Seven seconds after agreeing to his request to stay the night, I regretted it. He was a hookup, a first time meet who had agreed to come to my place. We’d had good conversation and good sex, and I was in that state of lazy contentment when he asked to stay the night, that he didn’t feel like leaving me in such a hurry. And I said OK.
Seconds later, I was regretting it. Not because he did anything. It’s just… My kito awareness had kicked in, and I had suddenly begun to imagine everything that could go wrong between nighttime and morning.
He could wake up in the middle of the night, take up my kitchen knife and stab me to death. (Has happened to someone I know)
He could wake up way earlier than me in the early hours of the morning, and steal away from my place with my valuables. (Has happened to me and countless other people I know)
I was wracked with anxiety. And he was being too nice for me to suddenly say, “Oh you know what? I’ve changed my mind. I think you should leave.” My indecision tarried until it was too late to even ask him to leave anyhow.
So I was stuck with this guy. And all my anxieties.
I decided one way to combat all these dire probabilities was to stay awake all night long. Simple enough. I mean, I’m after all a night owl. So I returned to Orange is the New Black after we had another round of sex, and as he got comfortable in bed, I got comfortable before my laptop. I watched and he slept.
He woke up. Looked sleepily at me and asked me to come join him in bed. I smiled and told him I was still watching my show. He nodded and went back to sleep.
A fury of yawns attacked me. My body was started to weaken from the stress of staying awake. I persevered. This is what I do all the time. How dare my body choose tonight to decide to fail me?
I was starting to rewind scenes of OITNB, because I was nodding off and waking up and missing out on what Piper Chapman said or what Joe Kaputo did.
I gave up. I was too sleepy to go on. Obviously he wasn’t going to kill me, I reasoned.
But he could still be a thief. With how exhausted I was, I could drop off into slumber and not wake up till it’s bright and morning, to discover him gone. Even in my exhaustion, I felt the cold fingers of anxiety grip me and fuel some determination through my system.
I went to the door that was bolted and turned the key as well, double-locking it. Tucked the key away in a hideout. Then I set my alarm for 5 am.
And finally, with these few precautionary measures, I yawned one last time and climbed into bed. I tucked my phone under my pillow and sighed my way into a deep sleep.
My 5 am alarm jarred me awake. My heart was already pounding with recollected dread as I leaped up in bed and turned to my side.
He was lying there next to me, still sleeping. Neither killer nor thief. Just another nice guy who’d clearly wanted our hookup to last overnight.
Kito has messed us up in this country sha.
Written by Pink Panther