What The Married Gay Indian Had To Say About His Marriage And Sexuality
An unnamed 37-year-old Indian man writes speaks out in an essay titled “My Wife Is Friends With My Boyfriend: A Gay Man On His ‘Situation’”, and published by the Hindustan Times. He shares an honest account of what it is like to be in his situation. Read below.
***
I hail from a small district in Rajasthan. I am not sure when I realised I was gay, but I was only four or five when I fell in love with a boy from my area. We would play a game, in which I would be the husband, and he would be my wife. I would wait outside his house for hours to see him. I wanted to kiss him, and be kissed by him. We would sing songs for each other. This went on till I was 10. That’s when he got married.
Back then, child marriage was common in my family, as well as in the area we lived in. Soon, my friends also started getting married. Since my lover had already been married off, I, too, got married to a girl when I was 11. At that time, I did not know that there are other people like me. I did not understand the implications and responsibilities that come with marriage.
Later, I moved to Mumbai. My wife was still in Ahmedabad, Gujarat. We used to talk over the phone, but I didn’t feel the need to tell her about my sexual orientation. We got married again (this time, formally) when we were older. I had a boyfriend at that time, but we were not in a physical relationship. I even invited him to my wedding, and he didn’t mind attending it, since he knew my marriage was a social obligation.
After my wife moved to Mumbai, I told her I was gay. She was in denial, and thought I was talking nonsense. She suggested I get help, citing an instance where a girl came on to her once, but that hadn’t changed her sexual orientation. I tried to explain to her that no one had forced me to be gay, but she couldn’t understand. She believed that two men can only be friends.
After a few years, people started taunting me for not bearing children. So I even had two kids with my wife. Whenever she would lie next to me, I’d feel anxious about the prospect of having sex with her. Now, we have sex whenever she feels the need to, but not frequently. It pains me to make her go through this.
I have considered getting a divorce, but my wife and in-laws feel it would shame the family. My wife tells me that I am her first love, and that she won’t stop loving me till she dies, even if I am with another man.
After 15 years together, she has now understood my sexuality. She is also friends with my current boyfriend, and has become my best friend and confidante. Now, everyone in my family knows that I am gay. But they still don’t understand what that means.
My children are now 11 and 13, and are aware of my sexual orientation. I have been talking to them about gay couples, making sure they are open to the fact that people can be in same-sex relationships. They are very supportive, and have even faced harassment because of me. I have fought with people in my society for troubling my kids. I tell them not to treat them the way they treat me. I don’t talk to people in my area. I also don’t attend any festivals, family gatherings or marriages, for my family’s sake.
I know that people in my locality discreetly talk about my sexual preferences. They don’t understand what it means to be gay. Even if I go to a hospital for some treatment, and people there learn that I am gay, I am ignored just because of my sexuality. I don’t see things changing for me or for other gay men in the near future — not at least in my lifetime.
I’ll continue living the way I have lived my life so far. There is no other option for me.
About author
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116 Comments
kendigin
April 17, 04:21Unfortunately so many gay people will continue to sing this same tune. People get married for different reasons, but for gay men its usually either they are in denial of sexuality or out of the desire to adhere to societal norms and family pressure.
But ask any married gay man why he chose that part and you will hear “cos I want kids” (as if marriage is the only way to get kids) or “cos gay relatnships dont last” (well they would if we all make the effort to stay committed and loyal)
Pete
April 17, 04:26People get married for different reasons, but for gay men its usually either they are in denial of sexuality or out of the desire to adhere to societal norms and family pressure.
So,none got married because the met & fell in love with a woman & it’s actually what he wants to do?
kendigin
April 17, 04:30Em, does that even make any sense? Your sarcastic question negates the very idea of being gay!
Gad
April 17, 04:38Kendigin. Please could you explain how Pete,s question negates the idea of being gay?
Mandy
April 17, 04:44The quintessential married gay man makes an appearance. 🙂
Pete
April 17, 04:50Kendigin, you know gays are not homogeneous that they all reason & think alike. Your reasons above are not the only ones gays get married.
trystham
April 17, 07:34hmmmm. “met and fell in love with a woman and DECIDED to marry her”. I REALLY need to understand the premises of this ‘love’ thing u r talking about o. Filial, Agape, Eros,…
And then is this hypothethical man u refer to gay or bi?
And perhaps enlighten me on other reasons why a GAY man marries a woman. Its a new after 1 KD day. I shall try to be reasonable
Pete
April 17, 07:40Trystham, the hypothetical man is me & I’m bi.
trystham
April 17, 08:24Oh great. You are bi. Won’t pretend I understand the emotions following that, but I do know u can fall in love with either sexes. Good for you.
