RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 59)
I said I was going to do an article on staying safe while cruising online, but I have to renege on that promise for today and do it another time. One issue is heavy on my mind and I want to get it off my chest.
The other day I was hanging out with a few pals at Sky Bar (the view of the city that it offers is just breathtaking), and we were having drinks and throwing barbs at each other. Midway into our banter, two very effete guys who I recognized from Instagram came into the bar and went to another end to sit. They called a waiter and ordered drinks and sort of took in the lair. Everyone in the bar was looking at them and you could see the way they were being judged with the stares. However this pair did not seem to care, they were chatting and laughing loudly, taking selfies with their phones and generally enjoying themselves. It was somewhat amusing to watch.
“Na these kind idiots dey give us bad name. Man no go behave like man. See as them dey fool themselves. Abeg I’m irritated, e be like say we go dey comot for here.”
The words were hissed by Obiora (not real name) who was in our company. I turned and looked at him and asked him what the problem was. He launched into a vexed monologue about how he cannot understand men behaving like women and why homosexuals force themselves to be effete, that the fact that they like men doesn’t mean they are women. He said he’s determined to stay away from ‘those kinds of guys’, that he doesn’t have anything in common with them, and then he finished by sneeringly saying, “Amuru gini? Amuru nwoke!” This loosely translates to: “Are these ones men?”
At this point, I became angry and there was no way I was going to let his comments slide. I told him that he should be ashamed of himself for uttering such a disgusting and hateful statement. Look, let us draw a line here: one may not be attracted (sexually that is) to effete men, and that’s fine. But when you say that you deliberately avoid being them (while still being gay), then you are just hateful. Bigotry and prejudice could be so easily cloaked in choice and preference that it seems harmless and even somewhat excusable, but it remains what it is. Now how do we draw the line between the validity of preference (or choice if you like) and prejudice? I would say that the difference is in the nuance upon which it is based; if you base your reservation upon a nuance that cannot be controlled or chosen, such as race, skin colour, disability, sexual orientation, demeanor and gender, then you are being prejudiced, plain and simple!
I was so angry that day as I told him off, laying on him how disgusting it was that that we create divisions amongst ourselves rather than sticking together and fighting the common enemy that we all have. I asked him where a gay man like him, who is a big target for prejudice and bigotry, find the moral high ground to target another person with prejudice. We often forget that majority of the effete men (especially in Nigeria) do not actually like that they are effete, they cannot help it, and all the sass that you typically see is them making a lemonade out of the lemons that nature has given them.
At this point another person spoke up and said that many people avoid effete men so they will not be outed by association, reminding me that Nigeria is still deeply homophobic. I acknowledged that line of argument, and then asked him what then the effete men should do. Drink poison and die? If we cannot accept them and be friends with them, what then should happen to them? I pointed out that we are often too paranoid that we become foolish people; these effete men still befriend straight men, no? Quite a few of them have straight guys that they hang with, so why are the straight men not afraid of being “outed by association”? Sometimes we need to discard unnecessary paranoia that makes us horrible people and simply be compassionate humans.
I remember my previous apartment; I had a gay man living there. I actually avoided him because I did not approve of how he lived his life and the kind of company he kept, so even though we both knew we were gay, we were not friends. Everything changed when a friend of mine (who also knew him) came visiting, and my neighbor came over to say hello to my friend. We became friends after that and I went on to discover that he wasn’t really bad. He however liked quite a few effeminate boys in the area but he would not dare be seen with them in public; he would sneak them into his flat at about 11pm when everyone had gone to bed and sneak them out around 5am (I knew this because I typically go for my morning run around that time). This was his routine for a while and as much as it irked me, I held my peace. I however noticed that there was a particular boy who kept coming and going in that stealth mission; I recognized the boy from the petrol station where I bought fuel (he works there and everyone there calls him Sisi Eko). However, there was this day my neighbor and I were going out and we stopped to refuel there and my neighbor did not so much as say hello to this boy, the same boy who graced his bed many nights.
