The Piece About Why Effeminate Gays Are Fabulous

The Piece About Why Effeminate Gays Are Fabulous

Written by Vish Gaikwad and originally published on advocate.com

I’m a campy, limp-wristed queen. Phew, I’m glad to get that off my chest!

Not that this was some sort of big secret. Just take a look at me and I’m sure you’ll clock my gayness in seconds. “What’s your gayness got to do with effeminacy?” you ask. But let’s face it — the majority of people have evolved to see gay men as effeminate. It’s as if the words “gay” and “effeminate” have become synonyms. This could be due to various factors like media representation or cultural dynamics. When men like me are patronized for being “so gay,” it’s implied that we’re behaving like women. It’s clear that heteronormative society can’t see beyond its male gender restrictions, in which men are expected to be macho, emotionally unavailable, ball-scratching stereotypes.

This narrow-mindedness toward gender expression bothers me. I’m fed up with the raw deal we effeminate men are given by everyone. I’ve come to realize my feminine attributes are my strengths and that I shouldn’t shy away from expressing them. It’s been a turbulent journey filled with questions, anxieties, and eventual personal acceptance to get this somewhat secure mentality. With that said, here are some of the experiences and realizations that have shaped me.

I became aware of my effeminacy at a prepubescent age. At 10 years old, I stood out like a sore thumb at primary school with my high-pitched voice and Asian ethnicity in a class of predominantly white classmates. I was frequently made aware of my “girly” voice and mannerisms by my little peers. Yes, kids are cruel, and I dealt with it. But what stuck with me were the gibes about my feminine voice. I developed a speaking complex, worried I’d be labeled girly if I opened my mouth.

I quickly realized it wasn’t considered “normal” for a boy to sound this feminine. I questioned my two older sisters about why I sounded like a girl. They simply reassured me that it was all in my head and all little boys and girls sounded and behaved alike. Though it was a comforting answer, I wasn’t really convinced. Having been brought up in a house of prominent women, I’d naively questioned in my mind if I had caught my girly ways from one of them.

At times I would embrace my femininity. After school, I would slap on my sister’s lippy and prance around my bedroom in high heels. It felt freaking awesome. But eventually my sister found out and I was given a lecture about how boys weren’t allowed to wear makeup and that I shouldn’t touch her shit again. I was left mortified and confused. It didn’t seem that long ago that my sisters comfortingly told me that boys and girls were similar. But now I was abruptly given a contradicting message that boys should behave like boys. This felt repressive. For me playing with makeup and female clothing was an avenue to express what I now realize is my inherent femininity.

At home, my 10-year-old feminine self was fawned over — I was considered cute. But when I was 15, my mother in particular didn’t like what she saw. “Walk like a man!” “Boys can’t wear that!” “Stop acting like a girl!” “Why don’t you like sports!” — these were common taunts shot my way that continue today. The truth is my mother is embarrassed by me. Especially about what other people will think of me and how that reflects on her. I‘ve always sensed my mother wished I mirrored the effortless masculinity of my father. After all, my father’s masculinity is all she has ever known to expect from the male species, and I’m sure my effeminacy was strange to her.

The truly strange thing is my prized masculine father has never brought up my effeminacy or gayness. This has always puzzled me. I’m not naive enough to think he doesn’t see it; rather, he’s a pro at ignoring it. I think my father sees me through inverted binoculars. My femininity isn’t in focus for him, contrary to my mother’s view, where she can read the writing on the wall.

I’m not upset at my mother for knocking my self-esteem. As messed-up as it sounds, her criticisms were from a place of love. She just wanted me to fit into society and be accepted. Societal acceptance is a big deal in Asian families, not to mention the importance of having a son. I learned as a teen that a son is considered a blessing (or savior) who carries on the father’s lineage and brings home a big paycheck. On the other hand, girls are considered burdens that need to be married off quickly.

It seems masculine heterosexual men have muscled right to the top of society’s hierarchy. Women and nonconforming men like me are often casualties of this infrastructure. I’ve realized that if this hierarchy doesn’t break down, narrow-mindedness toward gender identity will remain.

On reaching my 20s, I came out as gay. I threw myself into the scene looking for acceptance. I found it by the bucketload, and it was liberating. However, under the surface, it’s clear that many gay men tend to look down on their effeminate brothers. They moan that we let the gay side down and that we perpetuate a shameful stereotype. Effeminate men are generally desexualized and labeled repulsive on hookup apps. Let’s just say you will never see Grindr profiles yearning for “fem men only.” This type of discrimination appears more prominent and openly acceptable than sexual racism.

