THE ROAD TO SELF DISCOVERY

‘’Mimi! Mimi!” my aunt called from her bedroom.

I was in the sitting room, watching Power Puff Girls. “Yes, aunty!” I screamed and ran out of the room to her.

I had recently finished my Common Entrance examination and had gone to my grandma’s house to spend the rest of my holiday. My aunt had told me the previous day that I would be accompanying her to a wedding the next day.

Her call was a reminder, and soon, we were dressed and out of the house.

On getting to the wedding, we met her really good friend, Aunty Ngozi and her daughter waiting for us.

”You have come again with your lateness, anu mpama!” the woman attacked my aunt in a genial tone, prompting my aunt to start laughing. My aunt and her friend were fond of greeting one another with insults, something I found funny oftentimes.

Aunty Ngozi’s daughter, Adaeze, was really friendly to me the moment we got acquainted; we got talking and ditched the party scene.

She seemed a bit too exposed; we were barely teenagers and she was blunt about things I couldn’t even think about. While strolling about, we ended up in an apartment which happened to be where the bride stayed, and because no one was around, we broke in.

‘‘Do you know what a lesbian is?” Adaeze suddenly asked.

I blinked, still struggling to get used to this girl and her worldly utterances. “Yes,” I answered.

That wasn’t the first time I’d heard about the word ‘lesbian’. And right then, lot of things began going through my mind. I wondered: Is she a lesbian? Why would someone I just met me for the first time ask me that sort of question?

”Would you mind if I kissed you?’’ she asked.

Being the very curious person I was, I answered, “I don’t mind at all.”

She kissed me and to be honest, it felt heavenly. My heart began to flutter with ecstasy. I had never thought it was normal for a girl to kiss another girl. And very quickly, our intimacy graduated from the kiss. Adaeze began to touch me in places I hadn’t even discovered yet. She put her finger down on my nether lips and massaged my clit gently till I started getting wet, so wet that I wasn’t able to control how I felt anymore. I was wild and shaking with the strength of my nascent passion. In a husky voice, she asked me to do same to her. Afraid that I was going to hurt her, my hands shook as I went back and forth, massaging her clit.

We got so carried away by this pleasure we were giving each other that we almost got caught at some point, when a bridesmaid came to get the bouquet which the bride had forgotten on the bed.

“What are you kids doing here?” she barked upon her entrance to see her struggling to right ourselves.

“Nothing, ma,” Adaeze replied. “We got tired of the noise from outside, so we decided to enter the house.”

The bridesmaid was in too much of a hurry to pay much attention to us and told us not to be there when she got back. Knowing we didn’t have much time on our hands anymore and because what we had done felt too good to stop, we then entered a toilet, locked the door and continued from where we stopped.

”Have you ever done this with anyone before?” Adaeze whispered in my ears as she stroked me.

“Never,” I said.

She claimed it was also her first time, but I didn’t believe her. Her fingers were too experienced and her tongue darted about too confidently. She whispered a lot of other things that drove me wild, kissed me all round my body and started to suck on my breasts. I had never felt or imagined feeling this way before.

After a while, when we were gone for quite some time, we decided to go back to the party. Adaeze and I were inseparable at the wedding; any chance we got, our hands would go under each other’s dresses, our actions speaking of a reckless passion that didn’t really mind getting caught out.

Soon it was time to leave. We insisted on being in the same car going back home, even though we knew we lived in different places; she lived in Ikoyi while I lived in Surulere.

My aunt and her mother thought we were just getting attached to each other because of the time we spent together at the wedding, so they agreed to let her be with me in my aunt’s car, while her mother would tail us till we get to the junction where we’d have to split and go our separate ways.

When it was time for her to get down from my aunt’s car, my heart constricted with so much sadness, not because I thought I was in love or anything, but I felt like I was getting parted from the one person who had made me feel the things I’d never felt before. The rush of reminiscent pleasure surging in all my erogenous areas at the thought of Adaeze’s touch filled me with some desperation at the thought of possibly never seeing her again. I hoped I’d see her again.

***

Day and night, all I thought about was that beautiful Saturday. I really wanted to see Adaeze again. I wanted to feel what I felt that day again.

I couldn’t even lie to myself. What had I become? I thought to myself. Was I now a lesbian? Whenever I thought about that day, I would feel a tingle between my legs, so much that I got very wet. It drove me insane. I thought about Adaeze, and wondered that for her to be the way she was, whether that meant her mother was that way too. And did that also mean my aunt was a lesbian? Did Adaeze’s mother and my aunt know about what we did at the party and decide to overlook it? Did the two of them touch themselves too when no one was looking? A million and one thoughts seesawed through my mind constantly. I could no longer control my thoughts. I could not control my desire for Adaeze.

I had to see her again.

“Aunty…” I called her one day.

She was distracted by what she was doing and didn’t hear me.

“Aunty!” I called again.

She turned to me. “Ogini?”

”How is Aunty Ngozi?’’ I asked.

My aunt gave me a brief appraising look before chuckling in that knowing way adults have. “She’s fine,” she said.

I didn’t have anything else to say. I sat there, miserably wracking my mind for a follow-up query.

My aunt chuckled again and said, “It’s because of Adaeze you are asking, ba?”

I blushed. “Ah-ahn, aunty, she only crossed my mind small, that’s why I asked.”

My aunt gave a disbelieving chortle.

“But, aunty,” I continued, “can you tell Aunty Ngozi to bring Adaeze over?”

There! I’d finally said it. I waited with bated breath.

My aunt smiled indulgently. Then she called out some digits, gesturing for me to key them unto my phone. “That’s Aunty Ngozi’s number. Call her and tell her yourself.”