I remember being very angry after this incident and one day I cornered the boy at the petrol station and asked him why he was sleeping with someone who would not even speak to him in the daytime. He broke down and said that the guy is about the only person who bothers to meet him regularly. He told me stories of hook-ups who bailed once they saw him and his twirling hips, or who just managed him for the night and never spoke to him again. It was quite sad to hear and in my typical busy body style (shut up, y’all), I talked some sense into him and let him know that he should not be having sex with someone who is ashamed of him. I also told him that he was free to visit me anytime, if he wanted a friend. We remained friends until his family moved back to Ikot Ekpene.
My point this morning is that we have a bigger hydra-headed monster to confront and these petty divisions within us will not take us anywhere. We have to discard unnecessary fear and be our brother’s keeper. I am not saying that you should date an effete guy if you are not attracted to him. I am saying that nothing stops you from being their friend. Do not judge them; for many of them, life is hard already we should not make it worse. I have often said that the upside of being gay is that it makes me more tolerant of difference; whenever I hear myself judging someone on anything, a voice reminds me in my head that I am also toeing the line of homophobes who are judging me and that essentially I am no different from them.
Obiora was defiant and still defended his stance as his opinion which he had a right to, and this infuriated me even further. I managed to calm myself enough to coldly say to him: “You are this muscular masculine man and all. You have blended into society and achieved their validation which you clearly crave. And so you look at the effeminate men like lepers whom should be done away with. However it takes only one slip up, one mistake, and these same people whose validation means so much to you will glean that you are after all a “bloody faggot”. And then you will see essentially what the Nigerian mob can do to us and you will be sorry.”
I subsequently paid for my drink and left with my head thumping. I understand that reactions such as this is why quite a few people don’t like me; I have been accused of being an opinion bully who makes sure his voice is the only voice in the room and every dissenting sound is silenced (yes, someone emailed that to me). However the reality is that it’s fine to think that of me. It’s fine to even dislike me, but by god, I will still keep being me, for if there is one thing I have learned in this my 30-year sojourn on earth, it is that you have to be the most authentic version of yourself at all times.
*Drops mic and exits stage*
DM
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87 Comments
Lopez
September 28, 08:01Did u just mention majority of effeminate guys dont like d way they are… gosh i’m relieved. Growing up pple keep telling me my voice sound feminine, initially I refuse to believe it but at time goes on with incidents like talking to strangers on phone nd they’ll refer me as Ma I have to accept my reality. I so much hate it nd nearly hate myself, I tried what I can to make my voice huskier bt its not working. it reach a point I stopped speaking in public unless I really have to for fear of being judged nd then pple start saying i’m arrogant. But here is d thing, I realize I have to like myself d way i’m so I love me, I dont give a shit what a straight or a fellow gay guy thinks about my voice, I held my head up nd i’m living my life.
Francis
September 28, 08:08The Yes ma from customer care reps over the phone don’t bug me anymore. lol. They seem to be nicer when they think it’s a woman on the line. I’ve simply learnt to have different voices for different situations.
Delle
September 28, 10:50Sorry, how do you do that?!
Francis
September 28, 10:57Let’s just say I can like to mimic voices, mannerisms etc I see from time to time and eventually they form part of my “act”
posh666
September 28, 11:46Lool Francis for some reasons I never imagined you might have a feminine voice.
Abeg my sister can you make the calculation of your data use about downloading aND watching youtube videos less obvious? Honestly it cracks me up so much and I laugh so hard.Haba stop shaming your fans Doctor like you lool.
Francis
September 28, 11:53Don’t believe the hype. Doctors no rich again biko. Recession and Naija hustle dey worry all of us.
posh666
September 28, 12:10Eya the country really tough right now.Pele e go better! Well in this hard times some of us are grateful for our “Baes” in high places just like bobrisky and we dont ever have to worry about data.
