THREE DAYS AFTER…
‘African on African… Black on Black… Minority on minority… The oppressed oppressing the oppressed. This can’t be xenophobia. There must be another name for this.’ – Kenny Badmus.
‘Women, poor people, people of colour, people with disabilities, immigrants, gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, trans people, intersex people . . . We compete with one another. We judge one another. Sometimes we betray one another. Sometimes even within our own communities, we designate who is best suited to represent us, and who shouldn’t even be invited to the party.’ – Kerry Washington.
*
It was supposed to be simple. Really.
People were supposed to read a post on an identifiable affliction and then commiserate. Share experiences in the comments section. Encourage sufferers. Offer solutions. And just generally spread goodwill.
However, that wasn’t to be the case, as the readership found ways to be ugly, malignant and insensitive on such a post.
I was offline most of yesterday, and upon my return, I read and observed how the comments section boiled like a cauldron of malevolence and ill-will. As I read, I found myself getting thrown into a familiar dark place of doubts and questions, a state of vulnerability that I often find myself in when contentious situations like this arise.
And I found myself asking: Why am I doing this?
I found myself struggling to remember the whole point of this blogging venture. It couldn’t have been because of the scoring of popularity points, because the alter ego, Pink Panther, appears to be amassing detractors with each passing day. It couldn’t have been because I was seeking new friendships, because honestly, I’m not even a people person, and I feel very content with the small circle of amities I maintain around me. It couldn’t have been because of a sense of obligation to the LGBT cause, because while I totally love and respect the likes of Bisi Alimi and Kenny Badmus, I do not consider myself as brave as they are.
In the darkness of that corner, I lost sight of what the whole point of this venture is, and I asked myself: Why am I doing this?
But then, yesterday evening, I assisted a KDian, who gave me a distress call, in circumnavigating a potential kito situation. In the aftermath of the crisis averted, he called me again, and at the tail end of our conversation, he said, “… Thank you. You really truly helped me.”
Before then, another KDian, HIV Positive, who made contact following the inception of the KD Support Group, called to let me know he was doing fine, following the direction the Support Group gave him, which helped him in his journey with reconciling himself with his status.
And this morning, I woke up to an email from someone I hadn’t interacted with before. He wrote: ‘Three days after the celebration of KD’s anniversary, and KDians are already at each other’s throats. This must discourage you very much. Don’t let it. Please. Keep doing what you’re doing. Some of us appreciate it. I in particular think it’s a beautiful thing that you’re telling our stories.’
I get emails like this every now and then, all the time. And they are very useful to me, because they help me remember. In the past year, I’ve been tempted a number of times, from that dark corner of doubts and questions, to pack it all in and call it a day.
But then I remember these emails, and the people behind them, and the hopes that drive them, and I steady my resolve and keep on.
And so, after yesterday’s brouhaha, here’s what I have to say, an address to friends and foes alike.
First of all, to those who submit write-ups to me and then proceed to hound me every other day about the publications, I’ll kindly like to urge you to mine some patience. There are seven days in a week, and out of these, five days are already consigned for weekly series. That leaves just two days to publish every other write-up. I read everything I am sent, and I painstakingly work on those that need editing. And so, if I don’t respond to your emails, expressing dissension with what you’ve sent, that means you’ll get published. Harassing me won’t get it done any faster.
Secondly, and most importantly, it has become apparent that there are two great divides amongst the readership of this blog. It is my greatest desire to see a truce called amongst the individuals involved, to see differences resolved and the constant need to go for the jugular shelved.
But history has taught me that no matter how much you preach for a ceasefire, it never really happens. There will always be that grenade waiting to be launched, that mine waiting to be stepped on, and then the fires will be reignited and the contention will bubble forth again.
So, no, I’m not here to preach peace.
I’m here to state matter-of-factly, to friends and foes, that freedom of expression will only be allowed for those whose opinions are neither vitriolic, provocative nor contentious. I will start screening comments. Contrary comments posted when I’m online or not will get screened, no matter how long ago they’ve been posted. Once I see it, it’s gone. Argue intelligently. Be constructive in your criticisms. Disagree respectfully. Stretch the bounds of propriety, if you must. But once you cross the line with your opinion, it’s gone. Let me be clear: if your comment seeks to goad, attack, provoke, disparage or cast aspersions, it WILL be gone.
We don’t have to be one big happy family here. In fact, the day everyone starts acting kumbaya around here is the day I’ll start worrying about the future of the world. But I’m tired of the hate. And I won’t let it thrive anymore. From anyone.
Thirdly, to the commenter who leveled a disturbing allegation against me yesterday, I have this to say. I have a life. You have a life. And I would like to believe that we’re too busy living these lives to care for our identities beyond the blog. At least I am. And I am unbelievably tired of your constant need to make me out to be a big bad guy. I am not. I’m just a guy who loves stories, and likes having people entertained and educated by them.
