And Now We’re Equivalent To Agents Of Mammy Water. Lol
A friend drew my attention to this ridiculous article written by an insignificant Nollywood director named Ugezu J. Ugezu. The piece reads like a trashy string-up of words put together to do nothing but fan the already raging flames of hate the Nigerian society has for folks like you and I. It even has a dramatic (Oh Nollywood *shakingmyhead*) title – ‘Just In Case You Are Not Gay And You Desire Never To Become One, Then You Need To Read This.’ Catchy, no? Lol.
Well, the piece is below. Read and have a good laugh at its entire ridiculousness.
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Just in case you are not gay, and you genuinely desire never to become one someday, then you need to read this. New things are happening and as my friend and follower, I have a duty to tell you what I know is now happening. I leave you to make up your own mind.
Be very wary of guys and men that always whisper things into your ear. Something strange happened to Mr. Gill, in a big occasion where he sat in the VIP wing as an entertainer, a certain well to do man was introduced and when this man realised he was an entertainer, he came and sat close to Gill.
He was lively and kept whispering things into Gill’s ear. Gill kept wondering what the man was up to. Before Gill could understand what was happening, in that big occasion, as this neat, well to do Alhaji whispered into his ear, he planted his tongue into Gill’s ear. It was so brief that nobody could even know that anything happened. The truth is that something has happened to Gill.
An energetic man as Mr. Gill started feeling like a woman that would like to be held by a man. A man as strong as Mr. Gill has become so weak that even when the Alhaji collected his hands and was touching them romantically, right there in the VIP, Mr. Gill was just there feeling like a woman. His soul had been caged by the demon of homosexualism. Instantly, just after the tongue got in his ear, he was already feeling like one.
Finally as he entered his car, ready to drive behind the man to his hotel, he remembered the holy oil his mother gave him, which he had in the briefcase in his trunk. Mr. Gill knew something was wrong with him but couldn’t place what it was. Just as he drank the holy oil, he felt as if something left his body through that same ear the man had kissed. Then it dawned on him what actually happened.
This world is heavily under the manipulation of the man of sin. Understand today that you are nothing without Christ. AnyThing can happen to you. They are everywhere and they are winning more men every day. Help and save that innocent man by sharing this. This is not one of the fictions of Ugezu. It happened for real, to Mr. Gill. It can happen to someone close to you. Share and save. One Love.
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THE END. TO GOD BE THE GLORY. WATCH OUT FOR PART 2. Are you laughing yet? Well I am. I’m also pissed. Can you imagine? So our homosexual juju was not strong enough to keep Mr. Gill juju-fied long enough to convert him, ehn? The juju left space for him to have the presence of mind to sip on the holy water he conveniently had in his car?! That’s IT! I’m going to have a word with our Spirit Father. Nonsense and ingredient!
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21 Comments
Absalom
June 19, 05:38Such denseness!
trystham
June 19, 06:00Bwahahahahahaha….this is sooooo absurd. Its like the tongue gave him an instant annointing to be effeminate. Foolish man. He shouldn’t confess and say he felt aroused…saying he felt weak like a woman….ANUOFIA!!!
pinkpanthertb
June 19, 06:01That is, IF such a person exists or such an incident happened.
Chizzie
June 19, 07:04this was so ridiculous I couldn’t finish reading it. and lol at “demon of homosexualism”… lol.
Dennis Macauley
June 19, 07:06And we wonder why Nollywood turns out crappy movies!!!
pinkpanthertb
June 19, 07:12If this were to be a script for a movie, the end product would be bad. Very very BAD!
Regal Sweetheart
June 19, 08:34The movie would have been shot and wrapped up in 2days,packaging done in 3 because of mass reproduction and all. Next week,it’d have hit the shelves in Alaba. I can see it already in the shelves……unfortunately,I don’t have a catchy enough ‘Nollywood’ title.
*sigh*
John Adewoye
June 19, 10:55The end product would be profitable in Nigeria where people are so naive about spirit, witches and wizards and lizards, and black cats, Not sure the source of the story, I bet people are getting new education about the power tongues from it write now.
CeeCee
June 19, 09:22Am utterly shocked that any of you find this funny … this is totally nauseating! There’s nothing as dangerous as a half-educated man for he’s often a fool who knows not that he does not know and by his very nature, is able to spread his foolishness far and wide. This is the product of a twisted and bigoted mind seeking to propagate his hate-fueled beliefs to a wide audience. Being a media person, you can imagine his ability to reach and influence millions of gullible persons.
Its so so so sad, that while other parts of the world grapple with more intellectual and edifying issues, we are forced to contend with buffoons like these who in saner climes would be met with widespread outrage, anyway, what am I even saying? Nigeria’s middle name is backwardness and cruelty … smh …
Dennis Macauley
June 19, 11:55@Cece it’s really not worth getting worked up over. A simpleton wrote something as ridiculously stupid as his brain is. Its cringe worthy yes, but just have a good laugh at his stupidity.
Meanwhile is homosexualism now a word? *asking for a friend* LOL
Absalom
June 19, 12:02Dennis, “homosexualism” and “gayism” are words. Nigerian words. Homophobes so obsessed with the ISM in lesbianism they forget basic grammar.
pinkpanthertb
June 19, 12:54Hahahahahaa! Oh Absalom.
Harper Gold (@HarperGold)
June 19, 13:06This is hilarious. Nigeria we hail thee!
I need to leave this country as soon as possible
KingBey
June 19, 14:40All I can say is that with Alhaji’s, everything is possible…I have heard worse stories of what Alhaji’s do to guys especially money-hungry ones
pinkpanthertb
June 19, 14:42So you buy this horseshit?
Chizzie
June 19, 16:23yes he does. so do want u do best when u see a comment dt u don’t agree with, Kvetch and be a child
pinkpanthertb
June 19, 16:30I’ve come to realize that you’re not worth any waste of my breath anymore. Being a bitch is what you’re obviously hardwired to be. So, if it kills me, I’ve resolved that this will be my last words to you on this blog. Carry on with your distasteful attitude; hopefully, it ends on the internet and doesn’t actually translate to your real life, otherwise, you’re one to be felt very sorry for.
Deola
June 19, 16:28What’s sad is that people would actually buy this.
InLoveWithAPHBoy
June 19, 17:32Complete Ignorance, Lack Reasoning….Religious Hypocrites…
mtcheeeewwww….*throws laptop on the floor and shoots at it 3x*
therealsalteherealsalte
June 20, 12:59kwakwakwakwakwakwa!!!!!!! i laugh in hausa fuji language!!!!
lluvmua
June 22, 15:06Lol ROTFL na wa oooo smh