Keredim
September 28, 14:03Chei!!!??♂️??♂️??♂️?????????????????????
posh666
September 28, 14:09Yels o!
Jide
September 28, 13:07‘My sister?’ Because he has a feminine voice? Hian.
posh666
September 28, 13:48It’s an in house playful harmless joke we exchange BTW ourselves sometimes.This isn’t the first time I have called him such.I sometimes call him Dr Francisca and it’s nothing but a joke even before I knew he had a feminine voice today.Just like I call Pinkie Madam Pinky sometimes as do other kdians call theirselves too so abeg calm down you hear?
Jide
September 28, 13:57Calm down? Lol
doe eyed monster
September 29, 07:50Yes I agree it’s a joke between you two.
But.. ..is it only me that gets irked when a whole man is referred to as a “sister” by gay guys just because he is either bottom or effeminate.. .I just find it degrading… We are men who like other men… Simple.
Can we please stop calling guys “sisters”? Is that a possibility?
posh666
September 29, 07:56Yea bitch how about you address anybody that calls you such directly if you don’t like it since you are obviously a stuckup bitch.Instead of jumping into a conversation BTW two people that has nothing to do with you in any way?
#THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU
#YOUAREIRRELEVANT
Pink Panther
September 29, 08:47Calm down, posh.
doe eyed monster
September 29, 10:30Osheyyy… Nice claws… Devourer of men.
dint mean to offend you o. Accept my humble apology.. . See as you went all out on me.. .lol..
Francis
September 29, 08:06All I can say is Naija is pretty rough right now with average life expectancy bound to drop to 40 years. No dey drink panadol on top other people matter. E wee not epp you oh.
Just tell those that call you that to stopeet.
P.S: I’ve seen masculine gays and tops being called sister gurls and they are very fine with it. Every man with him own kettle of insecurities and dislikes ?
posh666
September 29, 08:10My dear see me see trouble this early morning fa! Upon all the explanation I gave that it’s nothing serious and that it’s not like I know you personally to even know how you act but just a harmless joke.This bitch still had to come for me….Let me breath and count to ten.
doe eyed monster
September 29, 10:35I really din’t mean it as a bad thing. Or insult or anything.
It’s fine sha..i am sorry… You can all retract your claws now and let’s sing kumbaya.
Francis
September 28, 08:05That petrol station attendant story dey depressing. Can’t imagine being reduced to a sex toy just to mean something to someone. ??
Absalom
September 28, 08:19Speaking of voice ish, you guys might be interested in this documentary: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jz6KlErXshU
Francis
September 28, 08:251hr 17 minutes?!
Absalom
September 28, 08:43Ehen nau! You dey fear? ?
Francis
September 28, 09:01Nna, I have like to have the attention span of a fruit fly on certain subjects
Pink Panther
September 28, 08:49I swear. i found that story truly saddening.
beejay
September 28, 08:21You’ve gotta love bigots though, double standards and all. So somehow it’s OK to be gay, but not effeminate? But I thought they were both intolerable? Per societal standards I mean. People and instances like these☝remind us of the importance of LGBTQI sensitization, even within the community. Some people are simply ignorant and don’t even know it.
There’s a mantra I’ve taught myself to chant, “The only right I have is not to judge anyone”. It’s helped me realise that until you’ve worn that shoe and until you’ve walked those many miles, you couldn’t possibly understand.
Oh and PS: Don’t u dare stop being vocal.
Peak
September 28, 08:28“The only right I have is not to judge anyone”. It’s helped me realise that until you’ve worn that shoe and until you’ve walked those many miles, you couldn’t possibly understand.” Preach!
Canis VY Majoris
September 28, 09:58“The only right I have is not to judge anyone”. It’s helped me realise that until you’ve worn that shoe and until you’ve walked those many miles, you couldn’t possibly understand.”
PROFOUND!!!!.
