A World Of Men Looking For Love

Yemi wanted love – or so he called it in his head – but every day, he woke up to a world that judged the kind of love he wanted. They called it unnatural and sinful, and yet, the affection of a man was the only kind that made him feel complete.

Daddy was never there, but that never mattered because Mummy was ever present. She was the father and the mother, the sister and the brother, the warmth that nurtured him, the caring that made him constantly wonder what it’d be like to know the love of a man.

But Yemi wondered from the safety of his closet. In there, that space that was at once roomy and stifling, Yemi craved and longed for the intimate companionship of another man.

When puberty set in, his hormones were fired up and the curiosity of adolescence gave way to the explorative nature of a teenager. As an only son of a single mother, there was no guiding light. There were things even the most caring of mothers would never understand.

His first was an abusive boarding school father. There were countless nights he was ordered into the bed of the senior, his mouth constantly ravaged by the senior’s hardened member, nights that went untold because of the fear that was stoked by the threats Senior Taiwo hissed into his ear as he moaned while grinding his crotch in Yemi’s face – or perhaps it was the thrill he experienced as he pleasured Senior Taiwo that kept him silent, the power he knew he had over the senior as he possessed the senior’s erection with his mouth. Yemi was eventually made to become a day student, and even though he never met Senior Taiwo again, the chains that fettered his emotions for the same sex had been tampered with and wild emotions let loose.

He experimented as he progressed through his classes, but first knew love, or something like it, when in SS3, he met Tomi. It was passionate, it was intense, and it was brief, his heartbreak crushing when they had to part ways upon graduation a few short months after they discovered each other. A void was introduced within him as the love for Tomi withered.

University and NYSC happened, and it was a whole new world, a jungle filled with predators that were never good news for the likes of Yemi, the man looking for love. He was used and tossed around. He gave and got nothing back. He dreamed and woke up to nightmares. It was a lesson he learned the hard way – that boys were just out to play. The void stayed.

There were the whispers, hints of promise, like the time he met Moses. Moses had just come out of a seven-year relationship. They met around the time Yemi was passing out of service. Moses was older and seemed vulnerable. And Yemi wanted to take care of him, take him into his arms and gently soothe the sadness from his eyes. Moses was the next man he loved as much as he loved Tomi from SS3. But Moses was handling his life after his seven-year relationship like a breath of fresh air. He did not want another boyfriend. He wanted a steady stream of lovers.

It took Yemi walking into an orgy in Moses’ bedroom for him to realize that he had once again invested his heart on the wrong man. There was no love to be had here. The void yawned open, threatening to overtake him.

Yemi is a grown man now, living life with utmost optimism, the void ever widening because he still had no anchor. Yemi is that guy whose story is almost never told. He is the friend you really don’t know much about, the man next to you fighting a personal and secret battle. The very guy quick to put on a smile to mask the scars incurred in a world made imperfect by men, men such as you, me and that other guy, men like us who aren’t mindful that there are those simply looking for love.

Written by Dan Phoenix