Older Man Fears His Attraction To Twinks Is “Disgusting”

Older Man Fears His Attraction To Twinks Is “Disgusting”

Society doesn’t so much as bat an eye when a man — say in his 30s — shows interest in a woman in her early to mid 20s. It’s almost expected that he’ll find a younger woman sexy.

But is there a double standard in the gay community?

The right wing has consistently tried to label gay men as deviants, predators, or even pedophiles. Is it possible that some have become overly sensitive in an effort to dispel those horrible accusations?

A gay man in his 30s recently confessed, in a Reddit post, to debilitating shame because of where his sexual attractions fall.

In his post titled “Is a (older) bear into twinks ‘disgusting?’”, user brtw82 writes:

“I know all the mantras. People have preferences, age is just a number and so on. However, I constantly feel like I’m judged and I’ve started to think they are right. Maybe someone in his 30s with a bear look into young looking guys is really disgusting.”

He goes on to fill in some key details — he’s attracted primarily to young men in their early-mid 20s, but has met harsh criticism from both gay and straight friends/family.

“Some years ago I came out to family and friends after a long period of denial and fear of being excluded. Everyone was very supportive. Many knew and they were very happy I finally managed to live my life at the fullest. Then, they found out I’m into twinks and started to despise me and look at me as a predator. A friend told me clearly that my “twink fetish” is “disgusting”, I should stop “raping kids” and I should see a doctor. One of my closest friends (who has two teenage sons) subtly told me that I was not welcomed anymore at his house. My mom never said anything, but she constantly asks if I have found a nice guy of my age to marry and have kids.”

And when he sought refuge in what he thought were like-minded peers, it was hardly any better.

“I tried to look for new friends in the gay community and I thought I found some in a gay sport team. They were guys around my age and body type (muscle otter/bear). Nice guys to hang out with, but not attractive for me. Again, the honeymoon ended when they found out about my preferences. Some were not really friends and were just trying to get in my pants, so they kept telling me that I should try a ‘real man’ (i.e. them). Others just ‘bullied’ me and told me I was pathetic, that I wanted a sugar-baby, that I had to compensate for my size and so on.”

Now he’s at his wit’s end, and is considering psychiatric help.

“I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve seriously thought about seeing a doctor, but I fear of being judged. I haven’t been intimate with a guy in years. Once in a while I chat with some cute guy on apps, then the shame hits and I disappear. I’m so tired of all this.”

Many commenters on the thread chimed in to offer words of reassurance that there is nothing wrong with being into younger guys, so long as it’s legal and consensual.

“That is just wrong,” said one commenter. “Every time you say something like that, a young looking twink who is into bears cries alone into his pillow.”

And one young man offered this: “I’m a younger guy (24) and I have a preference for older, more experienced guys. You sound like my type, tbh 🙂 There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It may be that the word ‘twink’ is what’s setting people off. There’s nothing wrong with saying you like younger men.”

And he might have a point — while many embrace the word ‘twink,’ it does connote ‘childish’ or ‘naive’ to others.

Either way, there is no reason brtw82 should have to experience degrading shame for being into young men — life is way too short for that.

Here’s some of the best advice he received: “Dude you’re thirty, you’re not old. You’re not doing anything a straight bachelor isn’t doing. My 24 year old sister is dating a 46 year old and no one is judging him. Your ‘friends’ sound like judgmental pricks.”

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49 Comments

  1. pete
    August 22, 05:21 Reply

    *dials DM* Dennis, do you experience such?

    • kacee
      August 22, 09:47 Reply

      Hehehehehe, u just had too…

  2. sinnex
    August 22, 05:27 Reply

    I see that I am not the only one.

  3. papasmurf
    August 22, 06:20 Reply

    So you’re into younger guys, boo-hoo they don’t like it!
    There’s absolutely nothn wrong with dat. They can all piss in hell!

  4. Francis
    August 22, 06:26 Reply

    Society and their double standards. This one no be clear case of subtle homophobia?