All these prejudiced cretins don’t know what they are missing out of. Of the varying diverse species to grace the earth, there is no better human company to have than that of an effeminate man. And despite all the prejudice they endure, they have the kindest and biggest hearts of all.
Well, the ones I know, at least.
DM: Keep the rants (How to be a decent human being:101) coming, it is very much needed.
swanky
September 28, 08:31Been there … But had to learn to comport myself while in public. Gradually its becoming part of me “manly” . I don’t hesitate to give myself a thumb up whenever someone remarks that I ain’t effe.
But on a serious note, I think that the greater part of being queer is knowing that you’re a man attracted to men. And when I say men I mean MEN.
But all the same , once in a while its luxuriating being in midst of friends flipping weave. I think the major problem with it is the way you carry yourself. Some ppl can be effeminate yet appealing while others tends to go about it in a local, dirty n razz way.
Dennis Macaulay
September 28, 08:49You still don’t get it!
*sigh*
Pink Panther
September 28, 08:52‘But on a serious note, I think that the greater part of being queer is knowing that you’re a man attracted to men. And when I say men I mean MEN.’
This isn’t an echo of the prejudice revealed in the write-up, is it?
Dennis Macaulay
September 28, 08:58He clearly missed the point of the whole piece
ambivalentone
September 28, 09:25*snorts* ‘you aint effete’ OR ‘You don’t act so effete’? I have come to realise its just as much an insult as telling u dt outright. Its about making u feel good about urself.?? Don’t give urself that ‘thumbs-up’, ‘pat on the back’ thingy just yet??
Keredim
September 28, 09:49“Some ppl can be effeminate yet appealing while others tends to go about it in a local, dirty n razz way.”
Masculine and muscular guys who behave the same way too, would probably attract the same reaction.
Sometimes its about being classy, whether you are gay or straight…
Delle
September 28, 10:53Smh. I’m quite sure you school with Bobrisky. Well done with the shallow-minded thoughts.
posh666
September 28, 11:48Sorry o is this Swanky Jerry Tonto’s stylist? Lmaooooooo
GOld
September 28, 08:56Who is this Swanky sef??
???????
Lopez
September 28, 08:57We do, u want d manly guys to stop stigmatizing d effete(as u call it) one’s DM. We are saying in another way when d effeminate carry themsalves right no one has d right to berate u.
Dennis Macaulay
September 28, 08:59Write in English please, I couldn’t make sense of what you just wrote
ambivalentone
September 28, 09:18“carry themselves ‘right’…” I need you to be very clear on this. Please, think VERY carefully before u answer o??
Dennis Macaulay
September 28, 09:30Swanky is the attorney general of gay “rightness” and appropriate behavior apparently
ambivalentone
September 28, 08:59Oh sure not being accepted hurts. Neither mammal nor bird, but the really great thing about effetes is that they remind the rest of the world that gay ppl still exist. He should thank his sorry arse for their living.
Any dunce who tells you to change as requisite for his love never loved u in d 1st place??
doe eyed monster
September 29, 07:55But I just have to ask.. ..is EVERY effeminate guy gay? I refuse to believe every effeminate guy you see is gay.. .EVERY!?? !!
ambivalentone
September 29, 10:25Well, I don’t believe anyone is gay until I have seen they are. So I am d wrongest person to ask. I only said effeminate guys remind the world that gay (make that queer) ppl exist
Tony Odekunle-Brown
September 28, 09:33So here is my theory.
Guys who dislike effeminate men are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality. They believe that these guys remind them of what they do not like about themselves and so they get angry when they see them and would not want to have anything to do with them.
#JustMyOpinion
PS: Some guys do too much sha. Example is Bobrisky. (Oops, I forgot he is straight. My bad)
Dennis Macaulay
September 28, 09:43Tony some guys “do too much”? Pray tell, who sets the benchmark for what is enough and what is too much?
ambivalentone
September 28, 09:54Its funny really. There are times when I start hearing “I used to know one guy. Na guy o. He too dey waka like girl. *looks at a third party* You tink say this one (meaning me) dey behave like woman? Dat one don turn woman finish”.