This is a moral qxn tho. Have you ever bin jealous or hated ur CRUSH’S BF OR GF???
mike daemon
April 17, 04:45@Kendigin be my friend!
Gad
April 17, 05:00It’s like the MGM you have been unfortunate to meet are those whose sole aim of getting married to a woman is fulfilling a “child bearing project”. I have a friend, a younger MGM ,he has been married for about 3 years now yet no issues and that hasn’t made him to love his wife any less. He protects her from families attacks for not giving them grandkids. I’m an MGM. My dream for the future(say the next 30yrs) is for my kids to leave my house for their own homes and leave me and my wife to re-enact our honeymoon again. I look forward to waking up late every morning by her side,sit on the balcony with her and having just her alone. You and others might desire to have a man to spend your tomorrow with but I don’t want that. That is called choice. Me and you might not understand it but that doesn’t make it stupid. Gays are real. MGM are real. Bisexuals are here. What we think about them can’t change the fact that they are here and will always be here.
Chris
April 17, 05:38It is a blessing if you are loved by both gender (i mean, male and female) and you can love them back, peharps equally self, hmm. A brotha’s stance though.
Gad
April 17, 07:24I tell you God is generous with these blessings
kendigin
April 17, 06:04@dearie nobody de follow u quarrel eh. And nobody is doubting that gay men who marry women are real. I guess its either y’all missed my point or my response was just so sensitive you felt the need to defend yourselves. In any case, I mean no disrespect, its your prerogative to choose whom you want to spend your life with and if its a woman, so be it!
My point however is that the very definistion of a GAY man is one who is solely sexually attracted to the same sex: i.e a MAN. (You may wish to consult dictionary for reference purposes)
On the other hand, if u are bisexual then obviously it means you are attracted to both sexes and may fall in love with either.
And btw if you love your wife so much as u say, then y hide ur sexuality from her? Shldnt we be open to the ones we truly love?
A gay man can pretend and lie to himself that he is in love with a woman. But in the end u’ll just be a butterfly who thinks himself a bird.
It doesnt mean I am blaming gay men for marrying women (since this is what society wants). It just means we shld be honest enough and tell ourselves the truth. Gay men marry women for many reasons, but one of them isnt love!
Max
April 17, 06:14A billion likes for that last comment @Kendigin.
Chris
April 17, 07:37@Gad i feel you:)
Just to add that a lot of MGM and MBM have been able to share their same sex attraction with their spouses without much ado. Some brothas even disclose this to their girlfriends during courtship or dating, giving the ladies the choice to decide. Some ladies found out along the line and still decided to stay put, and trust ,not for economic reason at all neither is it because of societal pressure.
Pete
April 17, 07:42Chris, I love this
trystham
April 17, 07:44Oh Kendigin, u had even asked some of my qxns. Good one.
Do straight ppl av ‘Married But Fucking Outside’ appelations? #justasking
Chris
April 17, 08:05@Pete, cheers
Diablo
April 17, 09:29Almost shed a tear reading this. At the end of the day being a MGM is complicated as fck, and those who pull it off deserve a gazillion and one medals. Its a bridge we’ll all have the cross someday, including those throwing jabs at u here. And its cool that theyre guys out their like u who genuinely love their wives and don’t see marriage as just an arraignment and a means to conform. 🙂
Khaleesi
April 17, 12:27My understanding of being bi is that your attraction swings towards either sex. But i honestly think if you have chosen a man or a woman @ a particular point in time, then you ought to remain faithful to him or her according as you have chosen. You don’t marry a woman and then cheat on her like crazy with other men – the same standards as apply in a heterosexual or homosexual marriage should also apply when am bisexual person chooses a life partner!
Chris
April 17, 12:38A muslim man is allowed to marry four wives according to the religion, so if a brotha wants to love two people dearly and bebdevoted to them, i say why not. As long as their is a mutual understanding between parties involved. I have seen such arrangements.
Mirage
April 18, 06:04Careful B4 u jump into conclusion of he never treats his wife the less. When you are the 3rd party in their home,waking up and sleeping in the same room with them,make such and we wud listen.One thing about nigerians especially the women,even if they are being battered,abused they put up a charade for fear of being laughed at. Thank God most of them have seen the light that divorce doesn’t make you failure!As for the mgm I can’t pass judgement, he who wears the stiletto knows where it pinches him,some can’t stand the heartbreak it gives to their family,seeing them all successful yet childless,especially those whose single parent struggled to finance and all,it would always be like this and it’s a matter of choice, if you feel marriage would fulfil you, then go ahead, it’s your life and story,so own and direct it!