    • MacArdry
      August 22, 08:10 Reply

      I bia,Francis.
      I don’t think this has anything to do with society,really.Just a set of people being the definition of stupid,even his gay teammates

      • Francis
        August 22, 08:14 Reply

        Abegi no be the same noise some gays make when Dustin Black and that fine ass swimmer (wetin be him name again sef) begin date? Abbi we don forget Stephen Fry case too.

        • MacArdry
          August 22, 08:53 Reply

          There you have it,Francis.
          Some,not everyone.And those who did,did so for their own reasons.
          Had nothing to do with society at large.

          • Francis
            August 22, 09:03 Reply

            Some for my dictionary equate to society.

            • MacArdry
              August 22, 09:17 Reply

              Ah,that your dictionary be limited o.
              Broaden your horizon,go for Advanced Learners,for a start.

    • Keredim
      August 22, 10:28 Reply

      LOL Francis, not every derogatory comment made against gay people , especially between ourselves, is termed homophobia

      • Francis
        August 22, 13:11 Reply

        Lol. Nna the way wey my brain dey look am, dem don lump the guy together with pedophiles which is what some homophobes do.

        • keredim
          August 22, 15:02 Reply

          Nna you just dey diagnose the thing like say you dey diagnose malaria for EVERY illness for ya clinic…..LOL

          • Francis
            August 22, 17:11 Reply

            Nna rapu day thing. Malaria no need this kain crazy analysis. We dey diagnose that one from afar sef. Lol

  5. keredim
    August 22, 07:10 Reply

    That’s right, like we don’t have enough labels to debate on KD…..

    Anyway, just waiting for the “Judgemental Pricks” to wake up

  6. spade
    August 22, 07:34 Reply

    Dont we all have something we compensating for vias attraction, straight or gay who we attracted to defines the part of us we tryna compensate for.
    His attraction is perfectly normal for the right reason.

    We all just looking for eve”steve” our missing rib, his missing rib most likely is his youth, abit pathetic but its ok.

    I get attracted to older men, cause i believe, they’ve faced the world, they’ve got experience, knowledge that i want, am a fore thinking individual whose secretly scared of facing the world. So an older man to me is a hero/wise man “depends” i just want there experiences.
    Pathetic or not, who you get attracted too should compensate for something you do not have/need.

  7. JArch
    August 22, 07:54 Reply

    Some people can like to swallow panadol for another person headache sha.

    But are these the same folks that would give their blessing of the guy were straight, in his 30’s and brought home an early to mid-20’s girl.

    I can truly relate 100% to how he feels. But it’s not like he’s going after underaged guys. In the eyes of God and the Laws of the land, these are guys whom he’s attracted to are of legal age to consent to sex with him without any issues.

    He should try and shut out their negativity else he’d never be a happy (gay) man.

  8. Masked Man
    August 22, 08:00 Reply

    Silver fox, bear, gym rat, twink, hunky, skinny……..
    Bitch whatever.
    As far as them cakes good.
    Can we just get on with it and go our separate ways.

  9. #Chestnut
    August 22, 08:10 Reply

    Hian! Is dis story true,abeg? Friends asked u to stop coming to their houses because u like to have sex with ADULTS who are in their TWENTIES? And ur family accepts ur sexuality whole-heartedly,but despises u (DESPISES loun-loun) because (again) u’re attracted to ADULTS who are in their TWENTIES?(And we’re not talking about africans/nigerians who can be judgemental about ANYTHING). I repeat,is dis just a “story”?is dis a writer who just wants to start a conversation?

    • MacArdry
      August 22, 08:13 Reply

      I’d wondered at that,but assuming the story be true,those people define stupid.
      That’s a society where men in their 70’s have been known to shack up with bimbos in their 30’s and 40’s

  10. sensei
    August 22, 09:33 Reply

    Judge, judge, judge! That’s what we good at.

