DANGEROUS LIAISONS
I got the text on a Saturday, by midnight. It read: Please, I’m in Pedro Station, Shomolu, in a case related to queer. Please help.
The sender identified himself as someone I know in the community, but the number was unknown. I had to be sure this was real. I had to be certain I wasn’t being pranked or prepped for kito.
So, I checked to see if we’d chatted on WhatsApp, since my phone doesn’t have Truecaller. When I came up with no result, I checked the number through the WhatsApp gay group I admin in, and there it was. The number indeed belonged to (let’s call him) Timi, someone I’d even met a few times. An acquaintance of sorts.
So, I called the number. I called it twice before the call was answered. I recognised his voice. However, as we spoke, I listened carefully for subtle clues from his end of the phone call, like background noises and stuff like that. Our conversation was brief. He reiterated what he said in the text, that he was at the police station on what was clearly a kito case, and he needed help.
When we disconnected, I chatted up a friend, Joshua, who works with AHRDI. He was someone well-versed in cases like this and I figured he’d be able to help. Joshua asked for details of whatever had happened to land Timi in police custody, so he would know how to get involved. Details which I didn’t have. So, I called Timi’s number back and someone else picked after a few rings.
“He is not near the phone now. Call back in 30 minutes,” said the person on the other end rather calmly.
I started to ask what was happening, but the call was ended abruptly.
Because I am learning of the importance of the free flow of communication in matters such as this, I relayed what happened to Joshua. And he asked me to remain calm and call back as instructed, that he would stay up to get the feedback. So, I set a timer for 30 minutes, set my phone to “Do Not Disturb”, and went back to the studying I was doing before I got the text.
A few minutes later, I checked my phone to see that I had two missed calls. It was Timi’s number. I called back but got no response. I reported this too to Joshua and he told me to wait and try it again.
When the 30 minutes was past, I called again and got no response. This too I relayed back to Joshua, and he suggested we go to bed and tackle the matter at daytime. We said good night, and I did a bit more studying before going to bed.
When I woke up the next morning, it was to see a text from Timi saying that he had made bail and thanking me for last night. Feeling relieved, I called him to ask him how he was and for him to tell me what happened.
And this is what he narrated:
*
“It started with my friend, who’s gay, assuring me that his straight neighbour was bicurious and willing to try something sexual with a gay guy. My friend also told me about how hung this neighbour of his is and how he could do anything as long as the price is right.
“So, me and this friend went out clubbing yesterday evening, after my exam. We came back to his place around 10 PM, and were lounging outside, gisting. This neighbour of his was outside with us, listening to some music. And I decided to engage him in a conversation, to at least establish an acquaintanceship with him.
“After a back and forth that helped me in ascertaining that he wasn’t a homophobic person, I dived right into the deep end. I turned our conversation sexual and asked to see his dick, promising to reward him financially. And he obliged without any fuss.
“He later went away for several minutes, and when he came back, he seemed restive. My gut told me something was wrong somewhere, and I told my friend about the odd signals I was picking up from the guy. But he assured me that it was in my head, that the guy was cool. After all, hadn’t he shown me his dick without any drama when I asked?
“This neighbour asked if we could go to his room. A stir of desire instantly pushed aside my unease and I went with him to his house, even though I did so with some reluctance. However, the music rapidly changed once we got inside. This guy immediately brought out a cutlass and attacked me with it, lashing out at me and cutting me in some places with it. I cried out, hoping my friend would barge in to my rescue. But I was on my own with the monster. He ordered me to strip off my clothes. I refused and he kept on shouting, even darting outside to call the attention of the neighbours. Things escalated fast. At this time, it was clear that my friend had fled and I was on my own amidst a crowd of antigay people tongue lashing me and shoving me this way and that. I was genuinely scared for my life, positive that my end had come.
“These people were saying all sorts of things that reminded me of the hate Nigerians have for people like me. Some said I am a Yahoo boy out to snatch the guy’s penis to increase my fame and fortune (this, after he’d revealed that I had earlier asked him to show me his dick), while others were saying I must be one of the criminals that had been incessantly terrorizing their neighborhood. Tempers were running high and so was the shoving and beating and slapping.