Gad
April 18, 07:42It seems you are one of the promoters of the project that MBM marriages are fake as portrayed in this week’s rants. The truth remains no matter what you guys wish but you need to do more than wishes. Take actions towards breaking more marriages like DM told us he did in his rant because wishing that marriages won’t survive or will be endured rather than enjoyed wouldn’t change a thing.
mike daemon
April 17, 04:44Awww, that last part got to me ‘I don’t see things changing for me in the near future’ Oh so sad.
That’s why in Nigeria, we need to make THE NOISE, the internet is powerful tool.
Jamie
April 17, 04:51Quite true Kendigin!
He has a big problem bothering his mind now. He may get a heart disease ooo…
#TeamKizito
April 17, 05:53Hmmm.
Masked Man
April 17, 06:03Gad is getting it all wrong. We are called LGBTQ. It’s one thing to be gay and another entirely different thing to be bisexual.
Gad
April 17, 14:35Forgive my wrong use of language. Delete MGM and add MBM and we shall be fine.
Max
April 17, 06:11Hmmmm… This seems unreal. Wife is cool with it and all, he has children etc. Looks like dude is eating his cake and having it. Good luck to him.
kendigin
April 17, 06:12@mike daemon love u bro. We think alike I guess
Mitch
April 17, 06:18You know, I’ve never said this here before but I’l say it today. Gad, I love you and everything but a gay man marrying a woman has always seemed fraudulent to me. It’s one thing to be gay and another thing to be bisexual. A bisexual getting married to a woman is no problem to me. But I will always have a problem with gay men married to women. Like Kendigin says, it goes against the very essence of being gay.
Being gay is simply having romantic interest in people of the same sex ONLY! Falling in love with a woman simply doesn’t fit that. Anyone claiming love as their reason, TO ME, can as well rationalize the stupid notion that being gay is a game we play till it reaches time for us to get married.
Max
April 17, 06:32Or he can also say a straight guy can fall in love with another man, marry him and live happily ever after.
Thanx Mitch
Gad
April 17, 16:11@ Mitch, thanks a lot. As earlier advised above, please forgive my wrong use of words. kindly delete MGM and insert MBM.
sinnex
April 17, 06:51You guys are funny. You keep on saying that a gay man cannot marry a woman or love, you say only a BI can do so.
Please, how do you know who is gay or BI? I thought ‘gay’ is a generic word for those who have feelings towards same sex. It seems like some people here specialises in differentiating between gay and BI guys just by read the post.
As for the guy who said that ‘if you love your wife, what don’t you tell her about your orientation’, my question is, did you even read what you typed? As in, does it make sense to you at all? So, we that haven’t come out to our families means that we love our families any less.
Anyway, this is the ideal situation I dream of. Why can’t I marry a woman as a first wife and marry as man as the second ‘wife’. We are Nigerians and polygamy is legalised. So what stops me from having both…
Teflondon
April 17, 07:16Nice points made.. Sinnex
But you contradict yourself at times.. I remember you mention here sometime.. How even if Gays are allowed to marry in NIG.. You will never marry a man.. Now you saying you want a man as a second ‘wife’
Confused much?
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 07:31*sharp gasp* Oh no, Tef, you didn’t!
Colossus
April 17, 08:06Do I draft up the divorce papers?
JArch
April 17, 08:55Sings: “London’s bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down”
Lunch date didn’t turn out as planned… Colossus I think you need Professor Annalise Keating and Alicia Florrick on your team if it gets down to divorce. The good wife is going to get away with murder
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 11:07LMAO @ London bridge is falling down.
sinnex
April 17, 09:50Oga Tef, abeg park well joor. I am not contradicting anything. What I stated has always been my believe. I have said it here time and time again. I am sure PP would remember, since he remembers everything I type here. I also remember he made a comment when I asked if it was possible to marry a man and a woman, he said “this can only happen like…never”.
My ideal situation is totally different from what is generally acceptable. I can never marry a man, as in, it is just not possible. I don’t hate myself, neither do I have anything against anyone who do such.
