What Advice Would You Give This Mother?
Kindly sound off in the comments.
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20 Comments
bruno
July 15, 06:53lol… what did you think we are gonna say here? beat the gay out of him? are our comments going to get to this mother and help the kid? i doubt it.
i hope she stays strong, learn to love unconditionally, realise there is nothing wrong with being homosexual and protect him from the monster she married.
but who am i kidding they are probably abusing and damaging the kid already as we speak.
Absalom
July 15, 06:55But what did the Joro person (seems like he’s a celebrity of some sort) say?
ambivalentone
July 15, 07:37You put words to my thoughts
Mandy
July 15, 07:15This is instagram, yes? I’m going to follow this page. This Joro person seems to be entertaining a lot of real unconventional Nigerian confessions.
Kenny
July 15, 07:58Joro doesn’t give advice on Instagram. He’s a psychologist. He gets paid for this stuff. What he does is to put a snapshot of the mail on Instagram and his followers give their thoughts.
I’m scared for that boy. I really am. His mother only seems to be bothered by it because of his father. If only there was a way one could reach out to her
ambivalentone
July 15, 08:09Well, I just went thru google and hey! This guy is one of the ‘Ondo royalty’ brothers who went all ‘common’ on that OAP. Safe to say that whatever advice he’s gonna dish out will be unhelpful and involve lots of psychiatrist evaluations. He seems already to be a woman abuser…characteristic of homophobes n ppl with large doses of IH. We SHOULD indeed be scared for the boy
Delle
July 15, 10:30The mum seems a lil tolerant. A shame she had to ask someone who schooled in HUOH.
ambivalentone
July 15, 07:59I wonder if his ‘I hate girls’ statements came before he was 12 or now he is 12. All boys have ‘hated’ girls before they are 12 so thats not a deciding factor in the ‘gayness’ of your son. However, given the sensitive nature of most gay guys, he prolly has known he was ‘different’ and definitely has hated girls, long before or at 12. Doesn’t sound like this mother has any choice. Halleluyah! You have a gay son. You just have to cope with this.
Dimkpa
July 15, 08:17It’s so sad reading this. Would really be nice to know what the reply to this mother was. She seems to have her heart in the right place, she calls him a ‘good boy’ and is worried for her son.
I hope she finds the courage to love her son the way he is and protect him from the harsh husband.
This here is why we need to change attitudes, there are many more coming after us and will keep facing this situation if things don’t change
Cedar
July 15, 08:30Ma’m, just learn to love what the gods have given you. Shikena. There is no running round the facts. Being harsh to the young man or abusing him will not solve anything, only traumatize him, make him more withdrawn, keep secrets from you, hate life and probably, just probably, think of suicide as an escape route.
More over, which is better, getting to know your son is gay at an early stage and guiding him aright or being kept in the dark till he is “old enough” to marry?
And as for the man, who else thinks he should be given 50 strokes of he rod and locked up with the Khaleesi’s dragons for life? His kind of people are the real threats.
Delle
July 15, 10:28Firstly, I want to say the love I have for this woman has no quantification. Coming on this platform shows one thing…subtle acceptance. Now, this is a big leap in the positive direction.
Well, he probably is gay but hasn’t fully come to realise it himself. Like was said sometime ago, just few days precisely, being effeminate (which he obviously is from her description) doesn’t, contrary to popular opinions, write him off as gay. But saying he hates girls? Hmm…
I knew I loved boys at 8 and if at 12 he has already quipped his hating girls at you, then he is most likely gay.
Speak to him. Don’t push him off. It’s bad enough his father is the old-fashioned man, you should be the good cop. You obviously are educated and enlightened, I’d suggest books on the gay child and acceptance. Let him see you as a resort of comfort and confidence. He’d open up to you and you are to guide him like any mother would her child, be them straight of queer. He’s a good child like you said, that is all that there is. You’d soon come to realise his being gay is just a part of him that would never be a blockade in your family. You’d come to see it’s just one of the MANY things that make him. Try speaking to your husband also. Remember, the worst thing that could happen is you pushing that boy away. That’s where the problem would begin. Asides that, I think you have all in perspective.
On this note however, I really really am happy this is happening. A Nigerian mother? Woah!
#morningmade
ambivalentone
July 15, 11:41Lol. I saw the shade thrown at the husband o. “obviously educated and enlightened” ehkwa?