We’ve all heard of the term “straight-acting” — a phrase commonly used within our community to describe men who are masculine enough to pass as straight. This term is deeply depressing to me. Why are gay men still pandering to the straight male image and its supposed masculine sex appeal? This macho male image is inescapable and glorified everywhere. I suspect effeminacy-policing gay men are holding on to heteronormative values they were brought up with. I can empathize that this narrow mind-set isn’t easy to shake off. But it still reeks of internalized homophobia and misogyny.

Yes that’s right, misogyny. To state the facts graphically, I’m a man who many years ago came out of a woman’s vagina. If my attributes match those of my female creator, is that really so awful? But I see a bigger elephant in the room. The truth is many men throughout the world continue to disrespect women and their rights. I feel this injustice has trickled down to effeminate gay men. Perhaps when women are truly respected and considered equal to men, it will finally be celebrated for men to be effeminate.

I’ve gone through struggles being an effeminate man — tirelessly worrying if I’d be accepted by both straight and gay peers. I’m now at a point where people’s opinions don’t matter. I’m striving to be authentically me, and a great part of that is accepting my femininity. On that note, I raise my limp wrist in salute to my fellow effeminate gay men and I hope to empower them with the following two words — you’re fabulous!

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81 Comments

  1. Dennis Macaulay
    December 28, 05:16 Reply

    Lol this was kinda hilarious but very true.

    Fems are considered the bottom the gay food chain and to be fair most of the gay man who avoid them do so because they fear that Fems will draw attention to them and make people begin to suspect them if they are seen together.

    I have also heard gay men say that “I am gay because I am attracted to men, I am not attracted to women therefore I won’t be attracted to a man that acts like a woman”.

    The only thing I will say is that no matter what be comfortable in your own skin, accept yourself quirks, warts and all. If you are feminine; for every gay man who doesn’t like you there is another who does, so find the ones it is not an issue for and be happy.

    Life is short, people are born without limbs and they still survive life. Don’t let anybody make you unhappy because you are feminine!

    **Blows kisses to delle**

    • Mandy
      December 28, 05:44 Reply

      I remember a guy back in university days who would fuck this effeminate departmental acquaintance of mine at night. Under the cover of the night, he’ll sneak to our lodge to fuck this other guy in my department and sneak off at the crack of dawn. And during classes in the faculty, when people are ribbing the fem guy, he’d join in, boisterously bashing the guy he’d just fucked, and telling him to stop acting like a girl. Sometimes the fem guy will unlook them, other times he’d get this very hurt look on his face, especially if this guy contributed much to the teasing. I used to wonder why he’d let the guy back into his bed in spite of all this (the guy kept coming back o for some more booty). Smh. They had such a toxic relationship, if you can call it that.

      • Dennis Macaulay
        December 28, 05:52 Reply

        Mandy sometimes you can be somebody’s prisoner! You hate them so much yet you love them and need them. So no matter what you keep letting into your life.

        I can definitely relate!

    • Peak
      December 28, 08:01 Reply

      Gad once admitted that he likes his men feminine.

    • #Chestnut
      December 28, 09:56 Reply

      Dennis, when u said “BOTTOM of the gay food chain”, was that a pun? (I know what u did there,Mr Messy…*side-eye*)

    • Delle
      December 28, 10:13 Reply

      *catches Dennis’ kisses amidst air and stores them for future use*

      Mandy since you were aware of that horrifying situation, why didn’t you just plug a ring boiler and wait in the night for the guy to appear then you jump on his back, no, his face and give him a menacing hug with the ring boiler! Or better still, since the other guy (the femme one)was a hen, you would have tried convincing him to bite the fool during their blow job session, I mean really bite him in such a way as to almost tear off his dick head. At least, when he screams and people gather, he would tell them exactly what he was doing in the femme guy’s house by that time. I trust Nigerians na, no explanations needed.
      Mtcheew!

      • Pink Panther
        December 28, 11:37 Reply

        Hahahaa… Delle, who knew you had such homicidal tendencies in you?

  2. Brian Collins
    December 28, 05:29 Reply

    I will come back to respond to this. I just wanna send my holiday messages first.