“It is anybody’s guess what would have happened, had the landlord and his wife not come out to plead for me to not be beaten any longer and instead be taken to the police station. And so, that night, I was dragged to the nearest police station amidst their chants and loud hate. They were treating me like I was some common criminal who’d been caught doing something really egregious.
“I was detained at the station, after I explained to the police that what happened was a truth or dare challenge between me and my friend to see if I could approach any guy and ask him to strip to his panties, with money placed on the bet. The police expressed their displeasure at me for that and I was charged with misconduct and assault. I was the one who was bruised and bleeding, and yet, I was charged with assault.
“This morning, I was asked to look for someone to grant my bail. I was finally let free after parting with a total of 20 grand – 10 grand for my bail and the other ten for damages to the straight neighbour’s phone and Bluetooth device. He’d complained that in the ruckus that followed him confronting me, his phone screen was damaged and he lost his Bluetooth device.
“I went home, showered and for the first time since all this mess started, remembered my friend and the role he played in all this. I called him, and he didn’t answer. And so, that’s what happened.”
*
By the time he was done, I was stunned by all he’d said. I really do not know what to say to this except that we gay people need to stop playing this kind of rough play. Timi was lucky and made it out with just a few bruises and a loss of 20 grand. Even then, he came close to not being so fortunate, had that landlord and his wife not intervened.
We should stop letting our thirst dictate the risky things we do. Leave straight men alone. Not even when your friend assures you that the straight guy is curious and wants to play. In Timi’s case, his friend has gone on to block him on all platforms and he just decided to let it go. This is a clear indication that this friend is someone he should not have listened to in the first place. When your friend encourages you to try your luck with a straight guy, ask him if he has tried his first.
Written by Jay Armstrong
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41 Comments
Cedar
June 22, 07:08What’s with straight guys that gets our sensors wiring bikonu??
There are enough guys in God’s gay paradise to satiate whatever craving I may have.
Segun
June 22, 13:24Couldn’t have said it better. I once tried to enlighten Nigerian gays on a forum on the inherent danger of skating the thin ice of cruising on straight dudes. I chalked it down to the deeply-ingrained heteronormative mentality prevalent in the society: gay men feeling inferior to straight men, and seeking to have sexual liaisons will them to affirm their own flagging masculinity.
By the time the shrill responses came from those whose sore points were hit, I had to take down the post. I can’t deal with defensive stupidity. Some of us will have to learn it the very hard way.
Pink Panther
June 22, 13:37You shouldn’t have taken the post down. It is good for this exposure of their stupidity to be placed where they can see it and be kept defensive and uncomfortable by it. Maybe some will realise the truth in it sometime and perhaps change.
Mandy
June 22, 13:39Change? Lol. I don’t think so. Words won’t change diehard straight-chasers like that. No. What will quench their fire is an experience like the one Jay Amrstrong’s friend had. By the time calamity has fallen on the lot of them, they will develop a phobia for straight men by force. Mscheeewwww.
DeadlyDarius
June 22, 07:26Will they listen???
I hope so. Awon ‘converters’.
Black Dynasty
June 22, 07:38We know full well it’s already risky hooking up with gay guys thanks to kito folks, why go risk your life with str8 folks? There’s more than enough hung gay men if that’s what rocks your boat…
I really wish more folks would listen to that inner voice once it tells you something is wrong… your spirit always always warns you in advance.
I’m happy he’s at least alive, could have been much worse.
Sweet apple
June 22, 07:52Very disheartening. Unfriendly friends everywhere.
Mitch
June 22, 08:02…He’d do anything if the price is right…
That, up there, is enough to turn anyone away from this disaster course. Still, I do know how konji can turn people into brainless beings so I’d let that slide.
As for his friend, that is no friend at all. If that one is a friend, I wonder what his enemies are like.
Besides, I’m seriously wondering why he just wants to let things go. He’s the one who was beaten, he’s the one who was injured, he’s the one who spent a night in jail and had to cough up 20k to appease a stuck up idiot. Yet, he doesn’t want to release his friend’s details. If anything, those details need to be splashed here so those in Lagos know he’s no friend. Just a feral dog in human skin.
