Something Said About Men And Women
I recently happened upon this Facebook post, another perspective on the gender disparity between men and women, updated by Uju Okorie, and I simply had to share. Check on it below and sound off on what you think in the comments section.
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Cece Winans.
You know her, right?
The American gospel musician with numerous awards to her name.
Ehen.
Her real name is Priscilla Love, you know. She’s married to Alvin Love, pastor of a Nashville church.
But Alvin has been called Mr. Winans (Cece’s maiden name) to his face on several occasions.
When asked how he copes with it, Cece said: “Alvin is secure in himself. He doesn’t see it as an issue.”
One of the purulent problems in modern society has its roots in how we raise children. I once had a colleague who was always negative, jealous, bitter, unhealthily competitive, verbally abusive, in fact name it.
I just kept wondering: “Na wetin dey pepper this girl, bikonu?”
But, my wondering ceased when I learnt of a tragic event that happened in her childhood. All I felt for her after that was sympathy.
We get them all the time, don’t we?
Men who cannot stand on their two feet except a woman kneels to worship.
Men who would commit suicide because of a diagnosis: Erectile dysfunction.
Men whose hearts keep thumping every minute, terrified for their status as men – that status like a fragile egg which they must hold at all costs, weighing them down by the day.
All these stem from self-deprecation.
Let me explain.
Three centuries ago, survival depended on physical strength. So, men called the shots.
But somebody did something wrong. I do not know who the person is, but that person (maybe na Devil) introduced an absolutely useless threshold. That person told men that to succeed in becoming real men, they had to trump women. It was okay at that time, since most men were physically stronger than women. No qualms.
But society evolved and mental strength became what we largely need to survive. This was when wahala started. Because women have as much mental strength as men do, if not more. So, that threshold became unattainable.
Then, that person ran away. He or she didn’t bother to remove the bar they set. They left it there, leaving men with the inevitable depression that comes with failing to get there.
But, people need not see it. So, some men have learnt to mask it. They mask it by demanding that every woman defer to them. You hear things like: “I have your type at home. Go enter kitchen.”
These things are no more than defense mechanisms, masks to cover the low self-esteem. The burden is tough, really.
Sometimes, people wonder why I do not get upset when a man flaunts his “man-ness” in my face. The reason is simple: I understand. Had that man been brought up to be secure in himself, to care less about the useless threshold, to know that a woman’s light need not be dim for his to shine, he would never do that.
Have you ever met a man secure in himself? It’s pure glory! You don’t hear him chant “Submit! Submit!”
Mba!
He doesn’t need to. You can bet his cologne smells of confidence, distilled testosterone, poise and power all mixed to flawless specifications.
Unfortunately, not many men have gotten to that place, where they are free to live, to breathe; where a woman needs not decrease for them to increase.
It’s sad, isn’t it?
So, when next that man tells you to shift into the Keke, because he has to sit at the edge or he dies, understand the burden. And promise your sons that they would be brought up right.
To live as real men.
To fight as real men.
Without the pettiness of ‘Who cooks?’, ‘Who sweeps?’ and ‘Who earns?’
Because, 70% of world peace depends on this. Don’t ask me how I know.
Daalu nu.
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24 Comments
A-non
March 21, 07:23‘ So, when next that man tells you to shift into the Keke, because he has to sit at the edge or he dies, understand the burden. And promise your sons that they would be brought up right.’
I lay the blame entirely at the foot of mothers, they more than others fuelled this gender parity for our generation and those before us.
Will our wives, sisters and female cousins change this rubbish starting from their kids, we’ll see the results in a few years to come.
Kenny
March 21, 07:28When the man asks the woman to shift into the keke, she should understand the burden…. But should she shift if she doesn’t want to? This article made so much sense but then again it kind of looks like the writer is making excuses for such men
Kenny
March 21, 07:36I get it now after a second read. The writer is admonishing for the future generation to be brought up better.
The ‘keke’ men present now though, what do we do about them?