    To Ambivalent one – Awon temi
    To TeamKizito – Be my friend already
    To Dennis – I want my bottle of odeku
    To Chestnut – I wanna know you
    To Deola – Be nice with the ratings abeg
    To Temi Cole – Crush of the year
    To Sensei – Be my daddy
    To Vhar – I want your beautiful mind
    To Max – Be nicer Please
    To Duke – Be my friend
    To KryxxX – Let’s have tea
    To Flyonthewall – You is the flyyestt bitch
    To Simba – I wanna drink this crush
    To Mandy – Keep being you
    To Sinnex – I still don’t know your deal
    To Paradox – Keep on keeping on
    To Bobby – Live
    To Dubem – Stay Strong
    To Kacee – I know too many boys. I want a lesbian friend
    To Django – You is bae
    To MaskedMan – Keep being slutty
    To Oluwadamilare Okoro – Be my friend
    To Francis – I hail Sir
    To Mitch – Be my friend
    To Mike Daemon – You really don’t have to ‘pho ne’
    To Rev Hot – Give Kevin a break
    To The Controvert – I want Jafar DEAD!!!
    To JustJames – Keep being interesting
    To Keredim – You is a wise slut. Leave Christianity alone
    To Posh – Don’t be minding Chizzie
    To Chizzie – What’s that nose without a tail? I hope you grow a tiny tail
    To Delle – Small small, inugo?
    To Chuck- *unlooks*
    To Diablo – *unlooks*
    To Dickson Clement – *unlooks*
    To TEF – Get a life
    To Ikhines – Fall off the face of the earth

    And To PINKY – Thank you.
    I wish you all a great year ahead.

    • Mandy
      December 28, 05:34 Reply

      Hahahahahahahahahahahaa!!!
      To Brian: You is HILARIOUS!

    • Dennis Macaulay
      December 28, 05:38 Reply

      Brian you are very silly!

      Hahahahahahahahahahhaha!

      Meanwhile what is Odeku? Things plenty that I don’t know oo

      • Brian Collins
        December 28, 10:44 Reply

        Odeku is what some people call Guiness Extra Stout – it’s the only beer I drink

    • Pink Panther
      December 28, 05:38 Reply

      ROTFLMAO!!!!! Chai. smh. Lemme not say anything before ‘they’ will comman say I’m (how did bountyhunter put it again?) ‘stir up shit silently and chill and wait and thereafter takes the ‘obvious’ side when it gets out of hand’. 😀

      • Dennis Macaulay
        December 28, 05:55 Reply

        Sweetie say it, say the truth and shame the devil!
        Are you not a Christian? You don’t know that lying by omission is lying? And it will take you to hell?

        • Pink Panther
          December 28, 05:56 Reply

          LMAO!!!! Haven’t you heard? My Christianity is under question in this here environs. 😀

    • sinnex
      December 28, 07:16 Reply

      You get time.

      I throway nyansh for you.

    • ambivalentone
      December 28, 08:30 Reply

      Smh Briana, Briana, Briana!!!! Odun n lo s’opin oooo. Ija o d’ola

      • Brian Collins
        December 28, 11:04 Reply

        Bia Enya, who you dey sing song for? Is that a subtle threat on behalf of sumborri?

    • simba
      December 28, 08:32 Reply

      Thanks Brian Collins.. tho I have no idea whom u are… lots of hugs baby…Merry Christmas, Anytime ur around my vicinity.. Lunch on me.

      • Brian Collins
        December 28, 11:02 Reply

        Your vicinity is Abuja right? I will hold you to that.

        • simba
          December 28, 13:50 Reply

          Sure.. a man’s worth is measured by his words…. as far as ur lunch is not above my pay cheque.. u can go sleep with my words..I honor them..

    • CriXXus
      December 28, 09:29 Reply

      Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!

      Tea with me?

      Get ready for all flavors! And our tea parties…

      But bia oh, am I just your tea dispenser or does that make me your bestie????????

      • Brian Collins
        December 28, 11:06 Reply

        Yes o, tea parties all the way with plenty of sugar and so much more gor-gor. Bestie can’t even begin to describe it.

    • #Chestnut
      December 28, 09:50 Reply

      Ok,Brian, this really got me laughing out loud,lol. U’re too messy for those “unlooks” lmao. Happy Holidays!

    • Delle
      December 28, 10:20 Reply

      Hmm…and I got ‘small, small inugo?’ Okay o. I aff hear.