  11. Max
    August 22, 09:37 Reply

    I like older people or people around my age( not late 30 older or 40’s)… Because of what I think their mind set should be like. But from what I’ve discovered, even those in that age range still behave like kids. I don’t think most Nigerian gays are datable(hello Khaleesi)
    There’s nothing wrong with liking younger people, but what people often think about is when the preference started? For example when the guy was in his teens, did he get attracted to toddlers? Becusee he hasn’t always been in his thirties..

    • MacArdry
      August 22, 09:46 Reply

      Hian,you and this your erroneous conclusions.
      Were your intimate/sexual preferences firmed up while in your teens?.Whyever would you think he’d liked younger from his teens?.Even at an older age,preferences do evolve.Such is never cast in stone.

  12. Diablo
    August 22, 10:12 Reply

    Another one that listens to the voices in his head way too much. Cause i don’t see how that’s even remotely a problem. Tops for the most part prefer younger bottoms, and vice versa for bottoms, and yet the earth hasn’t fallen off its axis. My bf is 44 and I’m in my 20s. And no one is giving us a headache abt it, certainly not me

  13. Dennis Macaulay
    August 22, 10:17 Reply

    I won’t even comment on this

    **dials uniport boy that I am expecting….”you still haven’t gotten a cab?**

    Awon Judges of KD

    • King Mufasa
      August 22, 14:31 Reply

      For some weird inexplicable reason, this comment is making me horny.

      **goes in search of sex**

  14. D-boy
    August 22, 10:47 Reply

    This reminds me of the conversation of preference for ‘masculine’ men. To be honest , it stems from a place of insecurity. Which honestly is ok if you admit to yourself. Don’t be in denial. Do you!

    But food for thought? What happens when that twinkish looking guy you have fallen for , matures and stops looking that way. (Assuming he is looking for a LTR)

  15. Teflondon
    August 22, 11:22 Reply

    I’m in my late twenties and I love me some early twenties, late teens.. Even mid Teens! On some rare occassions. Do I get judged by some Frnd’s? Yes! Do I give a rat shit? Hells no!

    I don’t know why people get wrked up so much by other people’s opinions of them. I’m not troubled the least bit. This man should take a leaf from my booklet.

    • chuck
      August 22, 14:32 Reply

      Are you sure you’re not troubled? You keep complaining about other people’s opinions of you. Did your mind change after your interview with the Man of Many Accents?

      • keredim
        August 22, 14:53 Reply

        Oh Chuck!!!!!!! We might be have our lively arguments, but you DO make me smile!!!

      • Teflondon
        August 22, 15:51 Reply

        @chuck
        Lol.. Self righteous Prick! I don’t need to ans such frivolous questions.

        • chuck
          August 22, 16:23 Reply

          You don’t need to do anything, TEF. You might consider learning how to think clearly. Being worried about your parents is being worried about other people’s opinion.

      • ambivalentone
        August 22, 18:46 Reply

        #sigh We need to look past the accents and focus on the message. He is trying na.

  16. Khaleesi
    August 22, 11:32 Reply

    This guy has major issues rumbling around in his head! So long as both parties are consenting adults who cares? But yes, it does look a tad weird when a much older man is into much younger men, i dont know how they do it – ugh- but wetin concern me? Consenting adults – thats the operative word

  17. Silver Cat
    August 23, 07:54 Reply

    When are we going to stop worrying about what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms? Nobody seems to care what one does in his kitchen, bathroom, toilet, sitting room, garage. But once its the bedroom, its the Spanish Inquisition. Na wa oh!

  18. Silver Cat
    August 23, 07:56 Reply

    Mbok, if U are not comfortable with doing anything with/to anybody in Ur bedroom, then don’t. All these stories that are supposed to touch don’t touch me.

  19. Khal
    August 23, 15:21 Reply

    Nothing do you o!
    Me I like when I can fit the waistline in my hands and can lift you however I want. Judge me!

    • Francis
      August 23, 15:28 Reply

      Aaaw, so cute. Lepas only. 😀 😀 ??

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