I love women, I love everything about them. Sexually and otherwise, and I also love men. I am a mess. Sometimes I wish I was just gay and hated the sight of pussy and boobs. I wish i was like some people who cringe at the sight of naked women. But I am not, I want to have everything. I see a beautiful woman and I want to sleep with her, I see a sexy guy and I want to sleep with him. I see a girl and her boyfriend walking on the road and I want to screw them both. It is so annoying. So, I really don’t understand why gay guys believe that BI guys look down on them or something. It is totally beyond me.
My greatest fear in life right now is getting married and cheating on my wife. I really don’t want that. There is a void in me that a guy cannot fill. I have tried. I have met different people, and I just don’t feel it. So, you guys should not be quick to judge. I am surprised that the people who are supposed to understand better are the same ones who are making it worse.
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 11:13But sinnex how can you speak of a void a guy can’t fill in you when you’re still a gay virgin? I mean, why knock what you haven’t tried?
SInnex
April 17, 12:44@PP are you trying to tell me that it is only when I have sex that I’d be able to know what I want and like? Or are you trying to confirm what some straight guys have been saying that homosexuality is all about having sex with a guy? Some gay guys ask me how I am able to know my sexual orientation and role when I haven’t been able to have sex yet, please don’t tell me you are one of them.
I really don’t understand your point. Between August last year and April this year, I have been opportune to go out with 9 different guys at different times, some once, twice or thrice. Are you telling me that with the little I have been able to deduce, I cannot be too sure of what I want and need until I have sex?
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 12:47My goodness! Even my teasing remarks are now getting misconstrued and replied with thesis-like comments. Dear Lawd!
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 12:49You and Teflondon are clearly fated for each other. Sarcasm makes as much sense to you two as bible quotations makes sense to a Muslim.
Teflondon
April 17, 13:12PP don’t Put me in this.. I’m upping my ‘Sarcasm game’ you know..
Sinnex seriously darling you should have understood.. Were PP was coming from. Even I knew that was a joke. Something I’ve noticed oflate is how PP has been surprisingly frndly with you.
Pls quit the Thesis-Like response to every non issue.
And stop or atleast reduce the emotions (more like always being defensive) you attach to happenings around here.
I still love you.. You know right? But even loved ones have to speak facts/ truth to each other once in a while.
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 13:17Thank you! Phew!
Gad
April 17, 15:31He has changed his mind.
Chris
April 17, 07:26@sinnex, yes i will eat and keep my cake if i can and whenever i can. One can love both equally.
@sinnex , your dream is a good one, it can come to fruition, God willing.
trystham
April 17, 08:38smh. This is another thing that amuses me. You can NEVER love someone or sumtin equally. You can only love in DIFFERENT capacities. That will always be what makes u choose an item over another.
trystham
April 17, 08:41smh. This is another thing that amuses me. You can NEVER love someone or sumtin equally. You can only love in DIFFERENT capacities. That will always be what makes u choose an item over another. Thats y when it comes down to choosing, a bisexual would choose his bf over the girl or vice versa, a straight guy would choose a girl out of his string for marriage,…
trystham
April 17, 08:18Who or what determines the things u tell ur family? I can’t say. But the only reason I may need or not need to tell my family is assurance of their acceptance. Cowardly right? But I do not remember at any point swearing fidelity to any of them and since I’m not fucking any of them, I have the right to not tell them who I’m sleeping with. But I don’t love them any less
Your ideal solution stinks tho. You don’t wanna share ordinary bf, but u want ur wife or 2nd husband to share because u are African n Nigerian? Hypocritical much?
Max
April 17, 08:51Joseph the dreamer. Marrying a woman and a “man” as “second” wife. A man can never be referred to as “wife”. And which kind of man do you think you can marry as a second?
Gay means- “Exclusive” attraction to same sex only.
Bi means- Attraction to both sexes.
Does that clear things up a bit?
Teflondon
April 17, 10:28Oh Max go and sit down.. No one pays attention to your vitriolic comments anymore. You are trying too hard to be the new ‘Chizzie’
Cut the act darling.
It’s stale already… since like yesterday.
Max
April 17, 10:40Lol @Tef.. I won’t be replying you anymore. I hold too much pity for you to be doing so.
Just giving you a heads up.
kendigin
April 17, 11:22@sinnex I will try very hard to ignore your typographical and grammatical blunders. How do you equate coming out to your family to coming out to your wife. Both relationships are very different. Am sure you’re going sleep with your family, neither did you choose who is, or becomes your family. We don’t choose family, we are born into one. On the other hand, the choice of who you make your partner is yours and yours alone to make. And if you love the person, then I am guessing you wont be keeping dirty secrets in the closet. Marriage should be built on trust and honesty, not a bed full of lies and deception.