    • Mitch
      December 28, 10:25 Reply

      Okay Brian, you just succeeded in making me laugh this morning. Thank you.

      Oh and, if you’re willing, talk to Pinky.

    • Keredim
      December 28, 10:34 Reply

      Very funny Brian. Thanks for the affirmation.
      As for leaving Christianity alone, I hope you know I am not the “anti-Christ”

      If you are referring to my last post, please read it again and then read Peak’s comments where he succinctly explains the post.?

      Happy holidays.????

    • posh6666
      December 28, 10:37 Reply

      Awwwwww Brian you are too sweet.Who knew i actually had fans on this blog who care about me in some little ways?Yesterday it was Oturu and Delle today its Brian so emotional right now.Thanks guys

  3. sinnex
    December 28, 07:11 Reply

    Well, I once asked why muscular guys are into muscular guys and someone said that it was all about preferences. Most people here concurred.

    Well, I also think it is all about preferences. Some guys are into manly guys…there is nothing wrong with it.

  4. Peak
    December 28, 08:25 Reply

    The problem with articles like this, is that everybody and their mother would hide under the umbrella of “preference”. Then you begin to wonder, where and how does one begin with in tackleing such a problem from.

    The same effeminate guys who are being marginalized are the same once who’d be in front of a counter, placing orders for “straight acting men”. If you dare ask, they just pull out the “preference card” on you, while the dumb once with go for the “lesbianism” line.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m all here for preferences, but we always forget that there is a thin line between “preference” and down right rejection/marginalization.

    I’d like to think that there is effeminacy in all of us with varying degrees. Some of us out grew it or simply conformed. Others have masters the art of being great actor who go into another place in their heads and just become someone else and only let loose when they are alone or with other gay men. For others, its just a hopeless situation, bcos they have tried all they could with no desired end.

    So it baffles me with all these “make up” and dynamics about gay men, you would go online and find profiles that says “No Fems” or ” if I wanted a woman, I would go and “fuck” a woman”. Abeg! No matter how well put together the profile and banging the profile picture is, I automatically get turned off, because that is a glaring indication that such a person is a vile and terrible person, who wouldn’t think twice before throwing you under the bus or be rid of you when his selfish goals has been attained (IMO).

    Awesome read by the way.

    • Keredim
      December 28, 21:17 Reply

      “So it baffles me with all these “make up” and dynamics about gay men, you would go online and find profiles that says “No Fems” …….

      Some would argue that it saves time. The fems know not to approach. ????

  5. ambivalentone
    December 28, 08:27 Reply

    @Dennis While I do understand the dangers we pose to closeted the gay man, bottom of which food chain? Its that femme dat don’t know his pussy is gold o. I have seen femmes yank Tops by their noses. It trips me EVERYTIME. But as you’ve said, for every 1 top who ‘thinks’ he don’t like effetes, there are 5, if not more sef, secretly admiring and wanting some.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      December 28, 08:57 Reply

      My dear I no dey that ministry ooo!

      I am just echoing the sentiments I hear from people. If I like you, I like you! It doesn’t matter how you behave!

      Feminine? Lol na say una never see the former “first lady”, it doesn’t mean anything to me

  6. simba
    December 28, 08:40 Reply

    Preferences would be when u cant fuck or date an effeminate guy. Rejection and discrimination would be when u can’t do the above and still won’t hangout with fem guys nor be seen with them. Personally fem guys are awesome, they have talents for smack words and never a boring moments.. tho I ‘ll prefer a very lil fem in a guy as a date.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      December 28, 09:09 Reply

      There is a fine line between preference and discrimination!

      This has always being my argument

    • Oluwadamilare Okoro
      December 28, 14:14 Reply

      The discrimination (i.e stupid bigots) part is when ‘they’ don’t wanna be seen with fems, but ‘they’ can fuck fems behind closed doors.

  7. ken
    December 28, 09:25 Reply

    I have always wondered why effeminate guys dont like/cant stand fellow effeminate guys. If u invite an “ogbolor” to a party and she gets to know other “ogbolors” will be there, she wont come. Likewise when they meet on social media- they just cant stand each other.

    For the masculine men, its the opposite. Two gay masculine men meeting on social media are usually out to see who will cave into “bottoming” for the other. Its almost like a contest. Smh

      • ken
        December 28, 09:43 Reply

        Em, but arent effeminate guys male too?

