenJiltedBySenseiAnonymous
You-Know-Who
May 11, 10:59Kudos Bro!
50 entries?? WOW!
You keep coming up with the goods as time goes on. yes! there were times when the clamor for your series to be ended were ever so loud and rightly so. But i must say you came back really strong lately. (OAN. Can we scrap the Crap Journal on Sunday? to call it boring would be generous)
About MGM, I would be lying if i say am not a potential MGM. I have my personal reasons and believe it or not, it has little or nothing to do with family or societal pressure. It’s my life and i will make decisions that suits me, i don’t need anyone’s validation or permission to make those decisions and if does choices does not directly affect you, i don’t think you have a say in it.
For those that would want to jump on the ‘what-about-the-woman-you-will-be-deceiving-‘ bandwagon. Really? i don’t owe you an explanation for the choices i make. i owe it to her and only her will i explain to.
Long story short. (without sounding like a broken record)
LIVE AND LET LIVE.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 13:06???
“About MGM, I would be lying if i say am not a potential MGM. I have my personal reasons and believe it or not, it has little or nothing to do with family or societal pressure. It’s my life and i will make decisions that suits me, i don’t need anyone’s validation or permission to make those decisions and if does choices does not directly affect you, i don’t think you have a say in it….”
Hirsch
May 11, 11:11Wow Dennis! You are the most articulate gay man I have ever seen.
I hope to be like you when I grow up(the articulate part).
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 13:04Like my friend Sensei says;
No matter how logical or well articulated an argument is, there are people who will never agree with it. Its all about perspective really.
Fact is absolute, but truth is relative also depending on perspective. I am happy I started this conversation today and if just one person understood my argument then I achieved my purpose.
Dennis Out
*drops mike*
Peak
May 11, 13:21in our usual fashion, we abandoned the crux of the article to peddle “MGM wears”
The article was fitted (if I am not mistaken) to sensitize us on how we can use our diversity to our advantage, rather than as a demolition tool. Unfortunately, all you need to do to start a forest fire around these parts, is to be pro MGM, Bisexuality, sexual liberty, among other things. So here we are.
Argue all you want, gay men/women would do what they would with their lives at the end of the day. Dictating to others how they should live their lives is something “we” have hated and fought against for the most part of “our” self-aware/conscious lives, why then, are we doing that to another knowing the amount of pain and sorrow it brings?
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 13:29I’d write an epistle about the hypocrisy but Jesus died for me ???
So….
Vhar.
May 11, 13:30People may be aware of a multitude of facts and there may be vast amounts of information available but, if the matter is not properly understood, no knowledge will accrue, and ignorance will remain.
Some say that our lives are defined by the sum of our choices. But it isn’t really our choices that distinguish who we are. It’s our commitment to them. And while truth is a battle of perceptions, people only see what they’re prepared to confront. It’s not what you look at that matters, but what you see. And when different perceptions battle against one another, the truth has a way of getting lost.
For some, commitment is like faith… A chosen devotion to another person or an intangible ideal. But for me, commitment has a shadow side, a darker drive that constantly asks the question… How far am I willing to go?
Adversity creates unexpected alliances, but treaties of nature seldom form with an equality of power. Loyalties forged in apprehension and mistrust are tenuous at best. Easily broken when held up to the unforgiving light of the truth. But in the darkness of our most desperate hours, it’s often these loyalties that lend us the strength to do what we know must be done.
If married gay men (who aren’t condescending) can be recruited for the furtherance of this move, I see nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with it. They are married. It is not your marriage. It isn’t your path. It absolutely isn’t your life. It’s simply the same way we desire heterosexuals to stand with us and see us as sane. All these bickering will not solve anything. Let us court common sense and simply see that we need friends and allies on this journey of acceptance.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 14:52My name is Vhar and I just wanna make common sense
???
Colossus
May 11, 14:02All these comments and it’s barely lunchtime. Maybe we need stories from the evil people so we can truly understand at which point they turned so evil.