Secondly, your notion of marrying a man and a woman in the name of “polygamy” is not only silly but entirely absurd. Last I checked, any marriage to a man remains a crime in this country. it has nothing to do with polygamy
SInnex
April 17, 12:55“…I will try very hard to ignore your typographical and grammatical blunders….”
Whether you try hard to ignore it or not, is not my cup of tea. Mr Grammarian, are you telling us who were not opportune to go through the four walls of a school not to comment on this blog? Are you trying to tell us that it is only when you read and edit your comment and you write very well before you should comment? What about people like us who are not good in written English, do you want us to send our comments to PP to edit before pasting it here? Not every one was fortunate enough to go through the four walls of a school. So, please, you don’t have a point here. Except you don’t want those who are not good enough to comment here. Not everyone can be as good as you are.
As for the rest of your statement, I did not spend time reading it. I knew you were going to spew trash as usual.
That is why it is a “notion”…”idealistic”…not “realistic”…seems like you were so quick to comment that you did not read what I typed. In summary, I can never marry a guy, and the only situation that would make me marry one is if I can marry a woman first, then a man later. I am sure you are smart enough to understand what I was trying to say. That means since it is not possible in this world of ours, then I am not going to marry a guy. I though this house was filled with smarty pants. This is coming out of someone who thinks I have a poor command of written English.
Gad
April 18, 04:03I’m forced to wonder how many english men can say a word of any African language. Shame
Khaleesi
April 17, 12:44I cant help but say this, @Sinnex, you sometimes sound like you spent 6 months drinking from the well of stupidity, what kinda question is ‘how do you know a gay or a bi guy’ … if you’re attracted to men or to women or to both, you’ll very easily know however much you choose to live in denial! I said earlier that gays and bisexuals while sharing lots of similarities, actually live in very different worlds! If you’re bisexual, the fact that you’re attracted to both genders doesnt excuse you from the requirement of fidelity to whoever you’re married or in a relationship with & it certainly doesnt give you the leverage to pontificate from up high …
sinnex
April 17, 13:21It obvious that you are not as smart as you think.
I was not asking myself. I know what I want and how to get it.
I was asking you. How do you know when someone is gay and not BI? Why are you quick you attack married men in the house as if they committed a crime? Just because you decided not to get married doesn’t mean everyone would decide same. Guy, you don’t know most of us here, so, how do you and the other minions know who is gay and who is BI by just reading comments here?
Also, the fidelity argument doesn’t hold water. I am not supporting those who cheat on their spouses. But, are you trying to say that if I decided to marry a guy today, I won’t cheat on him? Everyone cheats, straight, gay and even BI. Why are you quick to attack BI guys when they cheat?
Gad
April 18, 04:11Point of correction, Sinnex. He didn’t decide not to marry. He CAN NOT marry so please substitute decide in your comment with CAN NOT
Max
April 17, 13:58@Khaleesi, educating idiots isn’t an easy task. Its one that even I wouldn’t dare venture in. I’m not that patient.
So dear, save your smart brain for people who actually deserve a taste of its awesomeness..
Bisexuals and “proclaimed” bisexuals are on a different path as I’ve come to see over the years.
Many gay people lie and hide under the “bi” umbrella and spew a lot of nonsensical stuff. Suddenly every gay MGM sees himself as bi and as so bestows himself the right to live life condescending and cheating.
News flash- If you’re gay and claiming you’re bi, youre not only a hypocrite, you’re a disgrace to the LGBT community in general and a psychotic internalized homophobe.
Gad
April 18, 04:45There he goes!He never dissapoints.
Gad
April 17, 16:30Need I remind you that the requirement of fidelity is a societal prescription? Yesterday the demands of society are monstrous and all were encuraged to damn society and live lives to the fullest,today you are aligning with society. Guys jump from one guy to another and we call it smart game. straight married men keep mistresses and its fun but when MBM/MGM date a guy it becomes fraud and wicked.
trystham
April 18, 07:42Khaleeesi, Max, really, its gonna be hard. He wants to be ‘modern’, ‘African’, ‘Victim’, ‘Man’ in one breath and then we suddenly ‘align with the society’ because we ‘seem’ to endorse two-timing….This fellow is poster image for a lot of things uncomplementary right now
sinnex
April 17, 14:25Tef, how do you expect me to calm down when you are busy dining with the enemy. You are cheating on me in my presence.
Is it that my D is not big enough or don’t I satisfy you enough?
