I’M SORRY I BROKE YOUR HEART
I’ll be honest. I’ll be true. I’ll try to tell it as it is.
But I fear that I will fail.
We were getting serious, and it scared me.
Being vulnerable and letting go are things I fear, things I hate.
Powerlessness or the feeling of it, being at the mercy of another, not having control – oh God!
I never rest unless I have some iota of control
And then I met you and all my familiarity was gone
I was beginning to fall for you
Even when I knew falls are dangerous and bruising
I was beginning to love you even when I knew what love does to hearts
I held back. I couldn’t commit my all.
I knew you loved me too.
You said it. You whispered it, sang and danced it.
You were devoted and loyal and cared deeply.
Sometimes I feared for you. In my mind, you loved too deeply too quickly.
It was a recipe for disaster. It had to be.
People shouldn’t take risks like that. People don’t.
And so when you first told me you loved me, I doubted it.
How come? I wondered.
Was it not too soon?
How could you not fear getting hurt?
How could you give yourself so freely, so wholly?
But then my doubts cleared as your love got stronger. It was evident, as clear as day, as fresh as spring.
And as this became so, I stopped fearing for you and began fearing for myself.
I feared I might soon fall, that I’d love you in a maddening way.
That I’d let myself go and love you just as deeply and as freely.
And that thought scared me to death.
It didn’t matter that you said you were here, and not going anywhere, that we were right for each other.
I was scared.
So I ended it. I ended you.
I broke your heart because I feared that you’d break mine.
Leave before it gets too deep, I told myself.
I ran for the solace of my solitude because It is known, it is familiar.
It is not going to wake up someday and leave me or get tired of me.
What if I made space for you in my life, changed my plans and dreams, and later you walk out, leaving me alone and without the comfort of my walls and my erected fortress?
A part of me debated my decision.
A part of me wanted you to fight me over it, to tell me we would make it, to tell me that you could see through my fear
And that you were going nowhere, that fear is normal and that you’d always be here.
Maybe you said it. Maybe you screamed and I still did not listen. Maybe I hoped for too much.
I do not blame you for not fighting.
It is not easy loving someone who holds back, who likes his fortress of solitude.
But then you did break my heart after I broke yours
Barely two weeks past… Was I that easy to forget?
You said you loved me, and I was at a junction of immense confusion.
I wanted you to tell me it would be okay, to tell me that the future can be whatever we make of it, that we can survive.
Finding you in the arms of another so soon after tore me in ways I cannot explain.
But I wish you well.
I hope you are happy and that all your dreams are coming true.
I hope you forgive me because I wronged you.
And if your love was true, as true as you were kind
Then I am deeply sorry for breaking your heart.
Written by 644
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21 Comments
shawn
December 07, 08:26Oluwadunsin is this you!!! same story between us…you know you did break my heart..?
Mandy
December 07, 08:37You broke up with someone who cared for you and you’re hurt that he moved on quickly? You know, the person that deserves our empathy here is your ex not you. For committing to something serious with you and getting burned for it.
Thing is, 644, don’t ever get into a relationship again until you’re absolutely sure you can do it. If you even nurse the faintest doubt, say no to a potential Bae. Because it’s cruel to go into something that you’re already plotting an exit strategy for.
Gad
December 07, 08:48It baffles me how people who hurt someone gets hurt by the mere fact that their victim didn’t cry enough.
666, stop acting the victim. Celebrate your villainism instead
shawn
December 07, 09:01man’s said 666 ?
Manach
December 07, 09:00SMH
A lot of people don’t know what to do with love when they find it,so they trample on it instead and later start regretting.
KingB
December 07, 09:03This is exactly what Im passing through. I like this dude so much, dream about him, expressed my feelings to him but he’s been unresponsive . I lost it yesterday though. Couldn’t continue the one-sided loving no more. Had to delete his contact entirely from my phone. Woke up this morning and wishing I could hear his voice. Not easy forgetting him. Daniel, if you by any chance reading this, I want you to know I really do want you. Although you would never hear from me again, but I’m glad I met you and somehow, I’m gonna heal. Take care bro. I
Absalom
December 07, 20:56I’m sorry about this, KingB. Just give it time, cry if you must. You’ll heal from him eventually and find someone who will want to be with you just as much as you do. ???
Malik
December 08, 09:04Word!
Shuga chocolata
December 08, 20:12KingB Ayam here oooooooo, comma collect your portion of love and care.
? and ? from me to you pap.
KingB
December 09, 08:19Lol. Here’s my ? 08123985669
quinn
December 12, 07:24I can totally relate!
Cleo
December 07, 13:54Hehehehe, bae wahala
Canis VY Majoris
December 07, 14:54Lol 2 weeks. That was quick as it shld be…life goes on as it must.
Black Dynasty
December 07, 15:47Excellent that the ex moved on with his life. Why would he wait for someone who is clearly not ready to settle down?
Smh sadly, you brought it on yourself @ 644 and the hurt you felt would be but a % of what he felt when you broke his heart for no reason but your selfishness.
Communication is key in relationships, remeber this for the future if you get another chance. Guys like that come around once in a blue moon.
Francis
December 07, 19:55But seriously though how do you love someone and move on in 2 weeks? Haba! Make una come teach me how to love this kain love abeg. I need am as I sometimes find myself scared of getting dumped again and feeling useless for months
Shuga chocolata
December 08, 20:13When we are not done yet.
You can’t leave me now oooo.
Francis
December 09, 01:21? ? ? ? ? hey you ?? Long time. How your residency dey go?
BRYAN PETERS
December 09, 07:56For starters, the new bae may just be a rebound. As for 664, the fact that love makes you uncomfortable signifies that you have unresloved issues from your past_recent or distant. You would have to do some deep introspection in or even get professional help to be able to move past it, else, it would remain a recurring decimal. My heart goes out to the heart broken. I can totally relate to what it feels like loving someone and not being loved in return. I hope you are truly over it.
quinn
December 12, 07:26644, You’ll be alright
Anita
December 13, 02:33I can relate to this post..very sad..but then ,if you can move on this fast..is it still love? My gf broke up with me 2days ago and that’s all I could think of..how are you willing to just walk away? We are back together , but now how can I trust her not to leave me hanging again ? I know I’m digressing now, but still…is it really love if you can’t fight for it?
Tîmôñ
September 30, 18:18..I got ecstactic $ stunned simultaneously ….couldn’t pass without dropping my first comment on this platform
Phew!
A glimpse into d plight of bisexuals…