Dear KD: How Do I Handle Finding Out That My Younger Brother Might be Gay?
I need advice from the readers of this blog on what to do upon learning that my younger brother might be gay. Why do I know this? Well, I recently nabbed him surfing the internet for gay porn.
And my reaction to this is concern. I won’t want him to suffer the trauma I passed through by making him thinking that there is something wrong with him as a person. I would also want him to tread cautiously with his passion and emotions, to avoid contracting any diseases or suffering any dangers out there that lies in wait of gay men in Nigeria.
Most especially, he is young, still a teenager, and I can’t help but feel that he should be focusing more on his studies and on the achievement of his goals, so he doesn’t get sidetracked by whatever shiny things predatory older gay men have to offer along the way.
I simply want to know what to do with my brother now that I think he might be gay.
Submitted by Big Brother
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13 Comments
Alkalyner
May 15, 06:32im also in this boat KD, i was about sending this mail and someone already did it, please what should i do???
Swan King
May 15, 06:44Dear Big Brother, U are awesome. And wise too, to want to protect Ur kid bro.
Ever heard of the Golden Rule; Do Unto Others…? Well it couldn’t be more apt than in this scenario. If U know how U would have loved to be treated while growing up gay, without being out, then treat Ur kid bro like that.
As for mistakes, he’ll make his own and learn. Just be there for him to come back to when he’s made them.
Simba
May 15, 06:47You already know what to do.. sit him down and talk. Come out to him, but don’t expect him to own his truth now. Be gentle and you will earn his trust and be his role model.
Canis VY Majoris
May 15, 07:49Send him the link to Kito Diaries. He’d learn all he needs to about being gay in Nigeria.
The good, the bad and the downright dreadful.
Pink Panther
May 15, 09:02THIS!!! 😀
Malik
May 15, 19:26This may be the best and most practical comment so far. Send him a link to an interesting article here (you can say someone sent the link to you) and let nature take its course.
James
May 15, 08:11Big brother please , Try this.
Take him out to see a movie or two… Hang out with him like two weekends . Build his trust in you and give him that sense that you are willing to have some fun while carrying him along.
This is the twist, in the midst of this outing , you could drop in some few words of advise and encouragement . Laugh about it and tell him your story . You could make it seem you already know. Assure him of your love and please don’t immediately tell him of the dangers and evils in the community yet ( He might already know anyway ) just let him enjoy the excitement of knowing his brother supports him.
He will gradually open up to you as a confidant . You could mentor him as well.
It will get better with time.
My love and regards for you and your brother ???
Alex
May 15, 08:35Reach out to him the way you would want to be reached out to.
Delle
May 15, 08:41You can only guide him. Don’t be afraid to let him make his mistakes. They are what made you and me. It’s natural to feel protective and want to shield him from all of the ills gay people are faced with but here’s the reality: you can’t.
You can try but there’s a tendency you’ll over do it and that’s only going to make things mechanical. Firstly, make him understand that it’s okay to be who he is.
Then expose him to gay contents (both films and books) that would build his confidence as a gay man and educate him on how to be safe.
Don’t police his affairs. It’s not a lifestyle. Don’t appear overprotective. He has to feel normal and not special or one who is something unique.
It’s okay that he is going through pornographic contents. It’s perfectly normal. Everyone, both gay and un-gay, does so especially at that age. Like I earlier said, don’t be so bothered about his sexuality as to make things frictional. Protect him when the need calls for it. Let him see you as a safe haven. That’s the most you can do for him and every other thing will fall into place.
Francis
May 15, 11:07Not a small something. Thank God this is not my portion. I for micromanage person life die ????
Omiete
May 15, 13:43Ehmmm I might be somehow but how many videos did he watch because he probably might not be gay, perhaps he’s curious. So I suggest you let him know he can tell you anything. Let him tell you by himself, don’t try to tell him you are. That’s just me I might be wrong
KingBey
May 16, 10:25Get talking with him already. No sugar coating. No petting. Let him know it’s not an easy journey out there. Especially being gay in Nigeria. Let him know the importance of adequate protection if he must have sex. His life would be less stressful if he’s free of STDs Let him know the dangers associated with meeting someone online. He needs to know Kito is real. Tutor him on all the survival lectures of being GAY 101 in Nigeria.
Hapiey
May 17, 00:45Awww so much love going on.
This is what we should be about, love and support for us.