Guy Comes Out As “Heteroflexible” To His Girlfriend. It Doesn’t Go Well
It seems like the moment we think we’ve heard every term for sexuality and gender identity, another one comes along. Now we have “heteroflexible” to add to the lexicon.
But really, it’s a worthy addition. The word describes an otherwise straight-identifying person who has the occasional fantasy or willingness to explore with their own gender.
They aren’t gay, or even necessarily bi — just honest with themselves.
One Reddit user was perhaps a bit too honest when he broached the subject with his girlfriend of five months, although if she isn’t the type to come around and understand sexuality as a continuum, maybe she doesn’t deserve him.
He wrote:
I have in the past been passingly curious about men, on an entirely sexual level (it’s more about penis than men – the male form does absolutely nothing for me) and once experimented with a guy to explore the feelings. It was okay but I didn’t feel the need to ever repeat the experience. I identify as straight.
So I was casually talking in bed with my girlfriend of about 5 months and she mentioned how an ex had once told her that he had once experimented with a guy and as soon as he said that she lost all attraction to him. As she told me this, my body went into full panic mode and she immediately realised something was wrong. She said “Have you, too? Or do you like men, too?”.
I said no and she said that she felt like I was lying to her for the first time. After an insufferable silence I went onto to explain (very badly – I’ve never felt the need to explain/quantify this before) that I am a little heteroflexible. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about the experimentation at the time and still haven’t told her.
I am incredibly open-minded and don’t really care for labels, what other people are into etc., but clearly this is not the case for her. She gets upset and didn’t know what to say. It ends up with her deciding that I am lying to myself, that I should allow myself to explore these feelings. Basically – that I am at least bisexual and maybe even gay, but in denial. I tell her that this is offensive – I am quite capable of exploring my own feelings and have come to my own conclusions. The conversation ends in tears on my own part (over her reaction), with her comforting me but refusing to say anything positive about the conversation, saying she doesn’t know what to think. She’s out of town today with work so I’m sat (working) at home on my own having the worst time of my life.
She just can’t comprehend on any level how I can have a passing interest in penis/male sexuality and maybe fantasize about every now and then, without this being a defining part of my sexuality. She thinks it HAS to mean that I attracted to men and want to be with men. How can I express this in some terms that she might understand? What can I say that might make her understand? This is the worst possible way I can think of losing someone I love.
What advice would you give him?
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16 Comments
ken
October 23, 05:47Dump the bitch! Lol
No but seriously, I think she shld be given some space and time to come around. If it took u years to finally accept all of u, then u shld also give your lover time to accept same.
Jamie
October 23, 06:17It’s understandable, to me, that some heterosexuals and even homosexuals feel not to share that one, important thing!!
#TeamKizito
October 23, 06:30Ok. I am Homoflexible be that. I’m sure a guy can comprehend my passing interest in- it has to be the boobs, *cough*- and maybe fantasize about female sexuality every now and then, without it being a defining part of my sexuality.
ken
October 23, 07:18Negro puh-leeeeeese!
You’re about as gay Jack Farland in pink tutus! Lol
Duke
October 23, 07:30I think I love this term more. It aptly describes a couple of guys I have met. I wouldn’t exactly tag them gay or bisexual but they have this fleeting interest in the same sex and it is never serious. My advice? He should try and educate her about it and reassure her she has nothing to worry about. If she is still pessimistic about it, he should probably find someone a little bit more open minded as he is.
Dennis Macaulay
October 23, 07:56Odiewgu ooo
That’s how one celebrity came out as “sexually fluid” the other day and I was asking my friend what that means!
Nna eh! Adizim confused
obatala
October 23, 08:43you know it amazes me the way these people find it difficult concealing a lie. a question and he goes into full panic mode and bam, you are caught in a lie. even their movies all you have to do to know someone is lying is to ask them to look in your eyes and they start fidgeting. over here, we lie with both sides of our mouths while maintaining a straight face. if not how will you explain a DL man with a woman happily married for years and she has no idea.? amazing innit?
posh6666
October 23, 09:13Hmmm reminds me of love&hip hop hollywood.The two gay rappers on it one has been on d downlow and even had a girlfrnd way back frm high skul but he gradually could no longer hold d feelings and then the already out rapper partner said he had to come our or they were done,he finally did with the help of a therapist to the girl my God her reaction was epic,she was screaming,rolling on the floor,shaking gosh.I guess she couldnt believe she will be letting go of such a really hot guy.
Marc Francis of Chelsea
October 23, 16:14Am I evil for finding her reaction INCREDIBLY funny? Rolling on the floor like her father just died in front of her. I some sympathy for her partly because he led her on, but at the same time, she should have been wiser. She said people had mentioned to her on several occasions that he was gay and she argued and fought them alongside him. I’m all for defending a dude but open your eyes. Besides that, it was all about her in that moment. Kept saying “he did this to me” like he just stabbed her. They weren’t even dating. Imagine how hard it was for him to get to where he was able to tell you.
OAN: Milan is FINE! Have you seen his sex tape? #DreamBottomMaterial
posh6666
October 23, 16:35My God sex tape?????running off to google now.My dear i was just like speechless like r u kidding me?see super masculine guy like this at his lowest and crying all confused and ashame cos of the battle with his sexuality,yet you are here saying me!me!me!.Even d scene with his sisters broke my heart.We blacks are still a long way from accepting gay lifestyle.The only thing they kept saying was how they planned to see his wife and kids in the nearest future and how he dissapointed them nobody actually asked how he was feeling or console him.When i saw him crying so hard and how super embarassed he looked my heart broke into several tiny pieces.Btw Wendy will be interviewing them nxt monday on her show.
john
October 23, 09:16if ya bi, u are bi. don’t coin terms to justify and make others shitty. He wanna explore his other side I get that. you can’t eat ur cake and it.
sinnex
October 23, 10:03I think there are people like that sha.
Max
October 23, 10:49He’s bi(on the more hetero side of the scale).
People make up terms they’re comfortable with just to avoid label.
Tiercel de Claron.
October 23, 11:17Difference between your term and his………….six and half a dozen.
PETROVICH
October 23, 11:12‘Honesty’……..there’s gotta be a degree at which it is used…..
He should give her time to come around, and if she doesnt, i’m sure there are several ‘heteroflexible’ people like him. He should meet them and they should explore their ‘heteroflexibility'(*is this even a word*) together
Tobby
October 23, 17:45Weirdly enough, I feel like I understand him.