Safe Now, Sorry Later

“Better to be konji-ed than to be kitoed.” – Pink Panther

First of all, I want to say a big thank you to Kito Diaries and all the guys who have shared their kito experiences on this platform. It can’t be easy to go through your pain and get out a story that warns the rest of us on the dangers of gay hookups in Nigeria. To all those who have said a word or two on how to avoid any kind of kito situation, I say Thank You.

As it were, the other day, I may or may not have walked out on a kito situation. But one thing was sure, I was never more proud of myself than I was at the way that day turned out.

Cee and I met last year. We’d been friends of Facebook and went to the same university, him a few levels ahead of me. Our first meet was brief, right in the campus. The second time, we made out just before he left town because he had just defended his project. This last month however, he beeped me up on Facebook to say he was in town for his clearance and asked that we meet again. I agreed and two days later, we met in front of his faculty. We talked about general stuff, and then I was asking where he was crashing during this visit.

“In a friend’s place,” he responded.

The following day, I asked if I could come around after my exam for the day. He said yes. In that moment, I assumed that he had put one and two together to understand what business I was coming over for and to know when his host would be around.

After my exam (which went great by the way, thanks for asking), I called him for directions. Then, I hopped on a keke and said goodbye to my friends. I got to the meeting point and called him to come get me. Then I waited, browsing through my Facebook news feed as the minutes idled by.

Five minutes later, Oga hadn’t showed up. Ten minutes later, still no show. I called him and he didn’t answer. I assumed that he was probably on his way or really close, so I waited some more.

Then two minutes later, someone emerged from the junction Cee asked me to wait at. This was not a major junction, more like a narrow pathway that cut off from the main road leading into the road to his friend’s lodge. The person I saw coming through was of average height, athletic and somewhat cute. Upon emerging from the pathway, he took a cursory look at me as I did him, and he called out, “Na you dey find Cee?”

Ha! Omo, I switched to survival mode instantly. With one sweeping look, I said sharply, “No!” Then I went back to interacting with my phone while observing the stranger with my corner eye.

He took out his phone, and immediately, my fingers moved over my phone as I quickly turned down my ringer, just in time as the name “Cee” flashed on my phone screen. I ignored the call. Oga Stranger continued to call till I started walking away.

About 50 meters away, I called my friend, Façade, and narrated what had just happened to him.

“Run,” he said promptly. “Run and don’t even think of going back there today or any other day. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”

I didn’t need to be told twice. I went on home and didn’t go back. I mean, it is one thing to be kitoed as a young unsuspecting adult, but to have all the knowledge that Kito Diaries has availed me with and still fall into a kito trap like this one… I don’t know if I would ever come out of it in one piece.

On my way home, after several unanswered calls from Cee, he finally sent a text wanting to know what was wrong with me and why I bailed on his friend who he sent to pick me up. Of course I schooled him on the basic rudiments of hookup and how that stunt of sending his friend to pick me up was a demeaning act on my person.

When I later asked why he didn’t come get me himself, he said he had a stomach upset, that he couldn’t move, which was the reason he sent his friend instead. You people should follow me and wonder oh! He didn’t say anything about his troubling stomach earlier – plus how were we going to fuck with him being ill and all, ehn?

I didn’t buy his excuse and I told him so. Since then, Oga has been carrying face for me. I was in my mind, like, look at this one, you think I have money to buy anther phone or you think I have the mental and physical strength to withstand being victimized?

But last-last, Cee is not a kito person. That I can confirm now. Because a few days later, when he finally realized the implication of his action, he called and apologized, even commending me for bailing. “I’d do the exact same thing if I was in your place,” he said.

So, that was how the homophobia of this Nigeria robbed me of that potential fuckery in this period when hookups are becoming a huge task for me. Somebody just leave me lemme goan cry.

Written by Michael