Finally, I’d like to apologize to all those, silent readers and commenters, who have felt disappointment at the poor conduct in the comments section, and at me for doing nothing decisive about it. I apologize for this. The journey to the restoration of your faith in Kito Diaries is going to be an arduous one, but it’s a destination I’m determined to get to.
As long as there are a few good men willing to share their stories, fact or fiction, as long as there are a few good people out there appreciating the effort, as long as there is life and hope beats from strength to strength, Kito Diaries will keep on.
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63 Comments
Pete
April 19, 06:54I hope sanity is restored to the comments’ section .
Max
April 19, 06:58Good speech.
mike daemon
April 19, 06:59@Pinky, you never could have said it better, thanks for letting this come from you.
mike daemon
April 19, 07:02This blog is suppose to feel like home, let’s not spoil the good feeling we are suppose to get each time we visit HOME.
Mitch
April 19, 07:06Thank you Pinky. We need some sanity restored here.
Ruby
April 19, 07:07I just hope everyone will stop going at each others throats and take sometime to preen themselves as well as their comments before posting them.
We love you Pinky and we greatly appreciate all you are doing so please don’t be disheartened.
Pete
April 19, 07:30Ruby, abeg speak for yourself. Who told you WE love Pinky?
Ruby
April 19, 07:59Awwww Pete down boy!
N̶̲̥̅̊☺ need flashing your claws you know.
Its your choice to love Pinky or not but puhlease don’t try to pull me onto whatever it is that floats your boat cos the last time I checked, I was speaking to Pinky and most certainly not you.
Merci Beaucoup
G!
April 19, 07:22Let’s begin to love one another and only after that will others begin to love us, when I started to visit this blog, I was so impressed and all of a sudden “hate and criticism” took over, it was really disappointing…I really hope everyone on this blog begin to see the good in one another, we all need each other even if we don’t admit it most times, let’s all allow the good in us to manifest and we’ll all move forward…our opinions may differ but that the reason why we’re human, we weren’t created to think alike, our difference is our strength, let’s begin to learn from each other…hate is hard work brothers, let’s love and be happy! #liveandletlive #hopeforthefuture.
Chris
April 19, 07:27“stretch the bounds of propriety if you must”. No cussing and no bitching. Just be objective.
PP keep up the good work. I love visiting your blog so does a lot of folks.
olima
April 19, 07:31Pinky, KD has bn an eye opener for us all. Yes, it hurts dat some ppl can b insensitive. I must admit, I am that way sometimes. But Pls don’t screen d comments. I get to learn a lot from here; abt individuals, words, sentence construction n all.
Just let d comments roll in, we r all educated n civil enough to identify potential black sheep n permit me to use d word ‘outcasts’ to b avoided at all cost.
Weneva someone mks such comments, let’s all totally ignore or show our civil manners by only correcting d individual n moving on.
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 07:34I’m sorry, olima, but that can no longer be the case. Such outrageous comments will not be ignored, and the fire will keep on raging. Any such comments WILL be screened. That decision has been made.
Sinnex
April 19, 07:40Owww…I think I am going to cry *grabs Max’s shirt and cleans eye with it*
Anyway, I think it is about time. Although, it came a little late, but it is better late than never.
This blog has been a sort of escape to me. I never imagined making enemies with anyone. There is something I dislike-someone insulting my person because of differing opinion.
Like you rightly mentioned, we are all different, the only thing we have in common is our sexuality. Instead of us to build on it, we are tearing each other down.
People using persons’ experiences and shortcomings to attack one another.
Sometime I wonder if when something bad happens to me, if I’d be able to share it with the community.
The truth is that I think I am worse than when I first discovered this blog. I have turned to something I don’t like.
As for the person that levelled such grave allegation against you, I think the person need a very heavy know on his head. What nonsense!!!
You are really doing a good job. You are doing what some people tried to do on Nairaland, but it did not work out.
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 07:44The person who levelled such a grave allegation, huh? lol.
Issokay.
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 07:44Thanks though.
Pete
April 19, 07:47Like you rightly mentioned, we are all different, the only thing we have in common is our sexuality. Instead of us to build on it, we are tearing each other down.
Are you sure? What about the snide comments against Bis, MGM & MBM?
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 07:50There’s an ideal world. And there’s the world we live in, which isn’t so perfect. People with differing opinions will continue to exist. That is not really my concern. Everyone is entitled to his own aversions. Just don’t bring them to the comments section, spoiling for a fight. THAT is my concern.
