“Dear Straight People”: Open Letter From The Gays
Dear Straight People,
We, the Gays, know that it is almost beyond the scope of your imagination and brain power to fathom that a same-gender loving person would not automatically be attracted to you and want to sex you down on sight but…
I know, I know, your mind is blown, but stay with me. I’m going to try to break this down as hetero as possible.
You know how you’re not attracted to every person you meet of the opposite sex? The same goes for us. You know how every person of the opposite sex isn’t attracted to you. The same also goes for us.
Are you still with me? Great.
Here are some ways a person of the same sex may interact with you and not want to fuck you:
Asking for directions
Brushing past you in a crowded area
Looking in your general direction and even making eye contact
Sitting next to you
Sitting across from you
Walking into a room you’re already in
Talking
Breathing
Are you still there? Great.
If members of the opposite sex don’t want you, chances are I’m not gonna either!
In the words of T-Pain aka Teddy Penderassdown: 
In other words, we’re gay, not blind, and certainly not desperate.
So, if you’re walking around looking and acting a hot mess, with bad hygiene, and don’t have any ambition, or any redeeming qualities, nobody is checking for you, bro/sis. So stop. When you say “I cover my nyash with the Blood of Jesus”, just know that neither the Blood of Jesus nor any part of our bodies is interested in your ass. So again, stop!
We’re no more superficial than anyone else but it’s always the rejects that think you want them the most. No. No. Nah!
No, I don’t wanna turn you.
No, I’m not going to waste my good alcohol and weed to see if you’re curious.
And no, I’m not going to judge you if you listen to Beyoncé or Rihanna or enjoy Mary J Blige’s heartbreak albums because I do too.
You don’t have to preface your interactions with me with “Oh I don’t go that way” because I’m not coming down your street or turning on your block. If you are U-G-L-Y and you don’t have an alibi, you don’t have to worry about us.
Yeah, we look and talk about you to our friends but that still doesn’t mean we want you. Maybe we’re bored. Maybe we like the outfit you have on. That doesn’t mean we like the person that’s wearing it.
Even if you are cute, you may not be my type, so you still don’t have to worry about me.
We can hang out, be friends, but that’s as far as it’s going to go.
Spend the time you think we’re thinking about you on something else, anything else.
We good? Cool.
Love, (No Homo)
– The Gays
About author
You might also like
14: An Anthology of Queer Art | Vol. 2: The Inward Gaze
Last year, the group simply known as 14 debuted its agenda with an anthology of LGBT art and stories themed “We Are Flowers”, which was very well received. This year,
Benedict Cumberbatch Believes Alan Turing Should Be Celebrated As Gay Icon On Bank Notes
‘The feeling you have for the man after getting to know him through the duration of the film is really exacerbated by the frustration and anger, not just at the
Morning Humour XXIII: The Homophobe
Run, sudi juma! Run! 😀
11 Comments
Ojukwu Jeff
November 04, 08:23Yes! We all good (Yes Homo)!.. perhaps they should be thinking on how hot Zayn Malik looks on that billboard cover and start shagging male pussy… #Man’sHot
Mandy
November 04, 09:08? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
“So, if you’re walking around looking and acting a hot mess, with bad hygiene, and don’t have any ambition, or any redeeming qualities, nobody is checking for you, bro/sis. So stop. When you say “I cover my nyash with the Blood of Jesus”, just know that neither the Blood of Jesus nor any part of our bodies is interested in your ass. So again, stop!”
It’s always the fugly ones, aswear.
Foxydevil
November 04, 09:18Funny enough statistics and facts say otherwise.
Let’s see :
1 gay for pay porn stars, earn considerably more than purely gay porn stars and are much more in demand .
Some of the biggest gay porn stars in the last 30 years, are “straight ” men who have sex with men for money.
2 More than sixty percent of gay men would likely want to turn a straight guy gay. The challenge and adventure is thrilling to most and others likely want it because it invigorates their fantasies. Ninety percent of gay men fantasise about straight men (mostly celebrities)
3 There is a reason straight acting gay men are much much more in demand than girly bottoms, that’s because as much as we try to deny it, the projection of manliness is a huge part of the attractive radar in the gay community.
4 Hollywood producers had to increase male nudity in movies and TV shows because of the increase of homosexuality .It was found out that 70 percent of viewers that watch YouTube videos or clips of nude male scenes from supposedly straight male actors in movies are gay men and 20 percent are merely women .
Overall :
A poorly written article riddled with so many flaws and stereotypes.
A generalisation and assertion based solely on sentiments without a proper research and compilation of facts and data.
This writer narrowed the desirability of straight men by gay men to the unattractive ones seemingly with no ambition…. which is a far cry from obtainable reality, because we exist in a world where some straight men are hot and others not. If we are going to narrow down the article to specifics, then the title of the article has no business generalising.
Even here in kito diaries many of the users have expressed unabashed admiration for supposedly straight men, from lynx, to idris Elba, to wale ojo and their likes.
Every single day, a straight man exposes a chat he has with a gay man hitting on him, we see pictures of very unattractive men that are serial kitoers. And this poorly written article is further proven to be nothing less than a caricature with the new computed research that says that every man, no matter how ugly or undesirable they are ,will likely be hit on by another man, at least thrice in their lifetime.
In conclusion….
Whoever wrote this jargon, has no business writing ever again.
It is appalling that even with something so obvious, we would stick to lying just to make ourselves feel better.
?.
Ekay
November 04, 09:23Thank you jare
Lotanna
November 04, 14:11????.Wehdone!
Agox
November 04, 20:49Are u daft or are u just a detractor? Biko, read the article again.
You know what? I forgive u. You maybe one of those gay guys that falls for anything on trousers, but the rest of us aren’t.
Lorde
November 05, 04:32Oga…you go try epp me dey positive for the first time in your obviously “projected bitter life” nothing stops you from saying ” hahaha, great article” or ” Lol, that happened to me One time” or the very least “Good one bro”…beht is to type long essays that end up being longer than the original article …… we don dey…professor of homostatistics ??
Francis
November 04, 09:40Hmmmm, this one needs a rewrite IMHO
trystham
November 04, 11:15I laughed at ‘breathing’ and ‘walking into a room…’
quinn
November 05, 12:27Standards of Beauty. We wey no fine.
Canis VY Majoris
November 05, 13:00Even gays guys aren’t attracted to ALL gays guys. Case closed.