My point is- The effete has been tagged effete. Ain’t nothing he gonna do about it. ANY soft-spoken personality will have been compared to Bobrisky in the last couple of days. There are just no degrees at all.
Pink Panther
September 28, 09:57That phrase ‘some guys do too much’ backs up the claim that effeminate guys have the choice of not being effeminate. smh. You know, sort of like how some people can be too gay.
Tony Odekunle-Brown
September 28, 10:10There is no benchmark or degree for how effeminate anyone can be. Doing too much is not in how you speak or walk. It is just how a person brings the drama.
Mandy
September 28, 09:43I keep believing this: it shocks me constantly when someone who suffers prejudice is able to manufacture some prejudice of his own for another minority. Seriously, how do you manage to be okay with yourself when you know you are targeted by people who don’t understand you, and you can go on to target others simply because you have refused to understand them? How? Tufiakwa to some of our gay people sha.
doe eyed monster
September 29, 08:00Sometimes I think I have even carried this non-judgement too much.. .my roommates keeps asking if I would keep opening my arms to everyone a normal guy would find weird.. ..
I reply saying.. .first, I am normal (okay I am not… Lol.. ) but these people already have their life judged already by men so why would I further their pain… .what would Jesus do?
Lopez
September 28, 10:31By “carry themselves right” I mean not bringing all d drama to d table. The hausa effeminate guys popularly yandaudu r way out of d boundary… i’m not judging but just saying.
Delle
September 28, 11:00You were first to comment and as such, I HAD to read what you typed but coming across this, I’m so sick to the bones I did.
Do not, on any account, measure effeminacy. It isn’t a physical quantity! What do you mean by bringing drama and then accentuating the myopia of your statement by citing examples. That’s just sickening. For you, an effete, to think this way? What would I tag this (sorry, tagging is the new vogue)…internalised femmephobia?
What’s ‘manly man’ biko? Cos I searched and no results are showing. Y’all just know how to type rubbish shaa.
INDIGENE
September 28, 10:35If there’s one thing being gay has taught me, its to tolerate others no matter what! Before I judge anyone I tty been in their shoes!
If you are effeminate, For the sake of this forsaking country. try and keep something’s low, for your safety.
And belief me, that person you think is effeminate, just be friends with them, do t judge from afar ! bet me you won’t even care if they swing their hips..
I had this friend I was scared of walking with back then but as I got to know him very well, I can go to everywhere with him today! I mean everywhere
my Bestie is effeminate but I don’t notice those things and I do t care who sees because I know there’s more to him that him just been gay and effete.
Delle
September 28, 10:47“We often forget that majority of the effete men (especially in Nigeria) do not actually like that they are effete, they cannot help it, and all the sass that you typically see is them making a lemonade out of the lemons that nature has given them.”
Thank you, DM.
As for the femmephobia, I have no words. Lol. It’s just funny but I believe I have a life I’ve got to live through. Yes, this gets to me sometimes and I break down, but I surround myself with people that exude a lot of positive energy and that’s all that matters.
Not everyone would like you and that’s fine.
As for playing ‘sneak game’ with someone? Hian!
Drone
September 28, 11:04As long as Effeminate =! Immature Drama queen we’re cool.
posh666
September 28, 12:02The funny thing is most straight guys don’t mind hanging out with feminine guys aND they actually enjoy their company.Feminine guys can be dramatic and very fun to be around.Neither do they feel insecured about their sexuality…This kind of situation back then made my self esteem suffer cos i’m always wondering why they want to be friends with me!
Are they coming with motives?but I get to realize they just love me for me and keep coming back no matter how much I pushed them away and snub them.
As for those asshole gay guys who like to ask funny questions like are you girly?i just delete and block their sorry ass.
