49 responses

  1. Kainene
    November 17, 2019

    Thank you for this…thank you.

    Reply

    • slender
      November 18, 2019

      i feel like the whole world need to read this story! sad sad sad

      Reply

  2. Net
    November 17, 2019

    This made me cry, thanks for sharing your story with us

    Reply

    • Dillish
      November 17, 2019

      My pleasure sir

      Reply

      • Pink Panther
        November 17, 2019

        LOL. Net is actually a woman.

        Reply

  3. Mandy
    November 17, 2019

    I legit teared up at this. I am sad. I am angry. I am frustrated. All the lives are just go to waste simply because families won’t accept them for who they are. I feel so touched by the pain in this story.

    One thing I find consoling is that at least, Dillish found one reason to be happy before he took his life: he kissed you and he fell in love with you. It seems like that was what he was waiting for, a reason to be happy, before he leaves this life.

    Thank you, Dillish, for sharing this story. A Hollywood film would attach the contact details of a suicide watch organisation for those feeling suicidal to contact at the end of such a story. But we can only make do with the hope that this story, your story, will inspire us to live.

    Reply

    • Dillish
      November 17, 2019

      Hey Mandy! You are one of the people who kept me hooked on this platform with your contributions. I learnt so much and for that I’m grateful. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

      Reply

  4. Sim
    November 17, 2019

    Oh my god!

    I’m sorry brother.. I can only imagine the pain but I’m glad and relieved you have taken control of your situation.
    Keep living and keep being you. I learnt something from your story.

    Reply

    • Dillish
      November 17, 2019

      Thank you for the words of encouragement Sim. In response to your question in the previous episodes I am O positive and also AA.
      Is there anything you feel I should know? If yes, can I reach you personally??

      Reply

  5. Sworld
    November 17, 2019

    Quite intriguing!, well detailed!

    Real healing is hard, exhausting and draining. I am glad you let yourself got through the process without painting it as anything other what it is.

    I’m also so happy that later got to heal by yourself with NO judgement which could have killed you.

    Sending Love, Hope and of a new dillish that never dies cross your path again.

    “LOVE IS Real and it’s BEAUTIFUL “

    Reply

    • Dillish
      November 17, 2019

      Thank you so much. I really appreciate. I’m still healing as my doctor said I have to be on med for a very long time

      Reply

  6. trystham
    November 17, 2019

    Wait!!!!!! The Dillish who used to comment on here when KD first started suicided, abi I am the one who is reading different?
    Where is Max??? Chizzie nko? Macaulay???

    Reply

    • Pink Panther
      November 17, 2019

      Lol. Trystham, you’re confused. Go to Part 2 and read the last line on it.

      Reply

      • trystham
        November 17, 2019

        Phewwwww!!!!😵😵😓😓

        Reply

    • Francis
      November 17, 2019

      They are all fine last I checked.

      Reply

  7. Francis
    November 17, 2019

    Really sad and pissed at homophobic people especially the ones that ought to know to better. They stay ruining lives all in the name of God. I’m sad for your tragic loss and subsequent suffering but happy that you’ve started your journey towards healing and you’re making YOU a priority onward as we all should as this life no get part 2.

    Stay strong and thanks for sharing this with us. I’m glad I stuck through till the finish. Hugs

    Reply

    • Dillish
      November 17, 2019

      Thanks so much and for the words of encouragement. I am still healing

      Reply

  8. Zoar
    November 17, 2019

    I couldn’t hold my tears as I read those notes from Dillish to you and his family.

    This is what Jesus said about Love Being the bedrock of human existence.

    With that singular Word that has been bastardized by humans now. The world can be a better place.

    I pray Dillish receives all the love he was yearning for in heaven.😭😭.

    Reply

  9. Segun
    November 17, 2019

    This story reinforces the need for Nigerian gays to be their brothers’ keepers.

    There’s a saying by Socrates, “Be kind, for everyone is going through a battle.” If the writer had rejected Dillish on the first meeting on the basis of something as flimsy as physical looks, that would have deepened his rejection and made the tragic happenstance occur earlier than it did.

    I like the fact that he still listened to him and showed him love the last time they met. I have known many gays who have acted in such arrogant, snobbish and dismissive ways towards guys based on their physical looks, ethnicity, weight, social class and even religion.

    This has to stop. There’s more to being gay than sex. There are times we need to step into other people’s world; listen to their hurts, fears, rejection and grief and extend a hand of acceptance, love and understanding to them. That’s how real life works.

