On The Road To Who We Are

On The Road To Who We Are

A line from one of Khaleesi’s past comments (I forget which post it was made on) has prompted this, my first ever submission to KD. He’d said:

“… A casual interaction with many LGB Nigerians will show you that most are not fully aware of the issues at stake; this is also linked to the HOMOPHOBIC attitude that our sexuality is a temporary bump on the smooth road to heterosexuality… If you have not decided to own yourself and be true to yourself, how then can you face serious life issues squarely…”

While the above statement might be true, is it so with everyone? I will be using my life to try and answer this.

From as long as I can remember, I have always being attracted to beautiful people, irrespective of gender. Whether it was from playing hide & seek‎, groping in dark corners or playing mummy & daddy, I humped both sexes and erroneously thought it was same for everybody. Two different events made me start to grasp the concept of sexuality.

First was being caught making out with a fellow boarder after nights out (story for another day, maybe). From the panel I sat through before my suspension, I realised that their annoyance wasn’t really about the act; it was more over the fact that it was same-sex, ‎which they saw as despicable. This made me see my same-sex affairs as things to be hidden while I can flaunt my hetero affairs.

The second was getting admission to the university and meeting Kaycee. Kaycee was older and more worldly-wise‎ than I was. He taught me virtually everything I know about sexuality. It was from Kaycee that I learnt that there are people who are ONLY attracted to same sex. He taught me how to be accommodating to all and to treat people as a sum of who they are instead of focusing on a tiny part of their being. Kaycee had this saying: “Your life is a book and you are the author. Always ensure you are holding the pen.” He taught me that everyone must not see life as I see it and there will always be compromises in life.

I have never been much of a romantic until I met my fiancée. I have achieved and am still achieving most of the things I have read about love with her. Since I made the decision to make her my wife, I resolved not to have any other sexual relations with any other persons, and till date, I have kept it. In life, as Kaycee always says, we make compromises and this happens to be mine.

So, saying that the progress of most LGB Nigerians headed for marriage is their homophobic attitude over their sexuality being a temporary bump on the smooth road to heterosexuality is erroneous. Because some such Nigerians may just happen to be bisexual, who are simply following the dictates of their own sexuality.

Written by Pete

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51 Comments

  1. ken
    October 20, 06:08 Reply

    Dear Pete,

    Nice for someone to finally rise up in defence of bi guys. I only hope u are prepared for the mental bashing thats to come. Lol.

    Anyway, tell me hear, since deciding to marry your wife, does she also know u are bi? Or is our sexuality something to be hidden away, forever? Pls its an innocent question, and am asking cos I want to know, not as insult. Thanks

  2. GOld
    October 20, 06:30 Reply

    Wow Pete you really are a strong man…I really don’t have anything against u…

    And yes,I’d love to know if ur fiancée already knows or will know soon about ur sexuality(no offence pls)?

  3. pete
    October 20, 07:53 Reply

    I’ve answered that question here before. Yea, she’s aware. It wasn’t easy initially but the combination of many factors, chief being hearing it from me made it easier.

    • Pink Panther
      October 20, 08:56 Reply

      Wait, WHAT?! She knows? Perhaps you can share that for our reading delight? #StoryWhoreModeActivated 😀

      • kacee
        October 20, 09:24 Reply

        PP lol #storymodeactivated

    • ken
      October 20, 10:05 Reply

      Thanks Pete for your candor.
      I have always wondered if its possible for a straight woman to knowingly marry a gay man. So I guess ur answer clears it up.

  4. ronniephoenix
    October 20, 08:03 Reply

    Hmmmmmmmm, well I totally have nothing against bisexuality.

  5. Oluwadamilare Okoro
    October 20, 08:17 Reply

    Sexuality is too fluid to be defined by anyone for another person … We all have to individually find out who we are deep inside and follow our ‘calling’.

    Who are we to say one person’s definition of his sexuality is wrong?

  6. Dennis Macaulay
    October 20, 08:34 Reply

    Lol I remember KC! Dude lived on his own terms without apologies.

    I don’t identify as a bisexual man even though I do make occasional trips to pussyville but we already know what sexuality is and it’s many shades so I am not going into that.

    As I will always say, to each his own. Write your own script and never apologise or explain it to anyone who doesn’t get it.

    Your fiance is very pretty! Make sure I get an invite to that wedding. Me and you should catch up soon! You know where to find me.

    • pete
      October 20, 09:20 Reply

      DM, why won’t you know KC? I made it easier for you to remember me. I juggled your memory

      • Dennis Macaulay
        October 20, 09:32 Reply

        Sweetheart I have known since day 1, I just didn’t wanna say anything. Ask PP

        Even before that TEDx ish, I knew!