Max
April 19, 08:24@Pete, you gotta lerrit go. This constant defense of yours about MGM/Bi’s and co. No one has a vendetta against them. It’s not a coincidence that we get the most outrageous and condescending comments from the likes of them. So whenever they derail,someone is gonna call them to order.
trystham
April 19, 09:14Hian!!! Max, speak for urself o. I do actually. But its truly always not a coincidence we get the most condescending and disparaging comments from them.
iamcoy
April 19, 08:05Let me be the 1st to test pinky’s efficiency in screening comments and tempting him with this hate speech
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#bringbackouregyptologyclasses
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 08:09Hahahahahahahahaa!!! I knew this would come up.
Mercury
April 19, 08:06Finally Sanity is being restored!!!!, welldone PP, I personally appreciate the tedious work you do here, I can’t imagine how stressful it is, cos I’m too lazy to even type anything, but there’s always something to read here, something to learn from, something to laugh over, something to rub minds about. Keep up d good work, a few annoying weeds can’t stop d growth and harvest we r gunning for here. So my dear more grease to your elbow. Cheers.
zinnat
April 19, 08:11PP dearie, i must commend the great job u r doing. I know wat it feels like to be dragged into a mess even when you r absolutely neutral.
I want you to forgive all the shady commenters. I’ve being a silent reader of this blog for over 10months now and I’ve been waiting for a day to comment, seeing this post brought joy to me, at least it shd bring peace and makes KD a big family.
I always imagined if we can’t tolerate ourselves, how do we want the community at large to tolerate us? Charity they say begins at home, plz lets share love and affection.
Once again PP, forgive us and expect a new KD.
Hello Vhar.:-)
Peak
April 19, 09:50Welcome zinnat we hope to hear more from you.
**looks around and shout at the top of my lungs VHAR!!!!!! There is a nice gentle man who is saying hello, be a good lad and say hello back. Lets show him that we are hospitable people****
Vhar.
April 19, 14:26Hello Zinnat.
Good to have you here.
Haba Peak! Why you shout my name like that na?!
You wee just be embarrassing somebody.
Warn yourself o.
Eros
April 19, 08:25Ladies and Gentle-ladies, the Queen has spoken. Let in be known far and wide, in the land filled with rainbows and unicorns that there shall be no dissidents amongst you.
Failure to abide by this laws shall bring grave consequences which include but not limited to
1) Judgement by the KD court of law
2) Unleashing the KD’s resident Valkyries on you
Her word is law and her decision final. Take heed!!
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 08:28LMAO. You’re such an old soul, Eros.
Diablo
April 19, 08:59its not abt getting along, its abt arguing amicably, like adults and refraining from using abusive words- esp the latter. There are ways to imply that someone is a bitch w/o actually using the B word, and what not. Hope we all behave.
Meanwhile #BringBackOurChizzie? eh PP?
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 09:00Lol. I am not holding back Chizzie ooo! Hian.
R.A
April 20, 07:11Lol! I’d go with North Korean *pensive*
Chris
April 19, 09:33@Diablo….true talk
trystham
April 19, 09:25I have let my intense hatred for certain acts and actions (NOT PPL) get in the way of common sense. I do not apologize because frankly I believe y’all will come to realize sooner or later, for yourselves, it was for the good of everyone. That said, I’m not promising ‘sweet’, but I’m definitely not gonna be an ogre (if anyone thinks that of me). I shall try my hands at diplomacy *retches into offering basket*
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 09:28*passing the offering basket delicately to the usher*
Max
April 19, 12:09Diplomacy… That very tiny knife edge that humans always try to balance on. At some point your feet will start hurting.
Peak
April 19, 10:08Damn!!!!!!!!!!! Is it just me or does PP sound super sexy when he is in his “CONTROL MODE”? I swear my body just de do me tinini wanana while read throughy all the paragraphs, except for the last two. I love me a man who like to take control every now and then. Some weird Items just kept floating through my mind while I was reading those paragraphs e.g handcuffs, leather getups, leather whip (oh yeahhhhh), masks and kelis in the background singing “bossy”. **sigh** don’t bother y’all, I’m going to hell and I know it.
Thanks for coming through PP, 2015 KD was going side for a hot minute. And can we please quite the blame game? We are not 5 year old to be peddling the “he started it, she started it stone” #freshstart. Lets behave.
Now! With that out of the way, who wants to get spanked???? ** wink wink ***
Happy sunday everyone
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 10:10Hahahahaa. Peak! Don’t be such a bad boy.
Max
April 19, 12:11Peak.. What activated your hoe side?
DeadlyDarius
April 19, 11:16Please what was PP accused of that is so vile that it cannot be named?
#QuestionOfAPreviouslyAbsentCommenter
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 11:19A reentrance, complete with your amebo radar on high alert, huh?
DeadlyDarius
April 19, 11:31there’s a reason why I didn’t msg u directly to ask…..ruminate why
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 11:36Its a hot hot Sunday afternoon. Rumination over things elusive to me patent exactly high on my list.