    Many gay men have resorted to suicide, not only because of the toxic environment they found themselves in, but also the level of intolerance and rejection within the community itself.

    Reply

    • Francis
      November 17, 2019

      📣📣 We pray to continue doing our best

      Reply

    • Dillish
      November 17, 2019

      I agree with you wholeheartedly. Those who are victims of this are mostly our young gays who are still growing up and still finding it difficult to accept each other. Most of our old folks alienated themselves using age as a barrier as it can be seen on grindr

      Reply

    • KingB
      November 18, 2019

      God bless you for this. I’ve been able to grow a thick skin to this but then what about people that aren’t strong willed?

      Reply

  10. Mitch
    November 17, 2019

    I really don’t know what to say to this. I don’t know whether I should feel sad about the beautiful life that was wasted or angry at the families that ruin people’s lives in the name of trying to help them and pandering to religion.

    This is why I’m the way I am.
    There’s only so much bullshit you can take before you snap. And I’m definitely never giving anyone the power to hurt me like this, to break me to the extent that my life ceases to have any meaning. I’d fight back. And I’d fight back hard and dirty. I’d rather kill them all than allow them kill me.

    And, Dillish, try to let go of the guilt and pain you’ve pushed deep inside you. None of this was your fault. Instead of feeling this guilt, remember the good times, the beautiful things, the special moments and all else about him. Don’t let this pain be the reason you stop living.

    Please!

    Reply

  11. Dillish
    November 17, 2019

    Dear pink panther,
    I can’t thank you enough but I will continue to thank you till I breathe my last. Honestly if not for this platform and people’s contribution, only God knows where I would have been by now. I have been inspired here, I learnt a lot from peoples entries. The pain has reduced to a great extent and only comes when I expose myself to cold or think too much. But aside that,I’m fine as long as I keep taking my medication. In a special way, please help me thank a certain Kay who took his time to enlighten me and broaden my knowledge on sexuality and self acceptance since the day of 2go.

    Reply

  12. Higwe
    November 17, 2019

    Most people come into our lives for two different reasons :

    To build us .

    To break us .

    But once in a while we have those people that build us , break us then leave us to heal , rejuvenate and rebuild ourselves…

    I think Dillish did just that…

    He added colour and lustre to a rather palish life then took it all away.

    But you didn’t go back to where you were headed to , rather you chose better – you chose to live .

    For that, I greatly commend you .

    Dillish’s story is definitely tragic but yours doesn’t have to be.

    Treasure his memory .

    Take the lesson ..

    And of course, soldier on .

    Whenever you’re feeling downcast and you think * I can’t go on *

    Always remember everything you’ve had to overcome and how far you’ve come .

    Think of everyone that has written you off and how much glee you’ll get from rubbing your success on their faces .

    And most importantly think of Dillish and how much he would love you to be stronger than he was and not let his death be for nothing .

    Wishing you happiness , laughter , success and a much more improved health .😍

    Goodluck and thanks for the mention…I’m humbled .😎

    Reply

  13. Someone’s Someone
    November 17, 2019

    My heart is heavy reading this. I can’t cry, my heart has seen so much pain that it’s impossible for me to cry anymore. This story was bitter-sweet and I would love to see it made into a movie. Thank you Dillish for sharing your world with us. I pray that you heal and find love again. XoXo

    Reply

    • Posh666
      November 18, 2019

      Well there’s a movie with a somewhat similar story line titled ” A prayer for Bobby”

      Reply

  14. Delle
    November 17, 2019

    This is just overwhelming. And as I type this, the tears are still rolling down my cheeks. I love you, Dillish and this journey you took us on with you, this pain you allowed us feel.
    Thank you.

    If you won’t mind, I’ll love your contact details. I have a lot of questions to ask.

    And yeah, I’m glad my stories on here have imparted on you. So glad. Thanks again ❤

    Reply

  15. VINA
    November 17, 2019

    I know I’m supposed to be sad but I’m not, I’m mad, I’m angry and it makes me realize that our happiness is really just in our hands. Sometimes family is the very enemy and we must learn to remove sentiment and cut off from them if we can.

    I’m sorry for your pain and I hope you get better.