        Or maybe I dont get your two words?

    • Terra
      December 29, 08:59 Reply

      But is there a rule that says masculine guys can’t be bottoms too? Because it seems like that’s the general consensus

    • Terra
      December 29, 08:59 Reply

      But is there a rule that says masculine guys can’t be bottoms too? Because it seems like that’s the general consensus

  8. JoshDeity
    December 28, 09:27 Reply

    I outgrew most of it, for more reasons than the one we all know. Right now, I’m down to less than 10%. Maybe 25% when I’m with the ‘girls’ for our quarterly slumber party…
    For some odd reason even though, I’m fascinated by effeminacy. In an ideal environment, I won’t care about how effeminate the guy I strolled down the street with is. Even in this messed up place, I only care a little. I’ve always loved variety.

    I guess what weirded me out was when a certain super-effeminate guy told me he is strictly top… ?
    I try to be open minded. I try to cheer my friends that ‘let their hair down’. I love them as they are, because I love me as I am.

  9. McGray
    December 28, 10:00 Reply

    Well that’s humans for u. As for me i really like d effeminate ones, i mean beautiful as in women-like beautiful guys. Not dat i dnt like d macho guys but fem guys do hv a unique way of making me smile and their company enjoyable. Talk abt d pretty face, pretty voice, super dancers and forming things (yea i really enjoy someone doing shakara for me). It’s all sexy.

  10. Delle
    December 28, 10:05 Reply

    Many a times, I wonder if articles like this would ever be posted. This entry is so true I actually teared up reading it. It’s a sad thing being left at the bottom of the food web because of your physical demeanour. You aren’t as masculine as the rest, so please get out. Being around you is going to blow our cover, so please get out. I really want to see you, but I can’t during the day, can you come out at night? All these and many more are what we get on a daily. What the fuck is ‘straight-acting’? That’s so twisted and irritating, if you ask me. I used to be constantly mad with myself and the other gay men that feel they are better because they could come off as straight with as much as their voice, but I’m over that now. I’ve come to realise (and console myself) with the fact that it may just be the ‘Nigerian situation’. Who wants to be outed? I mean in a country where only femmes are being harassed by the police as gay, who would want to be associated with such?

    I didn’t grow up in the midst of girls, unlike the author. I found out I was feminine since I was 3. ‘Put down your hand, stop hanging it’, my mum would say to me then. It consoles me that I didn’t ‘learn’ to be this like so many people think (and say). I was reading things online and stumbled upon this narrative on how everyone is female at conception but begins to defeminize at a stage due to the action of the male and female hormones. Some people have excess of either, if I have excess of oxytocin and still have some amount of testosterone in me, I become a guy with very feminine characteristics and that actually made so much sense to me. Why on earth would I want to be a ‘walking gay symbol’ on purpose in a very ‘accepting’ country like Nigeria? No sense at all.

    I think I’m done wallowing in self-pity and the ‘why didn’t I come out macho or entirely a girl?’ syndrome. I don’t want to push people away anymore because I do not want them labelled gay just cos they are seen with me. I’m done pushing potential boyfriends away because I don’t know how to hang out with them in public and not get stares. I’m done feeling bad for myself (and others). I’ve found out there are people who love me just as I am and I promise to stick to them.

    My voice is my selling point, I’m done cursing myself for it. My physique is adorable, I’ve got to love it, it’s me. My dramatic tendencies could be entertaining, I’ve got that countless times, how’s that a bad thing? My ability to be very emotional makes me more humane than other guys, right? Surrounding myself with people I love, trust and people that just exude positivity is all that drives me. We are the most gifted, most talented, most good-hearted (if you go past our ‘defense wall’) and heck, we are fabulous.
    So yes, I agree, we are fabulous.
    Thanks for that PP.

    • Keredim
      December 28, 10:24 Reply

      You go gurlllll! OWN IT????????????

      In the words of RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anyone else….?”

      • Mitch
        December 28, 10:28 Reply

        Halle-fucking-lu! Can I get an Amen up in this place? Hallelu!

    • Pink Panther
      December 28, 11:36 Reply

      You’re welcome, Delle. I actually had you in mind when I saw this post and decided to share.

