“To educate a man in mind and not morals is to educate a menace to society.”

These words by Theodore Roosevelt reverberated in my being, following the feedback that came in the wake of my “epistle”-like comment which mirrored my feelings and interpretation of  the post that was nothing but a “joke”. Mistakes are supposed to be a common and a natural phenomenon with mankind, with a remediation tool manifesting dispel information or knowledge.

Effeminacy and being stereotyped rank as some of the beat-up topics on Kito Diaries. A touchy subject that rings true and relatable to a lot of gay men managed to become a source of jocularity on a platform that is supposed to kick against it. It’s easy to see the humor in the said post, but my malcontent stems from such jokes coming from a pro LGBT platform as well as the promotion of the hyper masculine narrative and dictation that the world has hung on our shoulders.

It’s easy to wave it off as “not that serious” and it being a joke, which makes the idea of crowing when next our army of effeminate sympathizers gathers in solidarity of a yet unknown young man, and his story of being laughed at and bullied because he appears or is effeminate. How his masculinity and virility got called into question on the premise of his feminine qualities. Asking me to wave this as nothing is like asking me to cut bullies and homophobes a slack when they make a joke about gay people, effeminacy, or stereotype gay men and the gay culture.

A hurricane of cusswords usually follows any gay man with a more masculine disposition who dares to try tell an effeminate man how he is lacking as a man. But all seems fair and acceptable when an effeminate man is wielding the tools of emasculation. Same applies to role archetypes and its interplays. Talk down to a man who identifies as a bottom, and you are bottom-shaming him. But it is business as usual when a bottom denigrates another or calls the masculinity of another a front, for the crimes of welcoming the male member into his system. Let’s not forget the lesbianism slur too.

Homophobia does not have to manifest in black and white for it to be called so. The constant need for  gay men to tag other men gay as a way of emasculating them is a reflection of how we have bought into the narrative that having homosexual attractions or tendencies and sex automates to being less than a man. Hence the constant need to hunt and out others as well as how they like “it”, all in the name of spilling tea. We have always advocated for privacy and the principle of “mind your business” to people who have intrusive and antithetic agendas regarding our lives, yet we can’t apply the same rule in our dealings with others.

In recent weeks, names of people have been unceremoniously tossed and outed without their permission or knowledge in the comment section. The generation and spread of speculation and rumors about people’s sexuality as well as where their body parts have been has become a comely and a glorified practice. When someone wants to remain in the closet, I think it’s a decision that should be lionized and not snatched out of their hands. We are slowly morphing into the intrusive character called the Linda Ikeji Blog. You might not see it now because you are too busy drowning in tea.

This then begs the question, whether you would find it so humorous if it were your business and personal life that is floating around on the wreckage of speculation and rumors.

This is not intended as a disparagement of the capabilities of the blog’s administration or an eliciting of a verbal spat with any commenter; it is rather an attempt to point out an oversight in its management. Personally speaking, the photo post is nothing short of a blue joke and not a representation of the blog or a direction it should venture into. It’s one thing to have and whisper these stories and suspicions in private corners and groups, but to join and hold courts with other homophobic platforms that have hurt our kind in the past, is a telltale sign of the mental space we have allowed ourselves to drift into. I don’t care for bashing anyone, which is why I chose to take a walk rather that have a slash party in the comments. The message is built on doing and being better, so KD can do better. Individual commitment to a group effort – that’s what makes a team work, a company, a society, a civilization work.

Written by Peak

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