    May his sweet gay soul rest in peace. We will see him in heaven 🙏

    Reply

  16. Uchennna
    November 17, 2019

    Hi Dilish. I’m currently reading a book titled You Can Heal Your Life by Louise hay. The book traces the root cause of diseases to thought and behavioural patterns we have in our minds. I wasn’t surprised when i checked the metaphysical cause for pain and i saw “Guilt. Guilt always seeks punishment”. While you take your meds, I’ll advise you to create a daily healing ritual for yourself where you look in the mirror and Express forgiveness and acceptance to the person in the mirror. A part of you might still be feeling guilty for his death and metaphysicallly, guilt will always create pain. The recommended affirmation is ” I lovingly release the past. They are free and i am free. All is well on my heart now”. Say this as many times as you can during
    the day.

    Sending you love.

    Reply

  17. kristo
    November 17, 2019

    dilish killed himself!?….WHOA!!!!!

    Reply

  18. bamidele
    November 17, 2019

    We have a society whereby murder is upheld in the name of religion. We often focus on boko haram; but there are deadlier killers–in the name of religious fanaticism, who are worse than boko haram. The parents killed Dilish; and we have millions of Nigerians undergoing this kind of trauma, irrespective of their sexual orientation. mmm…

    Reply

  19. Sim
    November 17, 2019

    @Dillish ,
    Life is a gift.. per ur response. I asked cus I have seen under-diagnosed and rare case of SS with same symptoms in ur earlier post. The O2 conc during the crisis was a pointer and eventually Led to a proper diagnosis.
    I have a better perspective now that ur story is completely told. I’m glad ur healing and your experience will definitely make u a good LGBT inclusive advocate should you ever wish.

    Reply

  20. Malik
    November 17, 2019

    This broke me so bad. I felt a rush of anger and deep, dark grief all at once. I hope Dillish looks down and sees that his life counted and that he’s still loved and remembered by you.

    But I also want to know if therapy is helping your physical symptoms. Wish you a full healing dear.

    Reply

  21. Marvey
    November 17, 2019

    I have been following this diary for close to two years now and I have been soo shy to place a comment,my type of person sha….but this particular post broke that chain..have being having chills reading it right from the first part..soo much pain you must have felt dillish.is hard enough to lose someone you love from a natural death talkless of someone that confided in you the last moment he took his life..so so sorry about what you gotta go through but alas shit happens anyway especially when you have spirikoko parents..Take good care of your self..you owe your self the best happiness the world can offer..And thanks pinky for this wonderful platform.and to the two couples that makes me laugh all the time : higwe and Mitch, with there individual teams .you guys are wonderful!!

    Reply

  22. Audrey
    November 17, 2019

    I’m too emotional right now to type anything sensible right now I’d rather come back when I’m more stable.Thanks for the shout out and I’m glad you are in a better state of health.

    Reply

  23. Jake
    November 17, 2019

    I legit cried reading this, I can only imagine the pain you had to go through. Loving someone and loosing them is probably one of the worst ordeal you can face. But you’re doing better and please be better. Life has handed you lemons but you’ve made lemonades out of it. Be proud of how far you’ve come. Thank you for sharing your story with us and enlightening us. We are here for you should in case you need anything. Sending tons of love and light your way💜💜💜

    Reply

  24. Tman
    November 18, 2019

    Broadly, we’re a community, but on here, we’re family. I’m really impressed by the warmth and love that’s been shown to the narrator after his poignant ordeal, it’s engulfing. I appreciate our show if concern and empathy, it’s the least we could do for anonymous strangers we share an identity with.

    Dillish I’m proud of your persistence, your grit and determination not to let life’s situation overcome you. I’m glad you’ve been able to move on from the life-changing experience, if not totally, and hope you continue being strong.

    I love you mate!

    Reply

  25. Blue
    November 18, 2019

    Ok I cried! I fucking cried!!!!

    Reply

  26. Kelvin
    November 18, 2019

    My deepest condolences on your loss mate. I’m short of words cos of my emotions, we will all be fine.

    Reply

  27. Bhaws
    November 18, 2019

    Wow. Aight imma go cry!! He must have been really strong to commit suicide because lets face it, you have to make efforts to kill yourself, to risk pain and sorrows. As someone who has tried it, its so much easier to be dripping past life everyday compeletely dead inside. Strangely i salute people who committed suicide, they told the universe to go fuck itself! The ultimate middle finger.

    Reply

  28. RandomReader
    November 18, 2019

    This legit brought tears to my eyes and gave me sleepless night yesterday. Nigeria is so religious and yet we are so backward. Religion will be the end of this country. Dillish love , you did your best and I hope that God forgives all your sins and give you the happiness you lacked on earth. This is currently my life situation. Parents be asking me who my partner is and if we live in the same house and same room. Had to use the “room mate ” tag. But I think this is the last time. When I return home , I will not smell Nigeria again. My elder sister told us once that if she finds out any of her brothers was gay , she would stab him to death and I was like errrrrr. One religion is not gonna make me forfeit my own happiness. A lot of young men have died because no one really knows them and you feel you are living a life for show.