        I make it my business to know the people here who interest me.

  7. Delle
    October 20, 08:50 Reply

    Hmm…ok so your a bisexual man who is getting married to a woman after some unregrettable (dare I say) experiences with guys, huh? Why do I feel you are so happy being rather bisexual than gay? Why do I feel you decided to get married to a woman, when we all know you could as well get married to a man? Is it because you feel women are for marriage and men for pleasure? Anyway, in order not to sound insulting…I’m happy for you shaa. It’s just that I feel all bisexual men tend to feel they are better because they can hide under the cloak of their heterosexuality and get away with being gay.

    Happy married life Pete.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      October 20, 08:54 Reply

      1. Don’t make assumptions for him

      2. Don’t say anything he hasn’t expressly said

      3. Saying “all bisexual men…..” is a grave error of generalisation.

      Take the story the way he has told you, don’t add or subtract from it.

      I know Pete, he doesn’t condescend towards anybody

      • Delle
        October 20, 12:04 Reply

        Maybe I became fallacious due to my previous bouts with other bi men. I was venting without being considerate.
        Sorry Pete…and DM thanks 4 rubbing it in my nose that you are childhood friends with him. Lol

    • Pink Panther
      October 20, 08:59 Reply

      “Why do I feel you are so happy being rather bisexual than gay?”

      I’m confused. Is it like items you pick at a supermarket stall? 200naira for bisexual and 150naira for homosexuality… And then pete decided to shop for bisexuality…

      • Dennis Macaulay
        October 20, 09:05 Reply

        It’s shoprite Ikeja and bisexuality was on sale, so it was easier to buy that than homosexuality.

          • Dennis Macaulay
            October 20, 09:18 Reply

            Homosexuality is expensive Na, but shoprite discounted bisexuality; it was 30 percent off with a 10,000 coupon free.

            So it made sense to purchase it

      • Delle
        October 20, 12:01 Reply

        I really didn’t want it to seem that way…my bad

      • miztadiol
        October 22, 11:18 Reply

        JArch and Pete you guys just made my morning, just couldn’t stop laughing. By the way I was at shoprite when they were auctioning homosexuality and bisexuality but got there late and was left with only homosexuality so had to choose it.. * sipstea*

  8. JArch
    October 20, 08:55 Reply

    Pete is married!!! How come I missed that memo… Meanwhile I’ve been secretly nursing a (mini-virtual) crush on you for sometime now.

    You’ve definitely made a strong case for the bisexual man (and woman) out there, but the “stigma”, so to speak will always be there. The constant feeling that bisexuals are somewhat undecided, makes it hard for us gays to fully comprehend what truly rocks your boat.

    I asked a friend I made recently, who says he’s bisexual, and I asked him a few questions in respect to his bisexuality and I never got a concrete answer, because it feels like he’s torn between two worlds. This is what scares us gay folks and (sometimes) I am included in that lot.

    Life isn’t as black and white as we think it is, but sometimes 50shades of grey, I agree 100% but at the same time, some people prefer that you pitch your tent somewhere rather move back and forth.

    Nonetheless I love this piece you’ve penned down, it gives us an insight into the life (and mind) of one of the 50 shades of bisexuals out there.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      October 20, 09:06 Reply

      You did not see fiance there?

      Meanwhile where have you been? I am calling off our engagement on grounds of abandonment.

      • JArch
        October 20, 09:13 Reply

        From the article it seemed like it was/is common knowledge here on KD that he’s hitched

        Abandonment ke, till I went MIA did you even notice or even call your prospective in-laws to ask how far?on’t allow breeze to blow make fowl nyash open ooo. This your engagement ring sef don tire me biko, what do I look like to you? Lord of the Rings? SMH

        • Pink Panther
          October 20, 09:14 Reply

          HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! JArch! Oh I have missed you here.

          • JArch
            October 20, 09:43 Reply

            Hehehe I’ve missed you too darling. Atleast you showed a bit of support during those dark days unlike some people *side eyeing Pitakwa lord*

        • Dennis Macaulay
          October 20, 09:17 Reply

          You think I did not hear how you went off with another man? Your step sister confirmed same to me.

          Keep the ring, I am buying another one for my engagement to Korede Bello

      • JArch
        October 20, 09:40 Reply

        Dennis Dennis Dennis… What will I do with you.

        You see why you’re always surrounded by nonsense and ingredients, cos you don’t listen to legit amebo… My getaway with Anton was strictly platonic, am sure step sis forgot to tell you that he’s a bottom, and that he and Jerry broke up a while ago. Continue to talk to Stella ooo and be getting fake gist you hia.