This topic is an over flogged horse but somehow it just refuses to die. Such a strong horse, such a strong evil horse.
Some say we should live our truth, all of us. Only problem is that we are also expected to live the ‘truth’ dictated by another.
chuck
May 11, 14:11No one is asking you to live one way or another. However, if you’re gay or bi, married to a woman and sleeping with men, don’t expect an award from me. This is why corruption is so strong in this country. No one wants to admit that they’ve done something wrong, even if there are extenuating circumstances.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 14:53And you are the moral compass ofcourse to tell us that which is right or wrong!
Oh dear Chuck we beseech thee, show us the way, in your mercy lead us aright!
???
chuck
May 11, 15:12Oya explain how being an MGm and cheating on your wife is the right thing to do. I’m waiting.
You-Know-Who
May 11, 15:42Like i said earlier what if i decided not to cheat on my wife. would you be more accepting of me as a MGM? if yes! don’t straight people cheat on their wives also?
so you see its really not an MGM thing, its more like a human epidemic.
(Lack of) Honesty i.e
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 16:32Boda Chuck you still don’t get my argument. See people are going to do whatever they want to do anyway no matter what we say. They will do what is best for them and only then knows what is best for them.
My argument is simple; many gay men are going to get married to women no matter the oyibo that we speak, so rather than exclude them and treat them like traitors who sold their nation to ISIS, we can use the help of the willing ones to achieve our greater good. Something positive can come out of it, that’s my point.
chuck
May 11, 19:14I find it unlikely that an MGM will be an advocate. Person wey don do marriage to hide him gay ties, na him go open mouth in public to defend gays?
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 19:36That my dear is where you miss it!
Some of them are very strong and fearless advocates and they can do so without feeling vulnerable. Something I cannot easily get away with
chuck
May 14, 01:55I disagree. We’ll do a survey one day
Quebec
May 11, 14:36“Its cute to see people below 25 sit in judgment over MGMs loool. Let us have this conversation again in 10 years”.
Dear Dennis
I have followed your post for more 2yrs, if I’m not mistaken, but I find today’s post very educative, insightful, well-written and very commendable.
I’m commenting here for the first time and I do appreciate this initiative and forum.
*Please keep up the good work, and I did like to have an off the camera discussion with you.
Absalom
May 11, 15:55Ohmygod!!! ?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Max 10
May 11, 15:57KD is an exact mirror image of the Nigerian LGBT community which could actually be summed up in one word- Hopeless!.
There’s no hope for anyone, we’ve been primed to fall in line and most of us are gonna fall in line, so there’s no point coming here ever again to complain about how the Nigerian society is cruel to us and unaccepting. We should stop all the stupid sorries when a Kito story is posted here becuase guess what> Youre not helping in any way.
Since Everyone is pretty comfy in their closet, don’t be angry the day your neighbor hears pleasure moans of another man through the window and starts knocking on your door to check out, or when your colleagues in the office hack away at gay people, or when your kids(for the ones living a sham) refer to gay people as an abomination. Don’t be angry and you have no right to question their thought process, because this is what you wanted in the first place.
Let’s stop the therapy today, since we still go back and indugle in those kind of attitudes that brought us to the therapy in the first place. It’s not called “making progress” , its called “Deceiving your self” and living in denial/stupidity.
Progress starts with each and everyone. United we stand, divided, we fall.
We already fell without even trying and we didn’t need the help of the homophobes to do it. The gay community is a time bomb and all it needs to explode is a spark.
Let’s stop the deceit- No one is ever going to escape getting married to a woman whether you like it or not
Stop looking for love- for those seeking love, you can never ever be happy in your life, in fact you shld probably kill yourself, all any gay man thinks of is the next piece of ass or dick to fuck, Theyre all mindless whores!!!.
When homophobes hack away at gay people, keep quiet and cower away after all, you have a mental disorder and need to see a psychiatrist.
Stop visiting a gay blog since you’re not going to marry a man.