Witch
September 28, 12:14i remember hanging out with these two effeminate guys at a hotel in satellite town. it was a Sunday, the place was packed, immediately we walked in, everybody turned to look, it was like beyonce just walked in. everywhere suddenly was quiet with whispers, bulging eyes , shocked and irritated facial expressions . The amazing part of all these, is that the guys didn’t even shake oo, like they expected these reactions. I then realized that, people will only victimize you, if you’re not proud of something, you have to own whatever “flaw” you have, rock it, be proud of it, flaunt and be confident. With how these effeminate guys carried themselves with confidence, i don’t think anyone will be bold enough to hurl insults or jabs directly at them. i love hanging out with effeminate guys, mostly because of their awesome and fabulous personalities, but also because of the attention! lol
Chuck
September 28, 12:18Is homophobia enough reason for all gay men to see themselves as one community? Are sexual tastes enough to tie people together?
Maybe Obiora thinks he’s safe from homophobia, and he’s able to prevent kito? He might even be doing cover-up marriage soon.
Dennis Macaulay
September 28, 13:04Who brought in Yandaudu into this? Sometimes do some research before disgracing your education online. This is 2016 there is no space for stupid people.
Use the internet, learn and teach yourself
BlurryFace
September 28, 13:59ever told a guy who thinks he is all masculine that he kinda walks like a girl or does something in a feminine way? The look on their face, the denial, and sometimes it’s true. I just think there’s more to a gay guy than his mannerism and the better insecure ones understand that, the better for everyone. ” He broke down and said that the guy is about the only person who bothers to meet him regularly” sad.
zilayefa
September 28, 14:13Dear uncle Dennis Macaulay, the Onwanetiliora 1 of happytopia, the Agaba 1 of umuhomollage…ngwanu come let me give u hot kisssz on your cheeks. Thanks for the beautiful words. Tears welled up in my eyes as i read this article cos i remember every single hateful thing i went through back in UNN just because i was girly. There was this night when i was walking down a famous place called hilltop and i had some guys that kept throwing stones at me, screaming the homo word….at some point in the hostel people used to run away from i and my friends because we were girly. Hateful rumours of all sorts were peddled about us, at some point, we where asked to leave the hostel just because we where girly and very unapologetic…..it was the only way i could survive. school was just a bulk. once in a while, i still breakdown and cry because every part of me hurts from the hate….it takes guts to exist as an effeminate guy. it takes soo much courage to step into public spaces and still walk with your head high. the other day i went to pick up fabrics at the market and a man kept screaming at me, how i was going to go to hell, how my kind are a disgrace to manhood….. smh….i just kept my head up high and walked all the way down to Akpongbon…. worst of,its almost as if you can hardly meet up with a guy who wants to give a shot at loving talkless dating…. sometimes i. am scared that when i am on my way to work that a group of boys will stop nd beat me up into fine bits of flesh and blood….. but in all of this, i have chosen to exist and most importantly live. I owe myself and every effeminate child out there this one. Hugs!
Jide
September 28, 14:28Damn. That’s so sad. Didn’t know people still got bullied in the universities.
zilayefa
September 28, 14:36hii Jide
all of these happened a few years ago. Bullying still happens heavily in Eastern universities….. the new breed of gay guys are learning to be stronger, but bullying is still verry much present
Pink Panther
September 28, 14:33I actually felt really really sad while reading this. I’m glad you and every other effeminate guy out there powering on have such survival spirits. If you can learn to love yourself, that’s all that matters.
And we should read your narratives on Kito Diaries too. Any stories that serves as an empowerment for effeminate guys is welcome on KD ooo!
zilayefa
September 28, 14:43hullllo pinky
smiles….
thanks for the kind words. I do not know if this writing thing is something i can pull off, but i have been nursing small thoughts and ideas… things I call “The Living seeds of Kambili”….. I’d send a mail when i know exactly what I want to do…
Delle
September 28, 15:30Oh my goodness, Zilayefa, were you amongst those guys? It was quite the rampant story even as I got in. A group of guys in a particular room who were branded vermin because of their confident lifestyles.