Mandy
June 22, 08:04Wow. I’m less concerned about the “conversion” gone so wrong than I am about what a callous person his friend is. I get the friend running away that night, but to stay away altogether and not apologise for misleading him… Wow! There are friends and there are friends sha.
I’m glad he’s okay. I hope a certain straight-boy hustler we have in this place will read this and receive sense.
Audrey
June 22, 20:21Call name if fear no catch you.
Mandy
June 23, 00:19Oga, if the shoe fits you, you wear it. Who are you that I will fear you? Who are you that anybody should fear you? Tah! Gettout of my face.
Audrey
June 22, 08:44This reminds me of something that happened yesterday.A gay friend had invited me to his slumber party that consisted of mostly gay men but I was too broke to step out(I always hate going out on a flat pocket) but I didn’t mention it cos I knew he would flip cos dude never took NO for an answer.
So I was at home yesterday night seeing a series(The haves and the have not…you all should try seeing it) when the dude called enquiring if I was on my way but I had to tell him outrightly that I wasn’t coming then dude started fuming going on about how he had a Bicurious friend over to have a taste of my fellating skills and how he’d bragged to some others that I was something else on bed(Dude even faked tears at some point and was going on and on about how I would be embarrassing him if I didn’t show up) but I stood my grounds but the calls from even humans I didn’t know became incessant Omo that was how yours truly switched off his phone till the wee hours of this morning.
WTF na me you wan use do Lab experiment with your Bicurious and Bed breaking skilled gay friends.Nonsense and Slumber party.By the way dude had blocked me on whatsapp by this morning.Lol
Bullet
June 22, 10:05Lol
Zoar
June 22, 11:48This is very funny ????.
Weird people all over the place.
BRYAN PETERS
June 22, 13:09This is ridiculous beyond reason. Why didnt he entertain his bicurious friend by himself. To the extent of giving your number out?
We all need to bw wary about the kind of company we keep.
mike
June 23, 14:56One word, scary human.
What I’d do/ have done while in shoes is, I would actually dress up, go to the party, just to look at peoplespeoples face and mark them, I imma leave early.
I do that cause, I need to know is who, this one everybody is forming relationship material.
I once bedded one guy, like that who had sex with like 15 people in a night at a party. If I had this info before hand, he, me hooking up would never had happened. Cause I felt like crap afterwards, as in.
Tomorrow the same people from the party, you gonna run into them online, and they will be forming mother Theresa.
Cardinal Orsini
June 22, 09:09I have always told those I know to desist from such act of taking up Straight guys.
If you think this guy is bi whatever,wait for him to ask you out, let him say that he needs it ,not clues .
Moreover, the gay guys are enough to go round, hot ssxy ones.
You need to stop such act .
Tasty
June 22, 10:37How do we know the hot sexy ones???
How ? in this useless country colored with hypocrisy, *sighs*
BRYAN PETERS
June 22, 13:12If someone doesn’t come on to you, don’t come on to them. It’s that simple. Hook up apps are enough. Sift through grindr and Tinder all what not and be careful not to get kitoed. If you already have FWB, stick with them and if someone is said to be str8, stay away even if they are pretending. There really are tons of gay men to go around.
Peace
June 22, 09:56Nawa o! We really need to be extra cautious! Thanks Jay Armstrong for this.
J
June 22, 11:25A man that wants you can do anything for you. Stop chasing men. For you to promise him money, he knows you are desperate and he will see you as cheap.
It’s unfortunate that the gay community is filled with mentally retarded guys because of homophobia. If gays were to be in committed and stable relationships, none of these would have been happening. We want to fuck everyone! In the gay community, almost everyone has had sex with everyone. I’m not proud to be gay in this country, there’s nothing to be proud of actually. That’s why most of these celebrities and other people are hiding because of shameful representation of gay people in this country.
Higwe
June 22, 13:16We want to fuck everyone! In the gay community, almost everyone has had sex with everyone
?????????????
Accurate ASF .
Delle
June 22, 19:18‘That’s why most of these celebrities and other people are hiding because of shameful representation of gay people in this country.’