@PP, I really didn’t know that you were joking. You are the only one that knew you were joking…and maybe Teflondon. I just thought it wise to clear the air for posterity sake. Someone might get to read it later and might be confused.
PP na my personal person. I just don’t understand why he surrounds himself with creeps and freaks. Or why he doesn’t call his “friends” to order when they go out of line. It just creates the impression that he selective.
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 14:32This ‘he’ that surrounds himself with creeps and freaks, that’d be me, yea? Because you’re an all-round healthy person, right?
Teflondon
April 17, 15:51LOL okay Sinnex I’m sorry if it seemed I’m dinning with the enemy. But you aren’t helping matters either.. Calling those that surround PP & his Frnd’s creeps and freaks is way out of line.. #JustSaying
But for prosperity sake and potential suitors **dabs eyes**
The statements..
“Is it that my D is not big enough or I don’t satisfy you well”
was a joke… Lol hehehe! Just had to clear the air. Lol
Sinnex
April 17, 16:48@PP No vex. But you sef dey fuck up. Sometimes you make me so angry to the extent of having an erection.
@Tef No worry. We go meet for night.
Deola
April 17, 07:13Ah!!! MGMs, the forever juicy topic. Let me just pick my spot here, siddon and watch it all unfold. ***sips freshly brewed green tea***
Colossus
April 17, 07:19Can I tempt you with a burger to go with your tea?
Deola
April 17, 07:24Colossus is it not too early for your evil to start showing???
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 07:32Toss in some ice cream and I’m all for this party
Colossus
April 17, 07:58Ice cream, burger, pizza, shawarma and green tea. Hello deola and pinkpanther, breakfast is served.
Max
April 17, 09:10Arent we all supposed to be going green?
*dials Cameron Diaz**
Teflondon
April 17, 07:19*Joins you un-invited*
I’ll like some Milk and honey with my tea Pls
**joins to watch how this unfolds**
Deola
April 17, 07:27***passes you milk and honey***
Here come seat next to me…
Colossus
April 17, 07:56This is the beauty of the internet, you’re exposed to people from all the corners of the world, their life and their struggles. It broadens our minds and diversifies our thinking. We read stories of people, a gay man in India, his struggle with society, his society, and we can relate or learn or ignore. The internet really is a great tool to help us become smarter, learn and absorb.
This is the expected result but as men that we are, we of cos believe our way is the RIGHT way. Of cos your neighbor is gay and married, how outrageous is that? Why should he go against the norm? That other man that screwed that twink from here to Sunday said he really does Love his wife and kids? Impossible! He must be an arrogant liar that’s only lying to himself, he has to embrace his true gay nature and stop bowing to societal pressure.
Heterosexuals say being gay goes against the norm of society. Homosexuals say being gay and married goes against what being gay stands for. A bird is building it’s nest right on my balcony, I guess other birds are perched on a wire going “look at that bird, going against norm and building it’s nest in a human dwelling”. Is that a perfect analogy? Probably not but it’s just to show how silly we sometimes are complaining about how different one man chose to live his life different from yours.
Most times, our passionate arguments or convictions are stemmed from our perceived form of morality but hey, our morals are as different as our faces are. So while the philandering straight married man calls gays, sinners bound for Hell, the single gay man calls the married-to-a-woman gay man, a fraud that should be burnt in the fiery pits of Mordor. It’s all so silly, funny but still silly.
This at the end, is the flaw of man.
D-boy
April 17, 08:11A million Likes.
Chris
April 17, 08:11Good piece @Colossus, enlightening and constructive critique. No shading, no poison and no arrows.
Khristopher B!
April 17, 08:50Well said bro. I don’t understand why some people on here appear sanctimonious by deprecating on MGMs. Common, the fact that I do guys doesn’t mean I cant fall in love with a lady or vice versa. What you should understand is that sexuality is fluid, only you can define yours and on that note you can’t force your ideals on others.
trystham
April 17, 09:17Sexuality is fluid, I guess thats y being ‘bisexual’ cropped up. But I am being sanctimonous because I can’t for the love of me picture y anyone would want to share in what is an exclusive relationship that is supposed to be marriage. Chris et al n have cited happy situations where the poor unsuspecting girl who found herself in a relationship with a bi-guy decides to stick or how the girl knows her bf is bi but still goes ahead to marry. I wud REALLY love to examine the psyche of those ladies. Besides how come none of y’all intending MGMs MBMs Inc have answered my thrice posed qxn?
“Have you ever been jealous of ur crush’s bf???”