Reading your comment, I’m like: What happened with me? How come my three plus years in the same hostel was ‘almost’ memorable.
I am so so proud of you and everything you and your friends did. Putting those bigots to shame with your unapologetic ways. It’s sad the things that happen. It really is sad.
You just have to know that there are those who love and would always stand by you. Keep being you and remember there are lots you inspire even without you knowing it.
Love you loads!
ambivalentone
September 28, 15:31I do understand where u r coming from. The ideal Igbo person in my mind is the Okonkwo figure from Things Fall Apart- ‘Manly’, determined, a warrior, ‘African’…and they think it too. It still is always a mixture of shock and amusement that there are a lot of gay Igbos, and few are effeminate to boot. I’ll bet they think it a personal and tribal failing. I think it Karma’s due as the bulk of everyone who teased me back at IJ were Igbos.
Keredim
September 28, 17:14And somehow, you have managed to turn it into a tribal thing..
I take it there are fewer gay Yoruba men than Igbo ones abi??
ambivalentone
September 28, 20:14??I am in so much awe of ur powers of deduction.????
keredim
September 28, 21:09Not as much as I am for your infinite propensity for facetious assertions ???
(&FFS, get some dark skinned emojis)
ambivalentone
September 29, 09:49*shrugs* What can I say? It comes naturally.
And 4 d 2nd part, Did I thank u when I got d emojis? I’m pretty sure I did. Now until the emojis turn racist and tell me to stop using them, why don’t u FMYB?????
Pink Panther
September 29, 09:56FMYB. Fuck My Yummy Behind???
keredim
September 29, 10:02I wouldn’t touch your ratchet fetid behind with a bargepole if it were the last thing on earth.
ambivalentone
September 29, 10:50I wasn’t even offering. Only heaven knows where the bargepole has been. And to add your problems to mine is not a pleasant prospect. No sirree.
Its Mind Your Fucking Business btw. I figured your not-so-ratchet brains coulda figured that out
keredim
September 29, 12:00“And to add your problems to mine is not a pleasant prospect.”
Yup you are absolutely right….You have loads of issues…What with your false illusion of reality and all…..
Lopez
September 28, 15:34Seriously DM? Its u that need to do some research nd educate yourself on certain issues b4 KDians see u as a real bully. Where is that coming from? Who is more effeminate than Yandaudu? And they are gays, part of d LGBT community. Unless some part of ur very own constructed Obiora is showing in u then I cant see where u r coming from. Really??? “2016 there is no space for stupid people” think again pls
ambivalentone
September 28, 15:37??ok you REALLY need to stop now.
Delle
September 28, 17:06What are you saying, Lopez? Just calm down, breathe easy and understand what you want to say and what you must have read before typing.
arinze
September 29, 00:47I could remember DAT time in CKC Onitsha wen they will refer to us as ndi NNE or umuada… the omekanwanyi, ndi NTU, ijikwa ude GI and others they label us.. and the funniest thing is DAT after the name those same bigots DAT called that name will come to u and be begging u to have sex with them or even touch them so that they will cum….I never know that I will be strong those periods KIA.. BT anyway am still the me am created to be
Diii 'Okpara
September 29, 02:46I may be wrong, but this is what i can gleam from @swanky’s view point:
A ‘real’ MAN is masculine, butch, gats strong face, without anything obviously sexy like a ‘slender frame’, ‘docility’, ‘panache’ or ‘decorum’, and if irregardless, a guy is still attracted to all the touted ‘MANLY’ features, then one must be queer INDEED.
However, the missing piece of the argument might be this: if some effete folk swirl on about just for the show of it, how then could you sift real effete from drag effete?