DeadlyDarius
April 19, 11:47yeah which is why I did not ask you
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 11:53I’m sensing some negative energy from you, Deadly Darius. I dunno why. I dunno what issue you have with simply asking me what you want to know or why you sound like you have an issue with me. Whatever the case, when you’re ready to iron it out, you know where to find me. And it isn’t here.
DeadlyDarius
April 19, 12:21U were the one that replied me here…my original question was not addressed to you
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 12:24My initial response was a teasing remark. But my bad! I’ll just let you be. Please, whoever the question was addressed to and he who has answers should come give them to Darius here. He’s positively fretting for the gist.
trystham
April 19, 11:36If it were named, would it be so vile anymore???
Bia Pinkie, please, is there a truth to the conspiracy theory purported by Sinnex that there is always an ‘After KD’ tea party where you guys gossip about every other KD person and share pictures? Thats unfair. I saw that yesterday and I was very upset I am never always invited. Kindly look into it
pinkpanthertb
April 19, 11:39Hahahahahahahaa!!! Oh trysthie. My bad. The next KD share and tell Tea Party will be holding in Jarch’s place. I’ll be sure to extend an invite to you, complete with our lipstick gang logo on the card. 😀
trystham
April 19, 14:10Chi m!!! E pass to gossip, chop tea and biscuit and see picture? I’ll pass thank you. I am squeamish where whips dey involved.
Brian Collins
April 19, 14:56Max i enter the location ‘Rainbow Square Gardens’ into the GPS of my imaginary car and the electronic lady voice was giving me an error message. Could you pls point me in the right direction. I gas to make it for the auditions next wednesday. I wonder, is Christian Grey going to be one of the judges?
Lanre S
April 19, 12:53….But how do you teach gay people to sheathe their claws & daggers, retract their barbs & forked tongues, or calm their fucking pussies down? Isn’t the ability to go from zero to Ferrari one of the defining attributes of being fabulously gay? It’s this mercurial tendency that crowds out the saner folk from KD.
In other news, there are not really gay & str8, black & white, rich & poor or male & female people, there’s just good & bad.
Ace
April 19, 14:12Wait oh! Wait oh! Wait oh! What did I miss yesterday? Pinky, I cannot imagine all the time and work you put into this. Anybody who fails to recognize this is really ignorant. Some people are naturally pained honey. It came by default, etched in their DNA. Let love rule guys and when you forget you are a man, grab the bulge between your legs as a reminder.
Gad
April 19, 14:41Going by the antecedents of the Admin and even from some things he said in this post I don’t think I have much faith in his ability to be fair to all. However, it won’t be harmful to be hopeful. I will just watch and pray. Personally, I have decided to redefine my participation here. That doesn’t mean that I will be silent and watch misinformation or witchcraft to thrive here. I re-affirm my resolve to always say it from the point of view of the other side no matter how overwhelming the bandwagonism or the Admin-approved insults at my person. This post wouldn’t have been necessary at all if all especially the Admin did what he ought to do. Just a word of caution to the vitriolic and things will not get to where it has got to.
Brian Collins
April 19, 15:01And you had to be the one to point out that he has not been doing what he ought to be doing. I wonder what you would do better if you were the Admin. Oga Gad abeg rest. With all your learning and stuff does ceasefire not mean anything to you?
Gad
April 19, 15:29If you read meticulously you will see “all” before “admin “.The second thing you will see is that despite this post, I have decided to redefine my participation here.mind you I have reffered a number of people to this place and my aim was not to get them introduced to bitching101.the success and sanity of this platform should be the aim of all.
Chris
April 19, 15:06The question has been bugging my mind since the above post was delivered this morning. As a a blog administrator, is it easy to be fair with comment screening without leaning or tilting to a side.
#Asking for peace of mind#
tobby
April 19, 14:48Ehrm PP, when are you going to publish that story I sent you?..
You’re making me angry *seethes*
Brian Collins
April 19, 14:57Ehn ehn, tobby i see you o.
OscarW
April 19, 16:06But…….. who will guard the guard?
Gad
April 19, 16:19Hmmmm. Its well
pinkpanthertb
April 20, 00:05No one.
MacArdry
April 19, 19:49Ife onye cho k’ofu.
pinkpanthertb
April 20, 00:05What am I, the Nigerian Federal Government? Lol
KingBey
April 20, 09:04KD was supposed to be totally anonymous….that was why we all took an Alias at the beginning. The main problem here started the day y’all started forming famzing with each other. Drinking tea and what-nots. Read a post, make a reasonable comment if there’s need for it and move on. TB familiarity will always bring up attitudes and drama. PinkPanther pls get on with the comments screening already. Because it’s long overdue.