RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
I have two passions, which I seek to protect at all times – my sexual orientation and my sisters. As the only male and oldest child, it was natural for me to grow up into the role of Big Brother, seeing to and watching over the affairs of my sisters. They always came to me with their problems and concerns, expecting answers, which I did my best to give. Of all their affairs however, the one area I quickly became an expert in was when it came to boys. I’m gay, male and older, with more liberty and an unknowing lack of supervision from my protective parents, and so, I’d acquired quite the number of experiences by the time my sisters began having boy problems. So I knew what to tell them to look out for in that guy, and how to program that other guy; from the things they told me, I could tell the assholes, the jerks, the wimps, the magas, the mugus, and I dispensed my advice to them accordingly.
Very often, it worked. And my sisters quickly began to see me as the go-to guy for their boy problems. It was amazing how frank and open they’d always be with me concerning their love interests. Without them knowing it, I became their gay best friend.
Now, several weeks ago, when I was in between boyfriends, I hooked up with one guy (let’s call him IK). The couple of times we had sex were not at all memorable; I really didn’t enjoy him in between the sheets, as I thought I would when we were getting to know each other. But in spite of that, I was willing to remain friends with him. Yes, I subsequently friend-zoned him.
But IK, it seemed, didn’t get the memo. He continued seeking my constant attention with too-frequent pings and even-more-frequent calls when I didn’t answer his pings. He became whiney, nagging and complaining about the hours it took me to get back to him. I’d hoped he would see my inattention as the handwriting on the wall, the script being that I was no longer into him. But he didn’t. The less attentive I got with him, the more petulant he became.
And so, I had to let him know that we weren’t going to work out. I let him have it directly. He reacted badly to my words, but eventually got over it. And we moved on and didn’t speak much to each other.
A couple of weeks later, my immediate younger sister, a voluptuous young woman whose quota of broken male hearts is nearing dangerously to mine, started talking about this guy she met on Facebook, who really seemed into her. This wasn’t new to me; ever since my sister joined Facebook three years ago, she’s gotten hit on more times than I can count, and if the chyker is ‘sense-making’, she always comes to me with those prospects.
I asked to see who her latest cyber love interest was, and when she showed me his picture, I felt my heart momentarily stop. I was gaping at IK’s photo. Behind a mask of mild interest, I began to panic inside. This couldn’t be happening. My ex-lover was not about to become my sister’s boyfriend. Say what you want, but I wasn’t about to let that happen. Besides, their budding romance was happening too soon after my breakup with IK. It all felt too icky for me.
For the record, IK is a handsome guy, and my sister (let’s call her Sharon) is a sucker for good looks. She was already over the moon with her latest chyker, and so, I couldn’t see how I could make this potential problem go away.
I decided first of all to confront IK with what I knew. As I scrolled for his number on my phone, I entertained the sneaky suspicion that perhaps he’d deliberately engineered this interest in my sister to get back at me somehow. I called him. He answered. I told him what I knew about him and Sharon, and asked him to back off. He refused, told me he really liked her and wasn’t going to step away at my say-so. Realizing that forceful persuasion wouldn’t work, I toned down and began trying to reason with him, to let him know the different ways any relationship between him and Sharon would be a mistake. He remained obstinate despite my pleas. It dawned then on me that talking him into giving up was a dead-end.
Whatever evil machinations I had to do had to be on my sister.
So I set to work. I worked up my inner Maleficent, and began the sly re-tuning of Sharon’s emotions. I was her trusted big brother who’d always been right about her former love interests. So of course, whatever I said about this one should be undisputable.
I whispered into her ears the way that evil Wormtongue whispered into King Théoden’s ears in Lord of the Rings 2. This IK sef, what do you see in him? So okay, maybe he’s fine, but what about his character, his personality – do you two even have anything in common? He keeps texting you about you two meeting, and doesn’t even bother to get to know you first – that’s male talk for ‘I’m only interested in sleeping with you’… Plus all these Facebook romances, they never really last…
Incidentally, at that period, Sharon had some school stuff to deal with, and was often too preoccupied with her academics for romance and boys. And so, IK got shunted to the sidelines in order for her to concentrate. Their calls became fewer, and her responses to his inboxed messages were increasingly late in coming. However, she did offer up an explanation to him about what she was dealing with in school and how she wasn’t one to treat her academics lightly.
IK however did not buy her explanation. He wouldn’t give her the space she’d unwittingly asked for, and kept bombarding her with calls and sulking all over her Facebook inbox. He also got paranoid, judging by the call he placed to me, where he accused me of interfering and getting Sharon to dump him.
I laughed in response to his accusations. Yes, he was both right and wrong. He was right about my interference, and wrong about my making Sharon dump him. That – he was doing all on his own.
But hey, since we were talking about Sharon dumping him…
I told him to better work hard at getting his relationship back on track and stop blaming me.