Start now to hone in on your “manning” up skills because those swaying hips of yours ain’t gonna fix itself (yes you’re broken)
And one last thing- Stop watching gay porn too, its not healthy for you. Start practicing on how to toast women since you’re gonna end up with them anyway, so you’ll be a pro when the time comes.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 16:24Sweetheart you don’t have to stay with us weaklings and liars. You left before and we did not die, you can leave and find your own version of e-utopia
???
You-Know-Who
May 11, 17:07I’m really feeling how DM is rightly putting Max in his place today.
its pitiable that Max really feels his appearance and opinions on KD truly matters.
The earlier you start accepting that you are just another monicker on this blog the better for you.
Tueh!
Keredim
May 11, 18:41I have said this before, the way we discuss gay issues on this blog, especially MGM issues, anyone looking in from the outside, would think that the anti-gay law in Nigeria has been lifted. That we can show PDA in the streets, without fear of persecution.
Look, if an MGM (whether he cheats on his wife or not) can lend an active voice to the abolition of the oppressive anti gay law, resulting in the protection of gay people in Nigeria, who the fuck are you, as a closeted gay person, to cast aspersions at his activism?!
Surely, we should be in the “by any means possible” mindset when it comes to the protection of the basic human rights of gay people in Nigeria. The RIGHT to exist!!!
Geezzz??
????
Francis
May 11, 19:13?????????????
Biko no burst sometin.
Peak
May 11, 17:06Max your supremacist way of tackling issues is not helping anyone incase you think it is.
LGBTIQ issues and awareness is pretty much at its baby state in Nigeria. So demanding that things should be up to par with the state of things in the advanced world is simply asking for too much. Even in the so called advanced and progressive world, a lot of gay men and women are on the downlow with progressive legislation at their disposal. So cut us some slacks for our “behind your schedule” way.
I’d like to play the ” live and lets live” card, but that would be a waste of time.
The message about coming out would be well received would be best received if they are coming out from the vocal cords of a man who is out and proud. Since you don’t fit that bill, I won’t bother addressing it any further.
Deceiving urself is trying to fit the “normal” called society. Why wear shirt and pants, cut ur hair short and tone down ur effeminacy when u can live in ur true colour and rock out ur crop top nd mini skirt with killa pumps? a 20 inch perugian weave being tossed left and right in the wind with careless abandon, while occasionally knocking imaginary stray bangs out of ur eyes? Why try to tone down ur effeminacy and fabulousness so u don’t attract attention? As for the masculine one’s among us, why not wear ur love for men as proudly as u wear ur masculinity? Ultimately, we are all a band of liars, bending and tweaking our individual existence all to fit in. So you my dear Max and co, have you at any point or currently living a lie by way of “adjustments”? If so, then you are as good a liar as the next gay man walking down the aisle with a woman. Just as we are quick to tell the homophobes that there is no such thing as big sin or small sin, there is no big lie and small lies. We are all spiders weaving our web of lies in our various niches in the forest called life.
Progress comes with great men and women who have enough courage and charisma to UNITE the people, not men and women who see ill and misfortune in others, antagonise them and address them in condescending tones. You have to unite ppl towards a cause, they don’t automatically agree with you. Even Jesus himself would tell you that. So if ur approach as a so called “activist” isn’t working, why not device a workable alternative instead of throwing in the towel?
We are failing because too much energy is being wasted on fighting each other on every subject, on every front. This post was suppose help us see how we can use our differences to our advantage rather than as a pit fall. Somehow it got hijacked and turned into a parade of insolence.
The name calling and endorsement of suicide all in the name of showing how disappointed and bitter you is where I checked out. Whatever vile comment you are using now and in the future will remain just that…vile. people will go on to live their lives as they please, make their own decisions and deal with its associated consequences. Long story short, whatever will be will be. Good luck with ur journey and learn to wish others the same with their’s…or not.
