The Bottom Chronicles

Recently, there have been a slew of conversations and misconceptions pushed by stereotypes surrounding Bottoms that I’ve encountered amongst friends on the social media. During one conversation about rape and the stereotype-driven opinion that Bottoms are far more susceptible to male assault than Tops, I realized that perhaps a platform should be provided which gives gay men who play bottom sex roles the opportunity to address these stereotypes.

So this is a call to KDians to send in whatever write-ups, opinion pieces or stories they’d like to share for the benefit of the conversation surrounding the Bottom Gay Man.

To kick this new series off, I have decided to recycle this humour piece, which is one of the earliest write-ups published on Kito Diaries. It was penned by Absalom and titled…

AN OPEN LETTER TO TOPS

5 ATTITUDES TOPS NEED TO DROP…LIKE LAST CENTURY

Dear Tops,

This letter is not for all of you, but many-enough of you. I do not presume to speak for every bottom, but at least I speak for myself, and as I am very important to myself, you’d better listen up if you want that second round…date.

Attitude #1: Pounding my ass 0.000000000000001 seconds after you ram in

Sounds painful, right? Well, guess what: It is! I know you watch loads of porn. I do too. And, trust me, there’s nothing as horny as watching some ripped ‘n’ inked guy slamming his hard meat into a splayed-legs bottom, wishing it was me under that guy – without the cameras, yeah? But porn is not real life. So many shots are cut out, including where the bottom guy douched, or how the top’s dick kept slipping out for three hours, how the condom got worn, etc. A quick Google of the anatomy of the anus will tell you that it is nothing like the vagina. It’s not elastic enough or self-lubricating. It needs time to relax around your girth and accommodate it. Momentum is best build up gradually… So you can’t just plunge in and begin hammering away like we are picking up from where we left off 0.000000000000003 seconds ago. You’ll be ejected and shown your clothes. Then the door!

Attitude #2: It’s all about penetration.

No, it’s not. Eat the ass out. Finger it. Load ice-cubes down the chutes. Sip hot chocolate then wrap your warm tongue around the nips. Make things shiverous-quiverous, make things rock! Penetration is just ONE of many sexual activities and not THE sexual activity.

Attitude #3: Size is a big deal.

It ain’t. And here, I’m not talking to the brothers on the small side, fighting self-consciousness every time they have to whip it out. I’m talking to the horse-schlong guys. (Wait first, how do I pronounce “horse-schlong” without biting my tongue?) Yeah, you are big, extra-elephant-leg-large and all that, but if you do not know how to use it to pleasure us, there’s no point us going further than one…drink with you. Don’t brag about your size; most of us bottoms pack mouth-watering lengths and girths down there. Focus instead on how you can use your skilled waist moves to make us cum thrice in 10 minutes – until we are cross-eyed.

Attitude #4: “I’m not that gay”/“I’m actually bi”.

We get it. Clinging tenaciously to the Top label as if it might make you less gay is so… I dunno. You like to shag guys, right? Like really, really, really love, love, love to shag guys, and guys alone? And you are top? You’re still gay! (This point excludes bi-guys.)

Attitude #5: That you are top makes you the “man” (and me the… “woman”).

This stinks of thinly-veiled misogyny and chauvinism and denial and internalized homophobia all rolled into a ball of your clothes and flung out the door after you. In case it slipped from your notice, we are physiologically alike: flat chest, dew-drop nipples, testicles, penis…sans uterus. One reason same-sex relationships are frowned upon is because we are a bundle of taboos. We have broken gender conventions as the world knows it. Now men can be “submissive”, can “be fucked”, can be recipients of chivalry; women can “fuck” (with strap-on dildos), can attain maximum pleasure without a man in sight (I don’t need a man, yeah?). It sends shivers of revulsion down the spines of most of the straight population who’d rather not see such… tarnished images of their genders. So, you Top, when we are doing whatever it is we do, don’t – except I kinkily permit – tamper with our genders to suit some hetero-normative model. It’s still a same-fucking-sex relationship. I – I’m your man. And you are my man too.