I once met this guy who wasn’t physically swirling/effete in any way, but his gait and comportment betrayed this stereotypical feminine swagg/shakara (which skype didn’t tell) and boy, it was attention at first sight! 🙂
Peak
September 29, 08:15YOU ARE WRONG!
How u were able to take his poorly dished comments and made it even more grotesque left me in awe.
Between this interpretation and ur apartment ad post, I don’t think I would be found reachong, by saying that you come across as a homophobe by the way u ve been projecting urself.
Diii 'Okpara
September 30, 18:10by their busybody you shall know them. monitoring spirit @ it’s peak!.Ngwa come on shiiiiiiiiiiii and gerrarahere osiso.
Zol
September 29, 05:21This article hit home hard.
I’m an effeminate guy basically. In high school, it was hard. Really hard. I was bullied severely. Mostly vocal but it still hurt. By classmates, even teachers.
The Vice Principal in particular, apparently, she was teaching me how to be a proper man. It was painful, I was scared to go to school everyday. At some point, I got fed up and I would talk back at her and those teachers around who wouldn’t say anything would find it appropriate to chip in and they were all like “oh, you’re very rude”. Those bitches.
The VP made school a lot harder and it was final year which was meant to be my best year but I hated it, I wanted to leave so bad.
She criticized everything, the way I walked, the way I talked, the way I wore tie, the way my blazer was raised above my bum (yh, I was already 6.1′ in 12th grade), everything.
But it got better, it got a lot better. I left high school, left the country for University education. Now, in University, 4th year, I used to have terribly low self esteem, I would never go up to strangers just to make friends because I knew they would’ve had a judgement of what I’m like. But then there was a new guy in class, we became friends, we became close. Lets call him Caleb.
Caleb used to tell me that walking with me would make people think he was gay as well (yh, I came out to him). Told him I didn’t care what people thought, and that he shouldn’t as well. As time went on, he didn’t care. He was kinda an outsider too becauseA Africans are chromosomally judjudgmental, everyone thought he was a bad boy. Then he introduced me to his friends. They’re amazing, I didn’t have to come out to them and they didn’t care I wasgay, now, I have something of a brotherhood that I really really cherish. And even if I don’t admit it to myself, they’ve helped grow and mature. My confidence, not a 100%, but its way more better than it was in high school.
So, it does get better. It really does. Even if you’re getting taunted daily, its a phase, like a cloud in the sky, it will pass. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to fit in, you’ll find your space in this vast universe.
Pink Panther
September 29, 06:20Another beautiful testament. ???
Lord Naughtiness
September 29, 11:56Its a really cool piece, I use to be very effeminate and I really didn’t notice until people started teasing me cuz of the way I walked and stuff… In sec skul those days, it almost got out of hand but I think I just enjoyed the fame that came with it, as i wad always called boy-gal, our wife, our woman.. I just made them see it didn’t get to me but when the bullying came close to home dished out by neighbours and some cousins, it really did hurt and I started trying to Change and stuff, now people see me and say u are very manly o. I just look at them and smile…
Now the question is:
Can I be friends with an effeminate guy?= yes
Would I be ashamed sometimes?=yes
Would I feel bad about being ashamed?= yes
But I would still really love that my friend.. I think I would just need him to be understanding…
peaches
September 30, 13:55DM, the God that will bless u, will not mind ur size!. This was also on my own mind o. What squeezes juicy bitterness out of my heart is DAT some of these straight acting gay homophone for the effete are straight up bottom!. Ah!. my ex roommate who doesn’t know that I am aware we both like dicks accused me of posting ‘faggotish pics’ on my wall, meanwhile one uncle who can’t keep his randy in his pant have divulged without prompting the nude pics of this roommate, both dick and asshole with his face in what appears to be a mirror shot. yet he wants to throw stones. I have a good mind to post DAT pic online and tag him, but he isn’t worth my waste of MB. DM I’m gon borrow Kim K’s luscious lips to kiss u gratitude for the piece that stole my heart!.