Umm hell no. I was following your comment until that. Please, our celebrities aren’t out because of the same reason you’re not tying the Rainbow flag around your waist and dancing on the streets in gaylleluia.
As a matter of fact, a lot of our gay celebrities can be comfortably tucked in the TB bag i.e even if the law is repealed and we have people living their truths, there are a handful of them that would rather their career hit a major glacier than have their closets broken out of. A handful of our celebrities are not as enlightened as they should be (and I know this just by following them on IG. Disgraceful lot).
So no, they aren’t embarrassed by our misrepresentation. They add to the misrepresentation.
J
June 22, 21:06Whatever is it, 99% of gay Nigerians are not helping matters. We are so promiscuous and immatured. I remember reaching out to so many LGBTIQ Nigerians that are privileged to claim asylum in gay friendly countries, and none of them could even reason with me. I assumed I’m part of their past they never want to have something to do with. Like they have found a new world and peace of mind and everything about Nigeria will just trigger their pain.
We often blame religion and homophobia for our ignorance because we’re not ready to evaluate ourselves, be disciplined and live for the better. Most straight people are afraid because they don’t want their children to be promiscuous. They hardly see gay role models in the country, all they see are people who are obsessed with anal sex and other criminal activities.
Mitch
June 23, 10:07Again with the false generalisations.
Have you met 99% of gay Nigerians?
Have you even met up to 10% of gay Nigerians?
See eh, everything is good and fine until you start to make these generalisations. They’re not real. They’re a product of your limited experience. Others may have it better, others may have it worse.
J
June 23, 13:28I’m part of the community and our experience can never be the same.You’re obviously the one with the limited experience here or you’re part of the problem so I can’t argue with you.
mike
June 23, 15:00Shit, drink water it’s Sunday.
Zoar
June 22, 11:44We really need to be very careful about those we call friends especially in this community.
Sometimes I just wonder if being gay comes with a mental disorder for some peeps from the way they act.
That’s how I told a supposed “Friend” that I am in a new relationship. It happened that my boyfriend has been a guy my friend has been wanting to get close to but the guy hasn’t been giving my “friend” the time of day.
When my “Friend” got to know that I am now dating this guy because I told him. My “Friend” asked me for the number of my boyfriend and connected him to another guy who lives just around thesame neighborhood with my boyfriend. He made the connection knowing fully well that I am dating this guy. It took the grace of God for my boyfriend not to have fallen for this trick.
I started wondering why this guy behaved in this manner. Is it to test our relationship or what? Has he been jealous about me all these while masking to be my friend? What’s his intentions?
I just blocked the unfriendly friend on all my social media accounts and decided to stay away for good from him.
It’s rare to come across gays who really will get your back and that’s why you shouldn’t let go of such people when you meet them. Somany gays are really wolves in snakes? clothing.
Sage Philip
June 22, 12:51If i have a crush on you, only to find out that you are straight,whatever am feeling turns to hate(maybe a case of straightphobia). As for that word ‘friend’ only a worthy person deserves that title from me.
it seems like everybodies ‘friend’ is just being a dick.
Gaia
June 22, 13:04The way the police handles cases like this tho…It’s better to just stay away from any form of wahala biko.
Higwe
June 22, 13:12Sadly , I think I’m on this table too .
I lose nearly 50 percent of my attraction to someone once I find out he’s just GAY .
For some reason bisexuality or the idea of it intrigues me a lot more .
That feeling he’s half available or maybe not …sets my adrenaline off .
And I don’t think it has anything to do with inferiority but everything to do with the nature of man .
There is a reason people like Wizkid , Genevieve Nnaji and Beyonce Knowles are exalted to a halo level .
Looking at all the aforementioned people , they have the same thing in common …they have the air of impersonability and unapproachability and that is what triggers the masses obsession with them .
“Man by nature has a heightened attraction for what he feels he can’t have ”
Same reason emotionally unavailable people are valued and those who love excessively are discarded .
Same reason celebrity obsession will always be a hit … because many of them are sculpted from the debrises of our innermost fantasies.
The issue of gay men’s obsession with “straight ” men is so deep rooted , is not something that can be stopped from screaming down a roof top .