He interpreted that the exact way I knew he would. He increased his efforts to maintain contact with my sister. The calls increased, the texts got more persistent. His apparent lack of consideration for her academic pursuits got Sharon quickly irritated. Their fights became more frequent. She accused him of being selfish and inconsiderate; he fired back that she was a liar, shying away from commitment.
The end was quickly upon them when she came to me with a long face and a heavy heart. After unburdening herself to me, I shrugged and gave her that ‘You know what to do’ look.
“I have to break up with him, don’t I?” she said with some sadness.
I smiled evilly to myself and nodded in affirmation.
And so, she did. She ended things with IK and went on with her life, leaving me to breathe easy over the fact that all was right with the world again.
Written by Queen Blue Fox
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23 Comments
Delle
October 12, 10:49Nice story…at least it was interesting. But is it just my sub-conscious being naughty or does the caption ‘Rules of Engagement’ not tally with the post. #justsaying
And the very first statement, ‘I have to passions’…it should be ‘two’. Editor take note.
Ciao
Pink Panther
October 12, 10:53Lol. Note taken.
A-non
October 12, 11:01I join my faith with yours believing that Ik is not cooking up something.
If he came onto her because of your ‘rejection’, I doubt you’ve seen the end to this story.
Santa Diaba
October 12, 11:20Ooh this was so deliciously evil! I’d have done the exact same thing, although in my case poison might be involved… ?
Jamie
October 12, 17:21Oh!!! Don’t scare me again, pls…
Max
October 12, 11:37So when gay people come for your sister, you cry foul, but when it comes to finding one to marry yourself, it somehow morally justifiable. The double standard/hypocrisy of some gay people is despicable. Tufia
Pink Panther
October 12, 12:32Pastor Max on the podium. Lol
Brian Collins
October 13, 07:55I actually reread that part and what i saw there was ‘my ex-lover’. I want to believe that i am not naive to believe him. Why not be the same way MAXINE.
PP's bae
October 12, 11:38that crab is gonna come back and bite you…..in the ass.
Sinnex
October 12, 13:43Someone asked me if I could let a gay guy date my sister and I told the person it was totally impossible.
The person called me an hypocrite because I also had the intention of getting married to someone’s sister.
Dickson Clement
October 12, 13:54Sincerely, I don’t know if I will be comfortably knowing that my inlaw, sisters’ boyfriends are gay! This kinda article puts everything out and I have avoided the ugly thought. I have close friends that end up screwing their inlaws!! Such weighty taboo can create bitterness between siblings and it can even get messy
Queen Blue Fox
October 12, 14:43@Max Ouch! You hit me real hard der *wondering if there’s trouble in bae kingdom*
@Pp’s bae this demon I shall certainly overcome
@A-non if he’s dumb enough to come back then he doesn’t know who he’s messing with ask PP o lol
@Sinnex and more so if it’s someone I’ve had sex with, yes I’ll marry someday but I won’t make d mistake of screwing my wife’s brother, that’s a whole lot of trouble waiting to happen
ronniephoenix
October 12, 16:14All hail the QUEEN.
Oluwadamilare Okoro
October 12, 16:22Sense. Tact.
I get it that some gay guys plan to get married but a girl you once had something to do with her brother???? Haba!
@Delle … I think there goes your “rules of engagement”
Delle
October 12, 19:36Nehh…the caption is too weighty for just that
Uziel
October 12, 17:02Your moral compass needs calibrating. ?
Max
October 12, 17:24Serious recalibration is needed.
KingBey
October 12, 17:29Hmmmm…..all these shags I’m having now. They better don’t have a sister I might wanna marry tomorrow. So Queen Blue, you won’t allow me to marry your sister if any of them interests me?
Queen Blue Fox
October 12, 20:15Kingbey we’ve shagged So no way!
@Max Think about it naa someone I’ve had sex with? that’s not right naa. it’s same as a sis marrying her sis ex bf
R.A
October 13, 05:53I could care less if a gay guy wants to date/marry my sis or even a guy I had stuffs with in the past. They’re all adults and whatever they do/decide upon is no business of mine. Why play god over anyone’s life? Even God himself gave man the best gift ever ‘freewill’
So biko, let them be! You had your chance.
Silver Cat
October 13, 07:11Oh this is so deliciously evil.
*adds extra lump of sugar to my tea and stirs vigorously*
A guy who I was once in love with said that he won’t mind me marrying his sister or him marrying mine so that we can always be a part of each others life. It sounded sweet then, still sounds now.
I think I’ll let a gay friend I know and trust marry my sister (emphasis on trust).
Pink Panther
October 13, 07:16‘he won’t mind me marrying his sister or him marrying mine so that we can always be a part of each others life..’
Aww, that is kinda sweet.
Lothario
October 13, 15:53I don’t think anyone can really judge on this issue….. It’s not always a win win situation. Maybe he felt the guy was trying to be manipulative and decided to protect his sister. Some guys can be crazy like that…..