Max 10
May 11, 17:16@Peak, I know where to table your matter. You’re taking your stand on this issue because you know what’s coming.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 18:28Quoting Peak
The message about coming out would be well received would be best received if they are coming out from the vocal cords of a man who is out and proud. Since you don’t fit that bill, I won’t bother addressing it any further.
Max he just stylishly told you to shut the F up
Francis
May 11, 19:23@Peak ????
Max 10
May 11, 17:15For the people I didn’t reply their comments earlier, its because it means nothing to me.
When you’re done hating on Max, you can carry your handbag waka comot.
And if you ever see me in real life(and I happen to know and hate you), run. Accidents happen all the time.
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 18:30Delusions;
What happens when people esteem themselves too much or assign unto themselves influence that they don’t have.
Continue nna, until you land in Uselu
pagxy
May 11, 16:04Nice write up as usual Dennis.
Dimkpa
May 11, 16:49I just read in the news that Italian MPS have just passed a bill legalising same sex civil unions. It is quite tragic that while others are making progress we are still debating the ‘merits’ in marrying members of the opposite sex.
You-Know-Who
May 11, 17:02Its Obvious fact that the whites are ahead of us in all facets of life. so why should our actions and/or in-actions on gay issues be any different. One step at a time. if it means supporting MGMs (who can also be of benefit to LGBT in pursuit of happiness) till we get to our desired designation, so be it.
Dimkpa
May 11, 16:49I just read in the news that Italian MPS have just passed a bill legalising same sex civil unions. It is quite tragic that while others are making progress we are still debating the ‘merits’ in marrying members of the opposite sex.
Dimkpa
May 11, 16:49I just read in the news that Italian MPS have just passed a bill legalising same sex civil unions. It is quite tragic that while others are making progress we are still debating the ‘merits’ in marrying members of the opposite sex.
Justme
May 12, 05:55It’s ok boss. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It took western countries many generations to get to where they are on this subject and while we may not live to see “progress” of the kind that allows for gay civil unions in any African country other than RSA let us continue to debate the situations in our context as we strive to move us forward. It will be a long bumpy road but I don’t see any shortcuts.
Ernesto
May 11, 16:54I am pro-choice and I see reason with what Dennis has to say. But the truth is that a huge percentage of Gay Nigerians (myself included) could care less of the LGBT movement. KitoDiaries for most is a place where we get to remind ourself that we exist in society and are normal. If not for strict policies by the administrator, would have turned to a hook up site (questionable, seeing how you guys seem to know each other offline). So sorry Dennis, it’s hard to fathom an MGM who on the surface fits into the expectations of the society willing to stick it out for the community.
Funny how one would be applauded , If one decided to marry a lesbian as suggested on here. Such a delusional double – standard.
Francis
May 12, 06:40If not for strict policies by the administrator, would have turned to a hook up site (questionable, seeing how you guys seem to know each other offline).
Guy to know people outside KD dey hungry you? It’s not hard na. Keep reading the comments very very very well with anya ndi mmuo and scanning twitter and IG. Some of us are not really hiding.
Relating our knowing each other offline to hookups sounds somehow. Some friendships cannot stay online forever.
pete
May 12, 07:10On point. I still wonder how people can not connect the dots & match commenters to their social media. To be gay in Nigeria, your investigative skills should be on fleek.
Pink Panther
May 12, 07:13Tah shettupdia, pete. You think all of us want to be worthy of CIA recruitment? Nwokem park well.
pete
May 12, 07:34PP, it had its advantages too.
Wayfaring Stranger
May 13, 00:23Hmmm.
Keredim
May 11, 18:42I have said this before, the way we discuss gay issues on this blog, especially MGM issues, anyone looking in from the outside, would think that the anti-gay law in Nigeria has been lifted. That we can show PDA in the streets, without fear of persecution.
Look, if an MGM (whether he cheats on his wife or not) can lend an active voice to the abolition of the oppressive anti gay law, resulting in the protection of gay people in Nigeria, who the fuck are you, as a closeted gay person, to cast aspersions at his activism?!