It’s something that can be solved with a lot of unlearning …and how do we learn this … stories like this .
*******************
While I could never be at a position where a lone man sans a Conor McGregor , Khabib , Jones , Cena etc is brandishing his cutlass to my face and I’ll cower in fear ( Lord knows I’ll knock him the fuck out )
Butiiiiiiii
It could always be worse.
And that’s the whole point of this story , you can never know which you’ll be faced with .
We honestly need to reeducate ourselves …it’s not something that can be eradicated abruptly, rather through conscientious , excogitative and perspicacious effort.
You can start by telling yourself :
A man is a man
A dick is a dick
And the only difference between the balls of a straight man and that of a gay man ….is that the former is likely underwashed ????
demi
June 22, 15:04higwe just said my mind.. #SenseOverload..
Higwe
June 22, 19:10Thanks sweets .
Audrey
June 22, 15:19This table has me on top dancing skelewu.The truth is there’s this rush in me that comes with trying to lay a straight/Bisexual dude and the moment I notice you are all over me I tend lose interest and that’s why I tend to go after the ones that gives me a whole lotta attitude.
That said I think knowing where and when to draw the lines is of outmost importance make person no go use I’m hand enter one chance.I think I need to visit a therapist
Higwe
June 22, 19:12Looool abi ??
Mike
June 23, 15:29Low self-esteem, nothing short, nothing more.
If not, you’d realise they ain’t worth your time, especially since the love can’t be reciprocated.
Inferiority complex, because a fan thinks him/herself less than wizkid, when its all just flesh and born.
Need for validation.
Because those celebrates are needy, so they behavior like a child, not like a true man or human. It takes a man to hold a conversation, look you in the eyes, and smile. It takes a truly confident man , to return back as much attention as was given.
For example, imagining going on a date with someone, and all they could tale about is themselves. That is a boy not a man.
A man would make you laugh, enough to engaging, make you comfortable enough to pull your pants down, and shut you mute. Its about sway and flow not force.
Celebraties generally suffer from an external focal locus. What that means is they value themselves, only just as much as they are valued, outside. A better definition is they see themselves from the outside not inside, that’s code neediness, narcissism.
What was your first time like ?. Like your first conscious sex as an emotional maturing being.
Like you, I kind of loss my erection when I get to know a guy is gay, it’s even worst if ever at anytime, i thought them as straight.
But then when i calm down to know a guy, enough to shut my mind up, mehn i discover that, gay or straight i really don’t care.
Let’s just fuck.
That Ghana Boy Rudy
June 24, 11:26Higwe you’re on a crush course towards messiness ?????
You kinda gave a nice perspective into this matter by hitting on both sides.
I’ll add to it *Self Love*, If that is attained, it gives a sense of inward pride, confidence & strength that you’d least imagine you had and with that nothing else will be allowed to take anything away from you be it some celebrity or some drop dead good mess of a straight guy. Because in whatever you do or say, you’d come first to yourself, it will be your peace before anything, and you’d know when to press your brakes on people or accelerate. In Ghana where I hail from “konji” is known as “akono” and irregardless of what have been said on here could be a real bitch most times?.
So wise up guys and be safe.
Realme
June 22, 14:24Exactly… what I was telling my friend yesterday, who keeps telling me … he could get this straight guy to sleep with him..and I will be like leave straight guys alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
David A.
June 23, 03:06Wow. People can speak English in this life oh! My own lesson in this thing is that friends are not always what they seem. You don’t just call anyone a friend just because you hung out and smoked a few blunts… let’s reengineer the word and use it only for people we trust after serious scrutiny… this wouldn’t have happened if Timi had done that
CHUCK
June 26, 01:55Laughs in Idowu Adeyemi. Beware Nigerians
Richard
June 26, 03:08Not all love must be sexual. If you love a flower you don’t take it down you let it grow and enjoy it beauty. Shame that some individuals in this community thinks once I like you what follows should be sex if we can’t have sex we should not have anything to do with each other. Love is patience, caring, kind etc you can love a straight dude and your friendship will last for life without you sexuality coming between you. Know that you are not a sex toy or object.