    Reply

  29. King
    November 18, 2019

    Over 3yrs of following KD no courage to comment talkless of telling my story….
    Madmen and specialist a case of Nigeria religious hypocrisy. It hurts to see people die for causes that cud be cured with love and acceptance. A lot people are on the edge trying and weakening out cos of what they make us feel. This story made me cry and I wish we could always come out for our community regardless of what the society thinks or feels about us

    I’m sorry for your loss Dillish am glad you decided to live deliberately sending you lot of hope, strength to carry-on, grace to do more for luv

    Reply

  30. Fizzykareem
    November 18, 2019

    I literally cried for this.Thank you dillish for sharing your story..
    And also my condolences for your loss.. sending you a lot of love, strength and courage to keep surviving

    Reply

  31. Orobo Hunter
    November 18, 2019

    Wow! I am overwhelmed with emotion right now. My goodness. I’m sorry for what you went through Dillish. Wow!

    I know someone like Dillish and my sincere fear is that it doesn’t end up the same way.

    *deep sigh*

    This country men! Fuck this country!!!!!!

    I hope you’re better now and the pain is gone? I really wish you the best,man. Please take good care of yourself. Love x Light

    Reply

  32. Temi
    November 18, 2019

    Ahhhh since i started reading this story from part 1 I just don’t know I’ve been dumfounded. I honestly don’t know … I’m just speechless. Thanks for sharing your story I pray God grant you the strength — sending you prayer, light and love.

    Reply

  33. Cuddlecake
    November 20, 2019

    I couldn’t stop crying.
    I pray this doesn’t happen to me.
    I might end up in a psychiatric hospital.
    I just let go of the hurt form a relationship just last week. He broke up with me for no reason may 16th 2016 since then I zeroed my mind and labeled anyone that came my way a User.I refused falling in love, I refused sex, i had trust issues.
    Just last week after I let me self go and had sex with my sec sch crush I felt very free again.
    I didn’t think it too much,
    I just told myself “hey, yes you like him, yes you had sex with him, stop having ideas and move on.”
    If not for people’s stories that I have read on KD I am not sure I would have healed now.
    Pinky thank you so much.
    Dilish you are a strong man. Thank you for letting go.
    And to everyone struggling with self acceptance, family, society, disappointment, hurt, please I beg you. Heal and let go.

    Reply

  34. David Kamdili
    November 20, 2019

    Thanks for the story, Dillish. Sure, everyone dies at the end. But if you mean something to someone. If you helped someone, or loved someone. If even a single person remembers you, then maybe you never really died at all.

    Dillish is still alive. He resonates in you.

    Reply

  35. Rudy
    November 21, 2019

    You did right by telling the story of the actual Dillish. Life is a class filled with lessons. Think of it this way, if you hadn’t gone through all this pain and realisations this story of Dillish would have been kept in the dark where none of us could have the privilege to know and learn from as well. If this story could change a homophobe’s heart or make a queer kid or adult accept who they are or even mutter the word “gay” whiles looking inside the mirror without any sort of apprehension, then your job is done Dillish. Let go of any pain and heal because guess what your story is medicinal. Dillish will be looking down below at you and will be prouder than ever knowing you had his back even in his death.
    And for that I say well done!
    With regards to your situation about the pain the condition seems to be “Fibromyalgia or Fibrositis” which is
    a musculoskeletal pain accompanied with fatigue, sleeplessness or excess sleepiness, mood and memory issues. It could be triggered by severe psychological stress, physical trauma, surgery and infection and in your case the former has already been made clear. It causes such severe pain something as similar as what you’ve described here and usually accompanied with anxiety and depression. Unfortunately there’s no medical treatment for this condition yet, however the pain could be controlled and subdued with medication. Psychological stress could indeed cause physical pain as the brain is responsible for and control all our body sensations hence any stress or harm caused to the brain could manifest in many ways unimaginable. The silver lining here in your case is the fact that you’re healing from your psychological trauma which was the cause and which will be imperative in your journey towards recovery.
    Please read more into Fibromyalgia and bring it up with your GP as well, I’m certain you’ve already won this battle.
    You did right by Dillish and yourself just by unveiling the curtain to the window of your world through sharing your story.
    I’m proud of you man, well done!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top
mobile desktop