Pete
April 17, 09:11Nice nice *nodding appreciatively*
Chris
April 17, 17:05@ trystham, sorry didnt note the question “have you ever being jealous of your crush’s bf???” .
Personally i dont believe in crushing over anybody (i mean why chasing shadows?) I can be jealous of a rival in a healthy manner . The cogent factor here is to have mutual understanding and respect among the lovers involved.
The lady is no longer “unsuspecting” once she is aware of necessary information. Believe me @ trystham, people want different things in relationship (i know it is hard to understand), just as it is hard to understand why some gay guys prefer open relationship.
Some dude here are not intending it, they are already implementing it.
Teflondon
April 17, 09:48Oh Colossus
As you are making preparations on drafting those divorce papers for I and sinnex.. Be prepared for marriage. I think I’m in love.
This your comment above is the reason.. Why I said I’ll rather sit and watch. And LEARN!!
Meanwhile..
Anticipating Diablo’s comment tho.
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 11:11Tef you do like to spread this your love around.
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 11:22Colossus, this is why you and I are going to live happily ever after! Dang!
Teflondon
April 17, 12:25@ *you and I will live happily ever after**
Pinky you wouldn’t want us battling for Colossus now.. Would we!
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 12:49There is no battle, honey. You’re simply not a contender. Its really that simple.
Colossus
April 17, 18:00Haha haha. Tef, listen to pinky, he knows what he is saying. The tables could turn in your favour anyway, all you’ve got to do is fulfill your promise of lunch. I’m partial to Italian
sinnex
April 17, 13:25I wish Max and Khalessi gets to read this, but I know it is going to be an exercise in futility. All they’d do is just Jump and Pass and pretend as if it is not there.
Gad
April 18, 04:36You seems to forget the option of insults
Gad
April 18, 04:42They also have the option to insult as usual
JArch
April 17, 09:01Pinky I can see you’re at it again
First time was coincidence, second time not so much
Waiting patiently for the grand finale in a few days. Should be an epic smackdown
pinkpanthertb
April 17, 11:16Adonknow what you’re talking about ooo!
trystham
April 17, 11:11The potential MBMs and MGMs av stated their cases and cited examples of women and girls who are in the knowledge of their husband’s love for boys. They are so very comfy with it, they are happy. Which woman knows her husband has a mistress/2nd wife and is happy? I hear cross-river ladies don’t mind sharing a man. I wonder how deep their nonchalance is. A few examples come to mind. Abraham’s wife, Jacob’s wives, Elkanah’s, Zeus’, Sango’s wives….down the line. I bet they didn’t mind at 1st. He still ‘loves’ me changes to a bitter realisation. The knowledge that they have to compete for attention makes their lives miserable. Why not opt out? They daren’t. The stigma of being a divorcee, once married, ‘after two’, makes them stick like akagum. Some have been so conditioned into thinking “Its a sign of my husband’s affluence”. They begin all ploys to win their husband’s affection. Let me shout loudest at church. Let me cut my ears to make beta ponmo. Let me fuck him well, He will forget my rival. Let me bear him his 1st son. Let me kill my rival. Let me shave my hair n cut my breasts…all to their own unhappiness and dissatisfaction. What do the men do? Capitalize on their endurance and claim ‘she loves me’ and go ahead bringing more wives n gfs.
BUT the minute a woman decides to have a string of boyfriends, she becomes a ‘hoe’, ‘a lock that can be opened by all keys’…polyandry was said to be a thing one time, I wonder how feasible that’d av bin in this country. That don’t sound equal to me.
Sexuality MAY be flexible, but marriage is not. What makes MGM or MBM or being a Married Cheat wrong is no matter what brave front the ‘victim’ partner puts up, she/he is never happy they are sharing. And so if u cannot keep ur vow of fidelity, why say it in d 1st place? I am 1st human and I know pain. I sure as hell know sharing what is supposed to be only urs is pain.
One sin mat not negate another; being gay may not negate being a philanderer, and we all may be in danger of hell, but I am 1st human and I know pain. I sure as hell know sharing what is supposed to be only urs is pain. I’m not sorry Gad, Chris, Pete, Diablo, Kristopher B, y’all will always be scum if y’all keep toeing that path.
Max
April 17, 11:20Preach!!!! broda Preach!!!!!!
Bear hugs..
Chris
April 17, 13:01I maintain that some wifeys will happily share their husband either with a female or a male and i emphasis HAPPILY. This is all going to take place in respect ,trust and confidence.