Without any hesitation, I dialled the number.

”Hello, aunty, good afternoon,” I said breathlessly when the connection was made. “Aunty, this is Mimi, Aunty Kate’s niece.”

“How are you, my dear?’’ the woman said.

“I’m fine, ma.” Then, as straight to the point as possible, I asked to talk to Adaeze.

“She is not at home. But I will make sure she calls you as soon as she gets home.”

“Thank you, aunty. Bye.”

All day, I waited for Adaeze to return my call. I had a lot of things I wanted to ask her and I really wanted to see her again.

My phone finally rang in the evening and I picked up. “Hello, please who is speaking?”

“Hi Mimi, it’s me, Adaeze. My mum said you called and gave me your number.”

Finally! I promptly began dancing all sorts of steps in my head. We began talking, chatting about random stuff. Then I asked when she could come over to the house. I wanted her to come on a day when none of my aunts would be around. She told me she would ask her mum. I knew her mother wouldn’t have a problem with it. And soon, the date was set for her to visit two days later.

The day couldn’t come soon enough.

On the morning, I woke her with my call, wanting to be sure our plans were still on. She confirmed that she was still coming. My excitement was so palpable, everyone at home wondered out loud about it.

It was 12:12 pm when Aunty Ngozi’s car pulled up into the driveway. I ran downstairs to meet them. I greeted Adaeze’s mother while I waited for Adaeze to get out of the car. She did.

And so did her immediate younger sister.

I was perplexed. This was very perplexing. There wasn’t supposed to be a younger sister present in this visit. But there she was – Ifeoma. And their mother was saying she’d be back to pick them by 6pm as she backed out of the driveway.

The visit started out awkward. Ifeoma was just too present, and so, Adaeze and I couldn’t get on with why we both knew she was here. I put on cartoon for Ifeoma to watch and told Adaeze to come with me to the room, that I wanted to show her something. But Ifeoma wanted to know what that something was, and dumped the cartoon to go with us to my room. The girl followed us everywhere we went. She frustrated all my efforts to have some alone time with her sister. A part of me began suspecting that she knew what was going on and was deliberately trying to sabotage us, but I shut that part out.

Eventually, Adaeze and I got our moment together when we decided to play Hide and Seek. We made it Ifeoma’s turn to seek and scurried off to lock ourselves in my aunt’s room.

We were finally alone. My heart was beating fast. I stared at her. She stared back at me. I wanted her, but I couldn’t reach out to touch her. I was too chicken to make the first move. Adaeze had no such qualms, and pulled herself up close to me. Then she gave me a very long, wet kiss.

“This is what you wanted, right?” she husked against my lips.

I nodded shyly. Emboldened by her move, I brought her even closer to me and kissed her some more. She was wearing trousers, so I thought it was going to be impossible for us to do anything more. I was wrong. Next thing I knew, she was pulling down her trousers and smiling.

This girl is a freak, I thought to myself.

She asked me if I would be comfortable with her licking my vagina.

Eww, I thought. I told her I wasn’t okay with that. I could see the disappointment on her face but I didn’t really care, because I thought that was really disgusting.

She began caressing my clit, just like the first time, except that this time, we didn’t hurry. We were more relaxed and comfortable. I stroked her too. We moaned as our hands explored our bodies. I felt so flush with pleasure. I wanted to do more. I wanted to explore this new side of me I had just discovered. She talked dirty to me while she rubbed her pussy against mine.

This girl is driving me wild, I thought incoherently as I panted with desire. I wanted her. I desired her. I wanted to be as freaky as she was.

Oh my God, yes –

A knock sounded on the door. Our passion was rudely interrupted and we were jolted sharply back to earth.

Panicked, we quickly put our clothes back on and I went to unlock the door. It was Ifeoma. Seeing her standing there with the triumphant expression of one who’d finally found us, I really hated her.

She brushed past me into the room, and her first words were that the room smelled funny. Adaeze and I exchanged a look and smiled coyly at each other.

The three of us returned to the sitting room. As we got comfortable in the parlour, I noticed that Ifeoma was giving me this weird look that made me really uncomfortable. I tried hard not to lock gazes with her, but peripherally, I could see her unabashedly staring at me. I couldn’t properly read the expression on her face. I started to think she perhaps also wanted me, because the look was more sexual than suspicious. But I couldn’t be sure.

The three of us played games and chatted about how primary school was and about the secondary schools we wanted to go. When I said I was hoping to get into Queen’s College, Adaeze laughed and said, “At least, you will have more partners there.”

I didn’t know how to feel about that.

As the day progressed, every chance we got, we would sneak into the toilet to kiss and touch each other. I had come to terms with the fact that I was thoroughly enjoying this intimacy with a fellow girl. As our passion mounted, we got reckless and dumped our discretion. Ifeoma came upon us at some point and said she wanted to join us. We looked at her and looked away. This was strictly a party for two.

And then, it was almost 6, and their mother was around. Somehow I’d hoped the day would last forever; so watching them leave – watching Adaeze leave – filled my heart with sadness. We hugged for such a long time, that her mother had to cut in with a laugh and the words, “Don’t worry, I will soon ship Adaeze to come and live with you.”

I knew she was joking, but I really wouldn’t that minded that at all.

I had officially become involved sexually with a girl twice. She was the first person I had ever been sexually involved with. I didn’t know if I was ever going to like boys because I hadn’t yet explored that side, but what I knew was that I didn’t regret what happened between Adaeze and I.

I knew that this part of me was never going to go away, and even if it wasn’t going to happen between Adaeze and I again, it was going to happen with someone else.

This much I knew.

Written by Mocha Latte