        Continue longing for Korede Bello, while Yusuf Buhari is doing wonders to that boy’s arched back in more ways than one. Abi you haven’t heard his latest song with Asa where he said “Junior don grow, biabia don dey show”

        The witches in your village have made you a lastma

        • Dennis Macaulay
          October 20, 10:45 Reply

          I don’t listen to rumors!

          KB and YB are just friends!

          Rabbish

          • JArch
            October 20, 11:23 Reply

            Hehehehe if only you knew the amount of Suya KB was getting from YB, you’d shake ya head in amazement

  9. kacee
    October 20, 09:36 Reply

    Pete i’m so happy for you.

  10. Chizzie
    October 20, 09:40 Reply

    *Chews bubble gum loudly and walks away*

  11. ken
    October 20, 10:15 Reply

    Btw if everybody knows everybody, why then are we using fake aliases

    *sigh*

    • sinnex
      October 20, 10:47 Reply

      I guess you are referring to the ‘Lip-Stick Gang’.

      Not everyone one…

  12. sinnex
    October 20, 10:53 Reply

    Anyway, good for you!

    I am sorry to ask, but what are you doing here?

    If you are not going to do anything with a guy again since you are getting married soon, are you here for the moral support?

    Is it that you don’t feel anything for guys? Or you just pulled the plug out of your love for men.

    Please, I am not trying to attack you or anything. But you make it sooooo easy. You meet the woman of your dream and since you met her, you have not cheated. Seems like no one can fault you for that because that’s what those who intend to marry men are clamouring for. Why cheat on your wife with a man. Just wanna know because I am at the crossroads of my life and would soon be taking the plunge.

    Please, if you don’t have any answer to give just waka pass.

    • pete
      October 20, 11:43 Reply

      Sinnex, I’m here because the issues discussed here affects my life. I may not control who I get attracted to but I can definitely control who I sleep with.

    • MagDiva
      November 04, 06:12 Reply

      Not everyone on here is homosexual, bisexual, lesbian, transgender etc. Guess we should all go away since we don’t ‘fit’

  13. Tobby
    October 20, 12:27 Reply

    The thing is everyone is bisexual these days.

    • Colossus
      October 20, 12:47 Reply

      Not everyone, I’m sure PP is still a raging homosexual

    • Max
      October 20, 14:12 Reply

      @Tobby, I’m not even remotely attracted to girls.
      Who you sleep with doesn’t determine your sexuality.

  14. Kester
    October 20, 12:57 Reply

    ….. Now you were just talking about Yusuf and korede and suya………
    *stirring a teaspoon of honey in my cup of xianching slim fast green tea with skimmed milk *
    Mbok jarch tang iko wod inan

    • JArch
      October 20, 14:40 Reply

      Lmao Kester you’re just a mess for this… yem itiea kiet suk tiea mbok mma. Mme diongo ke itong asuk unam fien ado… Akpe kap aka udua etinan sef

  15. john
    October 20, 14:30 Reply

    korede’s sin is being too hot. Every gay blog point @ him or referencing. He might be doing girls na. let him be scandaless

    • JArch
      October 20, 14:36 Reply

      John am sure if you’ve been a follower of this blog for a long time, you’d notice that Dennis and I take jabs at each other and also we’re simply being sarcastic about korede bello and his sexuality.

      So take a chill pill biko

  16. Khaleesi
    October 20, 17:22 Reply

    Hi Pete, congrats on your upcoming nuptials. I am impressed that you are building your future marriage on a bed of truth and openness – as it should be. Best wishes dear. However, you did not fully understand my drift, i do realise that there are guys who are genuinely attracted to females as well as to males, of course, the prevailing circumstances in our society will always ensure that in the end they select females as long term partners. However, my comment refers to the ones who condescend, who see anything other than heterosexuality as a minor joke to be trifled and toyed with as a temporary bump on the smooth road to heterosexuality, this attitude is borne of internalised homophobia – and you can take that to the bank!

  17. sensei
    October 20, 17:47 Reply

    @Pete: thank you for saying my mind. For too long on this blog, we have witnessed BIPHOBIA and glossed over it. Like I said the other day, sometimes I feel this is not an LGBT community but an LG community. We too easily forget that NOT EVERYONE IN THE COMMUNITY IS EXCLUSIVELY GAY and we keep making blanket statements.
    I read some few comments above that are funny. Someone asked what Pete is doing on the blog. So can’t someone who is even straight be an LGBT activist? Abeg I don tire for our double standards.

    • pete
      October 20, 18:35 Reply

      Thanks, Sensei. I almost asked Sinnex if this was a blog or a hookup site?

      • sinnex
        October 20, 20:47 Reply

        Guy, so person no fit ask harmless question again?

        Or you just want me to infer and generalize.

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