I think we av all been lulled into forgetting that adjectives like ‘good’,’brilliant’,’rich’,’fine’…etc all DISAPPEAR into expressions of disgust when the word ‘gay’ follows when we are described by the straight folks here o. I can’t imagine the emotions that may run thru her mind if Joro does confirm his homosexuality
Delle
July 15, 16:05No matter what emotions run through her mind, she’d never reject the boy. Now, that’s the worst that could come to him. Rejection.
She may not be wholly accepting of him, but she’d tolerate her son.
posh6666
July 15, 16:10Thats the problem! The mum said he was a good boy but cos he displays girlish attitude that automatically overides every other good thing about him…*sighs* when will this prejudice ever stop?
When will people especially parents begin to look past such things and love a child for being kind,gentle,obedient,intelligent and everly eager to please his parents?or just love him just for the fact he’s their child….
I went through this exact kind of situation growing up in the hands of my parents most especially my dad.
He made it clear he preferred my younger more manly brother who actually eventually led to his untimely death due to several heartbreaks and indulging in all those wild habits the typical overindulged,spoilt and stupid straight boys indulge in…
Mind you i was always so eager to please,did house chores even better than my sisters,made sure i never repeated any class in school and always come out with good grades…By the time my dad realised what a blessing i was to the household it was too late….
This so called “straight acting” son is till date a nuisance in the house and always a source of constant pains and sadness just like lucifer….Our dad is dead and gone and we always miss him but this brother of mine continues to live his own life like nothing ever happened…Life…..
Drone
July 15, 18:19This ?
Pink Panther
July 15, 18:26I swear, this!!!
Wiffey
July 16, 03:34Please aunty, beat the gay out of him. His life would be far easy if you do. Trust me it might seem very painful now but he’ll thank you some day.
Chandler B.
July 16, 22:31I thought about ignoring this ’cause this post might not get commented on again. But people, especially new readers, go through old post and they see these comments. So no, I have to ask, you’re f*cking joking with that comment right?!
‘Cause we aren’t seeing the glamour that is your life as a result of the beatings you must have received as a child. All we see is an opinion that can only come from someone damaged.
Tobee
July 18, 23:06I think I would explain to her how people don’t choose to be gay and that demonstrating negative attitudes towards him would make things more difficult for him. If she is able to be there for him – accept him without judging him – then he has a refuge from the harsh environment. She is also in a good position to give him advice about safe sex and relationships.
But it would place a lot of responsibility on her – to find out accurate and helpful information about being gay and related matters; as well as defend him from time to time eg from his father. With regard to his father, they should talk about it (hopefully they do) and she could convince him to seek objective advice eg from an lgbt-friendly psychiatrist or psychologist (another assignment, but there are some in Nigeria).
And she will need loads of support, I could recommend kito diaries for starters…
daleen
July 24, 23:26i do hope madam that you are not trying to raise him in Nigeria through out his life. look, this is my angle – even if you and your husband accept him and let him be who he is, sadly our society has not so what do you tell people when he isnt introducing any girlfriend and you guys are not bothered? find the filmiest of excuses to relocate him abroad where he will be able to express himself better because the truth is we will not be ready in this country even in the next 20 years. sad but true.
i salute your courage in seeking ways to deal with this situation. it means you have your heart in the right place. i also do not blame your husband so much. i think he is reacting that way because it is the only way he knows to. it is the only solution he knows. he loves his son and does not want him doing the ‘abominable’. at least thats the way he sees gay people so i wouldn’t be quick to judge him either even though his approach is all together wrong.
the way forward i think is to red up more on this. there is an array of literature available online on this subject matter that will help you to take important steps. also if you can get your husband to read stories on how to deal with gay children it will be useful. Something tell me that for him to give you the permition to open up on this issue, he is indirectly seeking help himself. So please help this two males in your life. the older one might not yield on time, still be patient with him. its still all strange and foreign to him. As for the younger one, make him your friend, Be interested in every aspect of his life. For all you know, this might be a phase but even if it is not, make him want to come to you with any issue he might have, let him know you love and accept him no matter what. He is 12 and knocking at the door of his teenage years – a defining period in his life and he need you with him all the way. guide him through, read up on sexuality and the gay teen and risks of infections and all. LOVE HIM AND MAKE IT OBVIOUS not in ways that it pits him against his brother though.