Does Bad Sex Equal A Bad Relationship?

Does Bad Sex Equal A Bad Relationship?

Originally published as ‘Bad Sex Does Not Equal A Bad Relationship on

“Ever been with a guy who seemed to have everything that you’re looking for, but the sex is just blah?”

A good friend of mine asked me this question the other day in regards to his current situation with a certain potential mister. After thinking about it and bragging about how sex with me is never boring, I could tell that he was serious. I really did not know how I could counsel him. Some guys feel that if they are not sexually happy, then the relationship cannot flourish. I, personally, have not had to encounter bad sex with someone I was dating, but we have all experienced that one guy who just did not quite measure up to our expectations. I went on to tell my friend that even if I had encountered a guy of some sort, I would not let that one factor be the end of what could possibly be great. A relationship is so much more than sex and I guess, as we become older, we realize that the small things are what truly make us happy with one another.

My friend and I carried on back in forth, deliberating between a healthy sex life versus a healthy relationship, before concluding that different men have different priorities. Sex – although a factor, but not a main factor – is definitely what you make it out to be. People enter into relationships and do not have sex for months. Yet, again, every relationship is different and so are people. I know that every relationship that I have been in has been more orally satisfying than penetratingly humored. Now, this is not to say that I do not enjoy a nice piece of warm flesh around the circumference of my penis every now and then, but there is nothing like a wet mouth to give me a Kool-Aid smile. Okay… I had a moment.  Anyhoo, sex is great but should not be the quality that would make you pull the plug.

When I asked him what about the sex was so boring, he replied, “He just lies there. And I know that I’m giving my best. I just don’t know what the problem is.”  I responded that something could be on the guy’s mind. Maybe you are not doing enough to satisfy him and he feels disconnected.  Even I have been there before. We must remember that sex is a two-way street, and in this day and age, it is very rare to find a bottom who just likes to suck and get penetrated without any reciprocation. You have to “lick it before you stick it” and bottoms get theirs too. Again, I am getting off topic; the point is, satisfaction should be mutual.

I asked him if he was verbal in bed; I have learned throughout my experience that a lot of men like to be told what to do. I, for one, am not one of them but I love giving direction. Stimulate my mind and make me feel, if only for those great 20-30 minutes, that I am the only man that matters to you. “Put your leg up right there.” “Arch your back just a lil bit more.” “Who’s it for?” “Tell daddy…”

You catch my drift? You can use those lines, I have more.

Sex is so much more than “insert something utopia brings about here.”  There has to be a connection deeper than the physical if you want it to be good. Whisper in my ear, rub on my chest, lick on my earlobe and call me daddy, damnit! Communication is key both in and outside of the bedroom and from both parties. It is all about teamwork.

If asked to list five qualities that you would look for in a mate, I am sure that close to 75 percent of you would have sex listed in your top three. Not saying that it is a bad thing. But is it indeed a deal breaker?  Nowadays, I am more concerned about if a guy has a job with benefits and a 401k rather than how good his sex is.

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  1. Me
    November 10, 08:19 Reply

    Well, personally, I believe if the sex isn’t good then it’s necessary to have the conversation with your partner. But if the sex is bad and even after trying there is still no redemption, other measures would have to be taken. I’d probably stick around for all the good parts of the relationship, but I can’t honestly say I won’t cheat. And let’s face it, a good relationship with bad sex is almost like having bad sex with your best friend and sticking around because you value the friendship more than you value the sex. Well, again, this is my personal belief. I believe good sex makes a good relationship better.?

  2. KryxxX
    November 10, 08:28 Reply

    “Whisper in my ear, rub on my chest, lick on my earlobe and call me daddy, damnit! Communication is key both in and outside of the bedroom and from both parties. It is all about teamwork.”.

    Hallelujah someborri!!! !

    As for the question posed, if there is good then definitely there would be bad. Or it could be that ones good is another person’s bad. I for one could equate harsh pounding as bad sex while to another it is heaven. Each Onye ugwu to his own kettle biko.

    • KryxxX
      November 10, 08:33 Reply

      But bad sex shouldn’t make a relationship bad. A relationship entails a lot more than sex. Sex is just one of the many other things that makes up and we look for when going into a relationship. Unless you are all about the sex shaa. Some ppl don’t really care as long as the other main ingredient they sought for is in there. Shouldn’t really be a yardstick.

  3. Pankar
    November 10, 09:15 Reply

    “..has been more orally satisfying than penetratingly humored. Now, this is not to say that I do not enjoy a nice piece of warm flesh around the circumference of my penis every now and then, but there is nothing like a wet mouth to give me a Kool-Aid smile. Okay… I had a moment…” Vocal.

    Yeah communication is key in and out of the bedroom: what do u like, open or legs for me, give me ur tongue, open or mouth, does this feel good..

    Bad sex? Identify the problem through talk and work on it.

  4. KingBey
    November 10, 09:15 Reply

    If you two really love and want each other, bad sex can be worked on to make it good. It’s all about interest and communication. And a bit of compromise

    • bruno
      November 10, 13:43 Reply

      exactly. no two people are 100% sexually compatible. there would always be areas that need work. communication is key.

    • Pink Panther
      November 11, 05:38 Reply


      And what if your partner is the kind of person with a fragile ego that takes an attempt at communication about bad sex as an affront?

  5. Bain
    November 10, 09:46 Reply

    intimacy is the key to a good relationship… not just physical…but on a mental level… if u guys can connect beyond the physical….sex would be amazing I assure you.

  6. .•*Sugaar.•*
    November 10, 11:15 Reply

    ?? Am blessed …
    Sex ain’t the thing to focus on in a relationship. Sex can happen between you and some bitches out there whom you ain’t ready for catching feelings for! So, sex ain’t gon be the centr of a relationship els everything would be just shit. Build your selves on things that doesn’t have to do with your penis and ass all the time, then you’ll realize so many good things about each of you apart from sex.

  7. Delle
    November 10, 11:44 Reply

    Good Sex isn’t a prerequisite for a good relationship but it is vital.

    I’m attracted to you the writer of this post o! His humor is so…???

  8. Francis
    November 10, 19:26 Reply

    In these times when better men scarce na im person dey choose relationship based on amazing sex. Odiegwu oh. I’ve been there for a few months and though it gets frustrating sometimes, I’d rather have him around ’cause the rest of the package owa on point.

  9. Pankar
    November 14, 05:21 Reply

    what is bad sex? doesnt she/he have a wet mouth? a tongue and other orifices that has a peculiar natural smell and is penetrable? Then that she/he would allow me do whatevr I will? and will do my bidding in bed? what then is bad sex?

    • Pink Panther
      November 14, 05:47 Reply

      Lol. Perhaps bad sex is for him who all he has to do is present his hole to you and do your bidding.

      • Pankar
        November 15, 18:49 Reply

        Lol, not when she allows it don’t worry, whatever bidding she does can be reciprocated

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