Surely, we should be in the “by any means possible” mindset when it comes to the protection of the basic human rights of gay people in Nigeria. The RIGHT to exist!!!
Geezzz??
????
Dennis Macaulay
May 11, 19:33Odiegwu Nna!
It is a real wa
INDIGENE.
May 11, 19:14Yeah! Give that man a medal!
Tony Odekunle - Brown
May 11, 22:09Live and let live. That is what I think should be the core of the gay rights movement. Let me live my life how I see fit as long as it doesn’t affect anyone. Its just funny that the gay community doesn’t share the same sentiment. If you are not a particular kind of gay man then you are a sellout. Gay men around the world have been marrying women from the beginning of time and it won’t stop in the next 100 years. It doesn’t mean they are not welcome at the gay table. It doesn’t mean they are less gay. Whatever reason they had is a personal reason and it’s left for the said gay man to be a good husband to who he is married and a good father to his kids. It is pointless to point fingers and dismissing them for making a choice that doesn’t really affect anyone but them. I thought we are teaching the message of tolerance. I guess I was wrong
michael
May 11, 23:25Now that Max is back with his Maxing abilities, where is Django. Anyone seen her lately?
Chizzie
May 12, 13:28The average Nigerian gay man doesn’t marry with the intent to champion gay rights under the guise of marriage, that’s the farthest thing from thier minds.
They marry to conform, they marry to succumb, they marry because like most Nigerians they feel marriage is an obligation. It has been indoctrinated in our psyche as Nigerians that we have to marry, whether we are gay, straight, impoverished – we just have to marry.
In all honesty MGM could give two shits about gay rights because they feel they have nothing to lose, after all they are married. They could care less.
MGM lose respect from me because I believe marriage is sacred and a covenant. Plus any man who is capable of cheating on his wife with another man and coming back home to look her in the eyes, to kiss her with the same lips he has just kissed and eaten the ass of another man, is capable of doing anything.
And thats why in most cases MGM end up being so perverted, they have lost whatever is left of their conscience and are capable of the most perverse of sexual things.
Present shag buddy is a MGM and sometimes I feel so bad for his wife. Some of the nasty things we do, sometimes I wonder how he lives with himself.
Francis
May 12, 13:50You’ve lost respect for dem but you’re still chopping them left right center. Are you even listening to ya sef?
Chizzie
May 12, 16:02With MGM I am more concerned about their dicks and how good they use them. I don’t hold them in high regard or esteem. All they are good for is the usual fuck from time to time
Pink Panther
May 12, 17:26You get down and dirty with a set of people you don’t have any respect for. Isn’t that a reflection on yourself?
Keredim
May 12, 18:01What do you mean, PP?!
As an International harlot, I routinely have to get down with people I don’t respect….for the right price of course.
Are you saying its a reflection of myself or are you saying Chizzie is ‘in the game’??
Keredim
May 12, 16:03Nna Francis , you are calling people out and being confrontational, thus stepping out of your comfort zone…
Odikwa nma?!?
????
Francis
May 12, 16:52What I say now? No be discussion we dey discuss? ???
Tiercel de Claron
May 13, 03:03“We have met the enemy and he is us” – Pogo
Phoenix
May 17, 06:31I’m just reading this, and I can say is that this is the best I’ve ever read on this series. There is no wahala with someone gay getting married to someone straight. All I know is that once a gay man or lesbian gets married they should respect that marriage and shut the door to socketing outside the marriage. It is still adultery. Marriage should be respected because it involves trust. Those who socket outside, they’re the ones I have a problem with. I also have a problem with the selfish ones who can’t go out of their ways to help another gay person in trouble. Asa in ‘Ife’ sings, “Where love will take us, no one knows.”
quinn
January 12, 07:36Who else is reading this in 2018?! Yes its that good!
Eddie
August 21, 02:23#august2018reads….this was epic!
Eddie
August 21, 02:25#august2018reads….epic stuff!!
JonKD
May 14, 22:44Well said