      • Delle
        December 28, 14:11 Reply

        Awww…thank u sweetheart! *sobbing softly on your shoulders*

  11. Mitch
    December 28, 10:18 Reply

    I’m effeminate. Very effeminate! Unfortunately, I had to learn to tamp it down to the point where no one suspects that I’m in the slightest bit effeminate. I did this because of my gay bff. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t catwalk (hell, I’m a fucking catwalk coach for pageants) neither does it make me look down on effeminate guys. Of recent, virtually everywhere I go, I take Delle or some flaming queen with me. I’ve got no qualms with being effeminate and I wonder why most gay people do. Effeminacy is an individual expression.

    Well, I’ve learnt not to hold my breath for Nigerian gay men to come around. Like Keredim said yesterday, we are first Nigerian before we are gay. And it is most unfortunate that the term ‘Nigerian’ has come to embody the basic tenets of idiocy, bigotry and most of all, being two-faced religitards. I wonder if there’s any hope for us!

  12. CriXXus
    December 28, 10:20 Reply

    I think we are fabulous and all shades of awesomeness! Like seriously! We are not caged in by all this male stereotypes that flies left, right and center! I get to be me and I owe nobody an apology! Rock my bumshort down the street, rock my colours, sway from side to side, dance like you want to! Ah! What else could be better than squealing on air to millions of ppl when you are happy or ecstatic?

    Talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I get to be free to talk and free my emotions like I want to.

    This is the life!

    You are fabulous! You stand out! You are you! Just do you! Preference would always be around, discrimination might reduce but it ain’t going away totally, but you have one life to live and living it to conform to what ppl think might just leave you as a middle age man with regrets in future!

    Raise my limp wrist to my sister writer too!

    Kachifo!?????????????

  13. peaches
    December 28, 10:27 Reply

    i dnt quite think every girly guy prefers just masculine fellows. I ve had some girly tops and i swear down they re better than most muscles. the issue here is can u cope with the drama?.For me, if you have things i have in my checklist, u my crush, be fem or mas.

  14. Mr. Fingers
    December 28, 10:30 Reply

    I do agree with the actor on that straight acting bullshit gay people are always referring themselves as expecially on hook up sites.

    Describing ur self as straight acting doesn’t change anything biko.

    Nigga u are gay, deal with it.

    • peaches
      December 28, 12:18 Reply

      @ mr Fingers i am so in looove with u for that comment. you re gay hunn, deal with it… I am splattered all around laughing atm.

  15. Keredim
    December 28, 10:51 Reply

    Look, I am going to echo Simba. I have no issues walking down the street with so called fems. No qualms at all. They are fun to hang with. No different from masculine guys.

    But in bed I prefer my men to be men. It’s a sexual preference. It is not discrimination.

    What I can’t stand is someone else (most likely a scorned fem guy) accusing me of being discriminatory, because I won’t sleep with them.

    Honey, I’m just not that into you. Full stop!

    • Mr. Fingers
      December 28, 11:01 Reply

      U are always echoing someone else’s thoughts. Ahn ahn.

    • Delle
      December 28, 11:17 Reply

      Haha Kere, the feeling is so mutual! *winks and walks away*

  16. Teflondon
    December 28, 11:34 Reply

    **walks in**
    A kumbaya party for effiminates & Ass kissers? not so my thing. Thanks but no thanks.

    **walks out quietly and closes the door gentle behind me**

  17. Brian Collins
    December 28, 11:36 Reply

    Nice read really. Here’s the thing though, effeminate guys think versatiles are the scum of the gay world. As long as you take dick up your ‘mussy’, they don’t want anything to do with you. God help you if you’re in tune with you feminine side by that I mean, you sometimes let’s your hair down amongst friends and are dramatic and all bitchy around them. Then they label you a flaming queen. Hence, the term ‘Lesbianism’. It’s just sad that it’s the truth.
    A close friend of mine who used to be quite effeminate but has learned to ‘man up’ because he has the perception that masculine tops are more attracted to masculine bottoms, and this is someone who is very good looking and has a good heart and a great bod, who any guy would be happy to have, talks about our other ‘unrepentantly’ effeminate friend as being too girly and drawing too much attention to himself and all that even at a gay party. I mean if you can’t be yourself at an exclusively gay party, where else?
    I like having effeminate friends as the drama they come with gives me all sorts of joy. I am so past the stage of being ashamed when I am around some of my friends. It’s not as if I am all masculine myself, some of my straight friends accuse me of being girly while the gay ones say I’m not girly enough.
    It is my opinion that gay men who can’t even stand being around effeminate gay men are the real scum. Heck my effeminate friend in school has straight boys who don’t mind being around him at all.