Mandy
March 21, 07:29This one time, I was at this keke park, waiting for the keke I was in to fill up. And beside me was another keke going someplace else. In the back were already a man and a woman. Then this woman walked up to keke, on the side the man was seated, and prepared to get in. in fact, the other woman inside was shifting, ineffectively placing the man in their middle. Before the second woman could enter, the man climbed out and stepped aside and waved the woman inside. She no gree o, said the man should get inside. The man said he was dropping at the nearest junction. The woman said eh, she will come down for him. before you know it, they were arguing, and the man soon began to shout that how can he sit down between two women.
Lol. I laughed. As in, kilode? How e dey do you? Will sitting down between two women somehow emasculate you? Nawa o.
J0j0
March 21, 07:33Amazing piece! ….
pete
March 21, 07:35Waa this written by DM?
pete
March 21, 07:38Should have asked if this was submitted by DM?
Pink Panther
March 21, 07:42no. The writer is right up there. Saw it on her timeline and went story-whoring in her inbox. 🙂
Dennis Macaulay
March 21, 08:30Well done ooo! You have seen DM who is minister of Feminism and women liberation, there for is the author of everything feminist on the internet!
Daluu Enugo?
Francis
March 21, 16:12??? Na today you know? In fact peeps wey dey find you on social media go add feminist as another clue
ambivalentone
March 21, 07:43This could very well be speaking to a homophobe too. Very insecure sets of humans
Pink Panther
March 21, 07:46Yes, that correlation was another reason I wanted to share it here. Someone could reshuffle this sermon to address the quintessential homophobe.
Greg
March 21, 07:57exactly, one time,i told a straight friend of mine we can’t be seen walking together, he said why? and i asked him if he’s okay being seen walking with a femme guy,he said why not? I was really surprised!cos I’m used to getting the “we can’t be seen in public” line. it all boils down to esteem!
Dennis Macaulay
March 21, 08:27Well I have always said that women were part of the problem; they raised the men who believed such nonsense.
Having said that, tell Dangote’s daughter that I will marry her and change my name to Dangote! You people should be speaking English while I drink champagne aboard a private jet
Pink Panther
March 21, 08:29Hahahahahahaa!!! In such a situation, omo, if I were chauvinistic before, I’ll force myself to be the most secure man on earth
Dennis Macaulay
March 21, 08:33I swear down! Who insecurity don epp?
I will even denounce my surname, if my mom complains I send her 1 million dollars!
Insecurity ko insecurity ni
Mitch
March 21, 09:08This right here is the gospel! Go ye and preach it to all and sundry
Delle
March 21, 09:39Thanks a mil for this. Everything, just like homophobia and chauvinism, is stemmed from Insecurity. Be secure in yourself and all these wouldn’t be such an issue.
That how a good friend of mine said his lecturer called women ‘homo erectus’ while men have evolved to the stage of ‘homo sapiens’. Now, who says that? But the funniest and most irking part of this is the fact that he (my friend) was going to rebuff the man when the girls in his class shut him up. ‘Abeg, na u carry am for head. It’s not like you’re even a girl.’ So there you have it, many of our problems come from the fact that those that are affected most by it seem so comfortable in the ‘suffering’…what can an outsider do then?
Many women are comfortable being subordinates. It’s baffling really.
Mitch
March 21, 09:59It’s got very little to do with comfort. It’s got more to do with indoctrination and tradition. This is the way most of them have been brought up so it’s virtually impossible for them to throw off these shackles. It’s not like they don’t feel bad about it. They just don’t wanna go about ruffling feathers because they’ve been trained to see it as normal.
Kenny
March 21, 14:00I posted this on my class WhatsApp group page and we’ve been at it for hours now. I shouldn’t be surprised and disappointed but I am. Even the ladies disagreed with the post stating religion this, culture that. I just gave up and left them to stew in their ignorance. There were some exceptions tho.
Pink Panther
March 21, 14:03How women are so blinded that they help minimize their statuses in life is beyond me.
Mitch
March 21, 14:20Indoctrination, my friend. That’s the power of indoctrination beautifully displayed
Max 2.1
March 21, 15:46The power of indoctrination cannot be overestimated..
BRYANNNN
March 22, 12:22African women are raised to embrace limits!!!! All of them seem to be living a documented and handed down kind of lifestyle…..its so boringly pathetic how they enjoy it……Am largely an internalized feminist…