Polyandry comes to my mind as trystham mentioned above. I know of a world where couples attend swing parties, i mean husband and wife, how about that. Some wonen love kinky or freaky sex and will willingly be the one to invite a third party to join them in bed. Each unto their own, i don see many things, idon hear many things, many things. All these THINGS in Nigeria.
Max
April 17, 13:59I don’t think we’re in the same Nigeria.
Chris
April 17, 15:10All these in the same Nigeria where an ex soldier has just won the election. Sai Buhari.
JustJames
April 17, 12:32I await the day we leave MGMs alone. Most of the ones here on the blog seem quite happy with the choice they made. People are trying to make do with whatever life has thrown at them. Let the ones who are lying to their their wives lie to them. Is it your sister he married. Yh, it sucks so bad that a person is lying to the woman he claims to love but don’t forget she’s part of the society that that won’t let gay men be. In fact I’d consider some MGMs victims along with their wives.
We also seem to be forgetting that sexuality is fluid. I consider myself gay. Tomorrow that might change. I’ve had crushes on girls that are really pretty but I’ve never really fantasized about about sex with them. Tomorrow it might change too. We really need to stop placing people in rigid boxes. A gay man might might discover a bisexual part of him and same for a straight man. And remember there are different kinds of love. A person might be physically attracted to guys but emotionally attracted to women more than guys.
Chris
April 17, 13:03Preach on dude @JustJames
Spot on.
sinnex
April 17, 13:33Do you know i LOVE you? As in for real. You were making madt sense…until I got to this “…I’d consider some MGMs victims along with their wives..” what exactly do you mean by this?
Khaleesi
April 17, 15:27If you were as intelligent as you always pretend to be, you’d understand that the point about MGMs as victims actually supports your line lf argument … yes they are victims of societal expectations, but expecting your brains to accomodate anything other than the barest minimum is too much to dare to hope for …
JustJames
April 17, 16:20Simply means that some gay men really don’t want to get married but due to societal pressure which is a very strong force they bend and live miserable married lives.
Sinnex
April 17, 16:45This Khaleesi is always on my case sha.
Wetin consign you with this matter na.
I asked someone and he has answered.
You input was never needed.
Now, run along will you…
Gad
April 18, 04:40Please it’s not the poor boy,s fault. He has been deceived into believing that marriage is unfortunate by those who CANT marry
Dominic Obioha
April 17, 16:32This dude is blessed. You see we are not so far apart from the homo-phobes out there. If most folks here were straight they would prolly sponsor a gay-jihad. If u are so anti-women and can’t get it up for a girl pls enter bush and do the needful. What’s with the internalised hatred for men that are attracted to both gender. Oga o
Chris
April 17, 20:08@Dominic O, keep it coming. you ve got the groove.
Chuck
April 17, 17:22You condone cheating and lying, yet you wonder why your country’s institutions don’t work. Sonce the MBM haven’t married our sisters, we want them to go tell their brothers – in – law about their cheating, since they maintain that it’s a good thing.
Chuck
April 17, 17:22“since”
trystham
April 17, 18:05#sigh Chuck, you don’t know how very tired I am of it all. Because his wife is not my sister, I shud turn the other eye? I guess when the homophobes come, they are licensed to say “because the faggot is not my bro, I do not give 2 fucks”.
Chris, I believe u when u say u have NEVER crushed on sum1. I believe you with all my heart.
Who amongst us isn’t a victim of the circumstance we find ourselves in? Is that enough reason to treat others unfairly? I pity women the most in all these
Gad
April 18, 03:50James, I’m happy that you used the word “some” because I’m not one of the victims. Let me say this, I have come to the realization that the “attacks” on MBM/MGM is mostly done by people who feel bitter and envious because of their incapability to swing between the 2 worlds. No one forced me to marry. Note that I don’t have feelings for any guy who has no touch of feminism in him. Talking of jealousy and faithfulness, its time for people to really stop being archaic. My colleagues wife always makes sure she includes a pack of condoms in his bag whenever the man is to go on a journey. If feeling jealous beautifies any,by all means let him wallow in it
trystham
April 18, 06:58hahahahaha You really are something else. A lot confused and think too much of yoursef. A touch of feminism will make ur wife think the bro is a woman and make it all disappear? The wife puts condoms in his bags automatically means she approves? The haters hate because they don’t swing both ways??? *snorts* smh.
Oluwadamilare Okoro
April 17, 13:44Touching. He seems to have what most people want and fear… acceptance of family.
Gad
April 18, 03:28I’m scared for you