  18. Onyx Godwin
    December 28, 11:47 Reply

    where are my effeminate sisters? my girls, life is too short not to Rock your world! u will feel sad,hated,rejected but happiness is deep within, its our job to find it! live ur life! we are graceful and fabulous **flips weave**

    • Pink Panther
      December 28, 11:49 Reply

      Hehehehee!!! Onyx, ladies and gentlemen. Nne, how you doing? 😀

    • posh6666
      December 28, 12:59 Reply

      Ermmm Onyx are u officially gay now?cos i recall there was a post here a while ago where you kept on denying being gay.Its understandable for you to deny it on linda’s blog but i have actually read your comment about you just being feminine but not gay.Really want you to clarify this issue thank you no shade in mind.

      • Dominic
        December 28, 20:38 Reply

        Oh so you actually expect him to say he’s gay so a screen shot of that can trend on LIB and other blogs right?

        • posh6666
          December 28, 20:47 Reply

          Lmao haba who would be that evil to send such screenshot to Linda?i mean we are one big family here and all love eachother so much☺

  19. Onyx Godwin
    December 28, 12:22 Reply

    I’m great, how bout y’all? Happy season celebration!

  20. Oluwadamilare Okoro
    December 28, 14:21 Reply

    Most times, these effeminate guys discrimate against themselves even more than maculine ones!

    I have heard these lines from a few of them … “I am not a lesbian biko” … “I don’t keep effeminate/bottoms friends,I can’t stand them”

    • Mr. Fingers
      December 28, 14:27 Reply

      … “I don’t keep effeminate/bottoms friends,I can’t stand them”

      Hahaha. I can just imagine the person making that statement and swinging hands and nails like a choir mistress. Lmao.

  21. Zol
    December 29, 00:08 Reply

    Look, the thing is, there’ll always be those that dont like effeminate guys but that doesn’t stop you from living your life, none of them is paying your rent tbh.

    I’m totally effeminate as they come, but unfortunately, my bodys producing much more testosterone than it was when i was 16 so, I guess I’m not how I was when I was 2 years ago but we all grow, no?

    High school was hell. Tbh, the vice principal was chiefly on my case for 3 years, literally giving me walking lessons and constantly reminding me I was going to hell, I mean, I didnt come out to here but it was glaringly obvious. I think she failed miserably at the walking lessons tho, I mean, I still walk the same. (LOL, the other day, my straight friends girlfriend told me I had Sexy legs and he went crazy like we shouldnt be gay around him. He’s a good guy. )

    That was a very low time in my life and I never want to go back to that, waking up and dreading to go to school.

    So like, if you have it, flaunt it, no one else will, tbh. You have only one life and there’s only one you on this God given earth, no one else will love your life for you to the fullest.

    Happy End of the Year lovelies! ??

  22. Bryannn
    December 29, 10:40 Reply

    THE GAY WORLD IS NOT WITHOUT ITS OWN DISCRIMINATION…
    If you think am lying, pls take a lil time and visit gay social sites…
    The demands are endless and the abhorrent are much too…..
    You open a profile, the idiot is obviously impersonating with a Muscular guy’s picture…you read on and see sth like this…..

    I am a very cool, calm, reserved, God-fearing, nice and down to earth kinda guy…..I love meeting friends, am humble and wosh to roll with all….
    DESIRES:::: I desire to meet straight acting and very muscular bisexuals….you now see dis…….Gays, she-males,drag queens, sissies, lady men, effeminates pls search else where….BE WARNED!!!!!

  23. Wealth
    December 29, 16:02 Reply

    Hmmm,well I used to be very effeminate,but I got to act up when my so called bf got embarrased of me,cause I danced In a party we went to,so when we have a quarrel he brings it up. Though I’m still a bit feminine but only in my house not in front of mum or dad though so they won’t be embarrassed of me. Also when I’m with other gay friends then I switch. Don’t blame guys for being so,it’s the society. They don’t just want to be outed. Sure I love being effeminate but only to a limit. You are fabulous for being courageous and being yourself

  24. Wealth
    December 29, 16:03 Reply

    Ex bf actually. Couldn’t stand his criticism

    • Brian Collins
      December 29, 21:00 Reply

      Gbam, I’d have been very displeased if you were still with him. Didn’t he see you before he decided you were okay to date.

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